


Housewarming

by EnvelopesYou



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol, Blow Jobs, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cunnilingus, F/M, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hair-pulling, Heartbreak, Hotel Sex, Making Out, Mistress, Morning After, Pet Names, Rough Sex, Sex on Furniture, Sexual Experimentation, Suffering in silence, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-04-03 20:44:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 60
Words: 165,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4114357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnvelopesYou/pseuds/EnvelopesYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parties aren't really your scene. But you might eventually be glad you went to Mark's. A familiar face suddenly becomes a lot more familiar.<br/>[A long and whimsical fic about the evolving relationship between the reader and Danny. Sit back. Relax. Enjoy. Fall in love. Giggle along.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here We Are (♥)

**Author's Note:**

> Just taking a break from the dark stuff. Enjoy.

The house warming party didn’t have invitations. It didn’t come with promises. There was no real incentive to go. Mark couldn’t promise that you would know most people there- just as base acquaintances that you might have shaken hands with once or twice in passing. There would be liquor but no one was being forced to drink, and apparently a quarter of the people coming didn’t drink anyway. There would be games but probably not enough controllers. Or board pieces if it ever came down to that. The music couldn’t be too loud. Really... what was the point to going at all? 

But you knew you couldn’t call it wasting an evening when all you were going to do that particular night was... nothing. Wasting your night at home. Instead of doing the one thing Mark was asking you to do. Not that he needed you there. He had other people coming, obviously. But he wanted you to come out and have a good time. He wasn’t pushing, too, just a simple invitation- one text after saying you should go- and then that was it. And that was probably worse. He wasn’t begging because he didn’t need to. Or want to. 

Because of that alone you found yourself gussying up in front of a mirror. Slipping on a dress- no. Just kidding. Jeans and a nice shirt. It was just a house party. Fancy was something you could do but the occasion hardly called for it. All you were planning on doing was coming. Maybe a beer. One game of whatever was going on when the controller came your way. And then leaving. That was fair. And would probably only eat up an hour. He’d be happy you came and that would be that. You’d be out no later than ten. Probably. 

Traffic was heavier than you realized and getting up there cost you another five minutes. So you were late. Which was not in the plans. Because once you knocked and he opened the door, everyone turned in your direction. Already first plan failed. You’d wanted to be there either early or on time so you could blend in with the crowd incoming and then fade back into the wall. Make fake idle conversation and smile while talking circles in your head. But now everyone was looking at you.

“___! Welcomewelcomewelcome get in here already!” Mark probably couldn’t have shouted your name any louder but at least now everyone knew it. You struggled to keep your face from going red as you stepped inside. “So you know-“ His voice sort of muffled out in your head as he started passing around introductions. Which was the worst thing you could be doing. Going off to another plane of existence when you’d probably need to know at least a few of these people’s names was not ideal.

Yet there you were. Doing it. Smiling and shaking hands. Waving. Pretending to listen. 

“And you already know-“ His voice filtered in and out and before you knew it he was pressing a bottle of cold beer into your hand. Apparently you’d nodded at just the right question. And then he was off. Hooting and hollering at other people. So you were left to lean back against the wall closest to the food. Beer could only cover so much of your distaste for chatting. Stuffing food into your mouth would make up for the other half. 

One beer became two quickly. Almost without you even realizing it. Using alcohol to cover your silence was a dangerous tactic. As you soon realized when not even an hour had passed and you were on three. Light conversation passed by you when people came in for food. Part of the downside of standing near the table, but your strategies proved useful. People laughed when you made jokes with a mouth half full of food. The mood shifted predictably, and thankfully, away from the food when the games got busted out. You had the option of going over to the couch and pretending to pay attention there or... staying where you were. 

Food was entirely more tempting than gaming. For the moment. You wouldn’t be able to leave the party without playing at least one round, but for now... barbecue wings were more enticing. So much so that when you put your hand down to grab one it covered someone else’s. And your senses were just dulled enough to delay your reaction to pull back. For about three seconds. Then you jerked away.

“Oh- sorry!” Offered as you tilted your head back to take stock of whose food you were trying to snatch. 

“No, it’s totally cool. That one’s yours.” 

Immediately recognizing him was beyond you. Tall. A head full of wavy brown curls. Quite a crazy head of hair, at that. Stubbly five o’clock shadow. Big brown eyes. Blue shirt underneath an open pseudo-leather jacket. Jeans. A generous smile. 

You knew him. Or at least you should have known him. His was part of the faces back in the group when the party had began. With three more dudes and two girls. “Hm- it’s Danny, right?” 

He giggled with an upward quirk of his lips. “Yeah.” Then another awkward chuckle as his head rolled forward before snapping back up and he ran a hand back through his hair. “Shit. I’m being a total douche right now.” 

The struggle was familiar. “___.” You offered. Ah, so he wasn’t paying attention either? Well, that was nice. Sort of. “And it’s fine.” Because it was. You would have hoped he’d have forgiven you for not remembering either. 

“Is it, though? I’ve seen you about a hundred times.” That comment put you right out of place. Had he? Where? Had you actually been introduced to this guy more than twice? He seemed to think so. And when you just stared openly at him for a he laughed again. “Well I feel less bad suddenly!” Because clearly you had no recollection. 

You struggled. Almost a little too visibly. Your eyes narrowed and you really took a good look at his face. He was cute- but apparently not cute enough for you to remember. You tried to recall the group he was with. That probably had a lot to do with it- ...and then you visualized the space you’d seen him before the actual reason. The studio that Mark filmed in more and more as of late. He worked there. Yes.  
Yes you had seen him ‘about a hundred times’. “Oh shit. I’m sorry.” You’d probably made so much baseless conversation with this dude before while waiting for Mark that it was ridiculous you couldn’t recall any of it. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Nah man, I was in the same boat five seconds ago.” He waved his hand as if to clear the air. 

You held your half finished third beer up. “At least we can be douches together.” 

“Amen to that.” He clinked his bottle against yours and took a very small sip. “Mm,” Around the mouth of his beer before lowering it back to his side, “I mean not to one-up you or anything but I’ve been pretty tapped out lately. Which is an excuse more than anything.”

Still looking at his face you realized he did look a little tired. But now this was calling into question just how much you did remember. Which was very little. The space he worked in was for videos. So he had a show- nope. Two shows. And a... band? Yeah. That sounded right. -no. Two bands. “Excuse accepted.” Smiling up at him to try and relieve the situation. “Nothing wrong with a working man.” 

“Not to brag or anything but dick jokes are _super **hard**_ to keep fresh.” He grinned to himself.

But it got much worse when you couldn’t help but ask, “Was that a dick joke just there?” 

“Ah-hah! So I see you do know my style!” The snort you buried into your beer, which got a good reverberating echo back out, got yet another laugh out of him. And then you couldn’t hold your own back after that. 

He was making you regret not having paid attention to him even in the small moments you’d passed by each other in the world. ...regret super hard. He seemed like a nice guy. It also might have been nice to avoid that awkward hurdle, but he’d seen you through it nicely. When you passed on taking the wing that had caused this, the both of you edged back away from the table. Three people at different intervals had edged in between your generic conversation- but bland as it was, somehow you had both decided it was worth it to keep talking without interruptions. 

So you’d found a spot near the balcony door, leaning back against the wall. He was standing close, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. “So what is it you do?” Because he’d seen you enough times to know you were possibly in the youtube bracket but... if you’d ever mentioned it to him he couldn’t remember.

“Freelance uh ... everything.” A derisive grunt left your lips before you could stop it and you tried to cover it with a sip of your beer. “PR. Editing. Coding. I used to do the whole analytics analyzing thing but youtube doesn’t know how to stop and. I don’t know. I like to sleep some nights.” Trying to get people to understand that garbage when it was changing every other month was not worth the headache. “So what I’m trying to get at is that I whore my services out to anyone that’ll pay.” 

“You must be doing something right. Here you are at a luxury high rise apartment with all the youtube stars.” The dripping sarcasm in his tone got you to smile before his expression did. “But- no that’s good. I mean. Gotta do what you gotta do.” A small pause before, “Do you like it, at least?” 

You only found enough energy then to roll your shoulders in a shrug. “I guess. It pays the bills. So.” 

“What do you like to do in your free time?” He leaned into the wall next to you with his shoulder, getting a little closer. 

“Uhm- I don’t know. Read? ...is that a shitty answer? Write, I guess. ...god that’s shitty too.” He was smiling at you. “I like -uh. Music? This blows. Ugh.” Getting self defeated because you talking about yourself was just about the hardest thing you ever had to do. It was why you avoided parties most of the time. It became an inevitability at most points. ...that and anything you had to say sounded like a shitty dating advertisement. “What do you like to do?” Desperate to get off you. 

“Read. Write. Music. Mff-“ Trying to hide a giggle that was threatening to pop out. He was a very cheerful fellow. “No- I’m not making fun of you! I swear to god.” Catching on to the look you were wearing. Very unamused. “Small talk is the worst.” Well at least you could agree with that. “You want another beer?” 

The one you had in your hand was given a small swirl before you downed the rest of it- which immediately became clear as the wrong thing to do. You swallowed back something, breathed out and then shook your head. “No m’good. I think I had one too many. You’re starting to sound a little too good.” The onset of swirling and lightheadedness was just starting to kick in. -...and the ridiculousness of what you just said didn’t really dawn on you until after-

“Water, then.” Nodding to himself as he took your empty bottle without asking and simply walked away. You almost were half expecting him not to come back. So you pushed back into the corner a little more and closed your eyes.  
You’d probably blown that encounter, actually. Now that you thought about it. He was probably just giving himself an excuse to say he got caught up with someone else, if you ever ran into each other again. Which was unlikely after this. You’d make sure of it. Embarrassing yourself in front of someone was something that only needed to be done once. Had you really just said that? Good god. What was your problem? “Here,” He was offering you a red plastic cup, the contents of which held clear, cold water. Your disbelief and hindered abilities left him standing there uncomfortably. “Uh. Hello?” 

Before you could remedy the situation the cup jerked out of his hand, splashing the contents all over your shirt. “Shit man! Sorry!” Someone entirely more drunk than you had crashed into him from behind. He’d been knocked a little too close for your nerves to handle, standing a few bare inches away, crowding you against the wall. The other person was taking up the only other side you had and you suddenly felt very. Very. Trapped.

When he moved to address whoever was stumbling around at top speeds you ducked underneath his arm and opened the balcony door, quickly going to the railing. You needed a breath. A deep breath. Your hands clutched the metal of the railing, opening and closing tightly with every breath. “Jesus- sorry- at least it was only water...?” Danny had come out after you. “...You okay?” 

“Yeah.” You lied, unable to do much else about it. “I think I just need to get home and sleep.” The party had run its course and if you were going to save any face in front of these people you needed to go. 

He came up alongside you, leaning his elbow against the railing. “Didn’t you just tell me you had too much to drink?” His tone had suddenly become very critical. There was a soft side to it you were apt to neglect in your self loathing. 

You couldn’t even look at him. “I don’t think I phrased it that way.” Were you okay to drive? If you had to ask that question, the answer was probably no. 

“Give me your keys.” This demand came so quickly and almost out of nowhere. He even held his hand up. 

“What? No. I’m fine.” Who the hell was he to just tell you what to do like that?

“Give me your keys. I’m not kidding around.” His fingers curled in a few times in a grabby gesture just to make his point. 

“How am I-?” 

“I’ll drive you. Fucking whatever. I’m not letting you be stupid.” Really. Honestly. Who the hell did he think he was? What did it matter to him if you drove home a little tipsy? An hour or so of chit-chat and he was just making demands? What did he care? 

“Why.” Without realizing it your hand had slipped down into your pocket, grasping around your car keys. Some part of you was making the decision- while the other was protectively holding onto them as if he was going to fish in there and get them. 

“Because I’m not an asshole? I don’t know what you want me to say. You want me to just let you get into a car accident with a clear conscience?” Him making it about himself made it a little easier. Then he had to go and ruin it. “You seem like a cool chick and it’d be really fucked up for me to just pretend like I wouldn’t worry all night.” His hand moved back through his hair again in an almost nervous gesture, giving the locks a soft ruffle. “I mean all things considered I think I’d like to see you again. Some time.” 

This obviously was not his forte. Which was good because it wasn’t yours, either. Flirting. Being flirted with- ...was that what was happening? Or maybe you were just drunk enough to let yourself believe so. Just drunk enough to get yourself into this situation in the first place. And just drunk enough to not be able to get home safe. Which was apparently bothering him. So you pulled your keys out of your pocket and pressed them into his still waiting hand. “Why?” 

“Is that the game we’re playing now? My nephews play a mean game of ‘why’. I’ll have you know I’m a champion.” You hadn’t realized you’d said it twice in a row now without giving him anything else until he’d made a stupid joke about it. But that stupid joke did get a lopsided smile out of you- and it alleviated some of your darker mood. A little. “First I kinda hafta know what I’m answering, though.” 

Giving him the actual question was harder. You were almost tempted to just ask why again and see where that would get you with the so called king of the game. “We were just bullshitting. I’m just some little-too-drunk-girl.” Making very poor small talk. What about this was appealing? 

“Hey- man- don’t sell yourself so short.” Even if he asked that was too ingrained into your personality by now to do much about it. So you didn’t say anything back. “I don’t know- you’re pretty. And I think you’re interesting.” 

It only took those two things for you to feel a faint red touch your face.  
Good god. It was like you’d devolved to the level of school girl. Some cute boy says you’re cute and that just... was apparently too much for you to handle. So, naturally, feeling vulnerable and a little embarrassed you had to go and ruin it. “Yet you’ve seen me a hundred times before tonight. Maybe you’re just drunk too. Should I ask for your keys?” Because- yeah- what about tonight made this any different? If he’d thought you were nice looking before why wait until just now to do anything about it? 

“I had one.” Defending his sensibilities. “The same one- actually- since I got here.” ...so there was no way he was drunk. “It’s not like I hadn’t noticed you it’s just- fuck, man, I don’t know. A change of scenery away from work is important for shit like this. I guess.” 

He didn’t really know, and even your addled brain could tell.  
But you could believe him. A little. It might have been why you hadn’t really given him much thought, either. Even though he was cute. But when you didn’t answer his expression dove a little. 

“Shit. Did I really just fuck this up?” He seemed pretty bummed about it. “Fifteen minutes has to be a world record. I’m telling you.” Because it had been going so well up until then. “-who should I give your keys to?” Jingling them in his hand. Ready to hand them over because you were apparently done with him.  
Ready to step back. “Uh- but I won’t accept you for an answer.” 

“Keep them.” You found yourself saying. “Well- just until we get home- I mean.. until I get home- ...” Yes. Finally the too-much-to-drink was really making its way forward. You couldn’t get a hold of your tongue.  
Danny was not going home with you. He was driving you home. That was a huge difference. 

“Shit here I thought I’d bounced back in less than a minute. Another record.” You weren’t really sure if he was being serious. ...did he want to come home with you?  
The drunk-you wasn’t so disapproving... 

“Do you follow drunk girls home often?” Still halfway in the tune of ruining things. Or trying. 

“I try not to make it a habit.” He was leaning in at that angle again, close to you. But relaxed against the railing. He made it look so effortless. 

“Yeah?” Danny was just handsome enough and just sweet enough- you were sure- to get lots of girls. Which made you question all the more why you. “And then what?” But maybe he would follow you home.  
And then...? You wanted him to fill in those blanks.  
Your face felt red again.  
But in a good way. 

“Depends. Most of the time I think I blow it back at the house. If I’m lucky I get to sleep on the couch.” 

This was such an out of left field answer that the laugh that busted out of you caught you completely by surprise. Here you thought he’d try his hand at suave but the genuineness of his self deprecation was too much to handle. He trailed not too far behind you in a giggle that had his chest shaking. 

When you could breathe again, “Sounds very promising.” You held your hand out to point your finger right into his chest. “Not for you, though. My couch isn’t very comfortable.” Your eyes really took stock of his face. He was smiling down at you. In an endearing sort of way. “Bed’s waaay more comfortable.” 

You went there. And you didn’t realize how far ‘there’ was until after it was too late. 

Your hand retreated away from him to cover your mouth even though it was too late for that to do anything. And then you pulled it away and made a few noises that had no actual words to them. Just blubbering. “I mean-“ Eventually got out but nothing of value came after it.

He nodded upwards once. “It’s cool. I got you.” His efforts to make this less embarrassing for you actually made it worse. The way he was grinning. Looking at you. The turn of his lips. The lowering of his eyes. How close he was. 

“I think I’m about to blow it.” These words flew out of your mouth as a precautionary protective stance. You practically forced them through. 

“What? How?” Confusion interrupted what was starting to be something too appealing for you to ignore, which you were a little grateful for. 

“How often do you kiss drunk girls?”  
The way you wanted to say this in your head was much better than it came out. You envisioned something alluring. Sexy. Something to draw him in. But the way it actually came out was of a half-concerned half stilted nature. 

Yet somehow he picked up the slack without even trying. “As often as they like. Who am I to deny them?” 

You’d never felt such a ... yearning. Was that the right word? You wanted him. And you didn’t think you really deserved him. Or that this was appropriate. But you couldn’t really help yourself. “Kiss me?” This, too, in your head, sounded much better. You wanted to tell him to do it. Demand it, almost.  
Like some sort of really bad romance novel.

Instead you’d just sort of awkwardly asked him with a little upturned lilt at the end- something he warmly laughed at. Which made you feel bad. Even if you were coming to really like that sound. “Are you sure? You did say you’d had too much to drink... I’d hate to think I’m tricking you into something you’ll regret tomorrow morning.” 

This was not going how you wanted. You’d sort of just wanted him to dip in and take you. But he was being cautious and ... caring. Sweet, even. “I’m not gonna regret it.” This was the only thing you could make work. You wouldn’t. How could you? It wasn’t even like it was sex ... which you were pretty sure you wouldn’t regret either. 

“You’re sure?” There was a pleasant hum in his tone. In an effort to not delay or ruin things further you just nodded at him. His hand slipped down to pocket your keys finally and he invaded every last bit of your space after that. His hands touched at your hips lightly, pulling you in closer. It was all over after that. You struggled to make the time stream stay at a constant flow, instead of letting your thoughts wander. You wanted an imprint of this.

The feel of his jacket as you ran your hands up along the sides and up to the collar to pull him in. How far he had to bend in to reach you. The thrum he enticed out of your body before he even really did anything. How bad you really wanted him. When his lips touched yours you pulled at him a little harder than you meant but he stayed just above something really inappropriate. At least he tried. 

But your arm hooked over his shoulder and your hand moved up into that ridiculous hair of his, pulling him in deeper. Curling your fingers at the base of his skull. That was when he turned you back fully, holding you against the railing. The curl of his tongue against yours caught you by surprise- a warm moan shared from your mouth to his. Yes you wanted him. Now.  
Wanted him to touch every part of you. Put his lips over every inch of your skin. 

Just thinking about it made your toes curl. When he tried to draw back you suckled on his lower lip, feeling the puff of sudden hot air he expelled in a half-shudder. His fingers curved into your skin possessively. When you let him go, “Fuck-“ The only thing he could think to say. And finally it seemed like things were working out how they should. You had him. He wanted you as much as you did him. 

“WOOOO-“  
That was approximately the sound of ten voices all at once. Some excited. Some chiding. You leaned to the side away from where Danny was blocking your view to see just about as many people crowding the doorway of the patio. Registering what was happening was hard through the fog of both arousal and alcohol. Danny half turned to look at the same thing. His response was a little quicker.

“Hey guys- not fucking cool-!” Even though this could have been angry he was laughing at them. 

The swarm was almost instantaneous after that. They came onto the balcony to cheer him on, wish him luck, pat him on the back. Whatever it was people did for things like this. It made you feel pretty shitty, so you tried to edge back away. You really didn’t want any part of this. And the longer you were away from him and his influence, regardless of the spinning in your head, you were realizing, in fact, you might have regretted it. 

When he found you back where you’d first met, moseying around the table, he looked pretty apologetic. But before he could say anything you just held out your hand. “I need to get home.” You still weren’t okay to drive but he didn’t need to know that.

“Fuck no. Look- I wasn’t kidding around before. And I’m definitely not now.” He’d approached with a smile but now he looked pretty stern. “If you wanna go we can go but I’m not letting you drive.” He ruffled his own hair. “So uh- is this fucked up now?” 

Part of you really wanted to say yes. That driving you home was fine but that... it probably wasn’t a good idea to let this go any further. But that was your embarrassment at getting caught and jeered at. Was that really his fault? 

“-because that really fucking sucks if it is.” He finished after your silence lingered for just a little too long. “But I get it.” Frowning after saying so. 

“Take me home. Kiss me at the door. Then we’ll see.” You needed to be away from everyone at the party. Really needed a chance to take him in. He’d earned that, hadn’t he? 

His eyes seemed to light up- a little mischievously at that and then he nodded to the door. “Alright. Cool.” 

Directing him to your house was more difficult than you realized and once he’d finally pulled up you were considerably less drunk than you’d started. Just a little. Enough to feel that lightness. And realizing that he had to either stay or take your car somewhere. -..and what you’d asked him to do. And as you approached the door he gave you an awaiting look. “Bad idea, right?” He asked as you leaned back against the door. 

He had your keys so he’d have to open it. But.  
“Don’t talk.” The more he did the more time you’d have to think about this. Or rethink it, as the case might be. 

“I can’t make any promises.” The swirl in your head was very quickly threatening to turn into a headache. So when he pressed you back against the door, his hands to your sides, you felt slightly better. He did, in fact, shut up. Favoring instead the kiss that you’d asked him to try once more when you were both alone. 

You pressed up against him almost immediately, perhaps a little more needy than you’d thought. It had been so long since you’d been in any sort of relationship- ...not that this was one. This was just some shitty little fling. Drawn on by alcohol. But for as long as it could go on, you were content to let it. Your arms circled around his neck and you pulled him down closer. 

Whatever senses you had left he drowned immediately. The feel of him. His skin against yours. His lips. His scent. Deep and enticing. The sound that left him as his tongue met yours. His taste. It didn’t go on for nearly long enough and when he parted back to breathe, “Fuck-“ Said again, in an almost whisper. Murmured just enough for you to hear him. “At the risk of really fucking this up I really wanna-“ 

You had back at the party. You wanted exactly what he was about to say.  
...and you still wanted it now. 

“In. Open the door. You have the keys.” If either of you delayed this it wasn’t going to end nicely. At the very least you knew that. This was stupid and probably a very bad idea. You barely knew him. You were still sort of drunk. But you needed him. 

He fumbled with the keys before jamming the right one in the door and opening it. You fell back into the open space, taking his hand and tugging him in. Both your footfalls were clumsy as you pulled him into your home. The kitchen counter was much closer than the bedroom. He seemed to think so, too. At just the right height he took your hips and edged you up onto it and then kissed you deeply again. You widened your legs so that he could fit right between them, his hips pressing up against yours, hands pulling at you. 

You could almost feel every part of him, clothing the only last thing in the way. His shoulders squared back so that he could slip out of his jacket and leave it to the floor. And after that his hands slipped up underneath your shirt. You let him pull it up and off and then your head fell back a little as his lips fell to your shoulder. His teeth weren’t too far behind, finding a spot in your neck that drove a wild moan from you. His tongue worked up what was sure to be a bruise as he unhooked your bra from behind and pulled it off your body.

Then he half knelt between you to take your breast to his mouth, tip of his tongue playful against your sensitive skin. Your hands ran back through his hair and you could feel the vibration of his trembling voice against your skin. With a heady insistence you tried to pull his shirt up so he ducked back to give you the space. Once his skin was open to you, even as his lips and tongue still explored your body, you couldn’t help but touch every part of him you could reach. 

The moment his hands left you you could feel it. He retrieved something from his pants- his wallet, you realized, as it dropped onto the counter next to you. Then his hands went to his belt as he quelled your sudden frantic pulling with another kiss. You heard the snap of the metal opening, something that excited you all the more. He pulled you a little more off the counter so that he could work on getting your pants off next. When he seemed to be having trouble you quieted his struggles and undid your pants for him.

That was all the motivation he needed to peel them away from your hips, kissing your neck and shoulders again as he did. His fingers traced up the inside of your thighs, getting a good quiver out of you as the tingles trailed all the way up. The sound of plastic ripping open went by unnoticed. Your arms laced around his neck as he leaned back up, hands insistent at your hips. You widened your legs for him again and he pulled you closer. 

Then your eyes met, even in the darkness. You could see the glaze over them. How bad he wanted it. The sheen of his wet lips, how parted they were. How heavy he was breathing. And how mirrored it was on you, too. Your forehead pressed against his, eyes fluttering closed as you felt the head of his cock against you. He entered you slowly- pushing every thick inch of himself inside of your body with a hard swallow. And while your eyes had closed he was watching your face. The contort of your features into a pleasurable exhale. It drew him in all the more. How bad he wanted you. Needed you. How good you felt. “Fuck,” Breathed out hotly from his lips to yours. 

Your head threatened to drop back but he didn’t let you go far, chasing you just so that he could kiss you again. It was a half completed endeavor, at least on your part. You were too busy breathing hard and moaning as he slid out of you and then slammed back in. “Oh-mm- Danny-“ Shuddering as he filled you completely. God he felt so good. 

His lips traced yours. “___,” Groaning your name. Just enough to get your eyes halfway open to look at him again. He was staring back with a look of half-lidded ecstasy. “God damn-“ His rhythm became a little frantic. Just above baseless fucking. But you loved every second of it. Every time he pulled out your hand pressed against the space between his shoulders, begging him not to go too far. Your hand curled in his hair, punishing him in a way that he seemed to like. His cock pulsed each time- you could feel it as he slammed back into you. He was driving your body mad. Pushing you to a place you hadn’t been with anyone else in a long time. Close.  
So close.

“Danny,” His name only partially came out before his tongue slid against yours and the next muffled moan went straight into his mouth. You shuddered with the effort, legs locking around his hips, not letting him go. “Mn-“ The only noise you could manage while he was still holding you in the kiss. Your hands came to his shoulders, squeezing him as you felt yourself coming. You felt the heat rise in your body. It made you feel heavy. You could feel every part of your body jolting. Holding onto him. Trembling. Your muscles went limp as you continued moaning, focused on his movements. 

“__-“ Your name was halfway out of his mouth in a tight hiss as his fingers dug deep into the skin of your hips, pulling you into a jaggedly hard thrust. Just on the border of pleasure and pain. And you loved it. 

Everything quieted after that. His head fell to your shoulder and he breathed hard against you. Your arms hooked lazily over his own and your head leaned back against the cabinets behind. His hands moved up your sides before he tried to take your attention back with a soft kiss. It was shallow, allowing for half-breaths in between. But you weren’t really ready. Especially when he pulled from you and the noise of displeasure left you before you could really stop it.

That’s when the laugh you’d been getting associated with all night reappeared- but it was much quieter. Much softer. More intimate. “Do I get the bed or the couch?” Asked as his lips were still curved against yours. 

“I think you earned the bed.” For sure. And you were pretty disappointed you both hadn’t made it there in the first place. Not that fucking in the kitchen didn’t have its merits. Or that it wasn’t great. But sliding off the counter and around the pile of clothes- naked down the hallway with him in tow- it wasn’t exactly the most romantic of circumstances. You just counted yourself lucky you were tired enough to slide right into bed with him without much thought after. 

Just the way he drew you in again, arm around you.  
And that snuggling up was easy.  
And warm.  
...and satisfying...


	2. Skipped a Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melty puddles....

When the morning came, or at least when the sun managed to finally rouse you around ten A.M., only a few things were abundantly clear. You were not alone in your bedroom. That was the first thing you realized because it was of the most obvious importance. You were lying half cuddled up to a guy. His light snoring was what clued you in first, mostly because his warm body and the comfortableness of the way he was curled up against you was almost too pleasant. But that, too, passed your awareness after too long. 

You tried to sit up quietly to keep from waking him. His arm fell away from you and it seemed like you had just enough time to inspect the colossal fuck up you’d just instigated. There was a boy in your bed. A cute, snoring, slumbering boy. With wild brown curls and a much fuller face of stubble than the night previous. He was most definitely naked. So were you. And you had most definitely fucked the night before. You’d been a little drunk, but not drunk enough to blame it solely on the drink. Or on him. 

You’d wanted him.  
Looking at him now you... couldn’t really blame yourself, either. 

But you barely knew him. His name was Danny. You’d actually encountered him several times before the party last night but never really connected. He hadn’t even remembered your name. Just your face. You’d only remembered his name. And not his face. He worked on a show- no. Two shows. And had two bands. Was friends with Mark.  
His name was Danny and he was damnably adorable.  
And if there was anything you remembered for sure... he was also an amazing lay. 

You still felt a bit tingly, too. Especially remembering it. Never in your life had you let something spiral so quickly. But ... looking at him, you weren’t sure you could say the same. No one who knew how to fuck like he did without having fucked a lot. He had known how to make your body sing. Known exactly not to drag you to the bed. Had known to take you right on the countertop because that’s what had felt good. It was what had been right and carnal and amazing- But..  
But...

At the party he’d been so real. So genuine. Awkward and fluffy and cute. Not some sex maniac. In fact, he’d wondered at least twice if he had fucked things up. Like this was something he wanted- not just the sex. But... you. Maybe. There just wasn’t enough time to think about it, and the more you tried, the harder your head pounded. Three beers wasn’t even something to be whining about, but you didn’t drink often. Last night had proved it- much like the morning continued on. 

When you shifted again you finally disturbed him. A quiet gravely groan came from his throat and instead of running or pulling the covers to cover your bare chest you just watched him. He half opened his eyes and looked up at you through the messy fringe of his bangs. “G’morning...” Even his voice was tinged with sleep still. The arm that had been around you swung up and over so that he could put his hand through his hair. “I honestly haven’t slept that good in months.” This was probably supposed to be a compliment- and you remembered him saying he’d been tired last night. 

But you weren’t really sure what to say. Being enamored with him was natural for someone who looked like he did- and a mere chemical reaction after sex. You knew this. So you didn’t really want to give the moment more credit than it was worth. ...really you were just over thinking things. And that always led to failure. It was something you were terribly good at. Just like running circles in your head long enough to let silence lapse. 

“...please tell me that isn’t the ‘get the fuck out’ look.” He was smiling, there was a humorous tone about him, but he was pleading all the same. And then suddenly he wasn’t smiling anymore as he sat up and really looked at you. “-...please tell me you weren’t smashed.” He suddenly sounded very, very worried. The temptation to let him go on was too great for you to actually interrupt his ramblings. “Oh fucking jesus- I’m so sorry- I’m a fucking asshole-“ Then it became somewhat of a depressing show. His hands went to his face. “Jesus christ- I’m such a fucking-“

“I wasn’t smashed.” You finally interrupted his worries about taking an absolutely shit-faced girl home and having her wake up the next morning to not remember being fucked. While that would have been disturbed, it also would have been a damn shame. And the fact that he had so suddenly moved to anxiety over it had to prove he wasn’t- that he simply could not be- a sex crazed maniac. “I just um...” How to phrase this delicately... “This is the first time for me.” 

“You cannot be fucking serious.” What was being implied here didn’t really hit you at first. “Well can I just fucking say _bravo_.” A little shake of his cupped hands in a cheer and a wiggle of his eyebrows. 

“Wh- oh. No!” You couldn’t even fathom being a virgin and having taken some guy home to fuck. Had anyone ever had that experience? ...probably. But not you. “I’ve just never not. I don’t know. Fucked outside a relationship.” You looked away from his face. “Or taken a guy home that I barely knew.” You honestly weren’t sure how to feel about it. It was a little hard when something in you was telling you you should feel bad. ..but you really just didn’t. 

“Um...” He pressed his hands to his face before rubbing his eyes. “Look I don’t know what the proper reaction here is.” At least he was being honest about it. “Do you want me to go?” 

Your attention redirected back to him yet again and you really took stock of what he was asking you. He’d been this way at the party, too. Overly considerate. He hadn’t done anything you didn’t want. And he’d asked you every step of the way. Now that he thought you might be freaking out a little, and maybe you were, he just wanted to make you comfortable. 

And that alone was what it made so hard to react to. Danny was just a nice guy. He wasn’t after anything. “Do you want to go?” He’d only ever asked you but you’d never asked him. In fact, in your drunk mind you’d just imagined things like a cheesy soap opera. Tried to push him into kissing you and fucking you and he had just sort of been along for the ride, trying to make sure that’s what you really-really wanted. 

“No.” His answer was quick but as his hands dropped away from his face he amended. “I mean- obviously I have to eventually.” Obviously. But you’d have to take him wherever it was he was headed. ...you were only just remembering that he’d protected you from driving home drunk. Even when he’d thought he’d blown everything he still just wanted you to be safe.  
Ugh.  
“But sexing and dashing on you sounds like the worst thing.” You had never in your life heard this term, and the way it casually dropped out of his mouth made you rethink how many one-night-stands he’d been privy to before you. At least three. Probably. “-...because I kinda still don’t want to fuck this up.” His eyebrows went up, disappearing behind his hair as his eyes scrunched a little, lips thinning. 

Displeasure.  
He was being sincere. “This?” But the way he had said that, too, was casual. Like he already had plans. Like he already knew. And you certainly didn’t. 

His head rolled a few times lightly. “Yeah- so- we kinda skipped a couple of the regular dating steps but-“ Dating. Oh fucking christ, had he just said ‘dating’? You hadn’t even entertained the idea. “Aaand your face just now tells me that’s exactly that you don’t want.. so...” 

You weren’t sure what expression you’d suddenly jumped into that had made him back off so quickly. But whatever one it was you had certainly spooked him. Most likely some mix between surprised and nervous. To be fair that’s how you felt. “No- wait- I just...” Without thinking about it you were already trying to keep him from reeling back too far.  
So that had to mean... some part of you wanted it. Him. And in more capacity than just fucking. He waited for you to recover, maybe scared that anything else he might say would ruin it. It was very possible. So you mirrored his move and put your hands to your face, trying to wipe the sleep out of your eyes before shaking them back through your hair. “It’s just way too early for this.” He was nodding to this sentiment almost before it was even finished. “I need breakfast.” Couldn’t make these sorts of decisions on beer and wings still sitting in your stomach. 

“Denny’s?” It seemed a little weird that he wouldn’t assume you had food in your house to make breakfast with. ...you didn’t, but that wasn’t the issue. 

“Uh. Yeah. That actually sounds really good.” Regardless of having ingredients or not, you really didn’t feel like cooking. “...clothes are in the kitchen.” Realizing what this meant. 

His soft giggle touched the morning air and finally, for the first time since getting up, you smiled. Just the sound of it... “Do you want me to cover my eyes?” The earnest way he asked this really tickled you for some reason. 

“How much did you see last night?” The fact was that you two had come to your house and fucked. So really, what was the point of hiding it? Yet- at the same time- it had been completely dark and you had fucked on a countertop. So maybe he hadn’t seen much. 

“Not enough.” His tone dipped just a few fractions lower and the half-dazed smirk he was wearing all of a sudden got a good blush out of your cheeks.  
So. Danny was earnest. And genuine. Cute. And sweet. But he had seen his fair share of chicks. Had fucked a decent amount of ladies. ...might have been a touch insatiable. 

What to do with someone like that? “Will you still respect me?” Smiling at him, almost unable to help yourself. What was this man doing to you? 

“Oh- fuck yeah. I mean, as long as you respect me for wanting to see.” He seemed completely serious about halfway through this statement before he was smiling through it and half-laughing at the end. 

Your only response was to shoot him a joking skeptical look before sliding out of bed and revealing absolutely every part of your naked body to him in the full visibility of the morning light. And the look he was giving you made it completely worth it. For about... three seconds before the urge to grab the sheet nearly consumed you. 

But he quieted it by sitting up fully in bed and smoothing his hands from your navel to your hips, pulling you closer. Then he leaned in, running his lips over your stomach, his hair brushing over your skin as he did. “Mmf...” His lips vibrating just above your bellybutton. “You’re so fucking gorgeous...” He said it in such a dazed and quiet manner. Like simply seeing you had subdued the beast inside of him. 

If you had had absolutely any regrets about sleeping with him before... they were melting away with the soft feel of his lips and the quiet song humming from his throat. Just the way he was appreciating you. It made you feel warm and tingly. You reached forward, putting your hand in his hair, just enough to get his bangs away from his eyes and he peered up at you. His mouth curved into a smile still attached to your body before he kissed your stomach once. Then he leaned back. “Alright. Let’s get some fucking Denny’s. Good christ I’m starving.” 

Then- to think- that none of that was just another show to get you back into bed-  
What to do with a man like that?  
Your face was flaring up in bright red as he stood. Not just because you could see every part of him- just as he could you- but because he was just. So... Unbelievably, stupidly sweet. 

“Ohh-“ His fingers reached out to poke both your cheeks. “Pink looks good on you.” Grinning with a show of his teeth. 

You smacked his hands away. “Oh just come on.” You weren’t sure you could take much more of this- Danny. It was like culture shock. Guys before just somehow didn’t match up. And they probably never would after, either.  
Who the fuck was this guy? Where did he even come from??


	3. This Shit Is Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take a step into the unknown.

“Pancakes. Just- like as much as’ll fit on the plate.” Danny was motioning his hand about halfway off the table, just to give a rough estimate.  
  
When the waitress turned to you, “The same thing- uh- a little less pancakes. ...and some coffee.”  
  
“Mm. Yeah. Please.” Nodding enthusiastically, sending his curls swaying over his face.  
  
Once the woman stepped away from the table you put your elbows up on it and rubbed your hands on your face. Taking stock of the situation you were in was important, but you just didn’t have the brain power. After food and caffeine you might have some sort of inkling of what to do but... as you picked your head up out of your palms you tried to run your fingers back through your hair. Your messy hair that you had not attended to at all. Probably still in a half-sex-mane.  
  
“Ah, come on. Don’t worry so much.” As if Danny could hear you talking to yourself inside your head. “I mean, look at-“ He motioned to roughly his entire head. And he was right. His hair was a god awful mess. But it was a handsome mess. You could hardly say the same for yourself.  
  
Knotty hair and what was probably smudged to hell makeup. You hadn’t put on a lot before going to the party, but that hardly ever mattered. All it took was a little eyeliner the night before to have dark black streaks under your eyes the morning after. But no matter what you looked like, he seemed not to care. So you sat back in your chair before shuffling a little forward to stick your hands in your pockets. “I gotta hit the ATM.” You didn’t have any cash.  
  
He just waved his hand at you. “I’ll grab this.” Some part of this made you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable, even though that was likely not his intention.  
  
“I guess I’ll get the next one then.” That seemed fair. There really wasn’t a lot to think about. But the way his eyebrows went just the slightest bit up and the half-sleepy-smile on his face told you... you might have not been thinking enough.  
  
“So there’ll be a next one?”  
  
Oh. Right. So you were implying something else entirely. That there would be. There would have to be for you to get it. And this was more thinking that you didn’t have the mental capacity for. Even if the more obvious answer was... “Uh. Yeah. I guess.”  
  
The waitress came back, setting down two large mugs of coffee. The gesture was a little generous, but that only confirmed that you and the man sitting on the opposite side of the table looked like hell. Great. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou...” Danny was practically already speaking around the mouth of his cup. You busied yourself actually making your cup of coffee with the cream and sugar provided while Danny fished something out of his pocket. Then it was put down on the table and he stood up. “Sorry- uh ... I just realized how bad I have to pee.”  
  
From the look on his face it must have hit him like a ton of bricks. He was being insanely candid but something about it was as refreshing as it was amusing. You just waved him off with your hand and finally took your first sip of beautiful good-morning coffee. He rushed off, leaving you with your thoughts. This breakfast had the very real potential to get awkward real quick. So him leaving you was actually a blessing in disguise. It would give you just enough time to think about how this should go.  
  
You probably should take the time to actually get to know him.  
...which felt like a great thing to think since you’d already slept with him. Good. Get to know the guy you’d already fucked in your kitchen. It was a proud day. But that left you realizing that you had the want to get to know him. And you had to be sure that wasn’t out of guilt. That because you had sex with him you should want to pursue a relationship. Usually one came before the other, so did that mean it had to go the other way back around?  
  
...but nothing was wrong with Danny. He was sweet and funny.  
And good at sex. -worth getting to know, for sure, you concluded as you set your cup down on the table. The suddenly vibrating table.  
  
He’d left his phone in his rush. And while you knew better, that you shouldn’t look, you reached across the top to turn it towards you. The name was one you vaguely recognized- Arin- you had no help from the picture. Which was.... well… you had no idea. A gray wolf touching … a guy’s dick? What? …what??? What the fuck?  
  
When Danny moseyed on back you pushed his phone away, but not in enough time for him to not catch you sneaking a look. “You got a phone call from uh.” You couldn’t even look at his face. And when he sat down to glance at the phone-  
  
“Oh god. Jesus. That’s like the absolute worst thing you could have seen.” He looked pretty embarrassed about it, half hiding his face behind his hand before he ruffled it back through his hair. When you said nothing he continued. “It’s just a joke.”  
  
“Oh good. And here I thought you were a furry.” Clearly it was a joke, you just weren’t sure you could understand what was so funny about it.  
  
“It’s called Wolf Job and uh … I don’t know. I think it’s pretty funny.” Even managing a little giggle at the end of his sentence just thinking about it. Even if it was a tense laugh. Still trying to gauge how far he might have pushed you back.  
  
Despite his apparent weirdness you took another sip of your coffee, finally looking at his face again. So. He had a weird sense of humor. As if you didn’t already get that.  “If I give you my number you have to promise not to use that for my picture, too.”  
  
He immediately brightened up at the prospect of a little shove forward in whatever-this-was-becoming. His key was tapped onto the screen and then he slid the phone unlocked. “No- I’d never. I swear.” Smiling with a show of his teeth. “Can I take a picture?”  
  
This would stand to reason. You were going in his phone. Obviously he needed a picture to go with the contact screen. Yet you’d already brought your hand to your face. “No- don’t-“ A completely instinctive reaction, furthered by the fact that you knew you were a morning-after-mess. “I look terrible.”  
  
“I think you look cute.” The sentiment was warm and natural. A little hard to resist. He pointed the camera back at you as you lowered your hand slowly. One picture. For him. It was fine. It’d just end up being a little square in the corner of the phone anyway- if you even ended up making this a thing. Then you waited. And nothing happened. “Smile?” Doing so as he asked you to almost as an example, and after that you couldn’t help but return it and mere seconds after that the shutter sound went off.  
  
You pulled your phone out of your pocket to give him a taste of his own medicine. But he was ready for you. Tilting his head up, showing off his jawline, and pursing his lips forward into a ridiculous face. There wasn’t enough room to hide the smile it provoked behind your phone before you ended up taking his picture and actually trading numbers. “So, poor question after last night, but last name?” Not that you needed it for the phone, but having it might have made you feel a little better.  
  
“Avidan.” He wasn’t even really paying attention as he answered, looking at something on his phone.  
  
“…Dan Avidan?” Laughing a little. “Your parents must have loved you.”  
  
“Oh, well get this. My dad’s name is Avi.” Sounding just oh-so-proud of his lineage in this little clan, grinning to himself as the phone went back down on the table.  
  
“Avi Avidan and Dan Avidan. What a pair.” Silly men, to be sure. But… probably both just as sweet. His dad had to have been to raise someone like him.  
  
“It’s Leigh, actually. Danny’s my middle name.” Said so very absently around the cup of his coffee as he raised it back up to his mouth.  
  
So. He hid his first name? “A man of many secrets I see.”  
  
He sat back fully. “Ask away.” This was exactly the way things should be going. This was what you wanted- sort of. Getting to know him. Finding out what sort of trouble you’d gotten yourself into. The pancakes arrived just in time for you to really think about what sorts of shitty questions you’d have to slog through.  
  
Might as well get the worst one out- “What’s your favorite color?” For whatever reason, this question set him to a wide grin as he sliced through his stack. You had to imagine, maybe in your generosity, it was because he was happy you were buying into this. You still didn’t understand why. So maybe he’d seen you around his office a couple of times. Maybe he’d thought you were good looking but not enough to ever do anything about it. Say anything to you. And finally he’d found the space to say something- bring you to bed- and take you out the next morning. ...if this was something accomplished- yeah. Yeah maybe you could understand the grin he was wearing. If you bought into that.  
  
 So that was how you eased into spending most of the morning trading questions back and forth. They eventually evolved beyond surface things that got snorts, chuckles, and nods of agreement, to deeper things and childhood stories- one of which included, “So where did you get the- um-“ Gesturing to the scar through his eyebrow. Which had turned out to be him falling off of a box when he was younger- some of your favorite things, the way you both liked to spend your time- and somehow you had a better answer this time than ‘music, reading and writing’. Danny’s own life was devoted to his work. Music and video games. It made you feel like you might need to sit down and actually give some of his stuff a listen. Just to be fair.  
  
Eventually, though, it finally went into huge laughter fits, cold coffee, half-eaten stacks and the strange but distinct feeling that he was someone you knew you could really get along with. He had a great sense of humor and that silly chuckle and that wide smile and just about a million and one stories to tell. The realization that you might just be a little enamored with this guy came as soon as his attention got diverted again, even though he apologized. So. Yes. Maybe you did like him. And all it had taken was half a half-drunk night, sex, and the morning after. When had you fallen so far?  
  
You turned to your own phone, busy with vibration now too. And what was waiting for you broke you right back into the stream of reality.  
  
> **DID YOU GO HOME WITH DANNY LAST NIGHT?**  
  
The text came from Mark. All in caps. All accusatory. And when Danny saw your face he held his own phone up across the table so you could read his screen.  
  
> **DID YOU TAKE ___ HOME LAST NIGHT??**  
  
Also from Mark. Sent at the exact same time.  
  
“Cat’s outta the bag.” The only thing you felt like saying as you slid back in your seat, a little embarrassed.  
  
“He’s probably just joking around.” Danny’s phone then proceeded to have a breakdown of spastic vibrating. “...uh huh..” He had a lot more contacts at that party. Arin had called earlier and never received a response, too.  
  
“At least you’re getting the worst of it.” Sitting back up in your chair to down the rest of your unfulfilling cold coffee.  
  
“Ugh.” He brought his hand back through his hair. “Should I say anything? Nothing?” He was already asking your permission. “I mean they’re not gonna stop but...” He could cover for the both of you.  
  
And that was what he was really asking. Did you want him to cover? Did you want him to make something up about how he just drove you home? Mark might believe it. After all, this was the first time you’d ever let something like this happen. You could also just let this be the mistake that it was supposed to be. Let Danny say yeah you’d gone home together but it was nothing and it was also over. He was giving you that option. ...and searching your face as you thought about it. Waiting for his answer.  
  
“...what do you wanna say?” This was about the worst thing you could do, because he wasn’t looking for what he wanted to say. He clearly knew what he wanted. You didn’t. So this was just a ring of bullshit, and when his lips thinned just a little you got that idea very quickly. “Look. Sorry.. I just don’t... know what this is.”  
  
And that could have very easily been a death sentence. Saying it out loud like that was probably the most discouraging thing you could do.  
  
But- apparently- “Look. Alright.” He was grasping for the right thing to say, too, which made you feel the slightest bit better. “I like you.” The simplicity of that- or, maybe the childishness of it... really threw you off. You couldn’t even remember the last time someone had said something like that to you and had been serious. Middle school, maybe? But you knew that. You knew that he liked you. That was obvious. What made it worse was that not only did you know it, but you felt it. ...and maybe not just from him. “...sorry if I haven’t been as clear.” As if this was somehow his fault. In less than the span of twenty-four hours- ...ah. Well. More than that. He certainly had not been clear that he’d had a crush. This could have been going on for a lot longer if he’d just approached sooner.  
  
No. No that was wrong. You were already mentally blaming him for feeling weird about this. And that was unfair. He was trying so hard. Putting himself out there.  
  
The way he was looking at you said it all. He was willing to risk rejection. While it might have not been the end of the world, if he really did ‘like you’ it would still hurt. So you did the only thing you could think of. Turning your head down the slightest bit to try and hide the smile you suddenly couldn’t silence. “I like you, too.”  
  
You did. It was probably written all over your face- especially as you felt the red coming on.  
  
“Oh thank god.” Said suddenly as his hand went to his chest. “I was starting to think it was just me.” Being a little overdramatic for comedic effect.  
  
“I hope we didn’t just make things weird.” Really your only concern. Which was nice. There was about a million other things you could be worrying about.  
  
“Naah. Don’t overthink it.” Your forte, for sure. But with Danny, your running monologue of bullshit in your head was starting to get a little quieter. A little more tolerable.  
  
“Alright. Cool.” That was how you wanted to play it, anyway. But something in you just had to ruin this. Had to have an out. Had to make sure that you didn’t put yourself in a hole that would be too hard to climb out of- so- “…but I can’t promise anything.” You could, though. You could make a lot of promises.  
  
“That’s fine. I’m not asking you to.” His reaction was so unbelievably nonchalant. You almost wanted to be angry at it. For whatever stupid reason that was. He was letting you be you. Having your exit. At the same time he could have tried to put his hands down.  
  
The mental storm clouds threatened to roll in as you over thought the situation. But then he stole back your attention, taking the syrup from your side of the table and pouring out about half of it all over your plate. You pushed back from the table, watching him in his gleeful delight. Then he took a picture of your drowning unfinished pancakes and typed something out on his phone.  
  
There was so much randomness about the situation that all you could do was sit there and watch it all unfold. But he looked like he knew what was doing. And then he turned his phone back around to show you the picture and the accompanying text.  
  
> **fuck yeah look at these motherfucking pancakes does this look like a fucking joke to you? THIS SHIT IS REAL**  
  
His laugh rumbled once as you tried to get through the text all the way and he tried to squash it but his own silliness overwhelmed him and the phone was soon shaking in his hand-  and then you followed suit too, just laughing at the ridiculousness of all of it. And that was how you became the couple sitting in Denny’s drawing every single head looking your way as you laughed yourselves silly about pancakes drenched in syrup.  
  
In the span of a few short hours you had become ‘that couple’. The annoying one. And somehow... Somehow that was alright.  
  



	4. Close to a Moment

The drive from Denny’s to Mark’s place was quiet- for the first two minutes. Both of you were full and content with the decisions you’d come to, but that left little room for much else. Without even asking, Danny leaned forward out of his seat to turn on the radio. After that the car was filled with his half-whisper singing. You weren’t really inclined to join in, instead listening to his voice drone in and out as he tapped his thumbs on his jeans and watched the world roll by his window. Something about his voice struck you was warmly familiar. But it might have just been that when he dipped really low and hit that gravely rock in his throat, it did indeed remind you of something you’d only experienced a couple of hours ago. And once you were on that thought you were desperate to do anything to turn it around. 

Getting too involved here was the worst idea. For many, many reasons. And Danny seemed content to let you do your thing while he did his. You’d said, after all, you weren’t making any promises, and you weren’t- and he didn’t want you to, he’d said. But it was still hard not to over think every aspect. What was the next week going to look like now? The next month? The next-...

You pulled into the lot of the complex and shut the vehicle off with a hard twist of the keys in the ignition. “You wanna come back up?” Asking as if you were going to his apartment and not Mark’s. But some of the people who’d attended the party were no doubt lingering around up there for the morning-after as well. Just probably not as awkward as yours had been. 

“Nah.” Shaking your head as your hands braced the wheel tightly before you forced yourself to sit back and look at him. “I hadn’t been planning on...” Your rolled your wrists in both of your general directions. “This- I’m probably behind on work.” No doubt emails were clogging up the inbox waiting for you on your computer. 

He held both his hands up. “That’s cool. I totally get it.” His tone made you inclined to believe him but something about how simple he was about all this really rubbed you the wrong way. Or perhaps it just made you nervous. Which was really a testament to how attached you were willing to get- or becoming. Which was bad. He drew both his lips together before breathing out once. “Even though I’m probably doubling down on annoying douchebag- am I gonna get to see you again?” 

Even though you’d both played the five-year-olds at breakfast and traded ‘gosh I like you’s, that wasn’t enough. And he wasn’t even really at fault for that. You were being flighty. You knew you were difficult to deal with, you’d just never had it reflected back so clearly on you. Because no one ever really tried with you. Because difficult was difficult and if people couldn’t get their in it was just easier to walk away. But Danny was really trying and god help you you still didn’t understand what the fascination must have been. 

The only thing you could really think to do was nod, “Yeah. I think so.” And then continue to be flighty some more. But he smiled at the response, which must have been a good thing. In the back of your head you knew that once you frustrated him enough, he too would fuck off like all the others. That might have been safest. 

“Cool. Alright. I’ll text you?” A question. Asking where you wanted to set your boundaries. And it was weird. You hadn’t tried at a relationship in a long time. If this even was that. You hadn’t been on dates in a very long time- and Denny’s didn’t really count. This was out of the zone of your understanding. Which was why it was so appealing to just burn out of the parking lot and never return a single one of his texts-

...which you couldn’t really do. He and Mark were friends.  
Fuck.  
...fuck.  
If you attempted to burn this bridge it would come back to really mess with you. Something you hadn’t considered up until this point in time. But what? Like you were going to get really involved and then what- marry this guy? This was your future? The shaggy haired, lanky, stubbly, big brown doe-eyed, grinning idiot sitting across from you?  
This guy? 

Calm down. Calm down... you were getting too far ahead of yourself. 

“Hello?” He was half waving a hand in front of your face. “You okay?” He looked a little concerned, and whatever expression had been reading across your face was probably reason to be. “You kinda...” He didn’t know how to explain it.

Which was good, because you didn’t know how you felt about it either. “Sorry. I just uh...” There was no way to really talk about it. 

“Hey- come on...” His hand came down on top of yours, and you hadn’t realized until he’d done that that you’d been clutching at your pants. “If I’m weirding you out all you gotta do is say. I’m not here to make your life worse or anything. I’m a big boy, I can take rejection.” He patted your hand once before retreating. 

You had to force yourself to unfurl your fingers and smooth out the creases of your jeans. “It’s not that.” It really wasn’t. Fucking him and getting pancakes hadn’t really left you in a shitty position. Just a confused one. 

“You sure?” He didn’t seem to think so. And maybe he was right. 

But to get to a point of clarity you had to actually be honest. And that was hard because... you really had only just met him. “I just- uh- I don’t know how to explain. I get in these circles in my head that are hard to break out of.” Talking yourself out of so much. You’d missed about half your life doing it. And made the rest of it a living hell. Pills had never helped. Therapy had done jack all. Subsisting by yourself just seemed easier. Which was why... letting someone else into that mess just seemed like a recipe for disaster. 

“Yeah.” You weren’t really sure what he was agreeing to. “I get it.” His tone had softened and he seemed more to be nodding to himself than to you. “Your tell needs some work though.” Half smiling at you, but it was one that was full of pity. “I bet you get people asking you all the time if you’re alright.” 

The worst part was, he wasn’t wrong. When you went off digging your heels into the mental dirt, everyone could tell. Your eyes went foggy and you probably wore the stupidest of looks. Everyone always knew. To clients you weren’t really friends with you could lie and say logistics got you stringed up more often than not. But to people you trusted- they knew.  
And you’d just told Danny. A short explanation but you really had just told him. Without much thinking. And he seemed to get it. 

“You too?” The only thing you could think of. Because while stressing yourself out was normal once in a while, you lived that life. You talked to yourself and over thought things until you got sick with anxiety. About six days out of the week. All the time. All day every day. And nothing in your life had ever made it stop. Sometimes it got so bad that you couldn’t-

“For a long time, yeah.” His eyes drew downwards with another shake of his head. Then he reached his hand back through his hair, something you were realizing might be a nervous habit. Something that made him feel better. “Are you seeing anybody?” 

This came from a place of sheer concern. The mood had turned very abruptly. Suddenly he was looking at you like you were made of glass. Scared. Worried, more aptly. “I did, for a while. But it didn’t work out.” Therapists had just done nothing but made you feel worse. Their advice never helped. In the end it was a sink of time and money. 

Then for whatever reason you heard a very audible screech of brakes in your head. You were divulging serious personal information with this guy. It wasn’t even that he didn’t deserve to know, or that it might have been none of his business. It was that you were letting someone in on the crazy. That you could become a mess- and that you certainly were not worth cleaning up after. That was why you tried so hard to stay above it. That was why you were so flighty. That was why everyone always turned their back and walked away- when they realized. When they saw it. It was too much work. It was too much work for even you and you had to live it every day. 

However he’d managed to just pull those answers out of you didn’t matter. When he opened his mouth to speak your hands flew up in the air. “But- it’s not a big deal!” Your tone spiked as your nerves got the better of you. “It’s not- look don’t worry about me, okay? I’m fine. I’ve been fine. I’ve got this.” You didn’t need him to worry about you. You didn’t want it. 

Danny looked entirely unconvinced, corner of his mouth twitching down into a genuine frown. The thing was that you two had been close to a real moment. Something couples went through. But you weren’t a couple. You probably wouldn’t end up that way. And that was safest. That was best. Mark would understand. “You’re here so- I know.” 

Something about that answer seemed strange. Was he saying you were strong enough to still be alive? Possibly. That it was clear? Maybe. Your skin prickled up as about a million and one possibilities about how this was tanking started to really make their mark. “Um- please don’t- tell Mark we had this talk.” You weren’t sure why you just said that. But you didn’t need him to come after you. To be just as worried. As far as he knew you were handling it. And fine, at that. And.. he didn’t need to know the truth. Anything Danny revealed would have set you back. You couldn’t have that. You didn’t need it- maybe couldn’t handle it. 

“I won’t.” He said this, looking right into your eyes- and you believed him. “But you should promise me that you’ll text me, if you need someone.” Your eyes dropped away the second he was done talking. 

“Why?” And that word fought to the surface before you could just nod and lie to him that you would. That was what you really wanted to do- 

“I don’t know if you’ve been absent for most of our time together but I kinda sorta like you?” His eyebrows rose as he let go of a small giggle. “And I don’t want you to feel like you have to be alone. I guess.” 

Danny was reaching out to you. Trying. He’d been trying all morning. And you couldn’t commit as much as he was- because- well... “I don’t want you to realize how crazy I am.” That was as much truth as you could speak to him about anything. 

His laughter convinced you otherwise, though. “We’re all a little crazy. Trust me. When you realize how fucked up this shit is, I wouldn’t blame you for running for the hills.” It was so, so weird for him to speak those words after you’d been thinking them on a constant loop. It was what you expected people to do- it was what they did do. ...could they also be doing it to Danny? It seemed so unlikely. So ridiculously unlikely. 

“I guess we’ll have to see who runs first.” Somehow you were smiling about something that had been a real problem in your life. Something that had convinced you you didn’t need anyone- as an internal safety mechanism. You’d been so alone and tired and stressed for most of your adult life. But here Danny was, coercing you to just joke about it. And maybe it was a little funny. 

“You’re gonna turn this into a bet? I’ll marry the shit out of you- AND I’ll be a sore winner about it too. Don’t tempt me.” His eyes closed in a squint that creased the corners, his nose wrinkling, laughter shaking his chest. It was something far too infectious for you not to give in to and when it really hit you your hand came up over your mouth to hide just how hard you were laughing. When you both edged off of it, “I think I’ve sufficiently eaten up enough of your time now- but I’ll text you later.” 

“I’d like that.”  
You would. You really, really would. 

He opened his door. “So many poop emojis. We’ll see how much you like that.” Still giggling to himself. Once he stepped out of the car he leaned back in the door. “Later, ___.” It wasn’t the same sort of amused smile he’d been wearing before aimed at you. 

“Bye, Danny.” Giving him a small wave that he returned before shutting the door. Then you watched him buzz himself up to Mark’s apartment, waving to you once the door was open just before he disappeared behind it. As you pulled out of the parking lot, going home to do work seemed like such a terrible way to spend the rest of your day. And you’d only be half focusing on it until that poop-emoji-text you were promised eventually arrived.  
...which was something you never thought could ever possibly distract you before. Ah how the times were changing...


	5. You Can

After the mostly-unscheduled party, and definitely unscheduled night-of-morning-after, work had proverbially piled up on your proverbial desk. What that meant was that you had to sit on the couch with your laptop and actually put your mind towards something other than your own life- or Danny. Which was fine. Work was soothing even when it was stressful. In a releasing sort of way. You no longer had to worry about your life or your relationships or where they were headed. You just had to worry about parsing and code and legal jargon and all the other beautiful things that came with fussy clients and seasonal contracts.

While you didn’t see or talk to him verbally, he made good on his promise to send you that poop emoji. You’d traded a few back and forth at ridiculous times of the night- something that you barely even noticed. They’d come in around twelve and you’d just send some back until it was five. Then you’d doze off for a good thirty minutes until something else hit your inbox and then you’d go back to work. That was your life. You rarely ever took off- and this was why. Most of the time you could maintain a feasibly healthy work load. But when you took the slightest bit of time for yourself it became a hellish nightmare of never ending emails and documents.

It was late in the afternoon when you finally got to Mark’s new caseload. He never pushed you about anything, but that was the dangers of clients like him- ...clients.. even though he was your friend first. Still. He was too carefree for you to not keep an eye on. If he didn’t remind you and you didn’t remind yourself things slipped through the cracks far too easily. The papers you were printing out almost had become just that.

> **I need your signature on a few things can I come by?**

Thankfully Mark handled a lot of stuff on his own. But there were a few things he still found you useful for and for that you were ...grateful? It wasn’t like you needed his money, and most of the time you turned it down anyway but. Work was work. While he was busy not answering your text you threw on some clothes that were mostly not dirty, fixed up your face and spritzed some leave-in through your hair. It wouldn’t really cover the fact that you hadn’t had a shower or slept like a normal human in a handful of days but that didn’t really matter. You just needed to get over to him to get his penmanship for legality’s sake and then come back home so you could fax it.

> **I’m not at home at the grump space can you swing over?**

This, however, put you in a weird place. If he was over there, Danny was probably there too. Should you say anything? You weren’t really visiting to see him- or to have fun. This was work. So you probably shouldn’t say anything to Danny. Right? ...right.. but that didn’t feel quite right either. Still. You were a little on the fence yet about. Whatever it was you two were doing. Liking each other, as far as that went. It was work. Not personal.

> **Sure.**

You texted Mark and only Mark. Hopefully he’d be too caught up in whatever he was filming with them to say anything. And, hey, maybe Danny was busy, too. It was the best you could hope for. So you shoved the papers into a manilla folder and got into your car. Just a few signatures. Then you could go right back home. It never really hit you when you were in the full swing of work how hungry or how tired or how miserable you were. But once you were out of the space of your not-office and away from the blue light of your computer screen, it always hit you. It was what made going out places for face-to-face time so difficult. You were safe at home. On the road with two hours of sleep over three days you were a liability.

Luckily the studio wasn’t too far from your house. Something Danny probably now realized as well. They’d have to buzz you in to get upstairs but... waiting for him to come down instead and getting a coffee didn’t actually sound like a bad idea either.

> **I’m here**

The only thing that seemed like it was worth mentioning. Hopefully he’d be quick and you could pick up something to go and get back home. That guilt was rising up in your gut about not saying anything to Danny the longer you stood out there. Hopefully Mark was on his way...

When the door swung open you were leaning against it, thinking he’d have just texted you to at least say he was coming down. The forward motion left you skidding and hopping a few steps- and a nasty little bruise you could already feel welling up on your shoulder.

“Shit- sorry!” That voice was entirely too familiar by this point. That was when you knew you were in trouble. When you turned on your heels to veer back around to the front Danny took just about every inch of you in. “Oh- I didn’t know you were here.” So Mark had said nothing? “You look-“ Clearly he was going to say something nice. But that just about died. “Uh- not great. Are you okay?”

No matter how hard you tried to cover up that you weren’t great at being normal it just would never be enough. ...it made matters worse that Danny saying that to you pinged a part of your self-conscious side. Immediately your free hand was going up to try and tuck a few strands of hair behind your ears. “I’m good. I’m fine. I just haven’t really slept in a few days- is Mark in?” Talking a mile a minute, almost uncontrollably so.

Danny gave you another look over. The same eyes he’d been wearing in the car when you’d told him what a nutcase you were- well. Almost. You’d said very little. And he’d felt for you. That was what he was doing now, too. “He’s filming a Grumpcade with Arin.” You had no idea what this meant- still had yet to look at any of Danny’s work. You’d been busy, that was a good excuse- “You wanna grab a coffee while we wait?”

Suddenly it was ‘we’. Wherever he was going, whatever he’d been about to do- now that you were there and apparently looked ‘not great’ he was involving you. It was pity, most likely. At least that’s what your first thoughts were. But if Mark was in the middle of something there was no way you’d be able to interrupt. “Sure.” That was what you were going to do anyway so it made no sense to blow him off. “I still owe you for last time anyway.” A very small attempt at a smile came with that very small attempt at easing his worries.

It must have been really convenient to work so close to a coffee place. You had a maker in your house but it barely got used. No time to brew coffee. No time to make it- the milk just ended up going bad more often than not. Most food did, too. Just no time to make things. Take out was too convenient. You ended up ordering the darkest, strongest roast they had. It would be enough to get you through this encounter and back home, at the very least. Even if it was bitter as hell. Once you sat down the tired feeling came back worse than before, and the coffee was entirely too hot to down in one go. “So, what’s in the folder?”

“Stuff for him to sign.” You’d popped off the lid and were blowing between sentences. Hopefully it would cool quick enough. “Contract renewals mostly. Polaris is-“ Then you looked up across at him and squinted your eyes. “I mean.” Even if it was Danny. “That’s confidential.”  
Honestly.  
You were losing your touch. Things like that could get you fined so much money. Not that Mark would ever make good on it but still.

One hand shot palm-up. “Oh excuse me miss lady. Didn’t mean to harm your integrity.” After his lips stopped being drawn thin across his face he smiled around the rim of his coffee. “I was wondering when I’d get to see you again.”

You found yourself giving a breathy one-note laugh before you tried to sip your own. “Mm. Poop emojis aren’t enough for you?”

“You can only say so much with poop. I think.” He grinned in the way that showed a few of his teeth. When he sat back you got a better look at him. He looked a little bit better than you remembered. Mostly because you could barely remember what he looked like when you were drunk, and he’d been a bit of a mess in the morning. Danny now looked a little more kept and groomed. Unlike you who probably looked much worse than he remembered.

“I’ve just been swamped with work.” It wasn’t that you didn’t want to see him, really. ...honestly. And you felt bad about it. And bad that you’d gotten caught being there without saying anything to him- and you had to wonder if he was going to bring it up.

“Do you make a lot of these trips to see people?” The slide into conversation was almost too easy. But he was doing more than just that. It was just a shame you were a little too tired to realize it.

“I try not to. Whatever I can get done over the computer is the route I try to go. But sometimes e-signatures aren’t enough.” Binding contracts needed ink, even today.

“How do you not burn out?” The question came after a small pause of silence where you’d finally enjoyed your coffee. And when your cup went back to the table you saw him looking at you- really looking. Inspecting. Seeing the cracks that weren’t just obvious.

“That’s-... a really good question. Actually.” The truth was that you did. Often. Stress got the better of you more often than not. There were just so many expectations. It hadn’t always been this way. Your business- or whatever it was- had started out small. But you just kept accepting more and more clients because the busier you were the less empty you felt. ...or the less time you had to focus on feeling empty, anyway. “I guess I just don’t-“

“You look completely burnt out, ___.” He was doing that thing again. The tonal shift. Before it had been jokey, now he was concerned and accusing. Though maybe it was less accusing and more that your initial response was to get angry in defense.

And that was something too wired to fight. “Well- If I had known I’d be seeing you I would have put a brush through my hair?” What did he want from you? You had no call to impress him. And you sure as hell hadn’t come here to spend time with him. This was a liability, even. A time sink. You could have just been upstairs making Mark sign some shit and be gone.

“That’s not what I meant...” His tone curved into something soft and almost nervous. Like he realized that he was pushing a caged tiger and really didn’t want to see the strike. “..and your hair looks fine. Still as cute as I remember.” It was incredibly hard to still feel bruised after he tried so coyly to put that out there. A little meekly, with a shy smile. Like he wasn’t sure that would work but he just had to try. A sigh left you and both your hands cupped around your coffee. Unsure of what to say. Thankfully he picked up the slack. “All I mean is- you manage all these people, but who manages you?” The answer to that, of course, was no one. Not even you. “I’d say I’m worried you’re gonna stress yourself sick but you’re already there.”

It’s not like no one had ever said this to you. It certainly wasn’t like no one cared about you. Lots of people did. But for whatever reason- this one guy that did- sitting across from you- “I guess coffee wasn’t a good idea, then.” Your laugh was more self deprecating than anything.

But he shared it, just probably a little less at your expense. “No probably not.” Reaching out across the table to put his hand atop yours.

You got caught up in the feel first, eyes drifting tiredly down to look at the union. And then, “Wow. Your thumbs are huge.” You tried to hide the giggle first, because this was an incredibly stupid thing to say- and to notice just now but. You were too tired to do much more than blow the air out first before actually laughing.

“Yeah. Thanks.” His words were sharp and clipped but his tone was sarcastic. “One of my _BEST_ features, thank you _**VERY MUCH**_.” You two were bordering on becoming ‘that couple’ yet again, laughing to yourselves about something very stupid in a public place.

Maybe that was just what you were. But when you could finally breathe again, “Come on, I think you have a lot of very good features.” Giant thumbs might not have been one of them but that hardly ruined the picture that was Danny.

“Oh yeah? Like what.” It was clear he was fishing but it was for amusement’s sake.

You leaned over, flicking one of his curls away from his eyes. “Your crazy shaggy hair, for one.” It was time to let go of the lie that you weren’t totally in love with this guy. Kiddy-like didn’t do it justice. You’d just been putting it off because... well you’d barely known him for more than a week.

“Jew genes. A blessing.” Whether he was kidding or not you didn’t really take it as a joke. He had a magnificent mane and he had to know it.

You settled your hand against the side of his face, still hovering over the table. Being drunk was one thing but sleep deprived was a whole other beast. A very dangerous one. “You’re not half bad looking, you know.”

“Oy. What a compliment.” Rolling his eyes, even as he leaned his cheek into your palm and smiled up at you. “I think somebody needs a nap.”

That someone was you, no doubt. You had suddenly morphed into a touchy-feely school girl. That at least broke you out of your stupidity long enough to take your hands off him and sit back down. “I can’t.” You had too much work to do. And taking unscheduled time away from it before was what left you where you were now.

“You can.” The way he said this was so assuredly. Then his hands took yours again. “You can, ___. The world will still be here when you get up.”

Your eyes lowered to the union of fingers that was happening, sliding in between each other’s gaps. “...will you?”

Then he gave your hands a squeeze with his own. “Yeah. Of course. Where else am I gonna go?” That was enough to get you up out of your seat. Sleep was too good to pass up. When it came down hard there was no stopping it. And Danny had coerced you to not move just long enough for it to settle. ...and if you didn’t know any better he’d probably done that on purpose. “Gimme your keys.” This, however, was very familiar.

“We’re gonna do this again. I gotta warn you now I am too tired for sex.” Maybe that wasn’t true. ...maybe if you put your mind to it...

He gave your hair a small rustle. “Well doesn’t that just ruin all my plans. No- you’re too tired to drive. You shouldn’t have even come out here. I’ll take you back to your place.”

You waved the folder that you’d come with weakly. “But I gotta-“

“I’ll take you home, come back and get him to sign that stuff-“ The look you gave him stopped him cold. “I won’t look! Sheesh! ...then I’ll come back.” That seemed like an awful lot of work for one guy to go through. Even if your house wasn’t that far away it just seemed unnecessary for him to do.

“Why?”  
You’d asked this a bunch of times, too. People had cared about you all your life but. ..maybe never in a way that was so visible. So real. Your drunk self had had a hard time comprehending it, your morning-after self did too, and so did your sleep deprived self. Maybe one day when you hit normal you’d understand. But that’d probably never come.

His arm came around your shoulders. “Come on sleepy head. Let’s go.” The only thing he offered as he took both the folder and your keys away from you. “Don’t fall asleep in the car though I’m way too scrawny to be able to carry you inside.” That was a battle hard fought, though. Especially with the presence of his whisper-murmur-singing as he drove back. Like a sweet lullaby.

When you finally got in all it took was one sit on the couch that turned into a slow slide and then you were out. Couldn’t even make it to the bed. Unconscious quicker than you realized you’d be. And you left Danny alone- with enough time to save what was on your laptop before unplugging it from the wall and hiding it. Enough time to drape a blanket over you. Enough time to get a good look at your face while you slept.  
And more than enough time for him to leave and not return for several hours without your notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are love. Thanks so much for everyone appreciating the story so far!


	6. No Pressure

It was dark when you finally started rousing. Completely dark. Not a single light on in your house as you sat up from the couch and tried to brush your hair out of your face. For a moment total recollection was impossible. You almost didn’t know where you were- but then a noise came from outside. A familiar voice in a less familiar setting. Singing. It was muffled- or he was, at least. Danny was singing something. You couldn’t quite make out the words. Or why he was doing it outside. So you stumbled to your feet, moved out of the living room, and pushed open the front door.

There he was sitting in the driveway, still in your car. It was pitch black, the dead street lamp on the other side of the road hadn’t been fixed in months. Danny was sitting in your car, laptop open, headphones on, singing. Then he stopped. Started again. And then stopped and started talking. Slowly you made your way over and he seemed to be too engrossed in whatever he was doing to actually notice until you were right up against the door tapping on the window. 

The word ‘shit’ came out of his mouth and you stepped aside so that he could open the door and slant his legs out. Then he pushed his headphones back. “Hey- sorry- did I wake you up?”

The answer to that was no, but you were a little more interested in what he was doing than saying. You peered at the light of his computer screen- a half hidden skype call with someone you had no idea of and audio tracks on the other side of the screen. “What are you doing?” 

“This is the only time Brian had today so I had to- uh-... oh. Brian’s my bandmate.” The man on screen waved once and said something but whatever it was went through the headphones instead of the speakers so you had no idea. Probably ‘hi’. “He’s in the UK.” 

Tiredly you waved at the screen. “Hi Mr. Brian.” Then your hand went to cover your mouth immediately as a yawn overtook you. “It’s four in the morning?” Spying the time on his computer. Before he could ask again if he woke you up, or apologize, “Come inside. It’s fine.” Him sitting out in your car seemed silly. Especially if you were awake. 

“We’re almost done. Gimme a minute.” 

You were still too sleepy and not quite awake enough to argue with that, if there was anything to even say about it. You supposed it was still weird that Danny was jamming out with his band in your car but... apparently he’d done that to make sure he wouldn’t wake you up. You stepped away from the car and he closed the door again. Once inside you went straight to the kitchen. 

That very unused coffee maker was about to get a workout. Four in the morning. You’d need to stay up for the rest of the day to fix your schedule. Luckily you still had instant in the cupboards along with the rarely used filters. There was only sugar to flavor it with but hopefully that would be enough. The smell was extremely pleasant as you popped the lid off and scooped a ton into the top of the machine. Once you were done pouring the water in you leaned against the counter with your elbows, putting your face to your hands. 

The very same counter where you and Danny had met intimately, and not since. Those same questions of how well you knew this guy and how wise was this started circling in. Thankfully the squeak of the front door opening and closing got your attention and Danny came in, edging his gear onto the countertop. 

“I’m sorry if I woke you- it’s why I went out but I guess I might’ve been too loud.” His hand went to the switch on the side of the wall. As if he knew the place already. Once light flooded the kitchen you saw just how much of a mess you’d made making coffee in the dark but couldn’t muster up enough to care about it. 

“You didn’t. I honestly couldn’t really hear you until I got outside.” You edged yourself to sit back along the very same counter as the night you two got together. “But you sounded like you were having fun.” 

He leaned his hip against it, arms folding. “It’s work but it’s the best work I’ve ever done in my life.” Smiling, earnestly so. 

You couldn’t help a squint of your eyes. “And you were the one telling me I needed a break?” Hadn’t he told you at the party he’d been overworked- or something close to it? And here he was doing this shit in the middle of the night as if it were normal? 

He laughed a little nervously, bringing one hand back to muss up his hair. “Yeah. Well. I calls em like I sees em. ...mostly because I know what ‘em’ looks like.” 

“I want to argue with you but I actually haven’t gotten around to googling enough to know about you yet.” You should have, honestly. Sat down and taken a few minutes to get to know him. In that creepy weird stalker way that everyone did these days. 

“Oorrr... you could just ask me like a normal person?” Shaking his shoulders a little.

“Some shows and two bands, I think?” Secondhand information from Mark. You reached forward to poke your finger into his chest. “And how do you not burn out?” Mirroring his question from hours earlier. 

He quickly trapped your hand in his much bigger one so that you’d stop pushing your finger into his body. “Oh I fucking burn out all the time. I never said I was better at it or anything.” That was true. He hadn’t, had he? “But knowing what that shit feels like I kinda can’t help but want to help you stop doing it.” His eyes dropped. “You know. Because I like you and all.” He was playing around, the giggle afterwards suggested so. 

But this was how he’d been when he’d first said something like this, too. And suddenly you weren’t sure how seriously you should really be taking him. How seriously did he take himself? “What do you want from me, Danny?” This was perhaps the first thing you should have asked him. He’d said to let it be and he’d tried to let you do your own thing but clearly that wasn’t working.

All that had gotten you was poop texts in the middle of the night and awkward conversation in person. Clearly it wasn’t working. It just wasn’t. “Shit. Man I don’t know really...” And his answer was as honest as it was disheartening. Really, you weren’t sure what you wanted but that probably wasn’t it. “I haven’t really been serious with anyone. In a long time.” This was true for you too so at least you were on the same page. “I guess that this shit isn’t serious either though. ...is it.” Frowning as he looked up at you, releasing your hand. 

“Not really.” This, too, was not the answer he wanted but you had to be just as honest. “We fucked in my kitchen and texted a few times and now we’re here.” Minus the half-enlightening breakfast where you did get to know him a little... this was just friends fooling around. Mostly. 

“...what do you want?” This was the worst question he could have asked because you had no idea. He seemed to at least know what path he wanted to be on, even if he was having trouble obtaining it. 

“Coffee.” The maker was gurgling, signifying the end of the process. But this was a bullshit answer. And after watching him frown yet again you put your hands to your face and rubbed really hard. “I don’t know.” A sigh left you as your hands fell away to your lap. “I really don’t know. I like you. I mean I would think that’d be obvious. But as far as this goes-“ Swirling your hands in the space between the both of you. “I don’t know.” 

The look on his face was heartbreaking- but only there and just barely for a mere few seconds. Then he was smiling and nodding. “It’s cool. I’m not trying to pressure you- I shouldn’t be, anyway.” He was backing off because you were becoming anxious. And it was probably entirely visible. 

“I think I fooled myself into thinking that I could roll with the punches, or whatever.” Being ‘cool’ had never been your strong suit. You weren’t. You’d never be that on-the-fly person. You needed warning. For everything. And planning. And getting used to. “But I don’t...” What was it you wanted to say? 

“Tell me.” His tone softened up completely and he tilted his head forward as if he was really dying to know what was on your mind.  
Maybe he was serious. 

“I don’t want to scare you.” Because Danny was a good thing, and even in your self destructive nature you knew a good thing when you saw it. Knew a good person. Could feel it. And you were too frightened to let him get to know anything more than surface because otherwise he’d figure out too much and go. And you didn’t want to be without him- and that- “I’m in it deep and I’ve known you for- what? Less than five days?” 

You were a stupid, stupid woman. In love. With someone you barely understood. But someone that made you feel good. Wanted. Safe. Someone that made you laugh. 

“Ooh-“ The noise was more of a breath that tumbled out of his mouth as he stepped in between your legs, putting his hands to your face. “Is someone in love?” This sounded like he was joking- at worst picking on you. Teasing you. You tried to jerk your face out of his hands but he wasn’t having it. “Sorry- I just.” He giggled once while smiling. “It’s cute- and. I don’t know. Like... entirely too sweet.” This was far from the worst treatment you’d ever received after bearing something important. But it was still rubbing your self consciousness the wrong way. “Sorry- I’m prone to jokes- listen-“ He leaned in. “It’s okay.” 

Your eyes lowered as he invaded the last inches of your space but you were too scared to let them close. Instead you half watched him, feeling his lips press against yours. The kiss was just barely there and incomplete, at least from your side. He wasn’t really giving it much either, though. 

When he backed away enough to speak, “Me too.” A part of you wanted to be relieved- should have been relieved to hear this. But it couldn’t be true. He was just trying to make you feel better. “I got all nervous-nelly when I saw you- kept seeing you. That’s why I couldn’t- and I was always a fucking mess. I kept thinking... tomorrow I’ll look better. I’ll have something more interesting to say. Tomorrow is the day I get her name!... But that never came.” This couldn’t be real. He had to be kidding. All this over you? It just wasn’t... no way. No way. “And then you were at the party and I saw you knocking back drinks. I pulled a totally douche move and went in then because I knew you’d be more receptive to the less shittier version of me. Beer goggles.” 

Some part of this was genuinely sweet.  
But some part of it was...  
“Did you plan to-“  
He saw you getting drunk and took you aside, got your attention, and made plans to take you home?

“No-! God no-! I swear to god!” His panic was all too real for you to consider an act. Then his lips pulled at the corners. “Ugh- I mean fuck me if I’m saying I hadn’t thought about it. That would be a lie. But that wasn’t why- I swear. I swear!” 

You got a good look at his face, backing away from his touch. Examined every inch. He looked desperate. And sad. ...and nervous. The same kind of nervous that you had felt. Frightened. Scared that once you exposed yourself.. he’d run. Now he was playing your part... “I believe you.” 

He let a breath go. “Good. Oh god. I think I just got an ulcer...” Putting his hand to his side. Something about the theatrics of it got a smile out of you and when he noticed it, he returned it. “Anyway- look- all that to say-... like I don’t know what I’m doing more often than not. And I really didn’t want to fuck things. And now I’m fucking things. And I’m trying really hard not to-“ Suddenly he was talking faster than you could really pick up. So you reached out to him instead, putting your hand against his stubbly cheek. It stopped him and he pressed his lips together to silence himself before speaking again. Then his hand came atop yours as your eyes met. “I’m a huge fuck up. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not good at relationships. But like was an understatement. ...and you have no idea how good it felt just now to hear you basically say the same thing at me.” His head bobbed a few times. “Uh- ...in a more delicate fashion, anyway.” 

Your hand fell away from his face and you took a breath. The running crazy words that had been in and out and constant had apparently been the same in his head. But he’d hid them with that handsome smile and his laughter and the facade of calm. Someday he’d have to teach you that. “Danny?” 

He looked anxious all over again. “...yeah?” 

“Will you be my boyfriend?”  
This was juvenile shit. This was just as stupid as the like-you at breakfast. But it was less shallow. Less uncertain. You needed to be sure about this. To have it set straight. And it sounded like he needed that, too. 

“Oh-!” Caught completely off guard by your absurdity. “Fuuuck yes-!” Laughing to himself with that airy reprieve as he leaned in to you again. His forehead touched against yours and you both locked eyes again. “Fuck yes. Man... that’s like the best shit I’ve been asked all week. God damn.” He seemed prone to run his mouth when he was excited.  
You were learning.  
Learning more about him. And look at that. You hadn’t even needed google to do it. 

Finally, a little more awake, you caught what he was feeling and couldn’t help the wide smile of your own. “One more question.” You draped your arms over his shoulders, pulling him in. 

“Mm- anything.” 

“Will you take me to the store to get milk?” The coffee would be fine on the burner for five minutes and there was no way you were getting through the rest of today without it. ...as far as you were concerned the other ‘issue’ was now settled. 

It seemed like he agreed, with another one of those grins of his. “Anything the lady desires.” He reached down into his pocket to fish out your car keys, jingling them in your face. “Your chariot awaits!” 

All things considered.. if this was the life ahead of you, and the man you were meant to spend it with... you’d probably gotten luckier than you ever could have hoped for.


	7. Make Me a Promise

After your almost burnout, you and Danny had sort of lapsed into a system of ‘check up’ times. At first it felt like just friendly chatting, but you realized it for what it was the longer it went on. Chatting was exactly what you should have been doing, what with how you’d just asked him to be your significant other, but it was a little less that and more... him keeping an eye on you. Most of the time it’d be texts at inconvenient times asking you what you were up to. But you’d break form and leave the laptop to give him your attention. Because he deserved it. Regardless of what you were doing or working on. And whether you liked it or not, it had actually been helping you.

The most sufficient form of that sort of help came when you ignored one or two texts or couldn’t get to your phone or didn’t hear it, then he’d call. Ask you to come out for some coffee. And when you could bank the next save file you would. About a week in when you did, finally, realize what was going on, the only thing you could really do was hope that it was helping him as much as it was you. He’d been working full force at the studio. What you now knew was them recording massive amounts of videos so that he could take some time off to do other things. But while that was going on he was also still working on his band stuff in the early morning hours.

Two days had gone by without face to face interaction, even though Danny was texting now and again, and finally one came with promise.

> **Wanna go get some coffee?**

This was no longer code for ‘I want to see you’. That was directly what it meant. And you’d cracked it, successfully. It was late in the day, though, about five PM. And while you were approaching a safe place to pack up and go, coffee sounded like a sleepless night. Which was fine for you, but you really would rather he didn’t do that to himself. ...which was probably exactly how he felt about you.

**> Sure. I’m on my way**

What was apt to happen was you finishing your work and him just starting the new stretch of his. But you didn’t mind sitting up with him at night while he sang into his computer or penciled out some lyrics ... something that actually had yet to happen. But he never invited you out this late for coffee, so you figured it might go down that way. It was for that reason alone you hurried up with what you were doing, fixed yourself up a little and then got down to the coffee house. When you didn’t see him waiting outside you assumed he might have already grabbed a table.

Upon going inside you... almost wished you had said you were too busy.  
He was sitting at one of the big round tables with the entire group. People you still only knew through bare association. Anxiety flared up. Why wouldn’t he have told you??

It left you standing in the doorway just long enough to look awkward. And when he spotted you he stood and came over. “Hey- sorry-“ Immediately noting the look on your face as you paid attention to the table talking amongst themselves and didn’t even look up at him. “They caught me coming down. They wanna go out to dinner.”

“Oh.” Well. That was fine. You could get something to go and get back to work. Your eyes drifted back up to his face; he was looking at you expectantly. “It’s cool. We can get together some other time.” You had all the literal time in the world now, especially when you were still taking all that supposed time to suss things out. Going slow.

But the look on his face suggested you might not have understood what was really happening. “No no... I kinda wanted you to come with..” But the lead off in his sentence told you just how unsure he was about that prospect. “-but-..only if you’re okay with that.”

Clearly he knew you weren’t.  
You weren’t prepared for this situation at all. But he wanted you to go and.. saying no to him was just too hard. Especially with the way he was looking at you. “You’re sure?” It wasn’t like you were inclined to make an ass out of yourself in front of his friends. It was more like you’d sit and be quiet for the rest of the evening. Poke at your food. Answer questions with tiny responses. If nothing else you’d just come off as some mousy extra. They’d probably end up asking him why he even bothered.

“Only if you are.” But he still didn’t want to force you. So you had to weigh your options. They’d all seen you come in. They knew who you were by now- at least they had to. Danny had to have said something about you. Right? Whatever. They all saw you NOW. And him standing there talking with you- and he’d had to have told them to wait up for you. So they knew. Now you had to decide if making him explain why you were bailing was worse than making him explain why he was into you after a night out.

That was a legitimately tough decision. In the end... you guessed it was more fair to him to explain things from his own vantage point. He was a big boy. He could tell them whatever he wanted about his feelings. But making excuses for you was something only you did.

“Um-“ Trying to get yourself in gear. “Yeah. Sure. Why not?”

He frowned. “___...” Because he could tell with your rapid-fire answering that you weren’t, in fact, sure at all.

“I’m fine. Really. I just have to get myself in order.” Being truthful with him was still hard because no matter what he said or how he felt, the crazy was still too crazy. But in the end that was better explained up front than having to work around it. Because he’d pull it out of you anyway.

At this he smiled. A little, but it was still drizzled with a tiny bit of apprehension. “They’re chill people. Honestly- like. The chillest. Nothing can go wrong.” This was the crew he ran with the most. The people he worked on the show with. It was worth getting to know them, at the very least. That was fair, right? Especially considering you were thinking about the longevity of your situation with Danny... you couldn’t put off getting to know people he called his best friends forever.

But. They could be the ‘chillest people’ in the world and you’d still find a way to mess it up. Despite this, you were basically already committed so you just nodded in response. His arm swooped around your shoulder and your feet shuffled forward as he brought you over to the table. Some of them were sipping at their cups when you came all the way, but every single pair of eyes was directed up at you at the same time.

“Hey- so- this is ___.” This moment was slightly familiar, except the last time this was happening Mark was the one doing the introducing. This time you tried not to zone out. This was actually important. “So that’s Arin- Suzy- Barry- Kevin- Ross- and Holly.” Stopping short each time to make sure the person in question had time to raise their hand or offer a ‘yo’. But it did help you in trying to memorize their faces.

“Hi.” Raising your hand above waist level to wave just once. The awkward commenced already. “This is like the sort-of third introduction at this point.” Because you’d met most of them on an off-hand basis coming by the studio for Mark, and then at Mark’s party. And now here again.

“Let’s hope this one sticks.” Arin offered with a raise of his cup. As far as you understood it he was the leader of the group? ...or at least he’d started the show. Maybe. You still hadn’t really done your research. Danny had made you feel bad about the whole googling thing.

“No kidding.” Danny’s arm squeezed you a little- something that you found overly affectionate but that just seemed to be his style. “So come on, get up already. I’m starving.” Waving his free hand upwards as if to lift them all out of their seats with magic.

“Suuuuuushiii!!” Barry was apparently doing all the talking for his stomach and the second he offered that up the rest of them got to their feet and headed towards the door.

You and Danny hung back behind them by his grace- and by his understanding. “Shit I didn’t even ask if you would like sushi.” As an afterthought. Not that wherever they were going wouldn’t have anything else but this seemed like a main-event type course.

“It’s fine.” You hadn’t had any in a while. “Promise me some eel rolls and I’m all yours.” And it sounded like exactly the type of thing you could use right now. All that delicious sauce and spongy rice. Right up your alley.

He squeezed you again as you both got outside. “Well then- I’m promising you some eel rolls.” The dip in his tone made that statement a little more than perhaps it was meant to be- ...then again, as you both came to a stop by an unfamiliar car, the look in his eyes was nothing short of devious. It put a small jump-start back in your system that you’d been suppressing for a while.

Jumping back into bed with him had seemed like the worst idea. You had wanted time to build this. To do it right. ...but now really all you could think of was him doing you right. Hazy, floating images pooled in the back of your brain. Feelings. Tingles. His hair between your fingers. His lips on your neck.

“Come on get in already!” There was a voice groaning from the front seat. Whoever’s car you were taking was loaded up front, waiting for you and Danny to get in the back.

Being pulled so abruptly from day dreams you shouldn’t have been having was quite the revelation. You could feel the heat on your face- and could see the way Danny was looking at you. A very tiny smirk with the corner of his mouth. His arm overhead against the window of the car. When he’d backed you up against the door you couldn’t even recall. “We’re holding them up.” You made sure that all the words would come out right and without fluster before you dared to speak.

“Yeah yeah yeah yeah.” Laughing a little on the last couple of ‘yeah’s. But he backed away from the car so you could get inside. Barry was driving so it might have been his car- Kevin was sitting up front. When Danny slid in right up next to you and closed the door, Barry pulled out and followed behind the other car up front.

“So hungryyy!” Barry’s whining continued, but it was amusing.

“Do you keep them locked up or something?” With the way he was carrying on it sounded like he hadn’t eaten in days.

“Me??” Danny’s hand went up to his chest in another display of ridiculousness. “I would never do such a thing!”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Kevin looked back once before returning his gaze to his phone.

“Danny’s the worst. Don’t let his charming smile fool you! A true dictator in disguise!”

Though you got the teasing for what it was, you decided playing along was worth it more than fighting against the obviousness. “Really?”

“Oh- come on! You _love_ your cage!” Danny reached over to smack the back of Barry’s headrest. “Don’t lie in front of the lady!”

Barry’s head dropped slightly with a whimper. “Yes. Yes sir. Of course.”

Your laughter spurred the rest of them on, but to be fair you could hardly help it. Danny? A dictator? He was entirely too sweet to ever assume such a role. Although... in the bedroom it might be a very nice color on him- why did you keep going there? It was like he had some sort of perverse hold on you. After you’d fought so hard to make sure you stayed the course. God damn him.

It was worth being proud of, though, how well you were doing. You almost meshed right into the group, and dinner was no different. They went all in on some giant ridiculous sushi boat, but Danny made extra sure to get some of those eel rolls for you with a little raise of his brow. Yes. He was trying to coerce something here. Not that you could blame him. If you were any less of the same mind you might have had clearance to be mad about it. But every time his hand brushed over your leg underneath the table or yours over his all you could think about was how this time you at least had to make it to the bed.

And that was when you knew you had it bad.  
Being in close quarters with Danny was dangerous. It was fine when it was text messages and checking up on each other and talking late at night and coffee across a table at a cafe but this. This was too much to handle. When had you ever been so weak? What was it about him? What made him so special?

“So we were thinking of catching a plane really soon-“ Arin was talking around a mouth full of sushi- at you, no less.

“Oh- yeah, that’s right!” As if Danny had forgotten. To be fair, he probably had. The man was as scatterbrained as they came.

“Where are you guys going?” For how long was the better question. But to think that they were taking Danny on vacation with them was nice. He’d be able to get away from the studio and the shows and the bands. It was exactly what he needed.

“Back to Japan!” Suzy cheerfully picked up the slack. And ‘back to’ coupled with her tone implied it was her favorite place. Or theirs. Either way.

It must have been nice to live that life. To just get on a plane and go to Japan whenever one wanted. You had gotten good at saving your funds and not bleeding money on stupid stuff as the years went by. You could probably afford trips yourself- but time wise was a different kind of cash flow. One that you absolutely did not have the expenditure for.

You pushed Danny’s chopsticks away from yours as you grabbed one of the rolls sitting closest to you. He wasn’t really going for it seriously though otherwise you’d probably have let him have it. It was almost strange how quickly you’d fallen into joking pattern with him- and his friends. “Sounds like a lot of fun.” It wasn’t like Japan was on your bucket list or anything but it was a beautiful place no doubt.

“Did he not ask you yet? C’mon man. What’s the matter with you?” Ross, like Arin also, was talking with a mouthful of fish.

“Shit. Yeah. Sorry.” In the moment it seemed like Danny had gotten a little flustered at being accused so quickly. Especially with the table looking at the both of you. “I was sort of thinking it’d be cool for you to come along.”

It dawned on you then why he’d been waiting. Doing this in front of everyone was the worst way about it, but his hand had been forced. He’d probably been waiting to come back home with you to ask. You couldn’t go. There was no way you could just up and leave. Even if it was in a week, or two weeks. You’d need a lot more time to plan than that. You couldn’t just drop everything-

Everyone was looking at you.  
Could you say no to him in front of his friends? They’d probably grill him for it later. Did you really want to do that to him?  
Oh god-

“We can talk about the specifics later, I don’t need a yes right now.” His hand patted your leg underneath the table before coming down firmly to take your hand in his. He could see it on your face, sense the panic.

“Uh- yeah. Thanks.” The moment had to pass. You needed to breathe. “It sounds like fun.” That was a very noncommittal answer. But it was just enough to get everything to slide along to something else. The guys at the head of the table started bickering about something and you allowed yourself space to breathe. Just breathe...

“Sorry.” Danny was speaking low with his head tilted towards you.

In response you just shook your head. “It’s okay.” It wasn’t his fault, after all. And things like this were bound to happen in group settings. Was that something you could get used to? Wanted to get used to? That also needed some time to be thought about.

Despite that small bump the rest of the dinner went on relatively well. Danny continued his small flirting where people couldn’t see it- and the joking carried on. Talks of Japan and what they wanted to do happened around you, or overhead, because you decided not to participate. It probably made you look bad but you weren’t sure you could go. No matter how much they wanted you to- or Danny wanted you to.

By the time you got back in Barry’s car you were absolutely full. Danny’s arm was around you and he was humming along quietly to the radio. The drive back to the studio was short and sweet and when you both got out you were faced with another decision. But this one was... one you’d already made. No matter how much you wanted to lie to yourself otherwise.

“You coming?” Barry was talking to Danny on the other side of the car as you sat on the hood of yours.

“Nah man I’ll catch up later.” There was a little ribbing and ‘ooh’ing that came with this. Despite the reason for it you had to hide a grin behind your hand. This man and his friends were bad for you. Or maybe they were exactly what you needed. That shot at normality you’d been putting off your entire life.

When Barry pulled off the side of the street and all the other cars were gone Danny came up to you, hands in his pockets. The street lights had come on, pouring pale orange light down on him as he came to a stop right in front of you. “So... I heard you’re heading my way?” Playing coy was not something you’d ever be good at. But if there was anyone to ever try for, it was probably him.

“Everyone on the street heard.” Despite what he was saying, the warmth of it spoke tales of how much he actually loved his friends. He had a big heart. There would never be any doubt of that. “But...” Thinking, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth as he stepped closer, trapping you on the hood of the car as his hands went to your hips. “I faintly remember there being a promise...”

“Oh yeah?” Smiling up at him, sliding your hands up his chest. “What promise? Refresh my memory.” This was exactly what you’d been fighting against- and now that you had the time, you realized that was foolish. If you were both willing why march against it?  
Oh god- you knew now- you were very, very willing. It was never that you’d had a few to drink. It was him.

He stood between your open legs, gripping your hips, pulling you close to him. “I think the words ‘I’m all yours’ were used. But... I could be wrong.” His chest shook a few times with the rumbles of laughter. “I mean. I don’t think I am. But.”

You moved your hands further up, fingers playing along the nape of his neck. It was hard to see through the shadows over his face, but you could definitely feel that devilish smirk. “And what do you think that means?” You could easily be all his. For as long as he wanted.

“More me pleasing you than you’d think.” His answer was straight and quick and overwhelmed you with how much you did not expect it.

“You think I’m lazy in bed?” Clearly that was not what he was implying, but you couldn’t help but ask.

“What? No!” The seductiveness of the moment had been very clearly ruined. But he attempted to make up for it by smoothing his hand up your side and to your face, cupping your cheek in his palm. Then he leaned in, brushing his lips against yours. “But that’s all I wanna do.” He breathed this out against you skin.

You tried really hard not to let this get to you. To not let it wrap your brain up in a fog that would lead you down - ...the road you were already headed. What was the point in resisting. “Yeah?”

“Fuck yeah.” His arm came around your waist, pulling you into a shift of his hips as he kissed you again deeply. Your arms held steady around his neck as the tip of his tongue played along your lips. It was only a preview. And quickly he was pulling back and you had to smother a noise of greedy displeasure. “So?” Asking because very soon this was going to a place that would be hard to stop.

And fucking on the top of your car in the open street was probably not the best idea. “Let’s go.” Your only hope was that you actually made it to the bed this time. But it was hard to make that promise. Even to yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the massive love for this story! It really keeps me going. Seriously!


	8. No Rush (♥)

The ride home was excruciating, even its slowness- because Danny’s fingers were on much the same war path. One of gentleness and careful timing. His fingers were on a slow glide up along your arm before coming back down to brush the tips of yours gripping the wheel of the car. When you both got out and to the front door it was even worse. Your thoughts that waiting because you’d wanted to take your time and do it right were mirrored in every one of his actions. Apparently he was putting every ounce of concentrated effort into this. And, honestly, you hadn’t had to wait months to do it, either. Just a couple of weeks.

Before you could even get the door open his hands were cupping your upper arms, pressing you back against the surface. Tilting you enough so that he could get down to your level for a kiss. Then his hands moved again, upwards to your shoulders, to your face while he was busy stealing your breath away by other methods. He was barely inches away when he pulled back just to breathe. “I need to open the door.” He had come so prepared and you... you were falling apart. It was obvious in the tone falling out of your mouth and the semi-panting you were exhibiting.

“Are you in a rush?” The one he answered back was full of that mirth as his thumbs stroked back along your cheekbones. It was hard to see his eyes, both through the darkness in the street and the fog that was surrounding your vision.

Before you could weigh your options in answers, “Are you not?”

“No.” His response was just as quick but it was careful and quiet as he leaned in to take you in another kiss. His hands moved back down to your shoulders, fingers touching the inside of your arms as they stayed on the move and then down to your wrists. “I’m not going anywhere. Why rush?”

Something about this was so damn reassuring. It stoked a warmth deep in your belly while also igniting that passion you’d put on hold since the night this had all started. “Danny,” It was a very appreciative hum from your lips to his as you kissed him again, arms coming around his neck to keep him close. Not that he was in danger of pulling away. The kiss spanned a long few moments as his body curved closer into yours with each passing second. Soon you could feel every part of his outline as you were half crushed against the door.

Finally when he released you his hand went to the door to open it, then it came back to yours, fingers moving in between the spaces of yours so that he could pull you inside. Still it wasn’t with any sort of jerked rush. He was guiding. And thankfully he had enough sense about him to take you right past the kitchen counter. While a repeat could have been nice, it seemed you both had one thing in mind. And that was how you found yourself sitting on the bed next to him, engulfed in another kiss as his fingers touched your face once more.

It was hard to know how not to rush now that you were there. That you wanted him and that you could have him. Keeping your hands quiet was entirely too hard a task. Thankfully he couldn’t stay above his own voiced desires either for much longer. Soon he was edging your shirt up and off your frame and dipping in to brush his lips along your shoulder as he unhooked your bra. Once it was off and on the floor where it belonged he took your hips, pushing you back up on the bed so that he could have enough space for himself to hover over you.

A trail of warm, soft kisses started at the buzzing pulse of your neck and over your collarbones. Down further. His tongue was damnably expert in dragging a groan out of you as it circled the peak of your breast before he suckled gently. Your fingers threaded through his hair, careful not to pull. Especially when he moved away to kiss the space between and then move lower to your stomach. You peered up into the darkness of your bedroom, and down once as he was busy with unbuttoning your pants.

Without being asked you lifted your hips for him so that he could edge them down slowly, something that got one of those lusty, low laughs; the tumble of his warm breath onto your center. Soon you were completely bare before him and you knew even though it was near impossible for you to see he must have been able to. There was a lull in time as he looked at you with such vast adoration. As if he’d never seen another woman in his entire life, or if he had, none compared to you. When you thought you zeroed in on his face, and your eyes met, he must have caught your thoughts in the waves between you. “You’re beautiful.”

Your lips pressed together, feeling a familiar heat blooming on your face. “Stop-“ It was more of a whine than anything. Lying naked in front of him being complimented was almost one of the hardest things you’d ever had to go through.

“I’m serious. I could not be more serious if I tried.” He leaned in, lazily dragging his lips over the inside of your thighs. It gave you enough reason to let your eyes flutter closed, fingers spreading out in the sheets underneath you as the sparks ran over your skin. His fingers were careful as they teased up along your slit. Long and slow as he breathed out hotly against your skin. You felt his tongue against you, along with his lips quickly after.

“Oh-“ The noise from you devolved into something entirely less a word and more just mess. Exactly what he was turning you into as two of his fingers slid inside and his tongue touched oh-so carefully against your clit. “Danny-“ It wasn’t until his other hand touched yours that you realized how hard you were gripping the bed while he worked you. A slow rhythm in and out of your body. Unwinding you. Soon your hips were slowly grinding up against his face. He unfurled your fingers with a gentle assurance before he guided your hand into his hair.

You were in too much of a trance to fight him and soon you were tugging on his hair, something that got a heated noise out of him. Something you almost missed. It urged his efforts on. The slightest bit harder. A crook of his fingers once he was fully inside you, stroking you deeply. A little bit faster as your other hand came to thread back through his hair before grabbing. “Fuck.” He sounded like he was losing himself from something so simple. You barely heard it above your own heady panting.

“Da-nn...” About the only warning you could think to give as he took every single part of you over the edge.

“Come on,” This was almost a whisper and you just barely heard it. Him urging you. Wanting you fall over the brink. The next breath you drew in was accompanied out of your mouth with a moan as your fingers curled harder in his wild hair. ‘Coming hard’ wasn’t close enough to what it felt like after he’d worked you so expertly, and bringing you down from your high even as your hips still shifted to his slowing fingers, you felt him sending flurries across your skin as he kissed your thighs again. Up to your navel. Soon it wasn’t just the rolls of your hips it was wiggling. Almost a little too much.

“Gi-gimme a second..” He had overworked you and it was almost too much. Too sensitive. When he listened without pause after the request he sat up to remove his shirt and scrunch his belt off. You only were able to catch the sight of him as he was topless and shimmying out of his pants. Something about the sight got a little giggle out of you.

Then he looked up and once he saw your face he followed closely behind. “Don’t tell me you want me to dance for you.” It might have been a fun enough thought but once he pants were down to the knees and you could see how hard he was it flew out in favor of other thoughts he could be doing. And they definitely were not dancing. “Because I’ll fucking do it- I’ll-“

You stopped him dead in his tracks, sitting half up so you could reach forward to him. The tips of your fingers teased the head of his cock, slick with precum and obvious excitement. Then you wrapped your hand around him in one steady stroke that he thrust into unconsciously. For as slow as he’d been willing to go it seemed like his body had other ideas. “Maybe later.” To be sure, a dance from Danny, naked or otherwise, was probably not a sight to pass up. But hardly what you had on your mind right now.

“Fuck-“ He was very fond of this word you were realizing. That was fine. Because the way it always seemed to tumble from his lips, heavy and hot, just above a murmur, thoughtlessly- it was such a good look on him. His hand shakily came down on top of yours and he leaned in. “Lie back.” This was just about as much of an order as he could give. Slightly murky and dark.

And who were you to refuse? You edged back closer to the pillows and did as he asked. Then he moved closer, edging himself between your legs, hand drifting down your left side before cupping behind the back of your knee to take your leg up as far as he could get it. You ended up hooking it around his back and he leaned in closer, mouth slightly open as he focused on the feel of you. It was just about as much as you could do, too, feeling the head of his cock in a slight pulse against you before one easy thrust of his hips and he was inside.

Your head fell back all the way against the bed when he dared to edge himself deeper inside your body. Then he dragged a noise out of you when he moved back, and yet another when he moved back in. Both his hands curved down into your hips, holding you steady. Whatever slowness he’d been keen on keeping at the beginning hadn’t made it with him this far. His movements devolved into a steady, hard fuck. He shook the bed with his efforts and soon you were grasping his shoulders, pulling him as close as you could get him. Drinking in his heavy breathing and countless murmurs of ‘fuck’ alongside your own.

You could feel every pulse, every twitch, every time he buried himself deep. Soon his head dropped to your shoulder and he focused only on moving his hips. Keeping himself steady. As if he couldn’t do much else. Couldn’t stop himself. You could hardly blame him. The feeling overwhelmed the both of you. You felt the rise in heat. The pleasure of it all overtaking you. “Danny-“ Breathless and a pitch higher than usual. Your fingers dug little trails along his back as his thick cock worked every part of you on every thrust.

“Fucking- gh- ___-“ Your name was a half gasp that he just couldn’t swallow as his mouth fell open. He came first and you felt every part of it. The slick heat inside accompanied by uneven jerks of his hips as he refused to fully pull out and then you heard a half-whimper leave him as you came almost immediately after, body tightening around him, drawing him in deeper. Keeping him there until you were done, too.

He was wobbly, the shaking first coming from his elbows before he slowly slid out of you and then promptly dropped to the bed aside you. Your arm came over your eyes and the both of you laid there side by side in quiet littered with heavy breathing that slowly wound down. You couldn’t remember snuggling up to him but that was where you came-to, relatively speaking. You were cuddled up to his side, head on his shoulder, his arm around your back, fingers drawing lazy shapes in your skin.

You would have been content to fall asleep that way. What would have been better? But when he found his voice, tired and gravely as it was, it made you stay. “Come to Japan with me.” It was almost like he was asking you to run away there and never come back. But it was just a vacation. You’d have been content to forget about it and then not go. But... apparently he’d been thinking about it.

“I don’t know.” It was really the only thing you could think to say. And, honestly, him springing this on you post-sex was an absolutely dirty trick. You just weren’t entirely mush-minded enough to just agree to anything. A few minutes earlier that might have been true, but he was probably just as mush-minded enough to not have been able to speak. Lucky you.

“It’s in two weeks. I can move rooms around and just one for us.” Two weeks was so little time. In fact, not enough time to tell every one of your clients that you were taking a break. Not enough to make preparations. Pack. All this other stuff. Or was it all excuses?

“I don’t know...” You said this again, but this time wasn’t as sure as the last. There was a part of you that wanted to live that life. To just do freely as you wanted. To, yes, run away with Danny. Go anywhere as long as he was right there with you. Good god there was almost nothing you wanted more- that part of you, anyway. But a much bigger part of you had to be sensible.

He turned his head, looking down at you. “C’mon... it’ll be fuunn..” As if vacations weren’t supposed to be fun. Like this was to make the offer more tempting. But it did get a half smile out of you, however sleepy it was. “I want you to come. I’m not above begging, either.” This was a joke- the last part of, anyway. It had been paired with something too sincere for you to comprehend.

Like he didn’t want to be that far away from you. And that he wanted you to get out and live a little bit. With him. It was... too hard to resist. Really. “I...” You were so close to finishing that with a ‘don’t know’ for a third time but the look on his face told you that might not have been a smart idea. “...want to.” You did. But should you? Could you? Those were very different questions.

“So do it.”  
Just do it. He was just telling you to drop everything and run.  
Run with him. “Come away with me-“ Even in the darkness you could see the spark in his eyes as he continued, “Come sail away- come sail away with me! -... on a plane!” Half singing to you and for what it was it got a very wide smile out of you. “C’mon...” This broke the moment because he was, basically, begging. “Please?”

It was then you realized he could do that with just about anything and you’d never be able to say no. Why? How? When did it get this far? How did he have such a hold? It was good now that he was using it for... relatively good things. Good for you- and for him. But what happened when he realized and used it for deviance? Was Danny above such things? You thought not. “Oh-“ Breathing out. “Fine. I’ll come sail away with you.”

His arm curled around you a little tighter to pull you into a half hug. “Yesss. Yes. Good. Mm.” Burying his face in your hair for a moment as he snuggled you. “Good.” Murmured again. You closed your eyes, face against the crook of his neck. “I- ...good.” The start of that had actually got a leap from your heart. It had sounded like he wanted to say three words you weren’t sure how to respond to.  
Sure he’d joked about ‘is someone in love’ in the kitchen a little while back. But that was different. ...even if you were. But he’d backed off. It left you thanking him silently for being able to read you so well. And then it left you feeling almost barren. Like you wanted to hear him say it.  
Maybe next time...

“I’m gonna pass out now.” To cover the silence you said this into his side with a long sigh out. Contented.

“Me too. Fuck.” Half laughing to himself. “Fuuuuck.” This was probably a compliment. The way it drawled out of his mouth in amused fashion certainly sounded like he was complimenting you. It left you smiling against his skin as you drifted to sleep.  
Fuck indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oo-OOO! Thanks for your continued support!


	9. Where Are You Going?

Getting your affairs in order was a harder task than it seemed. Mostly because you weren’t really sure how to approach it. A quick newsletter to your closest clients seemed apt enough, and then follow-up emails to help them stay afloat while you were away and they had questions. Danny made sure that you understood your laptop was not coming with you. And that your cell phone was for emergencies only. EMERGENCIES. The way he’d looked at you while he’d explained was nothing short of extremely serious. He wanted you to relax and have a good time. It was going to be hard, for sure, but you had to try. For him. And for you.

After making sure everyone was on the same page your small list of friend-and-clients were next. A newsletter wasn’t really going to be sufficient enough. Phone calls would. And then taking a few drives to get them in order personally. You prepared a few folders for everyone. Just a few small guidelines and deadlines they could follow themselves until you got back in. Mark was the last person on your list, mostly because he was on the drive back and it would be good to stop in and touch base with him longer than the others. On the walk up to his new place you really had time to think about how this spot had been the catalyst of it all. And how great that had been...

“Hey- hey!” As if he didn’t realize it was you at first, and had just pulled his door open when you’d knocked, regardless of who it might be. Come to think of it that’s probably exactly what he’d done. “You’re a little early.” He stepped back so you could get in.

The place still didn’t look lived in, even in the span of time he’d had to unpack he’d... not done that. Well. He’d unpacked the important things. You saw the computer corner up and running and editing files littering the screen. “Am I interrupting?” Catching him in the middle of that was always the worst.

“Nah. I’m tired of listening to myself yammer on anyway. Want something to drink?” He was still dressed in his pjs. Oh, Mark.

“Sure. Whatever you’re having.” You sat down in what was presumably the living room. At least the couches were out. You hadn’t helped him bring anything up- mostly because he’d never asked you for help moving house. It didn’t matter anyway. It wasn’t like you’d have been much help hefting couches up stairs.

He set two plastic cups of what looked to be iced tea down on the table in front of you. “So, what’s all this?” Waving his hand lightly towards the folder in your lap.

When he cozied on up close enough to be able to actually read it you opened it. “Just some things. You’re not as bad as the others, mostly because you actually know how to take care of yourself.” Mark was a self-made man- ah. Well. With the exception of his strong community. Something he’d remind you of endlessly.

“You going somewhere?” His head tilted down, glasses slipping along the bridge of his nose as he looked at you- not the papers. Not a great start.

It probably would have been better to just tell him in the texts about coming over that you were. But that seemed pretty impersonal. “Vacation, actually.”

“No kidding.” His eyebrows shot up immediately. You couldn’t blame the shocked expression. Those words had never, ever come out of your mouth. But then he smiled. “Good. That’s great! How long have I been telling you you need to take it easy?” Far too long, actually. Mark had always tried to look out for you.

You couldn’t help but smile back. “Yeah, well. Now’s the time.”

He reached forward to grab his cup, in the process arming the folder closed. Undoubtedly on purpose. “Where to?” He was infinitely more interested in your life than taking care of his. He’d be fine even if you didn’t go over anything, so you didn’t feel the harm in sitting back and relaxing with him a few minutes.

“Japan- I guess.” The last two words added on because you still were really unsure about everything. Even if Danny had convinced you thoroughly. Somehow.

“Oh.” This was hardly the reaction you’d been expecting. “So they’ve assimilated you, huh?” Smirking a little to himself with a shake of his head. A quick shift of expression.

It made sense that Mark knew where they were headed. Even if he didn’t film with them he did film in their studio more often than not. He probably had keys. “Inundated, almost.” That seemed like a rude thing to say but you knew you could trust him.

“Aah, don’t be so harsh on them.” Waving his hand in dismissal.

“I’m not.” You weren’t trying to be, anyway. Besides, the vacation was less about them at this point and more about-

“Danny’s a good guy, besides.”

...Danny. Exactly. You hadn’t brought him up so this seemed a tad strange. Sort of. It was common knowledge now that you and Danny were a thing. Whatever that thing was. And Mark had actually been the first to get a syrupy-pancake text about what was going on. But still. Something about it seemed... off.

“Yeah.” You said quietly, picking up your own drink off the table. If only so you had something to do with your hands. To sip at. To hide behind. “Kinda strange hearing you say it now though. You sorta freaked out...”

Those texts that morning had come in all capitals. To both of you. At the same time.

He chuckled to himself, reaching up to run his fingers back through his short hair. “No I was just worried.” The look he gave you over the top of his glasses before edging them back up was nothing short of sincere.

“About him?” This brought back prior thoughts of Danny’s potentially overwhelming sexual status. What had he done that made everyone so jumpy?

“No- no-“ Trying to clarify for you. “I didn’t know where you were. One minute you were in the corner eating and drinking and pretending to pay attention to everyone,” Said in such a neutral way that you barely even thought about. Mark knew you. He’d known you for a long time. And he’d probably been keeping an eye on you the whole night. “Then all of a sudden I didn’t know where you were-“ His eyes went down to the table. “Then you two were on the balcony- and then I didn’t know where you were again.”

His frown convinced you that it had been the worst idea to come to his party and then run off without saying goodbye. Danny had been interrupting your thoughts that night. Clouding your mind. Your judgement. You’d frightened Mark. “Oh- I’m... sorry.” He hadn’t known where you’d disappeared to. And you could have easily gotten behind the wheel of your car. “Shit. I’m really sorry.”

“For what?” Grinning at you like you had absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Trying to put you at ease. “Seems like something really good came out of it.” He looked happy. Happy for you. Or-...almost just. On the verge but... maybe it was your imagination.

“Yeah but- and it’s taken me this long to realize.” God you were such a self obsessed idiot. You should have known immediately it wasn’t that Mark was joking. It was that he had been scared for you. And here you’d been blowing him off this entire time. Even when you’d tried to get work out to him Danny had taken your attention away. Again.  
But Danny wasn’t the one to blame. It was you. You were so stuck on him that it had been impeding work. Impeding one of the only close friendships you’d had. And in that moment you thought... maybe.. maybe ‘something good’ was going too far.

“Hey-“ His hand came down to pat your leg. “Get outta there,” Poking your temple, “And back here.” Demanding in that facetious playful tone. Your eyes cleared up enough for him to feel satisfied. “Whatever you’re overthinking about is probably not worth it.” As usual. You thought yourself into tizzies about absolutely nothing worth being that upset about most of the time.

So you nodded in agreement. “Yeah. ...anyway. So your file-“ You were too eager to brush this aside. And entirely too visible to him.

“Hey. Come on. What’s the matter?” The joking manner was gone.

But how to explain that you were both rethinking and not rethinking your infatuation with Danny? He was so good for you. Yeah. He was. But he was also taking up large chunks of your life. But didn’t boyfriends have the right to do that? Was that not what they were supposed to do? Maybe that just wasn’t for you. And it certainly wasn’t fair to... “I’m just realizing what an asshole I’ve been.”

“What? Come on. Stop that.” He wasn’t so convinced.

But you weren’t ready to be deterred. “You were never just a case load.” Never. Never ever. “But we haven’t really talked about anything other than that in- ...since I met him.” You put everything aside- Mark- you put Mark aside for Danny. Was that fair? And he’d let it happen too. ...he’d never pressed.. because...

He wanted you to be happy...  
“Stopstopstopstop.” The words flowed out of him as he waved both his hands. “Seriously. Just stop. It’s not as big as you’re making it.” This was usually the case regardless of what was going on. “I was busy too. With the move and getting settled in and videos-“ While this was the truth it sounded like nothing but excuses. Excuses for you. For your behavior. “Come on, ___.” He was almost pleading with you.

To not look at him the way you were. Frowning. To not think the way you were. But... you were you. How could you help it? “Mark.” You made sure to say his name carefully. Softly. Enough to try and let him know you wanted the truth. And you wanted it now. No matter what it was.

His lips pressed together just the once before he sat back and out of your space. You only really ever noticed how close and comfortable you two were together when he left that circle. “I was trying to stay out of your way, yeah.” He hadn’t needed to tell you this- at least not now, after putting it together. It wasn’t like you were the only one who made this work. The texts had stopped. The calls. The checking in- ....Danny. Danny had taken up all that space.  
Fuck. Fuck. How could you have been so blind? “He’s good. He’s a good guy, ___. And I know he’s good for you.” Saying this with such sureness. “I didn’t want to bother you in the- hmm...” Struggling for something. The right word. “Delicate period.”

This was a well natured insult, whether he realized it or not. And probably not. If you had had too much to think about other than Danny, too many outside forces, you would have had just the right amount of time to back out of this. You never would have made it this far. It wasn’t that Mark would have made you do that on purpose, but having other fresh air had its way of making you rethink. When it was just Danny texting and talking and seeing you... that was all you could think about.

And now you were realizing how bad that had been. How unfair. You put the drink down on the table so you could hide behind something else. Your hands. “I’m sorry.” Breathing out just the once behind them. A sigh. You didn’t feel like crying but you just felt so damn ashamed.

“Hey- hey...” He pulled your hands with quiet force. Away from your face, down to his lap. His thumbs idly stroked along your palms. “I wanted you to have this- I still want you to have this.” Mark had only ever been the best person in your life. The entire time. He was always looking out for you. Always. “Really. Not talking for a couple of weeks is hardly the worst thing that’s ever happened.” The sincerity of the moment was too much for you to handle. He could sense that, too. “I mean, it’s me we’re talking about. Let’s be real.”

“But you didn’t do this.” He was trying to make jokes to make you feel better but-

“So you’re making up for lost time.” Shrugging his shoulders after letting go of your hands. There were still a few stray flurries of feeling in the aftermath... “How could I resist letting you be the idiot for once?”

“Oh. Gee thanks.” You weren’t really too broken up about it since he was kidding. Mostly.

“Hey. Any time. And I mean **ANY** time.” Grinning once more.

You still had a lot to think about, even if he didn’t want you to. You still would. But for now you were content to let things fall where they were. Besides that you didn’t want to upset him anymore. “So- about your file-“ Trying again to actually do what you came over to do.

“Oh- please. Don’t. I think I can read some paper about- what is it-“ His hand flew down the page as if it were in braille. “Legal crap. And whatever.”

“Full of whatever.” If whatever was code word for ‘important things’. In Mark language that might as well have been true.

“Yeah. Don’t I know it.” After that he flipped the front of the folder shut as fast as he could manage and then held it shut with his hand on top of it. “You’re here. I’m here. Let’s do something a little more interesting than this crap.” Taking the folder and flinging it to the far corner of the couch.

You just gave him a look. “You are by far the most difficult client I’ve ever had.”

“And will _EVER_ have. Yes. Thank you! I take great pride in it.” He sure did. You couldn’t really argue with that. “Now shut up and grab a controller. We have some old scores to settle!”

It didn’t really matter which game he was talking about. There were many that constituted ‘old scores’. And by the time the evening ended you hadn’t even really broken into half of them. But what you had come out with was considerably more pleasing than how you’d gone in. You and Mark spent more time than you could remember even in recent months just joking and playing around. One of the only people you felt comfortable being that way with. And the other...  
Had texted you. More times that you realized. Your phone had been left on silent so that you could get through those meetings uninterrupted. Professionally speaking. And you’d forgotten to switch it back. Mark had just taken up too much of your attention. It was nearly midnight by the time you realized you needed to get home.

“Ah shit. The Mark-time-sink strikes again.” He was far too good at it.

“Agh- no kidding! Do you know how late I’m gonna have to be up now??” Not that he was blaming you. His smile spoke volumes in the other direction. Even if that was true. Editing was no small mistress.

You stood with a stretch, already heading for the door. “Don’t insist on eighty rounds of Mario Party next time! Just accept defeat the first time!”

“ _NEVEERR_!”

This was enough to get you both to share a laugh as he opened the door for you. “...but thank you. I needed this.”

“Yeah. Me too.” You were already standing out in the hall, he was leaning in the frame of the door, arms posed up on its side.

“Don’t forget to actually read the whatevers, though.” Waggling your finger at him.

“Oh please.” Rolling his eyes for dramatic effect. And something that told you that folder was going to sink under his couch and stay there for years. Then he held out his arms. “Come on now. Bring it in.” It was almost like welcoming you home in a weird way.

Not something you could resist. You stepped into his embrace, something that became a tight bear hug before you knew it. From both sides. He was warm and comforting, even as he squeezed you twice for good measure. Finally when he released you you stepped back with a small wave. “I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Not a second later.” An arch of that dynamic brow of his, making you promise without words. “Now go enjoy yourself. You’ve earned it.” Smiling at you, in an almost proud fashion. It made you feel quite fuzzy inside.

So you waved once more and then turned down the hall. He watched after you until you were out of sight and in the stairwell. And then he went to his balcony. Watched you cross the parking lot and get into your car. Watched you sit in the driver’s seat for a few moments.

> **I know you’re probably busy- just in case. You ok?**  
This was the last text from Danny in a long string where he was basically talking to himself. But it made for a good read. Something about milkshakes and messes. Sounded like he had a good day too.

> **Yeah. Just heading home.**  
Typed and sent in just another second. Then you turned your car on and pulled out of the lot, eager to get home and actually maybe sleep. You’d taken care of everything else so it seemed like the next logical step.

Mark waited. Watched the lights on your car turn on, watched you drive away. Took the turn down the street. Disappear into the night. When he stepped back inside he almost instantly dropped to sit in front of his desk. Then he took his glasses off, dropped them to clatter against its surface. Then he leaned forward and put his face in his hands.  
It was going to be a long night indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry but also not sorry.


	10. Switching Gears

You were supposed to arrive at the studio lot at five A.M., though Danny had said it wasn’t a strict ‘sharp’ time. But that wasn’t how you operated. Especially not when you were just sort of along for the ride. You weren’t going to hold anyone up. When you got there, though, you realized why he’d said that. No one was there. Sure the airport wasn’t that far away but... you were starting to have second thoughts about how you were going to handle this little adventure with them. They all seemed like relatively relaxed people. Danny especially. Honestly. You aspired to be that way, even though that’d never happen. That did give you an idea though.

You were about to leave the country. Go on vacation. You had no expectations of you. Other than to have a good time. Enjoy yourself. For once, if this was the only time in fact, you could just put everything aside. Leave the worries. Just have fun. You weren’t sure you were fully capable of such a thing... but you were sure that was what Danny would want for you. So you invented a new persona. Or perhaps it was something you had the capacity for, if life had been different. ‘Vacation you’. Yes. Fine. So when they were fifteen minutes late you didn’t worry about it. They had a plan. They’d done this Japan run before. You were just there to follow lead and relax.

Two sets of cars pulled up on the sidewalk and into the lot. You’d been sitting on the hood of your car waiting for them, resisting the urge to check your phone. Giving Danny a reason to take it away from you so early in the day seemed like a poor idea. Instead you’d been enjoying the rising sun, suitcase all ready on the side of the car. Every single body basically tumbled out of every door of both cars. They looked tired and not rested at all and just overall grumpy.

Danny made his way over to you, lifting your suitcase once for good measure. Probably testing how heavy it was. Not very, honestly. You’d only packed the essentials. And, of course, no laptop. After he seemed satisfied he ran a hand back through his overly shaggy hair and moved to sit beside you. “Here,” Fishing your printed ticket from his pocket. Crumpled and folded up but it’d do. Though he’d begged you not to you’d transferred some money over to him. Making him pay for everything was the last thing you wanted to do, even if he said he could afford it. But he agreed to it for one reason- and that was that you were letting him take it from there. The accommodations, the hotel, the everything. Which was hard for you- which was why he wanted to do it.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Leaning your shoulder against his as the rest of the crew bumbled around pulling luggage out of their trunks.

“Nah. Bad idea. And you’re gonna wanna resist doing it until halfway through the second flight.” He was nuanced at this.

You unfolded the papers in your hands to give them a good look over as Danny leaned back against you. Heavily so. Delta. You had no idea if this was a good airline or not. “What’s Comfort-Plus?” Sounded like first class...

“Above economy, below rich people.” He leaned his head against your shoulder and sleepily snuggled in. “The last leg is ten hours. And _these_ legs need room.” Whispery-giggles fell out of his lips. He sounded a little delirious. But he wasn’t wrong. Danny was as lanky as they came.

“Takeoff at six.. layover in Seattle...” Reading to yourself as you thumbed through. The first flight was two and a half hours long with a forty-five minute layover. Then the rest of the journey was ten and a half. When you actually landed it’d be seven P.M. ... but eleven A.M. there. Right. So sleeping on board was the best idea. But the jet lag was going to be phenomenal either way.

Without warning he grabbed the papers out of your hands and lifted off the hood of the car so that he could slide them in his back pocket. “I’ll be your tour guide baby you don’t need to read so much.” This was anything but serious.

But then was as good a time as any. “Good. I’m going into vacation mode for you.” Both his eyebrows raised as he looked at you with quite the dead expression. ...and a large amount of disbelief. “I’m serious.” He still looked like he didn’t believe you so you shoulder bumped him. “I’m here for the ride.”

Finally his arm came around you as two cabs pulled up to the street. “Good. We’re gonna have a ton of fun. This’ll be really good for you.” For the both of you, actually, but he didn’t need to mention that. You both needed to get out of LA. To spend time in a place where work wasn’t calling you both. To explore each other outside of the bounds and realms of where you were chained.  
It was going to be good. You believed him. Only when he slid off the car as the others started jamming suitcases into the trunks of the taxis did he realize you were wearing a satchel. “What’s in...” Waggling his finger at you.

Distrustful. “My phone and some headphones.” Flipping the top open so that he could peek inside. Which he leaned down to do immediately. “Wallet. Passport. Shoulder pillow.” You ended up flicking him in the forehead. “There’s no little spy laptop in there if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Hmmmph.” Rubbing his head a little- probably just to make you feel bad. Which it did. Then he wheeled your suitcase over to one one of the cabs and you followed suit. “Four in a car. C’mon.” The problem was that there was seating enough for only three. “You can sit on my lap.” A little waggle of his eyebrows. Honestly. It was too early in the morning for this.

“I can sit on Kevin’s lap.” Barry interrupted, pushing himself forward with a raise of his hands and shoulders.

“Please don’t...” The genuine disparity in his voice got a small laugh out of you.

Kevin crammed in first, followed by Barry and then Danny on the end. Then he beckoned you to get in and you squished on to his lap. It was uncomfortable for just about everyone in the car except the driver, who was probably used to this kind of nonsense. Your arm came around Danny’s neck to hold yourself steady through the bumps and before you knew it he was face down in your breasts snoozing. Since the other two boys were also laying against one another half awake you let it go.

Once at the airport you checked your watch for the time. Your instincts were telling you to panic. There was no way you were getting on that plane in half an hour. But you told them to be quiet. Whatever happened you were along for the ride. You just had to keep saying that to yourself. So you got out of the cab and helped Danny by the hand to do the same. With how tired and shaky his legs were it was like he was a newborn fawn, tripping and stumbling on the sidewalk on his way out the door.

“I can-“ Barry was unloading the car and he’d taken your suitcase on top of his.

“It’s fine. You’re traveling pretty light.” He couldn’t actually check it for you but bringing it in was nice. You guessed. This also reminded you that this vacation wasn’t just a bubble for you and Danny. His friends were here too. It’d be a good time to get to know them.

While everyone worked on dislodging the crammed luggage from the car Danny took your hands before engulfing you in a surprise hug. “Thank you.” Murmured to you quietly. You didn’t know what for but that hardly mattered. Especially when he squeezed you extra tight. “Thank you thank youuu...” Yep. He was out of his mind. You assumed he was thanking you for coming, not that he offered any explanation once he backed away.

“Don’t thank me just yet.” You still had a while yet to ruin this and that was probably apt to happen.

He grinned down at you. “Should I thank vacation-you instead?”

Your hand came to lay against his chest as you leaned up on tiptoe to give him a soft kiss. He was less eager than he’d been in the past on the receiving end, but you just counted yourself lucky he wasn’t falling asleep in his spot. When you backed away you smiled back. “Yeah. Thank vacation-me.”

His fingers ran across his forehead in a two finger salute. “Well thank you very much ma’am.” A little overdone drawl in his voice. “Now let’s go catch a plane.”

It turned out for all their boasting, the gang were actually pros at taking flights. Checking bags didn’t take more than ten minutes. Tickets were given. The terminal was almost expertly navigated. You even had time to spare once you were there and waiting. The best part was, it was quiet. Airports had an almost nostalgic familiar smell to them. And watching the airplanes line up outside the tarmac was hypnotizing.

“M’so hungryy...” Ross was busy complaining into Holly’s shoulder.

“Not yet.” She gave him a pat on the head.

You hadn’t really weighed your food options, but you guessed she was probably right. Eating now wouldn’t be good for the stomach, and you’d probably get some sort of small something on the plane. Aside that, if not, you could eat when you waited at the layover. That would be a more appropriate breakfast time. With the rest of them half asleep in their chairs, Danny no exception, you sneaked away just to have a look at the airport. You weren’t a huge flier and so you didn’t come to them very often. Least of all LAX. All of its stores weren’t up and running just yet- but one in particular did catch your eye.

A little candy shop. It probably wasn’t smart to waste money on anything just yet but... you could just barely deny your own weakness once you stepped inside to ‘just take a look’- as if lying to yourself even held any worth. Once browsing the small aisle you found yourself asking what kind of chocolates Danny liked. Did he even like chocolate? Nuts? That familiar feeling of only just still getting to know this man found its way back into your system. No time like the present, you supposed.

The novelty of the shop, however, was just that. And their prices were ridiculous. ...but that didn’t stop you from walking out with a box of assorted chocolates tucked into your purse. And a bag of chocolate lollipops for everyone. Getting a little sugar into these people might do them some good.

“Here,” You held one out for Ross in all its chocolaty glory.

“Oh thank GOD.” His words were just slightly slurred in excitement as he tore the plastic wrapping off the top and popped it in his mouth.

You handed the bag off to Holly to pass around and soon everyone was humming happily around their suckers. “She’s a keeper for sure. FOR SURE.” Suzy’s mouthful compliment made you feel weird. In a good way.

“C’mon you don’t need to do anything special to impress these **losers**.” Danny eyed each one of them as he ripped the packaging off his lollipop and stuck it in his mouth-... right before devolving into laughter.

“Yes she does.”  
“She totally does.”  
“If it gets me more stuff yes.”

The crowd seemed unanimous about it, even if they were probably joking. Mostly.  
Either way you only had a few seconds to settle down before they were calling boarding. Danny was right, they did have a super special business first class seating that was practically empty. One lone man boarded ahead of everyone else, but no doubt it would fill up at the other airport. There was a little strange burst of excitement as they called your class. Handing in your tickets and walking down that enclosed hallway was sort of a thrill.

It had been such a long time since you’d gone on a plane- and you’d never gone out of country before. This was new and exciting and- as Danny took your hand in his you were reminded of exactly the right reasons why this was going to be a good trip. You two only needed to share one smile between you for other sorts of little thrills to make themselves known.

Comfort+ seating was nice. Big leather chairs that had the ability to recline generously back enough. Good spacious room for Danny’s ridiculous legs. Decent sized TV monitors embedded in the seats behind. Headrests up top. Danny let you take the window seat and he came in the center after. Kevin sat on the end to complete whatever trio this was making up. Your excitement quickly turned into a little bit of that antsy panic that always came with flying.

Danny’s hand came down on top of your shaking leg, something you hadn’t even realized you were doing until he was making an effort to stop it. “Are you scared of flying?” This was probably something that he might have wanted to ask beforehand when actually getting you to agree to coming- and the realization of that made a clear expression on his face as he looked at you.

“No- I don’t think so, anyway.” You hadn’t really been on enough planes to really form that opinion, and none recently in years. “Pre-flight jitters.” You’d get over them. As soon as you took off. Probably.

“I’d tell you to get a drink but I think it’s a little early.” He did make a good point though. Maybe around lunch time you could get a cocktail. ...not that you wanted to get saucy on a flight with him and his friends but... you had seen that Comfort+ covered the cost of the first four drinks... and... if your money was already there...

“Yeah wait until about twelve when they serve lunch.” Kevin was offering what sounded like expert advice.

“Alcoholic extrordinare over here.” Dan’s arm swooped around Kevin’s neck and pulled him in for a noogie.

“Am not- ugh- STOP.” Trying to break free.

“Boys can you quiet down please.” Suzy was leaning over the backs of your seats to give the two of them an admonishing glare.

“Sorry.” They said in unison once before giggling to themselves.

The takeoff safety instructions started sooner than you realized, mostly because by some grace of sameness you were starting to feel the drowsy lull that was invading everyone else’s minds. Exits at the front and the back... fasten seat belts.. oxygen masks... the woman’s voice went in and out and before you knew it your head was against Danny’s shoulder and you were asleep. That made for a very smooth take off. But it didn’t last too long.

About fifteen minutes into your doze Danny was shuffling around, taking a notebook and pencil out of his own carry on before poking you in the forehead with the eraser. “Hey,” Trying to get you awake because the stewardess was coming around with the cart. It was far too early in the morning for anything. Coffee, maybe... but did you really want to start in on the caffeine rush?

You sat back and rubbed at your eyes when she pulled up. Kevin asked for some orange juice and a muffin, an order that Danny mirrored. Clearly they shared the sentiment that it might be too early just yet for coffee. “Mm... just juice and cookies.” As if sitting on a plane was akin to giving blood. But the woman poured you a nice glass of cold juice and gave you a pack of chocolate chip cookies.

Once the tray tables came out you slid your cookies to the side, not actually having any use for them just yet. Maybe later. Eating too much on this expedition was going to prove to be the wrong move to make. Instead you worked on the juice, leaning over closer towards the window to glance down at the world below. It was so bright and blue and you were glad your seating companions weren’t asleep because it would have been rude to shine so much light otherwise.

You hadn’t realized it until just now but there was a movie playing on both your and Danny’s TV screens. He must have selected it while you were dozing and you realized now he had one earphone in on Kevin’s side. “What’s playing?” You asked before even looking at it.

Danny was busy picking at his muffin. “Mmf.” Chewing faster so that he could speak. “Bedazzled. Rocking movie. You ever seen it?”

“I could never resist Brendan Fraser.” It wasn’t quite a ‘classic’ but it was good enough for the first flight. It was also likely the selections were slim.

“And a young banging Elizabeth Hurley.” Laughing to himself as said woman came on screen in a slithery tight dress. The devil.

Your arms came around his and you laid your head against his shoulder again. Vacation-you had made a promise to pick up some of the slack this way. Danny seemed to be a very affectionate person and while you’d never had the chance you couldn’t exactly deny that you liked the behavior. Of being close to someone that made you feel safe and warm. In his free hand he turned his pencil around between his fingers. Spying was probably poor form but you did look over to what he was working on. -...and that’s exactly what it was. “Are you working?” Lyrics scattered the page in all forms. In the margins, on the bottom, up the sides.

“In the air is fair game.” The look you were giving him suggested that it was not, in fact, anything fair. Especially since he’d made you take so much time off and leave the laptop at home. “Whaaaaat. Don’t look at me that way...” At least you could make him feel guilty about it. “I’ll give you a piece of double fudge muffin if you stop judging meeee...” Sing-songing to you while ripping off a piece of said muffin to hold up to you.

You took it out of his hand and popped it in your mouth. “-but I’m still judging you.” Closing your eyes with a holier-than-thou expression.

“You demean the terms of the bargain fair lady!” He lifted the arm rest dividing the seats so that he could put his arm around you and crush you close.

“I’m not very fair then am I?” Grinning up at him as you let him squeeze you.

“This is true. I guess I’ll have to use the rest of the flight to devise cruel and unusual punishments for your treachery.” Obviously it was a joke but it had a real form of promise to it.

But before you could say anything a pair of blue eyes rose from the seat in front of you. “You guys are legitimately gross do you know that?”

Danny pointed his finger out. “Shut up Ross no one asked you!” And as usual with all his forms of ‘verbal abuse’ it was accompanied with laughter. The same sort of laughter that nullified anything he was saying.

One seat over Barry was now rising up over his chair to look at the both of you. “I think they’re adorable. In a gross sort of way.”

“Gee thanks.” You were content to let Danny do all the talking, not sure where your commentary might fit in. They were talking about you, after all. “Much appreciated.”

Then arms were hanging over the back of Danny’s chair. Arin’s, to be exact. “Did you two come to an agreement on pictures yet?” Your questioning look told him all he needed to know. “Just wondering.”

“Uh- I dunno. I’m fine with pictures but- like nothing with,” Making a gesture between the two of you, “on the public spaces.” He seemed a little downtrodden about this fact- but it didn’t need to be explained to you. Which was probably why he wasn’t wasting time doing it. He trusted that you understood and you did. Vacation pictures were a natural process. Preserving memories. And you wanted some, too, even if you hated pictures. But Danny’s public life and private life were something he wanted to separate.

You had yet to truly understand the scope of his popularity, mostly because you still had yet to do your research. Letting things develop organically had been far more pleasing, so you weren’t too ashamed. But having this question posed so suddenly you had to think a lot of people looked into his life. Watched him. Fans... it couldn’t be that he was ashamed of you. ...right? Absolutely not. Danny wasn’t that kind of guy. His privacy was just that. And maybe it was a little bit of protection, too.

“Is that what she wants?” Suzy was sitting up now too. And you sort of wished she hadn’t asked, even if she was doing so for your benefit. You were fine going along with whatever Danny wanted. And... honestly, being assimilated or whatever Mark had called it was the last thing you wanted. The people who browsed their ‘public spaces’ ... you didn’t want to be introduced to them. Not now. Maybe not ever... was that fair to Danny, though?

This felt like a conversation you didn’t want to be having with everyone suddenly looking at you. You could choose to be quiet about it and just leave it. Or. As the group dynamic was suggesting.. being frank was better. “To be honest I’m kinda scared of your fanbase?” Because if they had to ask questions like that it was worth being worried about. That much was very clear. But your answer did get a good round of giggles out of everyone.

“Oh she’s gonna fit riiiight in.” Kevin seemed the most satisfied out of everyone.

“So- yeah, that’s fine with me.” Asking to be enlightened to that world was probably asking for too much right then. If nothing else you wanted to integrate and watch from the sidelines. Learn for yourself. That’s what Danny wanted for you, too, so you couldn’t imagine disappointing him in that regard. And if you’d resisted google this far you could just keep on doing it.

“Lollipop’s got the right idea.” Ross said with a rather sage nod.

“Lollipop?” Oh no. They were nicknaming you. There was no going back now.

Danny squeezed you in a half hug. “Ooh- that’s cute.” Then he shot a dirty look upwards. “But let me nickname my own girlfriend! Jesus!

“Too late. Hyehheh.” Ross was sticking his tongue out.

“If anyone walks up to them just do what I do,” Holly was offering some advice that sounded like it was worth listening to. “Fade quietly into the background and let them slobber all over the boys.”

‘The boys’ in question gave a round of agonizing grunts. “And then tease them afterwards.” Suzy said this almost immediately after. It sounded like quite a routine.

“If you need an out you can just be one of our cousins or something.” This was a little more troubling, though. Holly was saying it to help you but all it really did was open a massive pit of despair. You hadn’t really thought you’d need ‘an out’.

“Alrightalrightalright- we’re trying to watch a movie here.” Danny was interjecting for your benefit, and you were grateful that he did. “Elizabeth Hurley is practically naked so please-!! You are wasting valuable time!” The heads and arms disappeared out of view almost immediately after that. And once Kevin popped his headphones on Danny shifted closer to your seat. “That should have been stuff I should have eased you into- I didn’t mean for them to drop it all at once.” He was frowning now. “I’m a dick. Sorry.”

He reached back to ruffle his hair and avoided your eyesight. Before you could say anything he continued on. “I just forget sometimes. Which is stupid. I know. I wouldn’t be anywhere- be here- without them, but it’s just like... sometimes it’s nice to pretend I’m normal and forget about it.”

You imagined that had to be very hard. If he was getting approached on the streets and bombarded in social media spaces... how could one forget? And there had to be rules for pictures- and now that he had you there had to be more rules. And he wanted to keep you a secret. There was no point to challenging why or questioning his motives. If that’s what he thought was best it had to be. Danny had never done anything but look out for you. If he wanted you to himself, to not share you with the public like he did himself... you couldn’t say no to that. Especially because you didn’t want to be out there, either. If the day came when Danny wanted that, you’d find it in yourself to deal with it. But for now...

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me.” He didn’t. Really. And he looked a little better after hearing so. “I trust you.”  
You did. You had come to. Without a doubt.

“Thanks. I’muh-“ Mushing the words together as he thought before leaning down to brush his lips against your forehead. “I’m really glad you do.” You thought he might have been going in for another hug the way he was reaching over but his fingers snapped up your still packaged cookies on the other side of the tray table. “Now if you would please share these with me-“ He ripped open the plastic before you could even answer and shoved one in his mouth. “Thingfs will be all mgood!” Talking with his mouth full, spewing crumbs everywhere but with the most serious look on his face.

For once it was your laughter that infected him, but how could you help it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flight's not even over yet! ...I hope you enjoyed this extra long chapter though!


	11. I Want You to Have It

Landing in Seattle was a very vague memory, mostly because you’d been busy doing exactly what Danny had told you not to. Drifting in and out of sleep. But the second the plane pulled up at the terminal he was pulling you up by the hand with gentle tugs and down the aisle. Then through the gate where the rest of the crew abruptly flopped right into their chairs. It was going to be forty-five minutes until the next flight. But Danny refused to let you sit down with the rest of the sleepy, grumpy faces.

“C’mon. C’mon!” He seemed to have something in mind and when your tired whine wouldn’t convince him otherwise you kept on drudging your feet forward. Except when he tugged a little harder. “C’mon sleepy head! We have to get to a different terminal!”

Maybe this was why he really had advised against sleeping. Knowing you’d be groggy for this airport adventure which he clearly had planned out. Your whining didn’t really deter him either, though. It was down one escalator and up another and a short uneven sprint until you were standing in front of... a bagel place. “All that for this?” Your tone couldn’t have been drier.

Great American Bagel Bakery. The line was slightly long but inside it smelled nice. Danny wasted little time pulling you inside and getting in the queue. “ _This_ happens to be a very good bakery. Nothing compared to Jersey or the city but. I’m not ready to get back onto that plane without a bagel.”

You glanced up at the menu. “Huge bagel fan?” Bagels were nice but nothing worth championing for.

“I grew up in both New Jersey and York. What do you think?” Echoing his previous statement. Something you probably should have guessed. “Bagels are my jam.” He held out a note on the last word.

There almost seemed to be more cream cheese flavors than actual bagels. But that was fine. You weren’t really that hard to please. The line shuffled forward and suddenly you were right in front of a wide-eyed cashier asking what you wanted. “Uh-“

“Two cinnamon raisin, two everything, two plain, all with plain cream cheese. Onion bagel with lox. Two hot chocolates, two caramel macchiatos, two cafe mochas. One iced vanilla latte and-...” Danny rattled this list off like it was his job. They had a bagel order. And a coffee order. Amazing.

But now he was waiting on you. “Um- cinnamon raisin, regular cream cheese. And an iced vanilla late.”

“Okay! That’ll be about a five minute wait. Credit or debit?” The girl asked while he pulled out his card. Once the bill was settled he side stepped you in front of the pastry glass so the both of you could wait. Five minutes on a forty-five minute layover, it had taken you about five to get here so...

“Hey-“ If Danny had been talking to you while you were doing the thing you were not supposed to be doing you couldn’t be sure. But it got you out of your head in just enough time. “So it’s gonna be sorta chilly over there.” There was a sort of wary-seeming concern as he looked at you, something else hidden behind his eyes. You weren't sure what it was.

“Thanks for the update weather-dot-com." It was still too early in the morning and you were still too tired, especially after being pulled in a run to this place to resist the sarcasm. If he was worried about you not knowing that it was going to be cold in Japan, shouldn’t he have said something sooner? Like.... when you were packing?

But to your sauciness he just smiled and ran his hand back through his hair before opening the bag at his side. ...had he had that the whole time? You had one too. He’d even gone through yours. Maybe you should have gone through his. Vacation-you was far less observant than you should be. But out of it he produced a tight knit very wooly looking scarf. It was blue that faded into white at the bottoms with little frayed ends. “This is one of my favorite scarfs. It’s super warm. Like. Super super warm.” He held it to his face once as if it were a security blanket. “I want you to have it.”

He held it out to you. The gesture was a little too sweet for you to ignore and... now that you thought about it.. Danny had a proclivity for dressing pretty warmly. Even though it was summer in California he’d been wearing a leather jacket inside at Mark’s party and a hat to get coffee one of those times and scarves and... “Do you have an internal heating issue?” Why you’d never thought to ask didn’t really matter now. Maybe you just thought he was eccentric.

“Actually yeah.” His eyes went down and he shook his hand once to try and get you to take the scarf. “Gland issues. Ever since I was a kid.”

Which you finally did at least so he wouldn’t be standing there like an idiot. “So why give this to me?” You had seen him wear that one now that you thought about it- ...and you had to quickly resist bringing it to your own face to breathe it in. No doubt it had his scent all over it.

“Well I have another one.” Obviously. Obviously if he needed scarves he wouldn’t be giving one away. “It’s the reverse of that one, actually.” And then he fished through his bag to hold its inverse twin up so that he could hang it around his shoulders. “And- I dunno. I want you to have it. I can’t imagine you have a huge winter wardrobe.”

This felt like some weird promise ring or something. Except it was a scarf. That and it was nice that he was looking out for you. Wanted to share his things with you. So you hung it around your shoulders in a mirror move. You immediately felt its warmth but.. that may have just been the warm fuzzies floating through your system. You noticed that once you swooshed one end over your shoulder to keep it in place he was smiling dopily at you. In that cute way. “Thanks.”

“Hey man, no problem. I gotta look out for my girl.” This was a joke, clearly. Sort of. But he’d never really referenced you in that way before. When you leaned up on tiptoe to give him a kiss on the cheek he met you halfway. Mostly because he had to. It coerced a tiny little giggle out of him while you were busy murmuring ‘thank you’ into his ear.

The order came in after that. Three brown bags full of bagels and freshly spread cream cheese and two drink carriers for the both of you to take back with you. Running now was not an option but Danny’s long legs were still in jaunty-quick mode so you tried to keep up. Back at the Delta terminal the group were wilted and half asleep in their chairs. “Food’s here get the hell up!” He then just chucked a bag on Ross’ lap to everyone’s amusement.

Everything was distributed and you and Danny sat across from the other two actual couples leaning shoulder to shoulder. Halfway through a bite of her bagel Suzy reached forward to touch the scarf now proudly hanging around your shoulders. “Ooo are you two sharing clothes already?” Giving you a small wink afterwards that threatened to erupt your face into a blush. “His wardrobe might be a bit big on you though.”

“You can totally wear my jeans and I’ll slide into one of your favorite dresses.” Laughing around a mouthful.

“Ohm-“ Arin was still chewing. “Are we wearing dresses? I’ll put on a dress right fucking now.”

“Ugh noo. You are not stretching out another one of my dresses.” Suzy knocked him in the arm with her fist once.

“Another?” You probably shouldn’t have asked but you kind of couldn’t help yourself.

“Arin loves dresses.” Danny’s explanation seemed fairly standard. This whole group was weird. In a nice way. “Nothing wrong with a good looking man in a good looking dress!” He leaned forward to give Arin a little reciprocated fist bump.

“Hell yeah!”

Suzy’s palm went to her forehead. “You see what we have to put up with?”

This was about as much of a ‘welcome to the group’ speech as you thought you were going to get. And that was nice, too. You had had a little bit of apprehension about the trip but now that was slowly starting to melt away. Maybe this was a place you belonged. Maybe these were people you could get to know and be friends with. Maybe Danny would end up being ‘the one’. Who knew?

Arin mumbled something out before shoving his food onto Suzy’s lap so he could lean up and take his phone out of his pocket. After giving it an inspection he got out of his chair to stand. “Everyone c’mere.” The group gathered up rather quickly for such a quick command and you and Danny landed somewhere in back behind everyone. Arin held the phone up. “Heeeeyy!” The rest of you followed suit with a wave and a murmur of hello.

On the screen you saw Mark waving excitedly back. “Hello all you sexy beasts!” In his usual excited timbre. The other people in the airport were taking notice. “Where are you at?”

“Seattle!”

“Mark man you should have come with us!” Danny seemed pretty bummed about it.

“I know I know- next time, I swear!” He waved his hand at the screen. “Anyway I just wanted to check in before you’re all stuck in the air for- what’s it? A billion hours?”

Somewhere in the back you heard, as well as everyone else, the words ‘Steam Train’, ‘Grumps’, ‘Sexbang’ and ‘Egoraptor’ being exclaimed quite loudly. “Oh great Mark look what you did now.”

“Oooo...” As if he’d gotten a burn. “Sorryy...” He waved quickly. “Well gotta go bye!” Quickly thrusting out each word before he cut connection. The swift abandonment was funny considering he didn’t also want to be caught up in the whirlwind of fan interaction, especially through face time. There was no doubt tons of people would be asking what his information was.

It played out exactly as Holly described it. Men and women approached with papers and game devices and sharpies all ready for the boys to sign. Then pictures were had. Hugs. Lots of hugs. Danny seemed to get the most hugs out of anyone. And pictures. And more hugs. You hadn’t really given yourself a chance to think about how this would make you feel. And maybe you should have. But it was only grace interaction. And he had to be grateful for his fans.

Eventually some people did meander up to the group of you girls. “I love your make up today Suzy!” Behind you the boys erupted into loud laughter with some of their fans about something.

“Oh hey thanks!” Suzy signed whatever was handed over to her.

“Can we get a picture?”  
“Who’s that?” The moment finally came, almost entirely unannounced as everyone was wrangling together for a phone pic and you shied off to the side.

Holly’s arm came around your shoulder. “This is my cousin ___.” Said smoothly without hesitation. It’s too bad vacation-you was getting priority, because real-world you would know better than to facilitate a lie like this. It was bound to blow up in your face sooner or later...

“Oh- cool! Come on take a picture with all of us!” Your choices were slim. If you denied them they might press and cause a scene. That’s the last thing you wanted. But really you were entirely unused to this.

“S-sure.” You just tried to put on your best smile as the bunch of you crowded in and the picture was snapped. The fans thanked you guys for your time in just enough space for you all to hear that the plane was boarding again.

Danny was the first one to put his hands up together and say that they had to go. Groaning permeated the entire terminal and he apologized about a hundred times while walking back further and further to try and exit smoothly. Part of you wanted to take him by the hand but the much smarter part knew that wasn’t a good idea. Instead you left ahead of him calmly with Holly and Suzy. That was the lie you were living, that you were attached to these girls instead of him so you had to live it now while people were still watching. You didn’t know their fanbase but most fanbases tended to have people that got out of control and went looking for clues if given the right incentive.

“It was just one picture. No harm, right?” Suzy was asking Holly, not you. This was quite alarming. For many reasons.

“Yeah, uh- I mean it’s probably not a big deal.” She was waving her hands.

Then when Suzy looked over at you she frowned. Apologetically. Even more frightening. “Don’t worry about it. Reddit might get a hold of it but just don’t even worry about them.” She sounded like she had a very large wealth of information about this part of the fanbase.

When you decided to finally respond, “Should I even ask?” you were sitting back down in your seats. Danny and the rest of them still had yet to board.

Holly leaned back over her seat to look at you. “Hm...”

“Well, I mean,” Suzy appeared behind you. “You’ve worked with this sort of stuff before, right? PR management?” Ah, so Danny had been talking about you. And if not him, Mark at the very least. But you had the idea it was the former. “I’m sure you’ve seen worse case scenarios of fans digging too deep about stuff that shouldn’t concern them.” Honestly. Really. Suzy had to have seen some shit from these people with the tone she was using. The way she was frowning. You felt bad for her because you, too, knew how bad things could get. But she was one of these people. You’d never been on the receiving end of internet nonsense. ...she probably had. “I wouldn’t even worry about it.”

“Worry about what?” The boys were finally making their way down the aisle and Danny asked this as he edged into his seat next to you.

“They got a picture of ___ with us.” Holly answered.

“Oh...” Danny’s eyes went right to you. In fact everyone was looking at you. You stuck out. You didn’t belong here. Danny was upset- even if not directly at you, at the situation. That you got involved. “Did you guys say anything?”

“She is officially my cousin.” Holly said this before sliding back down in her seat and disappearing.

“M-um...” He seemed to be at a loss for words. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

He had specifically said he didn’t want you in pictures. He’d said it not hours ago. But you’d disobeyed him. You should have put up the small fight. Your fingers toyed with the stringy edges of the scarf around your shoulders. “Sorry.” You might have just really messed something up for him.

“What?” Then his hand came down atop yours on the arm rest. “Stop that. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. We’ll just have to sit back and see how it plays out.”

You still couldn’t look at him. “They seemed sufficiently terrified of reddit.”

His laugh was airy, quick, and acidic. “Yeah, well. Bad experiences. But that’s not to say anything will happen. Really. There’s no point in even giving it a second thought.” He was right but at the same time that was hard. He leaned in. “C’monnn...” Drawing out his tone a little deeper as you finally looked over to him. “Where’s that smiiile...” This did, in fact, coerce a small one out of you and when it did he poked your cheeks. “There it is.”

In the end you hit his hands away lightly. “Alright alright stop that!”

He sat back in his chair all the way, buckling his seat belt and expelling a large sigh. “Alright. Well. Get ready for ten plus hours of _fun_.” Being contained anywhere for that long was bound to be quite the experience. Safety instructions started all over again, and this time you dropped off to sleep against Dan’s shoulder almost immediately. Coffee had done nothing for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flight STILL isn't even over!!


	12. The Best-Worst

Danny’s voice was calling to you beyond the sweet realms of sleep. That wonderfully now familiar sing-songy soft tone. It was more familiar to you in your dreamscape. Darkness with center stage spotlight. The very deep scent of liquor- then he was covered over with the sudden sharp sound of glass breaking into a million pieces. Hands came up- up and over- and- you couldn’t breathe-

You jerked forward in your seat, panting slightly. “Whoa- whoa! Sorry-!” His hand came down to pat your leg affectionately. “Didn’t mean to startle you.” 

Taking note of your surroundings, you tried to pull yourself out of your panic quickly. You hadn’t had nightmares in a long while. Maybe it had something to do with the high altitude. Also the fact that you’d snuggled up so tight in Danny’s scarf that it was practically choking you. You slipped two fingers underneath the wind around your neck to loosen it. “It’s okay- sorry.” You hadn’t made enough of a scene draw other eyes which was good. Becoming hysteric on a plane was not really the way to go about starting a vacation. “What time is it?” 

“Almost twelve thirty. They’re serving lunch.” Ah. So he’d been whispering in your ear to try and get you up so you could eat something. You’d been solidly asleep for almost two and a half hours. “What were you dreaming about?” 

Thinking about it to give him an answer made it run further away from your mind. Did you even really have a clear picture? “A fight in a bar, I think...” Something like that. The smell of smoke and beer still invaded your brain space in a terrible way. You pawed at your forehead to try and wipe away some of the sweat and get it together as you sat back in your seat. ‘Super warm’ might have been an understatement. 

He laughed a little. “You gettin’ rough and rowdy? I didn’t take you for the type to throw down.” His attempt at easing you and making you feel better was very much appreciated.

The cart wheeling down your way was much more appreciated, however. You didn’t think you’d be as hungry as you felt but there you were. Suddenly starving. The girl handed Danny his wrapped sandwich and a side of coleslaw. Then you got yours with your side of potato salad. Then- “Was there another order here?” You sat forward to see Kevin’s empty seat. 

“Over there.” Danny pointed to the opposite aisle seats where Kevin was spread out with his crap all over the other empty spaces. 

“Oh!” The stewardess turned away to hand him his stuff. For a moment you wondered if she’d tell him to get up and go back to his seat but she just gave him his order before handing him a menu. If no one else was sitting in those seats you guessed it made sense. Who was he really hurting? 

“I’ll have a kirin.” You heard him order- a drink, that’s what the menu was for. The woman opened the refrigerated side door of her cart to uncap him one and hand him a frosty glass. Then she gave the menu back over to your side. 

“Same- and a bottle of water.” You were starting to get the impression that Danny wasn’t a huge drinker. Which was fine. You didn’t really need that in your life. If the party was any indication he’d probably be hanging on to this bottle for a while.

But that left you with the decision of what to do. He had recommended getting a little saucy to help take the edge off. And while you weren’t a huge drinker either... a handful of the drinks were included in the cost of the ticket. You turned the menu over to take a look at their mixed drinks. Not wanting to leave her there waiting on you you quickly settled on, “Sky breeze? -and water, too.” Getting loose and getting shit faced was not at all a fine line and you wanted to keep away from it. The drink was composed of Skyy Vodka, Fresca, and cranberry-apple juice served with ice. It sounded tasty enough to enjoy. 

After asking you handed the menu back over and she gave Danny his stuff before mixing your drink, giving it to you, and walking away. He took a very conservative sip of his beer before setting it down into the cup holder of the tray, forgoing the glass altogether. Then he unwrapped his sandwich and took a small bite. “Mmf,” Chewing quick to try and talk around it. “What’d you get?” 

You’d pre-ordered before the flight, something that you’d been able to do even though he’d gotten your tickets. “BLT.” Something simple. But once you unwrapped it and bacon smell hit the cabin you... realized your mistake. “Oh-“ You were such an inconsiderate asshole. “I’m sorry.” Bacon? 

He waved his hand. “It’s cool it’s cool. I’m not actually practicing anymore. Haven’t been for a while.” Apparently his childhood stories and mentioning of hair made of ‘Jew genes’ hadn’t really dawned on you while making the order. “I’ve actually had bacon before.” 

“Did you like it?” You dipped your fork into the plastic container holding your potato salad. 

His hand wiggled in that middling motion. “After not having it for almost my entire life up until that point I guess I wasn’t indoctrinated into the bacon-cult properly. It’s okay. I’ve had better.” He held up his sandwich. “Turkey is where it’s at.” 

You took a sip of your drink, smiling around the rim. It was very sweet. And the rest of the liquids covered up the taste of alcohol perfectly. Which was nice. And also bad. The tang also reminded you of something else hiding in your bag. You bent your arm underneath the seat to fish it out. “Here, I picked these up...” Opening it and plopping the box of assorted chocolates from LAX’s terminal onto his tray. 

“Oh! Look at you. Crafty girl.” He put his sandwich down so that he could flip the box over and take a look at its contents. “So the lollipops were just a distraction, huh?” Smirking a little at you. 

“I wouldn’t call them a distraction...” Honestly, you’d just thought they’d be a nice treat for everyone.

“I would.” You hadn’t been paying enough attention to realize Ross was hanging off the back of his chair and staring at the both of you. He then held out his palm. “Gimme.” 

“Fuck off, Ross!” Danny was smiling through this, and then grabbed the box to his chest protectively. “Not for you!” 

“Come ooon. Give meee.” Curling his fingers in and away from his palm over and over again. 

“They’re a gift from my girlfriend, you jerk!” Danny then leaned forward to smack Ross’ palm away. 

A gesture at which he scoffed. “Fine. But you owe me mister.” Pointing his finger at him, in serious tone, before dropping back to sit down out of view. 

When the moment died and Danny put the box down so he could eat a bit more you decided to finally breach the subject. “You know... I’m almost sort of unsure when you guys are joking..” Danny was almost always smiling and laughing, even when he was using stern tones and gestures. It made it difficult to read. 

“Oh. We’re almost always joking. I promise.” That’s what you thought but it was good to get a little confirmation on it. “When they start picking on you that’s when you’ll know you’ve really made it. So when it happens don’t take it too personally.” As if warning you for what was surely to come. ‘When’ it would happen. Not if. He was so sure things were going well.  
That you two were working out. Technically this was still all the honeymoon phase, right? What reason would he have to be negative? His outlook was good. Of you. The dynamic. The relationship. 

And there you were, overthinking to a sickening degree. Why do this to yourself? You tried to douse it all with a long sip of your drink. “So what’s the plan when we touch the ground?” This was technically a forbidden question.

But Danny let it slide. “Well... after checking in we’re all either going to crash and burn and spend the next few days getting out of jet lag hell or we’ll manage to pull it off and win a few days extra.” It’d be seven PM for you guys, and eleven AM there. It was going to be a very hard fought battle in the latter case. 

“Which happens more often?” Since they’d done this before. 

He snorted with a roll of his eyes. “What do you think? The first one.” The tempting call of soft and newly made beds was probably too much to resist. If one fell the rest of the group would probably just give up. “But we have like seven more hours before that happens so don’t worry about it right now.” Cutting you off finally-

Or at least he was trying. But then, “What’s our room like?” You hadn’t really given it much thought. “...and who did I kick out to get it?” 

“No one.” He worked on a bite of his sandwich before continuing. “Kevin, Barry and I were sharing a room before. So I just let Kevin have my bed,” As if of course Kevin had to sleep on the floor or a cot by default. More of their group humor you still had yet to get. One day. “And we have a room down the hall.” 

Alone. Alone on vacation with him- at least for the nights and mornings. You couldn’t expect to pull him away from what was definitely a group activity that you were barging in on, nor did you want to. ...but you’d only spent nights with Danny twice- both after having sex. This was going to be new. Well. It was all new. But it was excitingly, refreshingly... warming in its newness. Sleeping with him, waking up with him. Kind of like a mini-trial run of what was maybe possibly in the future for you both. Maybe. Once those gears started turning full speed again you attempted to pour more liquor over them. “You didn’t get anything expensive, did you?” Regardless, booking another room with such little time was bound to be pricy. But, doing anything extravagant... 

“It’s not a suite if that’s what you’re asking.” He ruffled his hair as he thought it over. “One bed. One bathroom. A very small balcony. I think there’s a tiny TV on the dresser?” For some reason this made him laugh. “...and also maybe a hot tub in the bathroom. Maybe.” 

Maybe meant there was. “I didn’t bring a bathing suit.” This was the first thing that came to mind and it put him into a massive fit of giggles. 

Probably because of how earnest it was- and how not earnest he was being by mentioning such a thing. “That’s okay. Neither did I.” Then the implication hit you and your face went just the slightest bit red. You attempted to hide it by shoving a chunk of sandwich into your mouth but he was already zeroed in on you and in just another second poking your face. “God I hope that doesn’t ever go away.” 

“What?” Half muffled by a mouth full of food. You were already picking up his bad habits. How gross. 

“You’re easy to tease but it’s so fucking cute I can’t stand it.” This in turn only made you blush harder. “Oooh look at you go!” 

This again made it worse and soon you were fully palming your cheeks to cover it up. “Stop already!” You couldn’t help your impulses. But, you realized, you had adopted that joking tone while half-yelling. He wasn’t really causing you any harm except embarrassment ... and he liked it anyway. So there was nothing to really be mad about. 

“Oh I can’t I can’t!” This had quickly devolved into ridiculousness. He was pulling your hands away from your face in just another second to look at the bright glowing red spattering your face. “I just wanna-“ Then he leaned in and pecked those warm cheeks of yours a few times. “And some of-“ More kissing. Then to your nose. And once to your forehead. 

Then when he sat back you fully felt the level of strangely giddy self-consciousness. It got you to pull part of the scarf out of your lap to hide your face in it. “Stoooooop...” Whining into the fabric. 

His arm came around your shoulder and pulled you as close as he could with the armrest still in the way. “Mmm. The best. Too cute.”  
He was the worst. Honestly.  
The best-worst.  
And you loved him for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STILL NOT OVER.


	13. Pure Extortion

By the time dinner rolled around a handful of hours later you were just slightly elated. Or maybe a touch above slightly elated. Or a little more than that. Your drink had been refilled more times than you actually were keeping track of- but Danny was keeping an eye on you at the same time. Not a sip would go by that he wouldn’t nudge your water over to you to get you to take a sip. Avoiding a hangover when you touched the ground was probably a good idea, but he probably didn’t want you getting sloppy either. Still. It was nice getting just a touch drunk on the plane. It made time go by faster than you realized.

Through some of it you put your headphones on and listened to some of your music while Danny was caught between working, which you still didn’t want him to be doing but let it go, sharing chocolates with you, listening to his own music and drowsily falling asleep. As you’d guessed he hadn’t had any more to drink after his first beer, and he’d let that one survive for quite a long time. 

When the stewardess came down the aisle with everyone’s fresh hot meals, the entire cabin’s shades had been drawn from every side. People were feeling the harsh reality of it getting later in their actual day but it was just becoming brighter and brighter outside the more sea you crossed. Some people were already dead asleep, and snoring could be heard from the couple behind you. Kevin was absolutely passed out in his seat lying lengthwise with his legs over the edge. Unlike you he had had absolutely too much to drink- or maybe just enough to really put him out but just above becoming a vomiting mess which Danny had alerted you to being a default mode of his once alcohol was introduced into the mix. 

Either way, it was very quiet when dinner time came and the woman handing out food seemed not willing to disturb people who were sleeping by their meal time. Before actually giving you your food she set another drink down on your tray and took your empty glass away without even asking. You had been listening to your music so hard you didn’t even notice there was stuff going on less than a foot away from your face until after a steaming hot meal was put down on your tray. 

Your hand went for your refilled glass but instead Danny put a new chilled water bottle within your reach. You didn’t need much more of a hint than that to uncap it and take a sip of that first. After you set it back on the tray and settled in a little more, bringing the it forward so you could recline slightly. What awaited you on your plate was some chicken over rice with noodles on the side. There was also a small container of salad- and it looked like Danny had ordered the exact same thing. The unfortunate part of this entire meal was that it was being served with chopsticks due to the Asian flare they’d promised on the menu, all according to destination. 

When you broke them apart and attempted to get them between your fingers you realized you were, indeed, a little more sauced up than you should be. “Hummm....” This breath left you in an entirely defeated fashion as you poked your chicken around the plate and leaned forward once more, suddenly unable to sit still. 

Danny was in-between bites. “Should I take that away from you?” You didn’t need to see him nodding to know he was talking about your drink. 

“Probably.” He’d been letting you live on your own limits because you were an adult and he didn’t really have a say over what you did- probably. But now he was trying to ask if you needed someone to help you self restrain. And if it got to that point the answer was yes. 

So he reached over to take your drink from your tray and put it on the far corner of his and instead put the water bottle front and center. Then, watching you poke your food some more, he flagged down the stewardess and got a plastic fork for you while also getting her to take the cocktail somewhere far away. “Here.” Taking the sticks out of your hand and replacing them. 

“Thank yoou...” Yes. You’d definitely had one more than you should have. You probably weren’t even this drunk when you’d first met him. When you finally got a first few bites of your food you lazily leaned against him, leaned back, pulled the arm rest away, and then leaned in again. 

“Mmn.” A noise of thought while he was still chewing. “So you’re a snuggly drunk.” He was teasing you again but your inhibitions were lowered quite a lot more than usual. “I thought so but I wasn’t sure until just now.” 

You’d been absolutely clinging to him even if you hadn’t been this drunk when you’d met. That was what made being on the counter so appealing. You had the opportunity to wrap your arms around him. And your legs. Run your hands through his hair, not let him go too far. Then you’d cuddled up to him in bed and not regretted a second of it. You still didn’t regret it. How could you? “Is it bad?” This was less of a formed sentence than you meant but there was little point in trying. 

Yes. You were a ‘snuggly drunk’. What was wrong with that? You liked the comfort and the warmth. He shifted his arm up and around your shoulders to keep you close while eating with his opposite hand. “Nah.” He, in fact, sounded very pleased about it. “Your drunk-humming is cute, too.” 

Something you hadn’t realized. “Was I?” Not something you did- especially not in public. 

“Hmnhm-“ Giggling softly after glancing down at you. “Yeah. You were.” There was something about the gentle affectionate way he said this that really squeezed your heart. But this was the tone he always spoke to you in when you were in close quarters. Like there was no one else he’d rather be with. 

“I bet you sound much better.” He had to, right? Sometimes he’d break out into random song lyrics, and sometimes he’d just sing whatever he was saying- but that was hardly anything compared to the fact that he ran two bands. “I still haven’t done research...” You had been sure you wouldn’t, and simply go with the flow-... and you shouldn’t have said that, really. To try and cover it up you stuck a huge wad of chicken and noodles in your mouth. 

But he just smiled it off. “Or you could just ask me.” He’d said this once already. 

You made a sincere effort to finish the food in your mouth before speaking again. “I’m asking.” You just weren’t sure what to ask. 

His arm moved away from holding you so that he could retrieve his phone out of his jacket pocket and hold it up between the both of you. Then after connecting to the wifi he surfed for a few seconds. “So there’s this band- Ninja Sex Party.” His tone had gone from quiet to pretty elated. He was talking about his musical feats, after all.

...even for something called Ninja Sex Party. “Danny Sexbang?”  
Wow.  
Just wow!! 

“The one and only, baby.” He swiped over a couple of photos. “And Ninja Brian- Bry- you’ve already met once. At five in the morning if I’m remembering correctly.” Yes you remembered that. Danny had taken you home after a near burnout stress melt down and then when you’d woken up he was singing in your car at an atrocious hour. “We met in the city after a comedy show and formed the group and it’s been the best years of my life since.” The warmth and absolute adoration in his voice pulled a lopsided smile out of you. 

He was such a grateful man. Always. For everything life had given him. You leaned your head heavily against his shoulder, putting your fork down. “And the other?” 

“That’s Starbomb.” He pulled up a few pictures of them- and you firmly recognized the addition of Arin into this new group. “The first band is comedy about stupid sex and dick jokes. The second is comedy about video games including stupid sex and dick jokes. Well- the first album.” He put his phone back to sleep and stuck it back in his top pocket. “I worked super hard to vary the second.” 

And you didn’t doubt that. Danny shared your same work ethic, even when he’d basically criticized you for it. “So, nothing you can sing to me right now.” 

“No! God no. You want us to get kicked off?” You both shared a short laugh at this, a little giggly one, dissolving closer once more with his arm around you. Because obviously they weren’t going to kick either of you off for him singing about dicks or whatever. But still. 

“Can I listen?” Because you had headphones and if he had videos... 

His fingers came up, brushing the side of your face very absently. “While I think you’d appreciate it even more when you’re all loosey-goosey, I don’t want to trick you into liking it.” 

Finishing up the last of your chicken with a confident stick of your fork into your mouth, you put your tray on his table and away from you. Then you eased back as you finished the bite. “Like you tricked me into kissing you?” Grinning up at him. 

“Aw, come on now... you said you weren’t that drunk.” His tone was half admonishing but in that still-joking sort of way. 

“...I’m still not that drunk.” This was supposed to sound more convincing but the slight lull in your words halfway through tossed that right out the window. 

He reclined his seat back next to yours and turned to give you a really good look. The tip of his thumb came up once to tap your nose before poking your cheeks. “You’re totally red. And I can’t take credit this time.” 

Both your hands came up after to wipe at your face as if you could erase the pink that seemed to perpetually stain your cheeks. After that you dropped them to his lap. “You could?” This was awfully familiar. Drunk you wasn’t any good at seducing. Neither was real you. Maybe one day you’d get it right. 

Despite that thought, he seemed to be just the slightest bit into it. The backs of his fingers ran across your cheek as he drew you in closer. “I could. Totally. But should I?” An arch of his brow with one of those gentle handsome smirks. 

Suddenly you felt breathless and dizzy. And you wanted nothing more than him. “Yes.” You shifted up in your seat quickly afterwards to try and make sure there was no escape. No more room for questions. His hand then laid flat against your face while his other arm curled around you more to pull you in. You reached up to take hold of his shirt while tilting in. His tongue touched yours briefly as your hands slid up into his hair, repeating a familiar process that you knew pleased him. 

And just like that he became a little rougher, really holding to you. Keeping you steady and in place after breaking back just a little to run his lips over your jaw. A light graze of his teeth after that got you to curl your fingers in his locks. Something that earned you a breathy half-moan in your ear as his lips trailed just over your lobe. “Much as I’d really fucking love to continue this...” His voice held much promise, even with the slight tremble it held. “Really not a good place.” 

You surprised yourself by holding in a whine. Even though that’s really what you wanted to do. Voice your ultimate displeasure. Instead you sighed out and nodded. “I guess so.” 

He kissed the tip of your ear. “But when we get to the room. I promise.” He did so with a murmur before backing away. 

Your eyes zeroed in on his face and you raised one hand to his cheek before poking him hard. “Now who's red?” 

Barry leaned up over his seat. “Were you two just making out??” 

This caused Danny to sit back stiffer, even if he refused to let his arm away from your shoulders. “Maybe we were maybe we weren’t. Who asked you?” 

“Hey man. I’m willing to look past it if you maybe just give me some of those chocolates.” Extortion. Pure extortion! 

Danny sat aside to pull the box that had fallen in the space between the seats. Then he chucked it right at him. “Here you fucking vultures!” He absolutely devolved into a laughing fit after that and you were just drunk enough to follow him in for no reason. Barry promptly disappeared back in his seat and the tearing through the box was just loud enough to hear. Ross was no doubt in on it. After the moment had passed and he could breathe again his hand went into his hair, messing the curls about half frustratedly before lying back and pulling one of those airline blue blankets out from underneath the seat. 

Then he draped it over the both of you. “How many hours?” Enough hopefully for the drink to wear off. Waking up drunk to get through customs was going to be the worst experience if not... 

He turned on his side, pulling you in a little more so that you could snuggle up. “Two. Decent sleep. Then we’ll see.” Would the first days of the trip end in failure? It was a mystery. 

You rested your head on his shoulder and your eyes fell closed almost immediately afterwards. “I’m not gonna forget you know.” You’d make him make good on his promise. Even if not drunk. 

“Good. I don’t want you to.” You could hear the smile in his sleepy voice even if you couldn’t see it. That was all the confirmation you needed to let go and drift off for the rest of the flight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flight's over, I PROMISE. But it was fun while it lasted. Now on to the actual vacation. Sheesh.


	14. Welcome to Japan (♥)

The landing ended up being the roughest part of the ride. While everything else had gone relatively swimmingly, your drunkenness aside, it seemed like the pilot and his co-pilot must have switched. Upon hitting the ground it felt like the wheels bounced back up once before coming down again hard. Dan’s hand immediately went over your chest to keep you safe in your seat- seemingly an action he didn’t even have to think about. For someone not used to flying, saying you were above panic in that moment might have been just a bit of a lie. But you breathed your way through it and as soon as the land smoothed out and you watched the plane pull up to the terminal you gave yourself a moment. Danny smiled apologetically but he seemed pretty calm about it all. 

Getting out of the plane and through customs was another ordeal entirely. They herded you like sheep down one corridor and through another, making sure that the passengers had no room to escape. Once in the actual place with all the ports lined up they handed out the cards to fill. The only problem you had was filling out the hotel’s address since you still had no idea. Asking Danny revealed that he had no idea either. Arin was in a similar position- but Suzy eventually saved the day by writing it down on every one of your cards.

Everything moved a bit swifter after that, even though the group as a whole was lagging quite a bit. Luggage was painless which was a very good start. It was bright and sunny outside, but the nip that awaited you was entirely unexpected- well. It shouldn’t have been. And you found yourself grateful that you had Danny’s fluffy scarf to wrap up in. Two cabs came to pick you all up and you found yourself fighting exhaustion as they drove off to the hotel. You were right on the brink of check-in time. Unsure of what to do with yourself you mostly stayed behind Danny to keep out of the way.

When you finally got up to the desk- “Avidan. Two.” The young woman behind the counter said something and Danny produced his license and nodded to you once to get you to do the same thing. After some quick tip-tapping at her computer she gave you your room keys. He psyched you out just the once before actually giving you the card to put in your wallet for safe keeping. There was little need for you to both have one, it wasn’t like you were going to wander very far away from him. But just in case you did get lost somewhere... 

The luggage was wheeled all the way up to the sixteenth floor via the elevator and you realized you hadn’t even checked to see the name of your hotel. Vacation-you was in prime form. Not paying attention to anything important. And there was a very good reason for that.  
Your mind was... elsewhere... 

The three groups had adjoining rooms and you felt sort of bad that Danny had to split up because of you. “So, what’s the plan?” He asked as he was busy ruffling his hair. You two had to travel down the far end of the hall so getting information now was best. 

“I think I need to sleep for a couple of hours.”  
“Yeah definitely.” Mostly male murmurs of agreement. That was fine with you, honestly. A little down time to get acquainted with the surroundings sounded ideal. 

“Okay- but let’s regroup at two-ish?” Suzy asked, a hopeful spark in her voice. “We can go visit Iskpiari. It’s this totally cute shopping center close by!” 

There was another round of affirmative murmuring. The flight had taken a toll on everyone. That gave everyone a good two and a half hours to get their legs back, sleep it off, and then regroup in the hall. Getting a hold of one another wasn’t exactly hard- though you had been briefed on avoiding texts and just turning on the Wifi and chatting through facebook instead. Cheaper. Much cheaper. 

Once it was all settled you both gave the group a wave and they disappeared into their rooms with almost synchronous slams of their doors. Yours was at the very end of the hall, the last door on the left side. Dan slid his key in once and then out, waiting a moment for the tumblers to all unlock before pulling it open and allowing you and your suitcase in first. 

It wasn’t a suite but it was decorated very nicely. Fine and deep blues saturated the walls and carpets. The small balcony you remembered him talking about was dead ahead from the door, sheer white curtains covering it. On the right side of the room was the large oak dresser on which a small TV sat on top. There was a glass table nestled in the left corner with a few plush chairs surrounding it. The bed was big and overly pillow-ed. Two large in back, four medium in front of those, and several smaller ones after. There seemed to be two large comforters, one covering the bed and another one folded neatly at the edge. Two small nightstands sat on both sides of the bed, lamps atop both. Only the right side had an alarm clock and the left held the phone. To the immediate left of the front door was the bathroom. A stand up glass paned shower looked like it had been literally pushed into the wall at some point- and almost right up against that was a small spa tub. Well well. 

You wheeled your suitcase in to the room far enough that Danny could follow you and then shut the door behind him. Once he did that it was all over. 

Stepping back, finally you were the first one to trap him against something. The door. And the confidence you’d started out with for a few seconds melted as you realized just how far he towered over you. But you tried not to let the moment get ruined- vacation-you, anyway. You reached up, hands at his shoulders and pulled him down for a kiss. His hands slid down your back, to your hips, squeezing once before pulling you close in against him. 

“Hmm..” It was a lush noise between the both of you that vibrated from his lips. And when you felt them curving into a smirk you pulled away just to get a good look at him. “Wasn’t I the one that promised?” Arching his brow in a not-serious question. 

Your hands slid up further, right into his hair at the base of his neck, fingers shifting inward to get two good handfulls. You didn’t pull but it was with just enough force that got that smarmy look off his face, eyes lowering slightly and lips parting to exhale a half breath your way. This was always the thing that really got to him. You hadn’t had enough time yet to explore him. But you would. And it would be a slow and pleasureful journey. 

Vacation-you was almost a younger you. Excitable. Vibrant. Adventurous. Ready to roll with it. Things you had been years ago. Things Danny inspired back out of you. Drew from you like you weren’t quite a completely dried up well. He made you better. And this was only the beginning. 

“You want me to stop?” It was your turn to wear the smirk as you half pressed it against his lips. Letting it linger.

Especially as you pulled his hair just a tiny bit harder and drew a groan from him. “Fuck- no-“ He didn’t always have to have the upper hand. You could play, too. 

“Good,” This was a little lost in translation as he took you in another kiss. This one deep and needy. His tongue was in play the second your lips parted for a half gasp as his hands cupped down to give your backside a firm squeeze. Then you let your hands drop out of his hair to push his jacket off his shoulders and to the floor. It was a frenzied pace after that, reaching to draw his shirt up, not that you had enough height to force it off him. 

Something he half giggled at while still in the middle of kissing you, a clash of playful teeth once because of it, and something you tried not to let get the better of you. Once his arms lifted up to pull it off his body and discard it to the floor, the scarf slithering off his shoulders at the same time, your hands covered the expanse of his chest before you broke back away from his hypnotizing kisses to trail your lips over his jaw line and to his neck. 

Just as your teeth grazed the juncture of his shoulder your hands were busy working on his belt, a creak of the leather and a few clips of metal as you worked the loop loose. You heard the heavy thump of his head hitting back against the door and the trembling breath that left him when you soothed over what was sure to be a purple bruise of claim in his skin with your tongue. Your pace grew less frenetic as you edged his pants down from his hips and lowered your lips in a slow drag down his chest to his navel and then over his hips as you bent to kneel between his legs. 

Once there you took his newly revealed and extremely hard cock in your hand, sliding your fingers down its length and to the head. One of his hands sought out your shoulder in a slightly tight grip, as if he was scared you’d fall back. Then you leaned in to run your lips over it in much the same motion. Once at the head your tongue dipped in and you heard him choke back a breath, trying to keep himself quiet. You wished you were anywhere else then. At your house. At his. Somewhere he could be as vocal as he wanted. 

His palm touched the side of your face as you rocked forward, taking him half in your mouth. “Aah-mnm- fuck-“ He shifted back and forth between actual words and just noises, but they were nothing more than low murmurs. Your free hand drew down the side of his leg before you pulled it back to your lap, tucking your thumb between your two fingers and pulling hard. In that moment you slid forward all the way, taking him deep into your mouth. Feeling every inch of him- twitching every few seconds. “Fu-uh-ck-“ This was slightly louder and accompanied with a hitched breath at the end. 

He sounded like he was unwinding quickly. When you drew back you worked your tongue over the head, tracing under with the tip before taking him in a few more times. Then his hand slid all the way into your hair, grasping with a strength you knew he wasn’t realizing. It sent tingles of pleasure-pain through your scalp as his grip became insistent. You kept steady and consistent and the next time his fingers curled in your hair you were unable to help a moan that reverberated from your lips right against him.

“O-ohh- fuck me- I-“ He had the dirtiest mouth and you loved every second of it. But his warning didn’t go unheeded. Especially when it came a second time as you leaned in again, running your tongue along the underside. “Fuck- babe-“ His words were stilted and gravely as you felt his entire body tense, trying to hold himself still as you kept moving. “Fuck-!” The word was quick out of his mouth, heightened a touch in pitch, and only seconds before he came. 

It was hot and thick as it burst into your mouth, and you fought against breathing in. Instead you pulled back once letting the second rush hit your tongue instead. The tang was unfamiliar but not unwelcome. And when you looked up, feeling it drizzle slightly from the corner of your lip, you found his half-lidded eyes looking back, head tilted down, a few curls of his hair falling down over. 

Then his hands came up to push it out of his face, running through it after, eyes rolling back and head banging back against the door with a hard and shaky breath out. You took your chance to run the back of your hand against your mouth while swallowing a couple of times. His hands came down over your arms, lifting you with a strength you did not think he had. But it got you to your feet. “Dan- what-“ He was being entirely abrupt but-

When you stood fully and met his eyes, they seemed dark and determined. “Get on the bed. Now.” This was in no way a request and every part of it sent a tingly thrill through your entire body. He didn’t wait for your response, either, edging you back a few steps before giving you enough of a push to lie back. 

Within seconds he knelt between your legs, pulling your pants off with no hesitation. His palms ran against the inside of your thighs before he ducked lower to run his tongue up along you just the once, getting you to widen your legs and sending your hands straight into his hair. Your head fell back to the bed as a hot breath left you. Then he pushed you further up just so that he could find a comfortable enough position. Then his hands curved around your hips as he leaned back in, pulling your lower half closer. 

You felt the heat of his long, drawn out breath against your skin. His tongue pushed up inside of you, as far as he could get it, with a half-hum of pleasure that you felt against almost every part of you some how. “Danny-“ His name left your lips in a breathless flutter of a moan. Enough to encourage him to withdraw once before pushing back inside of you. Feeling the tip curl, feeling your own body pulse in response. 

After a few more times he retreated only far enough to wrap his lips around your clit with a gentle suckle as two of his fingers pressed up, slow. Tauntingly slow. His pace was nowhere near as frantic as yours had been and it was probably on purpose. That was how he worked your body with expert finesse, drawing deep guttural noises out of you. Losing his cool when you pulled a little too hard on his hair, and apologizing with kisses and slow laps of his tongue after. It was frustratingly good feeling on the edge for so long. Warning him with spiked breaths of almost-panic, and then he’d go even slower. Fingering you deeply, pressing up, and absolutely dragging the tip of his tongue against you to keep you right there and then take you back a couple of steps. 

“Danny-“ Getting a little more frustrated each time. Trying to tug his hair for good measure. To try and get him to let you. To make you. 

“Hmn-“ This was a hot, breathy half laugh at your expense. You pushed his hair back out of his face as he looked up from his position between your thighs. You watched his tongue play up and over and felt the spike of pleasure in response, something that forced your eyes closed. “What?” His tone was entirely amused, quiet and muffled as it was still sheltered between your legs. 

“Come on-“ This, too, was nothing more than a moan. But you just didn’t know how much longer you could keep it up before it became entirely too much. 

His fingers slid up all the way inside with a harsh quickness that promised exactly what you wanted. “You wanna come?” His tone went back to dark and in control. Pleased with himself. Pleased with pleasing you. 

“Yes-“ You couldn’t think of much else other than that. 

“So come.” His pace became nothing short of deep finger-fucking as he dragged his tongue over your clit and a few seconds of that was already too much. Your legs bent up at the knee as you lost it in a much louder than you meant moan, only aware enough to draw the side of your hand into your mouth to try and keep quiet. 

The feeling washed over you in something almost too strong, and you felt yourself bucking into his mouth a little uncontrollably. Especially when you felt him press his tongue up inside again, felt your walls tightening against him in a shudder as he kept you there for just long enough and then worked you back down into gooey mush. Your limbs went positively limp on the bed and your hands relaxed in his hair before sliding down to the bed. 

When you opened your eyes next he’d already gotten up and was situated next to you, leaning on his elbow, chin in his palm, watching your face. He reached over with two fingers to brush some stray hair out of your face. His smile was dazed but amused nonetheless. And you still couldn’t even control your breathing. When you two ended up staring at each other for just a little too long his smile grew into more of a grin. “Welcome to Japan?” This was an utterly stupid thing to say but it was almost expected. And it did earn a smile from you. 

“Yeah. Thanks.” Though clipped, you didn’t have enough in you to even pretend to be displeased. Not after all that. 

He laid down properly after that, arm coming around your shoulders to draw you in. “No kidding.” This was sort of a groan, something tired but altogether pleased as he stretched out and pulled the covers at the edge of the bed up and over. “No fucking kidding...” This came out in a half yawn as he wrapped the both of you up and it didn’t take more coaxing than that to drift back into comfortable sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The vacation begins! ...with a bang!


	15. Stop Meddling

The smell of smoke.  
The feeling of being trapped. Between a rock and a hard place- or hard body.  
The crackling of glass hitting the pavement.  
_You think you’re tough?_

 **Hey-**  
This was Danny. You knew that voice. It wasn’t singing, though. He was-  
...he was..

“Hey, c’mon...” He was, in fact, muttering and giving your shoulder a small shake. Your start out of the nightmare didn’t end with panic this time, at the very least. Your eyes opened and blinked a few times, watching Danny put his finger to his lips in a ‘hush’ motion.

When you heard the pounding on the door you understood why. “Daaaann. Get uuuup.” Arin was calling from the other side in between knocks. Sitting up you edged quickly back into your pants while you watched Danny collected his clothes off the floor and fumble one leg on and then the other and pull his pants up as quick as possible.

Then he opened the door and leaned oh-so nonchalantly into the frame. “Hello there. You’ve reached the hotel room of one Danny Sexbang. I don’t, uh, remember ordering any prostitutes but I mean if you’re here already...”

“Ah gross man. Come on. Suzy’s already mad enough as it is!” Then you watched Arin lean in, hiding half his mouth behind a his upturned hand. “But maybe later we can-“

Danny’s giggle broke the ridiculousness as he pushed Arin away. “Oh stop already.”

Looking over to the balcony, the city was awash in white lights. The sun had definitely died a while ago. The clock on your night table revealed that two p.m. had turned into seven instead. But at least everyone had slept through it. “We’re still gonna hit Ikspiari You coming? And don’t say no.”

“Well yes then. I GUESS.” Danny was still half in laughter.

“We’re coming!” You didn’t want to spend the first day of your vacation cooped up in your hotel room no matter what time it was. ...and even though you’d been barely disappointed by getting better acquainted so to speak the first time in it. But that time was over and now you needed to get out and see the sights.

“Cool. We’ll meet you guys in the lobby.” Arin clapped his hands together once as things were set in motion before walking away.

Danny closed the door behind him and ruffled his hands back through his hair before flicking the light in the room on. When he turned to you you couldn’t help but give him an appreciative glance. Still bare chested. Hands above his head. Hair a mess. “Oh the lady likes what she sees?” Grinning at you once he noticed.

“What do you think?” You were determined not to be embarrassed. After all, you were looking at your boyfriend. That should be normal enough. Scooting off the bed to kneel you opened your suitcase. You’d need something a little more than just a long sleeved shirt and Danny’s scarf before going out.

“I think yes!” He said in a ‘a-duh’ tone of voice before getting on your level to do much the same with his own suitcase.

But unlike you he just started to rip his clothes out of the pack and throw them on the bed. Whereas you were trying to carefully sort through to find something you liked. Eventually you settled on a thick cream colored long open cardigan with a trio of crimson stripes lining the bottom. You tied the sash around your waist before standing again. Danny had changed shirts and was shrugging on his leather jacket as he stood back up. But then he bent down again to pick up both your scarves. His was slung loosely over his shoulders as he came closer.

Then he looped it around your neck once before pulling the tail through the hole he’d made and pulled it loosely until it was sitting comfortably and snugly around your neck. Then he did something worse. As he was putting the finishing touches on pulling it closed he gave you a small wink and one of those handsome grins. That was the moment you couldn’t hold back your blush any longer and the second he noticed it he bent in closer to squish your cheeks. “God it’s so easy!” When you mumbled out a whine that almost sounded like ‘stop’ he just bent in a little more to kiss your forehead. “Alright. Ready?” He offered his hand after that and you gladly took it as you both exited the room.

The ride down was short and sweet and the gang was in fine form arguing about something at top volume in the lobby. The phrase ‘no no it isn’t!” was shouted at least twice from two different parties before you both strolled up. The other two ladies looked mortified.

“Oh. God thank you. Let’s go already!” Suzy was ready for things to be over with so the second she saw you and Danny she practically pulled Arin’s arm out of the socket with how hard she tugged him.

“How far is this place?” Arin and Suzy seemed like they knew the lay of the land pretty well so you knew you’d be relying on them for most of the plans.

“Not far.” Arin answered, the hotel doors sliding open. The nippy air hit you at once getting you to scrunch your nose up. “A couple of blocks I think.”

Dan’s finger came up to give your nose a small tap teasingly before he put his arm around your shoulder. “I think is usually code for I don’t know shit.” The face he was wearing told how many times he’d lived through such a thing.

“Place ya bets ladies and gents.” Barry said throwing his hands up in the air. “Two blocks or sixty?!”

Honestly you didn’t mind walking around Tokyo at night. It was well lit and beautiful. Though architecturally speaking you were well acquainted with tall, beautiful buildings. You weren’t exactly raised in California... But it was still a sight to see nonetheless. And the thought that this was probably just foreign enough for everyone not to be caught up in a fan queue made you feel much better about things. So strolling around downtown aimlessly seemed less like a chore and more like fun.

Thankfully, though, Arin happened to be right. And just when you all stood underneath the large IKSPIARI sign that led to what looked like a literal village of shops he turned around and pointed his fingers at everyone. “HAH. HAH. And NOW you buy me DINNER.”

“I’m not buying you shit.” Ross said while folding his arms and giving quite the stare down.

“Come oonn.” Suzy said airily, excited enough by the prospect of the little shopping town and clearly not in the mood for more arguing.

There was a small map right up at the front but most of it was in Japanese, though some English was provided underneath most of the shop names. “Trader’s Passage or Gracious Square?” Holly asked as she was busy running her finger over the plastic encased map.

All of the men gave an impressive simultaneous shrug. “Let’s save Gracious because that’s where most of the good food is.” Suzy seemed to know everything there was to know. So with that decided you headed in a big cloud towards the left hand side.

Cobblestones laid underneath your feet, almost shining in the light of the strung up colors all around. Every shop had something different hanging on top, cute little decorations and signs that you couldn’t read. Happy little window displays full of clothes and jewelry. Everything had something fun to offer and soon you all were shop-hopping. Coming in one, making a ruckus, and then going quickly into another. Vacation-you came out in full prime, finally making the true transition as you spring for some cute skirts and tops. Suzy and Holly were practically glued to your side as the three of you shopped your way down the stone avenues.

A few times when deciding if you really wanted something you’d hold it up- and then a practice came to life. If Danny was paying enough attention to be looking at whatever it was with interest, it went into the shopping basket. If not it didn’t. All through this pictures were being snapped like crazy. Though you weren’t allowed your laptop, you had known at least two guys had brought one. No doubt at the end of every day the pictures were going to get dumped onto the hard drive-

And you realized, quickly, that you were going to make them feel bad for having to sort through them per Danny’s rules. Because while Danny had said that he didn’t want any of the both of you posted anywhere public, he seemed so into taking them. Every other moment he was pulling you close, making faces, putting hats and crowns on you, hanging stuff from his hair behind you. He wanted pictures.  
...but he wanted them for just him. And where you’d maybe felt like he wanted to hide you before on the plane, even slightly, now you just felt a warm sense of reassuring. He wanted to remember everything here. His time with you. He didn’t want to share you. And that was fine. Because you certainly didn’t want to share him, either. And thinking about how itchy you got watching everyone hug on him... you knew exactly why.

The other plaza slowly bled into the one you were walking. Gracious Square was not only full of restaurants, it was full of brand name stores. All these names you knew and there was a significantly less new feel to going inside them to shop. But watching Danny try on sunglasses too small for his face was probably worth it.

“Where are we stopping to eat?” The question was finally posed a few hours later when you were standing at the intersection of about ten different restaurants and stores.

The problem with Gracious Square was that it wasn’t unique in what it offered. Every name down the street you had seen back home. But that was okay, too. Maybe the familiarity was necessary. Couldn’t get too absorbed every night.

“Rainforest Cafe looks pretty cool.” Kevin was pointing over to a restaurant that had vines hanging off the sign. Inside was much the same. The brand was rare but not unheard of. Inside the walls were lined with blue glowing aquariums, large and small fish swimming along jauntily. The actual lighting was low, as if you were really supposed to feel like you were in the jungle underneath tons of trees.

The hostess gave your group a large round table to sit at and passed menus down the line before asking for the drink order. Some ordered juice, some soda- after glancing at the menu you went for something warmer. Tea. It was still a little hard transitioning from sunny Cali to brisk Tokyo. Your fingers were a little frozen at the tips. Carrying around bags hadn’t been helping either.

“Appetizers. Appetizers!” Arin was trying to coax an order of pre-food out of everyone.

“I want the bloomin’ onion.” Ross’ accent dipped out a little. You had known he wasn’t from America but it had never been a piece of information you’d dwelled on too much until he was busy playing it up.

“That’s not what it’s called...”

“Don’t care. I want it.”

Danny leaned back in his seat, taking two legs off the floor. “Mozzarella sticks for sure.”

“Lava nachos gets my vote.” Kevin seemed pretty pleased.

“Oh man Barry I’m so sorry you’re going to be nursing Kevin’s wounded butthole all night.” Arin couldn’t quite get this sentence out without cracking into laughter halfway through.

Barry’s arm came around Kevin’s shoulder for a good supportive squeeze. “The price I pay for love!”

The waitress came back with a tray of drinks for everyone and then the appetizer order was basically thrown at her. She had to ask for it twice and Holly offered it up slowly the second time so she could get it all. Your hand came around your cup of hot water, the other reaching on the side of the saucer for the tea packet ...

Which had gone missing. Or maybe she’d never delivered it? You picked up the cup to see if it was hiding underneath, and then the plate- but nothing. Then you leaned to the side to see if maybe you’d dropped it. Danny’s giggles, however, tipped you off to the fact that something was a little more amiss than should be. You saw the string hanging out of his top pocket and his eyes up towards the ceiling in a I’m-totally-guilty type way.

When you snatched it back out of his pocket he grinned at you, giving your hair a good ruffle before his arm came over the back of your chair. “Alright I didn’t want to say anything but-“ Suzy was speaking and waited for your attention alone which you gave her once your tea bag was safely tucked inside the hot water. “You two are way too cute.”

“It’s true. It’s getting pretty ridiculous.” Holly confirmed this was not a rare opinion.

“It’s getting pretty gross if you ask me.” Ross followed up, which earned him a punch to the shoulder from his gal, even though you could tell he was kidding.

“Iiiiii-“ Arin held the note out on an uneven and nervous high pitch before continuing. “I dunno man. I think that the general public,” He flailed his hands around to make a show of those two words, “would probably think so, too.”

It had started off nice but this seemed like more of what was going on on the plane. Danny let his chair hit on the ground once before leaning back again. “Yeah no kidding. But no one’s gonna steal my woman!” He was being nonchalant and joking about it.

“I think I still have to better acquaint myself with your show and its viewers before I can make a call on that.” The so-called research Danny was always trying to persuade you against. Even though ‘just ask me’ was nice, you’d eventually have to do some on your own.

“They’re a nice people. Danny calls them Lovelies.” Barry was nodding to himself, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh, really?” That seemed like a very sweet term for a group of fans. With the way he sounded every time it was brought up you’d started feeling the other way about it but that?

“Well- like- they are, man. But. It’s gotta be done tactfully. I think.” His last few words were nothing more than mere sputters. Which indicated he didn’t really know. “I need some more time to figure it out that’s all. So stop meddling in my affairs!” He pointed directly at Arin in an overly-dramatic jokey fashion.

“Damn man I just wanna post all your pictures with sparkly poop emojis all over them is that so wrong?!”

“Yeah.” Suzy actually sounded sad about it. “It’s like. How can we brag about how cute you two are if we... can’t brag about it??”

There was a large part of you that really felt like they were all putting on a show for your benefit. But you were trying to silence it. They were nice people. You were really getting to know them. They didn’t seem like they’d just put on faces for you, even if you were with Danny. It just had to be more likely that... you made Danny happy. And that made them happy.

The mood didn’t last long, though. Thankfully the crowd went back to picking up the argument they’d left behind in the lobby. Something about old games versus new games. It didn’t last long enough to get heated because the waitress came back around with food and that shut everyone right up. Plates were distributed amongst the table and soon the picking began. You felt like you might get left behind but Danny’s long arms and quick fingers gathered up enough food for the both of you to snack off of together on one plate.

And though you really probably should have left it alone... “Am I causing a problem?” You were currently reclined half back against his shoulder, his arm still around you as he was picking pieces off the plate.

“Mmf-“ Mid-chew before swallowing. “No. It’s just the videos they want to put up on the instagram.” You hadn’t really considered that. They must have had a show instagram- and they had been taking videos. But anything that had you and Danny that could be considered “too friendly” would have to be put in the folder with the pictures of the same variety. “Here,” He wiped his hand on his pants before retrieving his phone out of his pocket to pull up the account.

It already had a video of the shopping trip up. “Who has access to that?” Who had those speedy skills to get that up there already?

“We all do.” He put the phone closer to your face so that you could watch it. Just a few short seconds of Arin screaming at a stuffed animal with Danny lazing on through the background before rescuing it and giving Arin an admonishing wave of his finger. It must have been when you had your back turned, you didn’t even remember this moment. “But they like stuff like this. They like seeing what we’re up to.”

As any fanbase did with the people they were fans of. Standard stuff. “So I’m-“

“You’re nothing.” He slid his phone back in his pocket. “You’re not causing problems. And no, I don’t want to keep my hands off you so don’t ask.” You honestly didn’t think he could, even if he tried. He was entirely too affectionate for his own good. Maybe you both were. Every other second you were holding hands or his arm was around you or he was bumping your legs or touching your nose or squeezing your face.

Funny how accustomed to it you’d already grown. How in love with it you were that even thinking of suggesting cutting back for the show’s good made you a little queasy. You were glad he told you no. “Well...” You cast a smile up at him. “Good.”

“Good.” Mirroring your inflection and everything before picking up a cheese stick. “Now put this in your mouth! Hurry! IT’S DIRE!” Then basically the whole table laughed as he nearly choked you with it. His wide grin after you recovered somehow amazingly showed how sorry he was and at the same time how absolutely not sorry he was. This guy was going to be the death of you. In so many ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though... thank you guys for so many wonderful comments! For all your kudos and your bookmarks and your tags! It really makes my day and I love reading them!


	16. Sing Your Troubles Away

You were comfy.  
Full of food.  
Wrapped up in warm blankets and Danny’s loving arms. It was dark in the room. Quiet. Peaceful. Even after the long nap from both the plane and the one after you’d gotten in, sleep didn’t have a chance in hell of getting away from you after all that. And yet it seemed entirely too short when the morning came around- at least you assumed it was morning.

All you really knew for sure was that someone was pounding on your door. “Mmmm noooo-“ Danny was whining somewhere close to your ear, snuggling in and pulling you into him as if you were doing it and that would make it go away.

“Open up already!” Ross sounded very impatient.

Danny leaned away a little so that he could shout, “Go away god damn you!”

“We have donuts and coffee?” Kevin’s voice was harder to hear since he wasn’t busy shouting, but it was just clear enough to jerk Danny awake finally.

He sat up, rubbing his hands all over his head before sliding out of bed and jumping into a pair of jeans. You still weren’t as ready to get up, sliding the covers back over your head all the way as you heard the door unlock. “Those better be the most amazing doughnuts I’ve ever had in my life.” Danny warned them.

Then you heard the footfalls of the entire group- not just two boys. “We heard you guys had a nice little table and some chairs set up in here.”

“And who told you that?” Danny was busy asking, you heard the door shut after. “ARIN.” Accusing him as he was the only other person who would have been able to see inside your room when he bothered you the night before.

You heard the shuffling of a cardboard box and drinks being set down on top of the glass table. The chairs were pulled out, some butts sat down on the carpet and a few dared to sit on the bed. One tapped your shoulder. “She’s not sick is she?” Holly was asking in a genuinely worried tone. “Because Ross was not feeling well all night.”

“Fuckin’ bloomin’ onion.” You could just hear the eye roll.

“Just tired, I think.” Danny answered for you and finally you shifted the covers off just a little so you could sit up. You were currently in a tank top and your pajamas and... the rest of them, aside the scraggly Danny, looked like they had been showered and dressed for hours.

“We didn’t know how she takes her coffee so we just brought some cream and sugar back.” Barry dropped some sugar packets on the table from his pocket.

“Here, gimme.” Danny popped the lid off what would soon be your coffee and mixed in the extra just the way you liked it. All those previous impromptu coffee dates actually had served great purpose. The man knew how you took your coffee. Once he was done the lid went back on and he sat down to hand it to you.

“Hey don’t get mad but can you um put on a shirt. You’re really creeping me out.” Ross was the only one who dared and he got a severe glare in return.

“Oh. I’m sorry. Did I barge into your room at butt-crack-o’clock?” Despite grumbling this out he went to the side of the bed to tug on his old shirt from yesterday.

“But you’re the only one with the table.” Kevin offered around a huge bite of pastry.

“Take the damn table!” Danny’s grumpy morning antics finally woke you up a little and your watery snort through your coffee encouraged the mood back somewhere better.

After making sure none of it went up your nose you took another sip after Danny came to sit beside you on the opposite side. “So, what’s the plan for today?” Because they had to have one, right? Danny may or may not have known. It was probable that he did know but just slept in. Which was fine you’d been enjoying sleep very much, too.

“We’re gonna spend the day at the Ueno Zoo!” Suzy was chipper as ever. Zoos were fun, at least. Cute animals. Nice walks. Maybe it had a really pretty picnic area.

“Which one you want?” Holly saw you eying the box and asked this underneath Suzy still talking about the plans for the zoo. After pointing at the far corner of the box she retrieved the doughnut for you on a napkin and handed it over. At your ‘thanks’ she smiled and just gave you a simple nod.

“Alrigmht. Alm good.” Danny was purposefully, at least that’s what you thought it had to be now every time he talked with his mouth full, speaking with a full doughnut crammed in his mouth. “Now-“ He drowned the rest of it with a long sip of coffee. “Everyone get out so ___ and I can get ready.”

“You could at least say thank you for the doughnuts, dick.”

“Thank you for the doughnuts you colossal bag of dicks.” Danny shot back almost immediately with a dead-pan look on his face. That lasted all of five seconds before he was laughing around the lid of his coffee.

It took everyone a couple of minutes to finish munching before they took their coffees and left you and Dan to yourselves. Once they were gone his shirt came back off and was tossed on the bed. Then he slipped out of his pants, too and began rooting around in his suitcase. Even though you really didn’t feel like moving you set your coffee aside and got out of bed to stretch.

No sooner than he had put a new pair of jeans on he was turning to take you around the waist and pull you in for a coffee-flavored kiss. There was something else that was so alluring about this vacation that you were only just coming to realize now. Going to sleep in his arms every night and waking up with him every morning was like a... future experience. This was what it would be like if you ended up together for the long haul. ...minus the morning interruptions. Though knowing his friends that wasn’t sure.

When he pulled back he didn’t go very far. “One day you and I will travel the world alone.” Promising you in such a sweet tone. “-and we’ll fucking sleep in until twelve no matter where we are. I give you my word.” Wiggling his eyebrows just a little to make it the teeniest bit dirtier than it should have been.

“Don’t be silly.” You batted his chest lightly. “I like your friends.” Not that you didn’t want to travel with him. Or sleep in late. For reasons. But this was fun. And it was only the second day.

“That’s good because they really like you too.” This was the first time you really noticed the dip he curved in the word ‘because’. Just another Danny-ism you were getting used to.

You stepped away from him to pick through your suitcase for some new clothes. ...although the shopping bags from last night were a little more tempting than you realized. Soon you were snapping price tags off things. “You think?”

“No question.” Said without hesitation as he pulled a ziplock baggy out of his case and went into the bathroom. The water turned on after.

Slipping on a pair of black leggings first, you sat back on the bed to stretch them out and get rid of the creases. Then you put on a one of the longer dark blue flowy skirts that you’d bought from the one of the shops last night. It had an asymmetric petal flow at the bottom, longer in the back. Your own plastic baggie was produced so that you could put on some deodorant before tugging on your bra and covering it with a cute white and blue striped sweater. ...and, of course... Danny’s scarf.  
Or was it yours now?  
Either way. Somehow you couldn’t imagine leaving without it. But it was too nippy to just leave like that so you put on one of your lighter jackets for good measure.

Then you edged yourself into the bathroom next to him, setting down your bag so that you could take out your toothbrush. You dipped it under the still running water, careful to leave him alone while he was trimming his scruffy face. Morning ritual. There it was. There you both were.  
Amazing.  
Since they weren’t giving you enough time to shower you just ran your hands through your hair a couple of times to get it a little less messy and then put on a very small amount of makeup.

After he was done he dried his face off and put himself in his black jacket, zipping it up midway. Then he leaned in the bathroom door as you were just the slightest bit busy primping. “Well my lady-love,” His voice always dipped when he was kidding around with the grand gestures. “Are you ready to see some animals?”

You had to side step him to get out of the bathroom and slip on some flats. But after, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

This time the lobby was quiet when you got there. Mostly everyone seemed to be on their phones. Once you approached they went into their respective pockets and out the doors you went. The ride there wasn’t too terribly long, and seeing the gates on approach gave you some sense of excitement you hadn’t felt in a while. Zoos really were nice places and you hadn’t been to one in a long while. Your favorite had always been the Cen-

“Birbs I wanna see the birbs!” Holly interrupted your inner monologue simply by such strange term usage. What the hell was a birb.

Tickets were bought and you entered what seemed to be on the little map the East Garden. The zoo was very large and had lots of exhibits to offer. If you guys took your time it could certainly take a while to get through it all. The decision was made to take the East Garden first in its entirety, eat lunch at the cafeteria whenever you got to that side, and then get to the West Garden.

The first exhibit right as you got in got more excited noises out of Holly- the pigeons and pheasants. The Japanese Bird cages were on the other side as well and thousands of pictures were being taken. Birds were never your favorite kind of animal but the way she and Ross were making noises at them and trying to get them to pay attention and spread their wings. Barry was busy taking video for the instagram. Japanese Cranes were directly after and you spent a long while walking around the pond to try and see them out of their hutches. Unfortunately it was cold and most animals wouldn’t be running around.

You spotted the deers behind them and meandered up to the exhibit. There were a pack of them grazing while a few fawns were running around in the sandy part. They were cute, despite being older still having spots on their brown fuzzy coats.

Tilting your head up to look past the deers, you saw the five-tiered Pagoda rising up in the distance. It was surrounded by blooming trees which seemed odd for the weather but it was beautiful. You’d seen Japanese pagodas in pictures and on the web and in books before but never one in real life. It led you to wandering off just a little bit, leaving the bird calls behind just to get closer. Craning your neck back. Even coming from a city with tall buildings this was beautiful. New. Impressive.

Arms came around your waist from behind, and Danny leaned in to rest his chin on your shoulder. “What’cha doing?”

“Interrupting everything?” Had they sent him to come get you?

“Nah.” A soft whisper-giggle in your ear as he nuzzled the side of your neck. “They’re still hootin’ and hollerin’ at the birds.” You tucked your arms up to cover his and leaned back against him. He rocked you from side to side a couple of times.

You were content like that. At least until, “Hey over here!” The voice came from a few feet in front of you both and you looked up to find it. Seconds after that a flash went off. “Got’cha!” Suzy seemed extremely happy with herself.

“I want that in triplicate!” Danny shook his fist at her. With the moment gone he took your hand in his and led you back to the other side to get a good long look at the red pandas. Something that dissolved you into a melty puddle at how cute they were. Rolling around, chasing their own tails, climbing the trees. Then you were the one making a scene calling to them and trying to get them to come closer.

They had to pull you away from them eventually so that you could wander over through the next few exhibits. Lots of birds! Owls and eagles and hawks. Some otters. Lions and tigers. Then you circled back through something called the elephant forest and you all took your time watching the elephants lumber about.

The smell of food from the nearby cafeteria was almost too much to ignore and soon your group headed that way a little earlier than expected. At least noon was rolling around. The menu was a little hard to parse through so you shied back. “Order for me?” Asking Danny to do it instead.

“Oh- I don’t know what any....” Waving his hand at the board.

“Relax guys. I got this.” Arin put his hands up in a smooth gesture before going up to the booth and ordering in what sounded like slow, somewhat broken Japanese. But he was trying. And he was no doubt better than any one of you.

Once sitting down he brought over a tray of hot steaming bowls of udon. Pictures of the food were snapped before slurping commenced. It was a little embarrassing at first but you eventually got into the groove with everyone else giving it their best shot. The broth was warm and the chicken was really well cooked.

“Hey I’m about to ask you to do something really fucking stupid don’t make fun of me.” Danny broke you out of your noodle-y concentration before picking up one end of a noodle out of his bowl and holding it up with his chopsticks. “Will you please do me the solid fucking honor of Lady-And-The-Tramping it up with me. Please. PLEASE.” Laughing at himself afterwards.

“Oh god...” You could already feel your face heating up, especially as all eyes turned in your direction. Then the chanting of ‘do it do it’ started and you couldn’t say no after that. So you leaned in to grab one end of the noodle while he took the other. The phones got pulled quickly and videos were being shot along with several photos being snapped as you both inched closer and closer until a wet smack of a kiss occurred and the both of you pulled back laughing too hard to actually chew. Your hand flew up over your mouth to cover it as your chest shook with just too-much-to-contain giggles.

“Mm mm mmm!” Danny was still chewing around his tittering. “I want that in triplicate too!”

The crowd settled down for all of two minutes before Suzy was shaking her phone. “I got us the room!” There was a collective eyeshift around the entire table before she held it facing forward. “At Karaoke Kan!”

“No fucking way you didn’t.”  
“Fucking Lost In Translation!!”

Everyone seemed weirdly excited about this and your first thought was that they must have all been trying to get that together for a while. No one seemed .... well. Anxiety ridden. Like you were suddenly feeling. Karaoke? Could you even?

Holly nudged you in the side. “Don’t worry, for us scrubs we have a shot-rule. Helps you get in juuust the right mood to sing stupid songs.” Great. So another evening of getting drunk. You wondered who the not-scrubs were and Danny must have been one of them. He could, after all, sing. Right? What about you? Could you?  
...maybe after a few drinks...

The rest of the trip at the zoo seemed like it didn’t even matter after that. You were trying not to slip back into you-you and let vacation-you handle it. But it was hard. Was it even worth it being nervous about singing in front of these people? They cared about so little in the way of appearances. And they were shouting in public about birds not a few hours ago. Really. If there were any group you could just relax and have a good time with. It was them. And yet... it just wasn’t that simple.

The room Suzy had been so excited to get was large but in a cozy sort of sense. Private, at the very least. Two couches on both sides, and one small stage at the front with a big screen in back, a small TV screen in front with the microphone and stand off to the side. It was dark with a few roaming lights of different colors bouncing off the walls. There was what looked to be two kindle-esque devices sitting on the table between the couches. Probably the song menu.

And as you sat down and loosened your scarf, browsing through it revealed it to be incredibly large. The english section was almost ten times that of any other language in there. Which was good. You could barely even sing english songs. Most of them were popular jams, which made sense. Carrying something only a few patrons would know made for bad business.

“Scrubs dish. Serving up.” Ross came in after everyone else with a tray of shots. He placed it carefully down on the table as everyone sat down and got comfortable.

“Okay here’s the scrub rules. One shot now. Two after the first round.” Barry was explaining carefully. “First group is girls, and the guys get to pick. Second group is guys, girls’ choice. After that we alternate and the person left of you gets to pick what song you’re singing. If you skip you take two shots. Then you can’t skip again. After singing you take one shot. If you don’t know the song you take a shot and your person will pick something else.”

“Take a sip of your beer every time someone fucks up.” Kevin added in while sliding a tray of uncapped frosty dark bottles on to the table next to the shot glasses.

“If you totally fuck up you can tag out to a fellow scrub but you have to take another shot. Or you can power through like a pro. Calling someone on stage for help is fair game at any point in the night.” Holly was holding her glass in her hand already.

The two small screens were handed out amongst both the gendered groups to browse. But before that- “Take your shot!” Someone got a little too antsy. So down the hatch it went. It was sweet but the aftertaste was a tang entirely bitter.

Then the boys giggled amongst themselves as you girls browsed through the newest popular songs. “Okay okay- and you’re lucky, by the way. We almost went with All About That Bass.” Arin was chuckling almost a little too darkly to himself. “Instead we’re picking mother fucking SHAKE. IT. OFF.”

“Oh I knew it.” Suzy was puffing her cheeks out. “Sure you don’t want to do that one instead?”

“I might be tempted.”

The boys keyed in the song and the three of you got up on stage with a microphone each pulled from the stand. Then the room went terribly quiet as you were forced to wait. The count in metronome put the fear of god into you when it started. Should have been two shots first-

The drums and cymbals clashed in with what felt like little warning- even if you’d been timed in. The words came on the screen only seconds before they started lighting up-

I stay out too late!

Suzy and Holly were overpowering you because you were letting them.

Got nothing in my brain!

But it occurred to you-

That’s what people say- mm mm, that’s what people say! Mmm mm!

Shying away was probably more embarrassing. It made you look worse than doing little to nothing at all. You’d look like a stick in the mud. Worse yet, one of the boys might ask Danny what was wrong with you. You couldn’t do that to him.

I go on too many dates! But I can’t make ‘em stay! That’s what people say! Mm mm!

“Preach it girls! Lordy!” That sounded like Danny but you couldn’t be sure. And you sure as hell couldn’t see anything over the lights blaring in your direction.

But I keep cruising, can’t stop won’t stop moving, it’s like I got this music, in my mind singing it’s gonna be alright. ‘cause the players gonna play play play play play...

It was all over from there. Maybe you didn’t need the alcohol. The feeling of belting out about Swift’s troubles totally overtook any feelings of anxiety as you and the other two hip bumped each other and- well... shook it off. Eventually the boys got out of their seats to train around the table with their hands up in the air, and they couldn’t help from singing along too.

Hey, hey hey- just think while-

You and Holly hung back while Suzy took that part, rocking out on the microphone. Then she held it between you two and you keyed in.

My ex-man brought his new girlfriend-

Your hands were pointing over to the boy’s couch, as were Holly’s. Just for dramatic’s sake but the boys were eating it up with a chorus of whooping.

And to the fella over there with the hella good hair won’t you come on over here-

You were specifically pointing towards Danny, shaking your fingers into your palm a few times to get him up out of his seat. Which he did. He practically leapt at the chance to get on stage and hip-bump enthusiastically with you. But during the chorus he got pushed off so that you, Suzy, and Holly could regain your rightful places as queens of the stage. Your last ‘shake it off’ ended with a lone note of the background trumpet.

But it wasn’t very quiet for long. The boys practically sounded like they were losing their minds. Already you were sweating and you were panting but you had had such a good time. That was a group song, though. Once you sat down scrub-rules were invoked and your scrubby group downed two more shots. While on stage you’d thought maybe you didn’t need it, but the thought of singing along brought you right back to the glass.

“Okay boys,” Holly was raising her eyebrows at them. “We want... Uptown Funk.”

Half the group groaned and the other half clapped their hands with triumphant hisses. Then said group had to pull the others out of their seats and on to the stage. So you queued up the song for them and sat back to watch the show. The metronome ticked in and before the boys realized it all they were getting was a few taps of a cymbal and hand claps while

-Doh doh doh doh-  
Flashed on screen and they weren’t saying anything.

“Come on guys you suck!”  
You and Suzy went back to back to help them out. “Doh doh doh doh doh doh!” Giggling more than singing.

“This is fuckin’ insane!” Ross seemed none too happy. Finally through some more ‘dohs’ a guitar came on and then finally the base line dropped as real lyrics came on.

This hit that ice cold Michelle Pfeiffer with that white gold

Danny and Arin were busting out in the leads. Dan’s hand was rocking one of the microphone stands back and forth as he grasped his mic tight. They got through a few more lyrics before the good part actually came-

I’m too hot!

Then the mics were leaned in your ladys’ directions. “Hot damn!” So you cooperated because why wouldn’t you? When they did it again instead the boys who had been too shy or perhaps too stunned by the lyrics whizzing by finally spoke up and sung the rest of the hot damns.

Girls hit your hallelujah-

“Woo!” You three were having the time of your lives chiming in. And this must have been how the boys were.

Danny leaned over on the stage palming his mic as he rocked out. His eyes were closed tight and he rang out.

Saturday night and we in the spot! Don’t believe me just watch! Yeah!

The room positively pulsed with the constant drum beat and soon even you girls were singing every one of the lyrics with the boys. They probably couldn’t hear you but it was too infectious not to sing along. While waiting in the middle of doh-dohs the boys were shaking from side to side, swinging their arms in what was probably an attempt to be dancing but looked more like they were shaking water off themselves. All in all it added up for something incredibly, ridiculously, amazingly silly.

By the time the song’s ‘uptown funk you up’ came on multiple times they were all jumping in circles around each other and just having the time of their lives. You girls were jamming on the couch. Once the song came to a close you already missed it terribly but you girls gave them a round of applause while they were busy bowing before all coming to weave into random spots on the couch. Probably for the point of picking randomly.

The computers were passed around a few times as a few of you started to try and confer with each other about what songs you were going to pick for one another. Kevin was sitting on your left, and you weren’t sure what that would bring for you. A few others went ahead of you and it was the same sort of jammin’ out with each performance. Some beer sipping and booing was had, particularly when Ross and Barry fucked up their respective songs but they didn’t totally eat it so it was all good.

Then when it was your turn Kevin still seemed to be deciding. Until he got a hard nudge on the shoulder. “Uh-um this one is old, right?”

You leaned over to look. And... honestly couldn’t believe what you were seeing. “Criminal? That was like... ’96?”

“He’s fucking kidding. Aren’t you Kev. Hm. _**HMMM**_?” Danny spoke up almost immediately giving him the most legitimate ‘I’m going to kill you’ look you’d ever seen him wear.

In response to it he just laughed. “Old. Yeah. Danny’ll like it. You know it?”

“I mean I haven’t heard it in a while but yeah.” Who had even heard that song in years? It wasn’t old-old but it was... uh..

“Go go go!” A few chants were given to you before you tried to shrug off your worries.

It wasn’t a hard song. Not too fast. In your range. But. Uh. A little. Weird? Not the right word. Dirty. Maybe. Not in your bones. But what choice did you have. So you climbed up to the stage, took the microphone in hand and listened to the little tic-tics of the counter before the words appeared first.

They’d be stuck on the screen a little while longer because the intro was a little long. So you tried swaying your hips to it to time yourself and get it together. And then...

I’ve been a bad bad girl...

There was a backup singer. Even though she was soft and obviously not meant to overpower you, only to add harmony, it threw you off for a few seconds. Pull it together!

I’ve been careless with a delicate man-

“Tell it like it is honey!” This was definitely Arin. You tried to look down through the lights. And there you saw Danny sitting on the edge of his seat, elbows on his knees, chin in his palms. Watching you with... so much interest.. or was the light simply playing tricks on your eyes?

It’s a sad sad world... when a girl will break a boy **just because she can oh**!

You pulled the mic out of its resting place, feeling the swell of the song, swaying your hips from side to side as you tapped your fingers against the neck of the stand.

Don’t tell me to deny it! I’ve done wrong, I don’t wanna suffer for my sins. I’ve come to you cause I need guidance to be true and I just don’t know where I can begin! **Ooo- what I need** is a good defense- cause I’m feeling like **a criminal...** and _**I need to be redeemed to the one I’ve sinned against because he’s all I ever knew of love...**_

You were into it. Deeply into it. You hadn’t heard this song in years but it came back like it was second nature. It was bad. And a long time ago maybe... maybe you’d been this bad. Someone you’d run with had made you feel this bad. And you’d loved it.  
Loved every second of it.  
Until it had destroyed you. Vacation-you wasn’t new- vacation-you was-

_**I’m begging you before it ends just tell me where to begin-** _

Flashes of that bar came back. The club. The stage. The striking sound of glass against a hard surface. The acrid hazy smoke that filled your lungs with every breath.

_**Let me know the way, before there’s hell to pay-** _

Someone strumming a guitar. The bass picking up.

_**Give me room to lay the law and let me go! I’ve got to make a play to make my lover stay! So what would an angel say? The devil wants to knooow!!** _

You heard the notes of a million other songs. Bands that you’d never hear again. Faces you never really looked at. Names you never remembered. Trying to make it. Failing.  
_You give your life away-_  
_To anyone-_

Anyone...

_ He’s all I ever knew of lo-oh-oh-ove... _

You took the note as far as it would sail, before fluttering out a few ahs and ohs as the song continued on and slowed and finally ended. No triumphant beat. You were dizzy. Elated almost. Remembering something that was just out of reach. Like a dream.

The applause circled in around you when it all stopped and you took a breath, pushed your hair out of your face and gave them a good show of a bow. Hopping off stage you didn’t have very far to go before Danny’s arms engulfed you. His hands went to your face. He bent in. And in front of everyone he gave you one of the hottest, deepest, greatest kisses you’d been privy to in perhaps your whole life. They applauded that too, along with some saucy whooping in your favor.

When he broke back you were panting hard, not having had enough time between singing. He had wiped your brain clean. Everything was slowly fading and when those familiar soft giggles hummed from his lips to yours you broke out of ‘Criminal’s effect and into Danny’s warmth.

“Who knew?” Barry was busy asking as Dan sat down, pulling you into his lap.

“You’d better watch out for that one, Dan. I’ve heard some pretty bad things about her.” Arin was waving his hand in your direction in mock-warning.

“Oh, yeah. For sure. Real monster over here.” He was grinning to himself and still laughing.. Between a few more drinks and a few loud songs, it was amazing that you made it back to the hotel in one piece. It was unfortunate that you didn’t have your head about you.

By the time the door closed behind the both of you you’d dissolved into an overly-drunk giggle mess. “Like bad girls, huh?” Your hands were batting against Danny’s chest as he edged you back to the bed.

“Yeah yeah. I sure do little miss criminal.” He pushed you back. “Coome on. Time for sleep.”

Once lying down it all but took you. You hadn’t realized how tired you were, even wobbling about the last few rounds. “I love your voice.” You did. It reminded you of something safe and beautiful. Even when it was being used to sing silly things.

“Thanks.” He leaned over you, looking down. “You’re pretty good too, you know that?”

Your palms beat at his chest. “No! No!! I’m a criminal!”

He just laughed at you. “Yeah yeah yeah...” His forehead pressed against yours. “My little criminal.”

“Don’t you forget it!” You nearly poked his eye out pointing upwards.

“Couldn’t possibly. Now shhhh and go to sleep.” He didn’t need to tell you twice. Once you were out you were out. And no dreams of fights in bars was going to interrupt that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've been a bad, bad girl...


	17. Deep Under

The smell of very fresh coffee dragged you, albeit a little unwillingly, from the deep dark depths of sleep. This one had been one of the better ones. And as you blinked your eyes open, the light from the balcony washed in. You sat up slowly, expecting your head to be pounding. To feel sick. How much had you had to drink last night? ...not that it hadn’t been worth it. Last night had been an amazingly fun night. Letting loose had the tendency to produce moments like that but- you’d had more than your fair share. So when you realized there was almost no hangover feeling in sight you felt... strange. Had you perhaps slept a whole day and missed it?

Danny was sitting at the table, dressed, freshly showered from the look of it. Typing something out on his phone with hand and sipping coffee from his other. Once you moved all the way up he looked up, slipped his phone into the front pocket of his blue flannel button up and smiled. “How’re you feeling?” 

“Better than I have any right to, I think...” Everyone had made a damn fool of themselves last night, even the ones not drinking, so you weren’t so worried about how crazy you’d gotten. For once. Your hands came to your face, pressing in at your eyes before running back through your hair. 

He arched one brow before getting up and coming to sit on the edge of the bed next to you. “Uh huh. So... what do you remember?” That he had to even ask this question was extremely worrying. 

It put a panic into you as your hands went to your face and your eyes went to the ceiling. “Everything?” Didn’t you? “I remember the entire time at the karaoke bar even if it’s a little swimmy.” The memories were just the slightest bit faded and shaking as you thought them back, was what you meant. But you knew he’d get it. “Then we came home and I slept.” So- you had remembered. Right?

...the way he was looking at you made you rethink it. “You didn’t sleep.” Oh.  
Oh no... “I asked you to,” He continued. “Tried to get you to. But you were up for a couple hours after.” 

You’d blacked out. You’d fucking blacked out!! That’s what taking a shot before leaving the bar would do to you. It hadn’t hit you until you’d actually gotten back in. And once it had everything had gone dark. You’d thought you remembered falling asleep but instead you’d just blacked out. Oh god. Your hands went inward to cover your entire face from his view. “Oh god...” Whining, mirroring your inner thoughts. “What did I do?” 

Was that why it was nearly noon and you two were still in the room? Had you annoyed the others? Done something regrettable? To the point that they didn’t want you around anymore? Oh god. Oh god... “Made Kevin look like a wuss, for one.” He was giggling. ...so that had to mean it wasn’t all bad. You peered through the cracks in your fingers. “He was puking his guts up all night.” Danny rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You think the kid would learn how to hold his liquor by now. It’s almost impressive how bad he is at getting drunk.” 

So. At least there was that. You had drunk enough to black out but hadn’t thrown up everywhere. That was a good start. “Is he okay?” You knew the feeling of drinking too much that it all came back up. Not a fun experience. You wouldn’t wish it on anyone, really. 

“He needs to take a time out, is all.” You weren’t sure what this meant. “He’s still in bed. Some of the others went out. It’s sort of a do-whatever-you-want day I guess.” So the group had broken up to recover after last night’s events. But at least it wasn’t your fault alone! 

Out of the corner of your eye you spied not one but two glasses half full with water each. “You were taking care of me, huh?” Danny had of course been looking after you. Who else would? But the real purpose of asking such a stupidly obvious question was to get him to elaborate. 

“Yeah. Made you drink water from the ‘magic cup’.” His smarmy grin told you he’d played one over on drunk-you. “Made you promise not to stop until it was empty.” So he’d switched out glasses when you weren’t looking. But you could only thank him for this level of silliness. It had saved you from feeling like garbage. “Old trick I picked up in college.” 

All you could do was nod. “Thanks...” Breathing out once. “Anything else?” What had you been doing besides drinking water endlessly like a moron? 

“Nah. Mostly just sang with you. I think you thought we were still at the bar.” You found yourself smiling at this and wished you could remember it. “You kept asking me if I liked bad girls, though.”

You partially remembered this. You thought you’d only asked him the once, as a joke that hadn’t really been a joke. But being overly drunk you’d probably asked him about a thousand times more. “Yeah I’m a real bad girl. Get shitfaced and stupid enough to believe cups are magic.” 

“Just my kind of bad.” He laughed himself a little silly with this one- at your expense, too. But you let it go. 

“So what do you wanna do today?” It was just you and Danny in Japan today, it seemed. You didn’t know the area too well. You’d been relying on the rest of them to lead you around and have plans. 

He shrugged. “We can stay in if you want. It’s totally fine with me.” Was that a waste of vacation time? You still had a while before you went home, and no doubt every day would continue being packed with stuff. But... shouldn’t you explore with him? 

You hummed out a thin noise. “I need to shower before I can commit to anything.” Even sitting in bed. You desperately needed to get under some hot water. 

“Sounds good.” He stood up, stretching his arms over his head a little. “Call me if you need me.” Smiling in that devious sort of way. “For anything.” 

Your lips thinned out in a none-too-pleased manner. It was too early yet for you to be able to respond to that sort of advance. In response he ruffled your hair before going to sit back at the table. It didn’t take you too long to get into the bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar so you’d be able to breathe, and then only a few seconds to figure out the controls on the shower. And then a little more time to actually get the water to a good temperature. 

But once you were under it all that time fiddling with it became worth it. Just below scalding. Beautiful. It soothed out the worries and aches in your muscle. Cleansed your skin. Made you feel like a whole new woman. Taking a shower didn’t actually take that much time. You washed your hair and body in almost record pace just so that you could stand under the stream for an inappropriate amount of time- 

To think. You tried to recall last night as hard as you could. Even though you knew there was no chance in getting back the events of a black out. It was literally impossible. But you wished. You had to assume Danny hadn’t tried anything with you if you’d been too drunk. That first night you’d woken up together he’d worried about you being too drunk and him taking advantage. So you knew you didn’t have to think too hard about that. But that started a whole new episode of thoughts that you probably shouldn’t have been having. 

Right when you felt like you were on the cusp, felt like you had something- a tune, something familiar. Perhaps something you and Danny had been singing together in the room while he was lying to you about cups... was it.. those weird lyrics that had been echoing in the back of your head when you’d been on stage? -but then without warning you were in a glow of other more pleasurable memories. Not songs, but close. The way Danny called your name. The way he groaned out such dirty words.  
The way his hands felt. The way his lips tasted. 

You squeezed the faucets, giving yourself a chance to rethink this- but why? You had promised yourself you’d stop overthinking...  
“Dan,” Calling as you turned the water off and slid the door of the shower open to lean half out of it. It was glass, and not particularly frosted, so there was absolutely no chance of hiding anything. Not that you wanted to.

“What’s uuh-huh..” Stopped in his tracks by the sight of you. He was always this way. Always playing at the fact that you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. You couldn’t be sure that this was true, but you appreciated it greatly. “...yes?” It was also slightly amusing how things ground to a halt when you got serious. He was always messing around with how into sex he was and how ready he was at any moment but little things like this really tripped him up. It was part of the reasons you adored him so, really. 

You nodded to the spa tub. “Can you turn that on?” 

“What?” Still distracted by your nakedness and it seemed almost too hard for him to take his eyes off. But he did just long enough to look at where you were directing. “Yeah- yeah? It might take a minute to heat up though-“ Without waiting he came all the way into the bathroom to lean down at the control panel at the tub’s side and crank the dial. 

That was when you stepped out of the shower, running your fingers through your hair a little as you walked up to him. The bubbles and jets thrummed to life quietly. When he stood you were right behind him, and not giving him enough space to turn around. Instead you put arms around him, pressing your hands to his chest. “I was thinking I should thank you for taking care of me...” That was a lie. This had nothing to do with that. Absolutely nothing. But telling him that merely thinking for a few seconds about him turned you on to the point where there was no going back was probably not something you should do. 

His response was full of mirth as you felt his fingertips tracing down the backs of your hands and over your wrists. “While I’d like to thank you for the sexual favor, I’d rather they be like... not actual favors.” 

Once again he was proving that being up front and honest with him would probably be an entirely sexier endeavor than making things up. So you stepped back only enough to let him turn around. Both his eyebrows rose a little and he didn’t even let his gaze drift once. Be honest... well.. “I’m trying to think about what I did to deserve you.”  
That was a little more honest than perhaps you should have tried. But you did wonder. How had things gone so wrong for so long and then there he was. Right where he needed to be to walk into your life and make things better? 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” His smile was warm and genuine as he bent in to take your lips in a gentle kiss. 

You tried not to let it go on for too long, regardless of the fact that you would have liked it to. But you could just pick it up again when.. “Take off your clothes.” 

Probably didn’t need to ask him twice. His hands were already popping his shirt buttons open. “Ordering me around now?” Not that he didn’t look like he was enjoying it. Already his shirt was off and on the floor.

“I’m a bad girl, aren’t I?” It was only at this close that you could see the hesitation those two words caused. Not the good kind. Had he been wearing that every time you’d said that? Come to think of it... he had always been dodging the sentiment.. When you said it. When Arin had joked... what-

“The good kind of bad.” He corrected as his pants ceremoniously dropped to the floor. Then he dipped his hand into the water before turning away to step into the tub and sit down on the other side. 

While you wanted to question the weird lull that that phrase had caused, you thought that you’d put it off until later. For now... your goal was sitting in front of you. Naked. In a hot tub of water. So you stepped in, feeling the jarring shift from the shower’s water gone cold on your skin to the sizzling heat now surrounding you. Getting close you settled on his lap and hung your arms off his shoulders loosely. One hand went into his hair, pushing it back and carefully away from his eyes- eyes that were watching yours. 

“You look like you wanna say something.” His expression was exactly neutral, but not his eyes. His eyes were searching. Looking for something. You weren’t sure what. And you didn’t want him to keep it to himself.

His fingertips traced up your back before coming down and up again in a repeating, calm motion. “It’s really wrong for me to have so much on my mind while you’re naked on my naked lap.” He was trying to joke to get out of it. Was this a Danny-ism, too? But he was giving you a hook to grab on to, if you wanted it. 

Only you could decide. Let it go and get to the good stuff or push? “What’s wrong?” You decided on this- because something clearly was. And you couldn’t get around to fucking while knowing that. 

“You uh-“ His eyes averted to the side. Something about it gave you a sad pang. “Shit, I think I wanted to save this for some place a little better than a fucking hotel hot tub.” He sounded angry with himself. Instead of saying anything you stayed silent, hoping he’d continue on even though watching him struggle through it was unpleasant. His eyes came back to yours. “I love you.” 

“Oh-“ This was the wrong response to that sentiment. But it was the first thing that came out of your mouth. And he looked unhappy with it. 

“I really fucking do. And uh. I don’t know.” Now he sounded guilty about something. “I feel like I have for a very long time.” Something about this was- The feel of his hands pressing into your hips caught you off guard. Like he was clutching to you. Just in case you were about to escape. “Like bad. It’s bad. And that’s probably a very uncool thing to say.” His eyes dropped away from your gaze again. 

“That’s why I don’t want to let them put you on the public space. Not because I’m scared our fans won’t like you- not for their sake. I’m scared that if they talk shit I won’t be able to keep a clear head.” This seemed like something very unrealistic. Danny was one of the most cool-headed people you had known in your life. You couldn’t possibly-... he couldn’t possibly feel so greatly that... “I don’t need anyone to be happy for me- or us. I don’t care.” Now he was rambling but you really couldn’t bring yourself to let him stop because he seemed like he needed to get this out there. 

“They’ve torn Suzy apart on multiple occasions and I can’t... ugh. I fucking cannot think about that happening to you- whether or not you can handle it. You probably can. But I can’t.” He was grinding his teeth a little. Then his eyes closed tight for a few seconds before he opened them again to look at you. “You cried last night.” He answered a question you would have had once he was done. What brought this on? And the answer was gut wrenchingly pathetic. “You said you didn’t want to be this huge disappointment. That you didn’t want to ruin my life.” Fuck drunk-you. Fuck not having inhibitions. God damn. Private thoughts were private for a reason. 

“And you fucking couldn’t. You just can’t. And I don’t want you to feel that way.” You felt your face burning with shame. How could you have let that happen? Look what it had done to him.. “-because I love you. That was the last time I want to see you cry. Because of something like that ... because of anyone..” 

The worst part was you sort of felt like crying right now. You don’t know when you’d become the one looking away until one of his hands was tilting your chin to make you look back at him. You didn’t fight, even if it was incredibly hard to actually look into his eyes. “I don’t think you-“ 

Whatever he was going to say was wrong. You did. Whatever he thought you didn’t, you did. To try and prove it to him you leaned forward to kiss him. It wasn’t hard or strong because you felt like your bones had turned to mush from all of this. Not in the good way, either. He let it go on, lingered in it, and tried to keep still as you pulled away. “I love you, too.”  
This had started out stupidly. Fucking some guy you didn’t know because he was cute and you were a little drunk. It had gotten even stupider at breakfast the next morning. Sort-of-likes. And then evolved into asking him to be your boyfriend. All of it had been kiddy crap- but it had never been fake. 

And this was realer than anything you could remember. This had weight. This was your life. He was part of your life. A big part. You loved him. Strongly. Deeply. However you’d lucked into it didn’t really matter. How dumb it had been when it began had no meaning anymore. This was real now. 

Both of his hands took your face, and he started kissing you senseless. “Good. Fucking good. I love you. I fucking love you.” Kissing in between each word. Your lips, your chin, your cheeks, forehead, nose, anywhere he could get. He started laughing and it turned on your reaction, too. 

Eventually the both of you were just naked, kissing each other, laughing with one another in a hotel hot tub, confessing your love over and over. Maybe the whole thing was stupid. Maybe stupid was just your thing. But it worked. It made you feel good. He made you feel good. And you wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. 

Nothing more happened than that, and when you both finally got out you were pruny messes. You put on bath robes and sat down on the bed. Ordered in. Watched crazy Japanese soap operas. Dubbed over them together. Wasted the whole day in Tokyo with each other doing absolutely nothing. And you loved every second of it. You loved him. He loved you. Things were how they were meant to be. 

....even if maybe, just maybe... he wasn’t as wrong as you thought...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo vote in the comments- stay on vacation until the end? There's still more things that can be done. Fun will be had. Or are you guys ready to head home? Slight warning that resuming life back home will not be as fun as vacation and also... just maybe.. you might regret that decision entirely. Let me know!


	18. It Was Calm and Quiet

Breakfast downstairs at one of the local cafes came and went without much ceremony. In fact, it was almost an eerie quiet. Everyone seemed incredibly drained, which was the worst way to be on vacation. Who got tired of Japan? Apparently your group. But that came with the territory, dragging your asses all over the city from sun up to sun down every day. No one wanted to be the ‘ungrateful one’ though so you all just kept quiet and ate in silence. There was also the comforting notion that tomorrow morning you’d be getting on a long plane ride and sleeping as much as you wanted before touching down in California to resume life. 

One more day. So what was in store? Clearly no one wanted to have another daring adventure to a million places, so it had to be something small. Short. Not too tiring. “I was thinking the Pokemon Center- and then dinner at the Sky Tower.” Suzy was checking her phone. While things that needed tickets far in advance had been, of course, planned, for the most part it seemed like they’d just been doing whatever they wanted. So you’d given them more credit than had been due when first arriving with them. But things had worked out regardless, so did it really matter?

The group as a whole made some sort of weird low murmur of agreement before Arin slammed his hands down on the table to get everyone’s attention. “Come on you lazy sacks!”

“I think we should order another round of coffee before leaving.” The last thing you really needed was for them to think you were unappreciative, even if you were feeling the drag and malaise as much as the people sitting next to you and in front of you. Getting another shot of caffeine was sure to help. 

Danny raised his hand to get the attention of the waitress. Then his hand circled over the table. “Coffee, please.” The girl nodded with a short bow once before scampering off. “Sounds good, Suz.” He said after, running his hand back through his hair before his arm came loosely around your shoulders. 

You had settled into this weird position within the group. Not just Danny’s girlfriend but... something close. While you wanted for more, it was too much to just push your way into the dynamic. They treated you like any regular person, though- ...but the comments about you and Dan still went on and on. And after what he’d said to you a couple days back in the hotel, you’d tried to silence them on your own instead of letting him get involved. He’d bore his own deeply personal thoughts about the matter, which had only been fair after you’d apparently bawled your eyes out at him too. So the least you could do was make it on level footing. He didn’t want you on there. So you didn’t want to be on there. At least not until you were both ready.

After coffee was downed black by the entire group you headed off to the magically promised Pokemon Center. It was bigger than any store that solely carried pokemon merchandise had any right to be but it was fun nonetheless. Very bright. Very colorful. Stuffed animals absolutely everywhere. It was almost too tempting not to pick up a ton of your favorites to bring home with you. But that did make you think about one thing in particular.... Danny was off in a group with Ross and Holly at the register trying to ask one of the cashiers something. You stepped over to Arin who was digging through a tub of randomly mixed pokemon. 

“Hey- what’s Danny’s favorite pokemon?” If anyone knew it had to be him, right? You thought you’d heard they’d played one of the games together on the show. 

“Huh?” With his hands still wrist deep in the tub he looked up at you and then his brow furrowed in concentration. “Uh- one of the deers- uhhhmm...” He closed his eyes thinking about it. Then his hand shot out in a snap. “Stantler-! I think. Yeah. No. Definitely Stantler.” 

“Thanks!” You had a lot of dolls to comb through before they decided on leaving. The only problem was... Stantler seemed nowhere to be found. Did no one like that pokemon? Somebody besides Danny had to. But maybe not enough to warrant merch. Which was sad. You’d really wanted to..

Up on the far wall was a plethora of hanging keychains. If you couldn’t get him a plush... you came to a halt in front of the display and your eyes zoomed from one silver chain to the next. Was he there? Could he be? Probably not, right? If they didn’t have a plush why would they- 

“Oh- ah!” You were making noises to yourself, really, since no one was around but your excitement at having located the lone Stantler keychain just above the reach of your hands was too much to contain. There was only one, and a line of kids had come around behind you to try and see what you were doing. Which was nothing more than jumping a few times to try and get your fingers around it. But that was no good. Eventually you started drawing more attention than you wanted. 

Finally one of the attendants came over- though he seemed nervous. “...Otetsudai shimashou ka?” 

You didn’t understand what this meant but you took a guess. Since it didn’t sound like he was telling you to get out, and more like a question, he was probably asking what you were doing- or if he could help. So you pointed up towards the one you wanted. “Can you get that for me? ..Uh. Stantler?” ...wait, didn’t Japanese pokemon have different names? He looked up but didn’t really seem to understand. So you perched your hands on your head in the shape of what hopefully conveyed horns and wiggled your fingers. 

“Ah-Odoshishi?” You had no idea if this was right but when he leaned over you and grabbed the right one you felt relief wash over you.

Then he handed it back down to you and you snatched it right up out of his hands as if he might run off with it. “Thank you very much!” 

“Oh- you’re welcome.” His english was a little stilted but you had no room to comment since you didn’t know japanese at all. Then you rushed off to purchase it at the front counter and once it was put in a small paper bag for you you realized-... everyone had been watching you overreact about a keychain on the wall.

The entire gang was hanging out by the entrance, watching your every move. Barry had his phone pointed up at you- which probably meant he’d been filming the whole thing. You could feel your face heating a little as you approached them. “Are you done scaring the bejesus out of the workers yet?” Ross was asking looking absolutely pleased. 

“Yeah, I think.” How embarrassing. 

“Did you get what you wanted?” Even though she was asking, Holly looked very disappointed. “They didn’t have any pidove. Very sad.” 

“No mamepato!!” 

You just clutched the bag like there was an engagement ring in there or something that you absolutely could not let anyone see. “There was only one. I guess I got lucky!” Even though it wasn’t even for you. 

But they seemed content to let that go because they turned to leave and Danny fell back to walk with you as you made your way to the tower thing they’d mentioned earlier. At least that’s where you hoped you were going. Arin had actually gotten you lost the other day, even if at Iksipiari he’d managed not to. “Didn’t know you were such a huge pokemon fan.” His grin was just a little above amused and smooth. This did not bode well for you. 

“I’m not.” Probably just a casual fan. If a game looked good you might pick it up. It’s not like your house was full of that stuff or anything. 

“Uh huh.” He was teasing you, obviously, and didn’t believe you. “So what’d you get?” 

The poking was fine because you were able to turn the tables on him almost immediately. Holding the bag out for him you smiled upwards. “Here.” 

“What is it like something stupid cute- that little fox thing or,” He opened the bag and stuck his hand inside. Then he was stopped short when he pulled the chain out and held it up. Clearly that wasn’t your favorite. And clearly that wasn’t for you. He understood this in the span of a few seconds. Then as he turned it over you felt... nervous.

“Was that not the one you liked?” Arin had seemed half sure at best. So if you’d just caused all that nonsense over the wrong one... 

Then he showed his teeth in a wide smile before stopping so that he could put his arms around you and lift you a little. “Look at you buying me stupid shit!” Though your face was buried in his shoulder reciprocating the hug you knew he was being just loud enough that he probably had gotten everyone else’s attention. “I love it.” He let go so that he could retrieve his keys out of his pocket. “It’s going on my ring. Right the fuck now.” 

“Yo-“ You heard Kevin’s voice down the other end of the block. When had they gotten so far away. “What’d she get you?” 

“Mother fucking STANTLEEERRR.” Now the entire street was looking in your direction. Once he clipped it around the ring he held his keys up to give them a jingle. 

“Oh man. I want one...” To the Pokemon Center’s credit, it was very well made. Sturdy, shiny silver metal. Nice paint. Great detail. The envy of all other Stantler keychains no doubt. You’d done well. 

“Well too fucking bad!” You and Danny walked up to the rest of them in just enough time for him to shake his key ring triumphantly in Kevin’s face. 

Walking to the tower turned out to actually be a pretty poor idea. Partly because Arin did actually get you lost, and partly because it was so far away. By the time you saw it close enough to have to crane your head back, the sun was almost starting to set. No one seemed too worried about it, though, after all, the plan was to have dinner, was it not? At the base seemed like another shopping village. Was Japan fond of those or something? This one was called Solamachi and it almost just as much to offer as the one you’d first come to except it was indoors and not furnished as magically. 

There were a lot of character shops, though. All super cute stuff. Hello Kitty and Ghibli stuff galore. On top of that were Sky Tower merch shops, almost so many of them that you felt like this was just a NYC redux. Inside one of the lesser brander and more original shops Danny had leaned over a small jewelry case and when he’d came back it was trying to wedge an oddly designed silver ring onto every one of his fingers but it just seemed like his knuckles were too big to let it pass. 

“What’s that?” You came over to try and make sure he didn’t get it stuck. While watching him struggle was fun... a trip to the ER before going home was not the best idea.

“It’s this cool as shit ring. Here, look at it.” He held it up a little too close to your face so you craned back to actually give it a look over. 

In the end you tilted your head to the side. It was a completely silver, slightly thick ring with a... ?? “Is that a skull or.. ripples in water? What is that?” 

“Ripples?” He turned it back to his own eyesight so he could look at it. Then he probably very unknowingly mirrored your confused head tilt. “Oh I sort of see it.. yeah. It’s cool though, right?” 

“But it doesn’t fit?” Which would be a shame, he seemed to like it so much. 

“Yeah, I can’t...” He tried to wedge it onto his pointer and then his middle before you took it out of his hand.

“Here,” You held your palm out so that he could put his hand in yours. Then gently you slid it onto his right hand ring finger. A perfect fit. 

“Did you just fucking PROPOSE TO DANNY?!“ Barry was in sudden, though most likely facetious, hysterics and it drew every single eye your way. 

“Oh my god!”  
“WHAT IS HAPPENING?”  
“WHY ARE WE YELLING?!” 

Danny held his hand up. “Wrong hand dipshits, god! CALM YOURSELVES you CRAZIES.” It took approximately two seconds after yelling at them for him to start laughing. You’d started timing him recently. It never took long. 

“It’s a cute ring!” Suzy seemed the only one to be calmly excited. 

“Right?” He wiggled his fingers a few times and you had to admit it did look pretty good on him. “I think it looks awesome.” That was all the confirmation he needed to walk over to the cash register and have them ring it up. 

And after having wasted enough time and screaming in the shops you all decided it was a good time to make a getaway to the top of the tower. There was a lot of walking involved in that, some elevator rides- and then you were informed if you wanted to actually get to the highest point you had to walk some more. But that was fine-

Especially when the doors for the walkway upstairs opened. The tube was awash in low blue lights as the city below sparkled. The entire thing was made out of glass. You could see the thousands of feet below and the entire skyline of Tokyo. It was a little hard to move at first- for the entire group, not just you. It was weird, feeling like you could fall at any moment. Like the floor was actually open instead of just glass. 

Danny took your hand in his and led you as the pack moved cautiously forward before breaking into easy strides. It was quite the view. Eventually the walking became more lollygagging as couples paired off in separate parts to press their hands against the glass and take a long look at the world below. He and you were no different, somewhere towards the top. His arm was around your waist as you both leaned against the rail and peered down. When your vision off set, though, and you could see the reflection in the glass instead of the city below- you saw that he was looking at your reflection instead. 

So you tilted slightly to the side to look up at him. His eyes immediately moved from your mirror image right to your eyes. Things hadn’t really changed since the incident in the hot tub. You both had always had the proclivity for soft romance. For public affection- and overly affectionate ways. He was that way normally, at least you thought he must be, but he brought it out of you, not that you minded. So there had been no big hurdle to conquer or change thereafter in confessing love. 

Still... not that you’d ever felt unloved before.. you had started to feel it more- or maybe you had a pure name for the feeling he put in you after he’d said it. Because you felt it now more often. In the way he looked at you. That he didn’t have to say anything. The half lower of his eyelids, the small tug at the corner of his lips as he smiled. It was calm and quiet and... love. It was the look of love. And he’d worn it more than just after the confession. But now you knew what it was. 

Two of his fingers came up to brush back a stray lock of your hair, the tips stroking the shell of your ear downwards after it was safely tucked. Then that hand went right into his own hair, giving it a good shake. “That ring does look good on you...” He could probably pull off anything he wanted. But jewelry seemed like a safe bet. 

He held his hand out in front of his face. “Don’t get any ideas.” This was half-stern, mostly joking. And you weren’t sure what really about. “I’ll be the one doing the proposing.” 

Since it had been completely a joke down at the store, this caught you off guard. Your face blossomed anew with pink. You could feel it. Proposing? You’d only just said ‘I love you’ to each other a few days ago. “Mm-“ You weren’t really sure how to respond. Part of you suddenly felt uncomfortable, while another part felt elated. 

He just smiled a little more in response with a breathy laugh, bringing his hand to the side of your face. “Come here.” His other arm wound around your waist and you leaned up on tip toe to kiss him. It didn’t go on for longer than a minute, and it didn’t go into inappropriate territory. It was sweet and soft and when he pulled back just a few bare inches he murmured, “I love you.” 

When you opened your eyes he was looking back at you. This soothed over what little frays in your nerves had erupted. “I love you, too.” 

“C’mon slow pokes! We’re hungryyyy!” One of the group was calling from the level above. Time for dinner. Danny’s fingers slipped in between yours and he tugged you along. Dinner felt inconsequential, even though the view was still just as beautiful. Tokyo at night was black above and brightly lit below. And while conversation passed by you and you poked at your food, your mind started to shift gear back to the dreaded normalcy. 

...would things still be like this when you got home? Or had you taken a literal honeymoon during the honeymoon phase? When work came back and you two didn’t have a lot of time and other things got in the way.. would he still feel the same? Would you? When the stress came back and you couldn’t breathe and every day was a struggle... 

The sound of the plane taking off broke you out of your thoughts.  
Already it had begun. You’d faked your way through dinner, through going back to the hotel, through customs, checking bags... getting on the plane...  
“You okay?” Danny was looking your way. 

“Yeah.” Something felt wrong. It wasn’t just worrying about getting back to life. Something felt... something in your chest. Nervousness. Not about him. Not about you- even. Just that feeling. That little feeling that... 

“...you sure? You look pretty spooked.” He was concerned. You were worrying him. 

So you forced a smile. “Yeah. Probably just flight jitters.” That was what it was. Something close to feeling like the plane was going to go down- like you had the feeling of a premonition. A bad one. That really must have been it. You felt something strange and dark on the horizon, so it just had to be the flight. All you had to do was sleep through it...

His hand came down over your knee, giving you a small few pats. “We’ll be fine. Promise.” His smile did nothing for you. You tried to tell yourself to breathe. Just breathe...  
Your ears started ringing as the plane took off. Normal, right? The change in pressure...  
Just.. breathe...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time to leave Japan behind... In the same vein I won't be updating for a couple of days! Going on my own vacation. But I'll be back soon! Promise.


	19. Stay out of It

The thought of getting back to the grind was one of the absolutely worst feelings you could remember in recent times. To think you wouldn’t be waking up with him any more, getting breakfast, going somewhere amazing. Falling even more in love every day... you almost just wanted to throw everything away and stay in Japan forever. But you couldn’t do that. Vacation had come to a close and you all had things you needed to get back to. You, specifically, too, because you’d told your clients when you were getting back in. And as much as you loved not being responsible for anything, you were itching to get home and open your email.

The flight back was easier this time, somehow, and a little less boozy. Sleeping took up large chunks, in between crappy movies, meals, and just idle chatter. That and snuggling up with Danny. Getting in you thought you’d never be happier in your life to have your feet on ground. An entire flight home had been a little too much. You found yourself lucky you hadn’t gone mad in the air. The air outside the terminal was fresh and the sky was beautiful- it was hot, too, and you’d almost forgotten what that was like after being in such a chilly place for so long.

You guys took cabs back to the studio and then once there you tried to repack your luggage into your car. You’d missed that, too, driving. A part of you wondered if you even remembered how after being away from the wheel for so long. But you had a little bit more to attend to before you could just disappear.

Said business was actually blocking your driver side door, leaning up against it with his arms crossed. After slamming your trunk closed you came to him and his hands were immediately taking hold of your hips. “What’s the plan?” Asking you like you had any idea at all. Despite not actually being there anymore, you still had yet to switch back to normal you.

“I don’t know,” You answered honestly. “I have to get back in and take stock of the situation before I can commit to anything.” What everyone’s needs were. You were already starting to put everyone above yourself. That’s just the way things were.

“I’ll call you.” Despite him saying this was what he was going to do, not asking, he sounded the tiniest bit distraught. Like the thought of not having you at his side was too much to bear. This was probably for comedic effect but... you’d been feeling like this too, hadn’t you?

“You can come over whenever you want. I’m probably not leaving home for a while.” Except if someone needed you to come out, which may have been more than likely, but you could always text him to let him know if that happened to be the case.

“Cool. I’ll hold you to that.” He pulled you closer, grinning lightly, giving your nose a slight nudge with his own. “Don’t drown, alright? I can’t just drag you off to Japan the next time.” He was half joking but the reason behind it was serious. You were already talking about being sequestered under a pile of work. It wasn’t healthy. And you’d only been back for less than ten minutes.

“So drag me somewhere else.” You smiled back, leaning up into him to press your lips to his.

“To bed, even?” He was giggling already. Couldn’t help himself.

“We’ll see.” The answer was more than likely. But you didn’t need to give him any more ideas. Or yourself. You needed to actually be able to concentrate on work and that would be too hard if you fantasized about getting into bed with Danny.

You shared one last kiss with him before bidding goodbye to everyone else and finally driving home. Just as easy as you remembered. Everything was waiting where you’d like it, too. Like your laptop. All charged and ready for you to sit down and work... the first round of emails were sent off before you actually opened your inbox, which was sitting at a steady 106 emails. Nothing out of the ordinary, in fact, you were almost impressed it was that little.

But there was one starred one .... and it was from Mark. Which was weird. You had your phone on you the whole time. If it was important wouldn’t he have just texted you? Or maybe he hadn’t wanted to bother you? Maybe he’d thought it could wait until you got home. Inside was a link to .... Game Grumps reddit. A place you knew existed. Almost by fairy-tale lore alone. You’d heard about it from them. In passing. And how dangerous it was. Sort of. But why had...

**> It’s probably nothing big, but I thought you should take stock of the situation**

These were not words Mark would use without being nervous about something. And wanting to take it seriously. So this struck a real chord of panic. What had happened? Were they talking about you? Had they realized?

You clicked on to it and it was filled with comments. But before you could scroll down you actually had to click the actual video the thread was about. And it was titled “Danny Kisses Fan”. That same fear gripped you as you almost couldn’t click on the video and instead let your eyes wander to the first few comments.

**> I hate it when fans ask for kisses**  
** >Danny should really stand up for himself more**  
** >poor guy can you imagine**  
** >absolutely gross**

So with that being absolutely enough you loaded it up. It took you a couple of seconds to actually place where the video was happening. Being shot behind you, the only thing you could be thankful for... they couldn’t see your face. You and Dan were embracing tightly before you leaned back, he spoke something to you, waited a moment, then leaned in for a kiss that seemed tired before pulling back and- the video cut.

**> Caught this while trying to leave the parking lot of LAX. Just got back from vacation! Poor Danny. I just saw him have this girl come up to him and ask for a kiss. You can see he’s thanking her for being a fan of the show while hugging her and then she goes too far. Don’t you think?**

**>...are we sure it’s a fan?**  
** >she’s not with him if she were traveling she’d have a suitcase too right?**  
** >oh yeah I guess that’s true**  
** >god damn people like her**  
** >Look at Arin staring at them he must have felt so disgusted**  
** >I hope he had a good vacation otherwise though!**

So many questions. You had so many questions. This was their community. Finally you were taking a look at it. And ... unfortunately, already, it did not like you. Or, more aptly put, it did not like the person who seemed like she was forcing herself on Danny. Which was fair- one question now being did he have fans ask him to kiss them enough for this to be an obvious occurrence? He wouldn’t now, right? You hoped not. ...no, you knew he wouldn’t.

The biggest question was what should you do about it? And you had to finally switch back into work mode to get that answer. The answer, of course, was nothing. Yet. If you came out and said that was you and explained the situation, that would cause a huge backlash. You especially couldn’t do that without telling Danny first. This was his life, too. Not just yours. And you couldn’t just protect yourself anymore. Even if... that was what your strongest instinct was telling you to do. First and foremost you were your most important client. But... you had to expand a little beyond that.

They seemed mad it was a fan that forced herself on him and took advantage of his kindness and willingness to please his fans. That was a natural reaction for a community that loved and admired him. And that was fine. Pushing yourself into that situation was just asking for trouble. Maybe nothing would come of it. Maybe one day when you were really introduced you could laugh the story off and tell them that was actually you. For now... for now all you could do was close the window and try to put it out of your mind. Let them talk amongst themselves in the large echo chamber.  
Don’t think about it.  
Don’t do anything...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold your breath. Things will be okay...


	20. He'd See Her Again

**_December 16th, 2008_ **  
_Skyhill was playing at the End soon, and checking out the venue was the best idea he had- although... it was more nerves than anything. Dan could play a hundred shows over but feeling unprepared for every single one would just be a thing that always happened. Maybe it kept him sharp. Maybe he liked the rush of adrenaline that came with the fear of the unknown. Would the show go well? Would the people like it? Would they come back? Get booked again and again? Finally hit it? There were no answers to these questions, none that he would find at the moment, anyway._

_He’d never really know until they actually played the show and that was a few months away still. But he had some down time, and he was in the village, so it was time to go sit down at the bar. The problem was that it was early, and while they were open, it was dead. The ticket counter at the immediate front of the open door had no one inside- simply because no shows were playing. If nothing else it would be a good place to get out of the snow and sit down for a minute to get warm before he went back home._

_The bar was smaller than he would have thought but by no means tiny on its own. The stage was up in the front and center, elevated slightly, with tables and booths crowding it on all sides. There was a wing of tables off to the left in the back, too, probably for latecomers- although those that were exceptionally late would probably just stand. If the house was full, that was. There were probably never any guarantees. Right up from the front door after the queue that was supposed to serve the ticket counter was the bar itself._

_Sleek, nice wood, and a large floor to ceiling cabinet of drinks. Most of which, he noted, along the top would probably never be touched. Only for show. There was a single woman inside and... while not what he’d come in for, he couldn’t help an inaudible take of air through his lungs. It caught him off guard, for sure. She was wiping down the counter from what looked like... small shards of glass and freshly poured liquor had been dusting its top. Had he just missed something?_

_“Hey.” Danny offered, sitting down at one of the stools directly in front of her while shuffling off his scarf and unbuttoning his jacket._

_She didn’t even look up at him. “Show’s not for a while yet.” Breathing out in a sigh as she leaned back and and away to wring the towel in the sink behind her._

_“That’s okay, I’m not here to see anyone.” Just to get a quick drink and... well. Now he wanted to talk with her. “My band is actually playing here in a couple of months.”_

_She had no reaction to this, something that made him feel worse for offering it as a conversational piece. She’d probably seen millions of bands come in and out. And she still wasn’t looking at him. “Cool. Can I get you something to drink?” Her eyes were actually affixed to the front door with every passing moment. She’d not spared a single glance at him._

_But he was looking watching her every move. The soft lines of her face, the almost perpetual downward tilt of her lips in a quiet frown. The tired look in her eyes... There was a lot to be said of bartenders in New York City, especially the ones cleaning up hours before shows. She was probably trying to work her way through debt and not budging the number an inch. Downtrodden. Slowly giving up. “Uh-“ He said after a moment, realizing he’d been silent for too long thinking about her. Things he couldn’t possibly know. “Sure.” This wasn’t an answer either, though. “Whatever’s your favorite.”_

_He thought he saw her roll her eyes and the reason behind it he could only guess. He was being an annoying patron. She snapped the cap off a dark bottle of beer with some sort of Brooklyn label on it before sliding it in his direction. He cupped it with his hand before pulling back. The condensation on it was thick- and red-_

_“You’re bleeding-“ She must have been careless cleaning up whatever had happened before._

_She held her palm up and out, fingers stretched before curling in quickly. “Shit. Sorry. I’ll get you another one.” When she reached out to take it from him he pulled it away._

_“It’s fine, but you should take care of that.” He stole some napkins off the side of the bar and handed them to her. Which was stupid, honestly, she probably had a first aid kit underneath that she could have used._

_But it was worth it._  
_For the first time she looked at him since he’d come in. And smiled. Just a little. Though it was with the same tired force that she carried her entire existence with. “Thanks.”_

_He smiled back, warmed simply by her notice. She was beautiful. “No problem.” In her eyes he saw a million different parts of her life. And maybe his own. Maybe he was stupidly naive and blindly crushing on someone he had no business with. For little reason, too. Maybe frostbite had taken hold of his brain. But when she smiled... god, all he wanted was to live the rest of his life waking up to a look like that. “My name’s-“_

_Before he could even try to wrangle the beginnings of that dream the door slammed open, hitting back against the wall before bouncing back on its hinges. “Are you cooled down yet?” A beast of a man lumbered in, but Danny didn’t take much time looking at him._

_Instead he was looking at her. And everything that man inspired in her._  
_Fear. Anger. Desperation. Her eyes had left his and gone to the one calling out to her. Accusing her. She wilted almost immediately. Danny felt something he tried not to let take hold of him very often. Anger. Very real anger._  
_Something was not right here._

_“Not now Kyle.” Her tone became subdued. Not just in the service-industry kind of way. Not just in the polite-because-there’s-someone-else-here way. Quiet because if she raised it there would be consequences._

_“Yes. Now. ABBIE!” He cupped his hands around his mouth although he really didn’t need to, bellowing just right of Danny’s head. The doors to the side of the bar opened and another woman appeared. “Watch the bar. ___ and I need to talk.” The girl only looked at the woman Danny was so infatuated with once before nodding. She was scared, too._

_“Hey-“ For whatever stupid reason Danny tried to insert himself into a situation that was churning his gut. This was wrong. He could feel it. The mood had gone sour-_

_But as she walked by she brushed his arm just once. “Don’t worry about it.” And murmured this to him in a tone so gently sweet that he almost wanted to cry._  
_Don’t worry about it._  
_Don’t worry about me._  
_I’m used to it._  
_And you’ll probably never see me again, anyway._  
_Don’t waste your time._

_It said all those things and more and it shocked him to his very core how used to the situation she must be to be able to speak all those things in four simple words otherwise. It left him quiet as she disappeared out into the blustery winter without a coat. Without anything but a hulking arm tight around her shoulder. Pulling on her. Putting her in her place._

_“She’ll be alright.” The girl referred to as Abbie said after a moment. “She can handle herself.” Danny didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say, actually. Or if it was worth saying anything at all. Instead he just sipped at his beer, still fingerprinted with red spatters. And he waited. She never came back._  
_But she would eventually... right? He had a show there in February. ...he’d probably see her again.. right?_


	21. Stop Hiding the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for a tough ride.

The problem with waiting things out was that gave you more chance for things to go wrong. What could you do? Inserting yourself into that situation was asking for more trouble. But hoping that it would die on its own was too much to ask for. You knew this. You knew. You had dealt with too many of these situations to know when a storm was coming. You felt it in your bones. You had a good sense for things like this. So instead of working on your other clients, you worked on your situation.

And you had to be careful. You had to look at this from every single angle. Because if you missed anything, you’d slip into the depths of hell the likes of which you could not escape. Every answer to any question that could come up had to be quick and genuine. For the first time in a long while you were very scared- you were... frightened.

A feeling in your gut that was not new. But where from?  
Why had Danny wanted to keep you a secret?  
Why had you wanted to be kept a secret?

Your personal life was a sacred space. That’s why. You didn’t want people looking at you. Involved with you. Trying to pick apart your things. But that’s what was heading your way. Sooner rather than later, you knew. So you cut off contact for a day to sit down and really try and hash this out. Mark had only sent that link to you, you’d known. Because if Danny had gotten it, or had seen it, he’d be talking to you. He’d be there with you. But he was blissfully unaware. And that was fine.

You could handle this on your own. You could. This was your specialty. This is what people hired you to do. Get them out of shitty situations they put themselves into. And that was when you knew what you had to do. It was just shitty that you had to wait around for the other shoe to drop.

Luckily. Almost. You didn’t have to wait too long.  
You knew where it was coming from. The picture that that fan had taken of you and Suzy and Holly. The supposed cousin. The video of you and Danny had been dark and blurry at best, but pretend internet sleuths were good at pretending.

**> Found some grumps at the airport a couple weeks back! Just got back from vacation so I didn’t have a chance to post it!**

These posts were scattered among the reddit. You’d checked back to look. Some pictures of the day you guys were leaving had appeared much earlier, but none with you in it. So no one had cared. But this one finally came through. And you only counted yourself lucky that you were there to intercept.

**> Who’s the other girl?**  
** >She said she was Holly’s cousin!**  
** >oh she’s cute**

Little harmless comments like this rolled in for a few minutes.

**> are she and Danny wearing matching scarves?**

That was the comment you were looking for. Yes. You were, in fact, wearing matching scarves. Said scarf was actually sitting around your neck still and while you refreshed and refreshed and refreshed while shaking on the couch you were tugging at it. Like a security blanket. Would you have an answer for this? Should you?

No. You already knew. This kind of comment was harmless. Let them inspect it and talk to themselves about what it meant. You still didn’t need to get involved, no matter how much the fire inside of you was burning to do so. Your face was up there. Right in the public eye. They could see you-

They. Could. See. You.  
A headache swelled and suddenly you couldn’t breathe. You didn’t want to be seen. Danny hadn’t wanted you to be seen. But why? Why??  
Would they start looking? Would your clients see it? Would- he- see-

**> that ain’t her fucking cousin**

This comment came almost two whole hours after the thread had actually gone dark, not that you were keeping track of the time.

**> I know who that is lmfao she's definitely banging him**

This. This was the moment you’d been waiting for. You didn’t know why, you didn’t know how, but it was.

**> who is it?**

Who was that? Who was behind that handle? Who was posting those comments? Who was the one who said they knew you? Get a hold of yourself! Get it together!  
Hours of planning, a whole day, was going down the drain as you let panic take hold of you. You couldn’t breathe. You felt like something was choking you. Heard screaming. Familiar shouting. They were talking while you were busy on the floor, dragging your nails across the wood. What was happening?

Who?

The shriek of your phone going off broke you out of it. Hadn’t you turned- no. Not your cell phone. Your house phone. You pulled yourself to your feet and practically yanked it off the wall.

“H-hello?”

“___.” Mark’s voice rang clear on the other line, tight and low. When you only responded in quick panting, “Are you okay? Is it-“

“I see it! I see it...” He was there, too. He was watching it happening. How? Why? Why was he looking at this? Looking after you.

“Do you need-“

“No! I-I’ve got it.” You’d dissolved into a mess and you still couldn’t understand why. But you didn’t need him to clean up after you. That’s what you did for him. You didn’t need him. You didn’t need anyone. “I’ve got it.”

“Let me come over-“ He sounded desperate. Like he could feel as much as you could about this situation. Like he knew ... like he felt it all.

“Don’t. I’m fine.” You tried to put on your best totally-not-freaking-out voice on. “I’m fine. Stay where you are.” After that you hung up on him.

So much was happening so quick. Your head ached. You were having a hard time concentrating. But you did what you needed to do. You got in contact with the mods. You proofed them about your situation, about who you were- but you let them know that you could handle it. That you only needed one bit of interference on their part. The part you knew would be the hardest. Personal information-

This was not what you had prepared for. This was plan Z. Worst case scenario.  
Danny hadn’t wanted you on there...  
You hadn’t... you were protecting yourself- he was protecting you- like he knew-

**> Her name’s ___ and boy do i feel fucking sorry for that kid if he’s fucking her**

**> How do we know you’re telling the truth?**

You refreshed in just enough time to see this. And then refreshed again in just enough time to see a deleted link and one comment-  
**> DUDE that’s FUCKED UP don’t put that shit here!**

Whatever picture he’d posted- and. Almost. Almost you knew exactly what kind of picture... the mods had taken care of it. Your email chimed and you saw their name on the bar up top. Probably telling you they’d taken care of it. And now all you had to do was get involved. Save face. While he had the community upset about whatever it was he posted... you had to take them back.

And so you did. You opened a new post while the picture one was still buzzing and filled it out. Without hesitation, because you had little time to wait any longer, you sent it in. And then you reread it.

_"I come to you not out of the fear caused by the lies that were told but for the compulsion of honesty that should have been expressed in the first place. It was not right to lie. Instead of creating false stories to try and placate the userbase, we should have been honest and trusted that you guys would understand. But we didn’t, and so we made our beds so to speak. We deserved that- I deserved that. And I apologize. There is no one to blame save myself. I was nervous and scared and I should have just let things fall where they would. Instead I created something false and led people into searching for the truth._

_Well, here it is._  
_My name is ___, and yes, Danny and I are together. We have been for a while. We should have trusted that the fanbase would not react violently or jealously to this, but we didn’t. Or I didn’t. I really should have, but I was scared. Hindsight and everything that comes with it- all that... all that to say that I’m sorry and while I want to ask for your trust in this now, trust that you will respect our private lives when we did not respect your intelligence and own feelings, it may be too late but I’m hoping that it’s not. I’m really sorry. I will get my own personal matters sorted out, and I ask for no involvement to be made from the community or the site. If I had just done what I knew was right in the first place none of this would have happened._

_I’m really sorry. "_

You felt like throwing up. The energy left your body, almost so much so that you couldn’t be bothered to refresh. Did it matter at this point? Whether they accepted your apology and turned on him or ousted you and renounced your relationship- did any of it matter?  
Honestly?

**> hey man we get it things like this are tough to figure out how work with the public and all we don’t blame you**  
** >we’re sorry you have to deal with such a scumbag**  
** >We understand!**

That was all you needed. A handful of positive comments up top. The battle was over. Everything else that flooded in afterwards was positive, and if it wasn’t, because of the general attitude of the community, the negativity got downvoted into hell until the user deleted it. You’d seen this a million times. You’d just never thought you’d have to use it for yourself.

But this was what you were good at. Saving face. Saving your own fucking hide had never been part of that process, but at least you knew enough to do it.

Whatever came after that didn’t matter. So you shut your laptop and got into your car. You needed to go talk to him. Make sure you were on the same page. The rain rolled in as you turned your engine on and pulled out. You needed to call him to try and brief him on the situation. Showing up wet and in a panic wasn’t going to help anyone.

The only problem was that the second your phone turned back on you got a call. You expected it to be either of them- Danny. Mark. They probably both knew by now. Mark had probably called him to let him know you were freaking out. Battling the userbase.

But that wasn’t it at all.

Not even close.

“Hey, babe, you miss me?”

A million years of misery flooded over you. You felt every fracture. Every break. Every bruise. In a city that didn’t care about you. With no one to run to. No one that loved you. No one to protect you. Only yourself and a monster.  
Your monster.

It didn’t matter how far you’d run. “I promised I’d find you, didn’t I?”


	22. Please Remember

**_December 26th, 2008_ **  
_The day after Christmas the city was a dead zone. People were either still with their families or sleeping off the drunk haze of food and booze. But the End was open. And he couldn’t get her out of his head. He was still focused on the show, of course. That was his livelihood. What he’d spent so much time and effort making. The band was everything to him. Singing was everything to him. ...and yet this woman he knew nothing about, the woman with the sad eyes and the tired smile and the monster who had taken her away..._

_He had kept thinking about it over and over. Should he have gotten involved? Should he have done something? Anything? What business was it of his?_  
_None. None at all. But he couldn’t make it stop. He played it at every angle wishing he’d done something else. Come in sooner. Stopped the fight. Called out to her. Asked for another drink. Something. Anything..._

_And when he stepped in at quarter past four, the sun setting, it was the exact same experience. The deadness. The quiet. The empty ticket counter. The stacked chairs and the woman at the bar cleaning up- at least this time it didn’t seem like there was glass. And she wasn’t bleeding. But she didn’t look up, either._

_“Show’s not for a while yet.” She had probably said this line a million times with how rehearsed it sounded, but even though it was the same, there was just the slightest bit of difference from a couple of weeks ago. She sounded much more tired. This could simply be because she’d served a rowdy crowd the night before. Or who knew she was still studying at college or- any other reason._

_But Danny didn’t think so. “That’s okay, I’m only here for a drink.” She had no reason to remember him. She had probably seen millions of faces, though that was suspect. She couldn’t even look at him, did she ever look at any of her patrons?_

_“What can I get for you?”_

_“Whatever you like the best.” He was doing this on purpose, trying to spark some sort of memory. I’ve been here before, don’t you remember? Please remember... She even served him up the same local beer that she had before. At least that hadn’t been a lie._

_There was no blood on it this time. And after a few moments there was also no vicious boyfriend coming in to take her away. Not that she needed his presence to do that. She was a million miles somewhere else. Danny just wanted her to be there with him. Then she did something that surprised him- “Did your band play yet?”_

_She remembered?_  
_That stupid spark of beautifully naive hope engulfed him in one fell swoop. “Uh-“ He’d been playing it cool up to that moment but now she’d thrown him for a loop he couldn’t shake. He was smiling like an idiot, too. “No. February.”_

_When he looked up from his beer she was looking at him- well- not exactly. She was smiling, tiredly, just the way he remembered. And her eyes were straight but not at him. Just off to the side, avoiding looking at him but making it seem like she was. She was a pro. How awful. “Maybe I’ll get to see it.” He still wondered if she really remembered anything. But what really was there to remember?_

_In her mind she probably just associated him with the fight she’d had before. That had probably been the high point of her day, something her brain couldn’t let go of. He was just some dick who had sat down during the intermission. ...but she remembered. A little. “Skyhill. And I hope so too. I’d really like that.”_  
_He really would have liked a lot of things. Things that involved her. Why he had it so bad was beyond him. It had started out innocent. She was gorgeous. But maybe it had skewed into some sort of protector complex. The other bartender had said she could handle herself._  
_But could she? And what kind of thing was that to say about someone who was clearly circling the drain? Was she handling it? Or was she just dealing with it?_

_Speak of the devil- that other girl pushed the doors of the back open and came behind the bar. The two spoke briefly before already the moment had been busted up. “I’ll see you around.” She was leaving for the day, it seemed. He hadn’t come early enough to make any headway. Something he’d think about for a while, too._

_And as she disappeared he realized... he still hadn’t given her his name._


	23. The Good Is Gone

“Kyle.”  
You pulled on to the side of the road. There was no way you could handle this while driving. Not with how bad you were shaking. Not with how much was coming back. How much you’d buried. Made go away. Tried to forget. Tried so hard.

“Oh baby, I’m flattered.” How had he found you? One picture on reddit? Maybe it had coerced him into trying to ruin your life. Reminded him how much he loved doing that. One picture. One name. Maybe that was all it took. A little cruise through the white pages. A few bucks thrown down on one of those internet sites to see everything about a person. You’d tried so hard to keep yourself a secret.

This was the reason. Here he was.  
It had all been for naught. All of it.

“What do you want?” You controlled your voice. You couldn’t show your fear. That was so long ago. He had no control anymore. You had your own life. Your own friends. People who cared now. A city of warmth. Not like New York. Nothing like the city. You’d run to somewhere better. Found better.

“I was thinkin’ we could get together for a little reunion soon. I do miss you, you know.” His tone was crude and sickening. Everything about it, every word out of his mouth made you want to vomit. You were shaking uncontrollably. The unfortunate part was that it wasn’t in anger.

You were still scared.  
Scared he’d come and get you. Find you. Take you.

“Fuck off. Leave me alone.” Words you hadn’t had the strength to speak to him back then. But you were different now. Everything about you was different. You were stronger. You had to be...

On the other end was only laughter. “C’mon babe, you’re picking that scrawny piece of shit over me?” He must have been talking about Danny. “He couldn’t even take a hit.” Danny wasn’t really a fighter... you knew that. But you didn’t need him to fight for you. “Was he the one who dragged you away?”

This broke your sense of comprehension a little bit. What the hell was he talking about? When you’d disappeared? “I didn’t even know him then.” No. That had been... “You’re talking about Mark.” Your anger to rectify his broken knowledge dragged this up out of you.

The memories of the hospital. The bathroom of the bar. That night... that awful night.  
Mark had been on vacation in the city with his family. You’d only met him a couple of times in person before that. It had been hard, but you’d made it work because you needed each other. Found each other on that stupid Xanga bullshit site and never stopped talking. Days. Nights. Until phone numbers got exchanged and it became all the more real. Then the first meet up had happened and you’d hugged for hours.

_He’d been with you through so much, and that night had been the worst. You’d dragged yourself in the back to call him. Frightened. Scared. Bleeding out of what felt like every orifice. So many broken bones._

_“I’m sorry- I’m so sorry Mark-“ Your voice was crackling, blood bubbled out from your lips. “I can’t-“_

_“Where are you? Tell me where you are I’m on my way- okay? Just-“ He hadn’t been as strong then, either. Already his voice had been shivering just hearing you. He’d known for a long time._

He’d begged you to run. To get away from that monster. But you’d never listened. Not until that night. Not until you’d dragged him out of his hotel room to the End to witness you in a bloody heap on the floor. Where he’d cried and cradled you in his arms, promised you things would be okay. Got you to the hospital. Spent the rest of his vacation sitting beside you.

You’d almost forgotten all about that...  
Because you’d put it behind you. Put Kyle and the dark hold over his life behind you. You hadn’t wanted to remember. Not that. None of that...

“Heh- fucking really? Shit. Wow. WOW.” He sounded practically delighted over remembering it all- or maybe he’d always remembered. Probably. It was probably only you reliving it all. “He didn’t even come back for you? I knew it. I knew he was a pussy.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” What on earth was he going on about?

“You’re gonna sit there and tell me you don’t remember? Did he never-! WOW!” He was laughing himself sick at your expense. This was probably all a trick to get you to stay on the phone with him. To talk to you until he got to wherever you were- if he was even in state. But you couldn’t fathom what he was talking about. “That little fucking shit Danny- that’s his name right? Tell me you don’t remember!”

What was he trying to say?  
It hurt. It hurt to go back to that night. That was what he was talking about, right? It was fractured and bent and painful. You remembered that hand around your throat- you remembered- did you remember-

“He has to know. He has to fucking know, babe. You don’t remember? Him and his shitty gay band played the club that night. Tried to get between us but I put a stop to that real quick.”

Everything went white.  
There was static in your ears.

“He’s fucking cleaning up after his mess! You’re his dirty little burden. And you thought I was bad? Hehehahahaha!”

Hot tears trailed over your lashes and down your cheeks. You stared straight ahead down the side of the dark road. The shore. You heard the shore. The same place with the gulls and the breeze that you heard just before Mark had called 911 for you.  
The good place.  
The place right before it all went to hell.  
For the second time in your life. It was all going to hell.


	24. That's All She Got

**_February 18th, 2008_ **  
_He thought about her night and day. But she wasn’t his life. He didn’t even know her. She wasn’t his to save or try to save or even make a difference for. ...but he regretted not trying harder. Not coming in more. He’d focused on everything else. The show was coming up. Maybe she’d be there. Maybe she wouldn’t. And if she was there was no guaranteeing she’d even remember him. So what she’d sort-of remembered him a couple of months ago? It meant nothing. All of it was nothing._  
_At least that’s what his friends had tried to convince him of. He wasn’t so sure he felt the same._

_And now pre-show jitters were more than just that. So much more._

_When they came in early to set up, there she was. In the same spot he always knew her to be. Behind the counter cleaning up. This time he didn’t have time to sit for a drink. The house would be packed soon- he hoped. When the other members went in to ask her some questions she pointed off to the back room. Told them to do whatever they needed to get set up. Sign some papers. The usual._

_He watched her interact with them and it was the same. She looked without really looking. She smiled while being worn out. It wasn’t disingenuous, it was just her existence. And his heart was still in the state of being broken over it. But he didn’t have time for that now. He needed to warm up. To breathe and do some vocal exercises. This show had to be good._

_And yet. To his ultimate surprise... she set down that Brooklyn brew next to him and when he turned, “Knock ‘em dead.” Murmured as if it was some secret code words only they knew. Inspiring nonetheless. He’d do great- not just for him, not just for the band, not just for the crowd- but for her._

_They rocked it out. Hard. He’d never felt so alive. So elated. The show was amazing. The house was full- full of people jumping from their seats, trying to sing along, fists in the air. Everyone had a great time. He hadn’t spared a look at her because the show wasn’t just about her. His life wasn’t just about her, but he thought about her often. In his lyrics, in the things that he meant. And when their show came to an end he’d never felt such a rush._

_The only thing he could think of was going to sit down at the bar. Asking her if she liked it- finally, fucking finally breaching that line of contact. Getting in. Staying in. But he couldn’t. Just as he was stepping down from the stage he saw her being pulled by her arm out of the bar. No one else noticed- or if they did, no one else cared. Something inside him snapped._  
_And he followed._

_“-think you’re tough now?!” He half heard that monstrosity of a man screaming at her as he shoved the doors open. He was holding her outside by her throat up against the building._

_“HEY!”_  
_It was like an out of body experience. He’d never been this angry before, and certainly not for someone he barely knew. The cloud of rage sucked up his mind and was spitting back out something else entirely. Looking at him hold her like that, watching her knuckles turn white trying to make him let go- watching her struggle for air-_

 _And then that out of body experience did him another favor._  
_Some perspective._

_He let her go and she crumbled to her knees coughing, and then the man turned to him. And he felt the absolute raw power. The difference._

_Danny was a tall but very skinny man. He’d never fought a day in his life. And if tonight was when he started... his career was about to be over. In fact, that came in the form of a swift punch to the side of his face. It felt like his bones had exploded. It sent him sprawling to the sidewalk. Just like that it was over. All those scenes he’d thought up in his head- how he would make a difference, how he would do anything-_

_It was over. His bandmates came out to help him up and try and diffuse the situation with “whoa whoa whoa!”s and “hey!”s and “back off!”s._

_That was all it really took to change the dynamic. Not that that guy probably couldn’t handle all of them, but now there were too many eyes. Danny was sitting up on the sidewalk, hand covering half his face. He watched him crouch, angrily murmur some things to her- probably that this wasn’t over. She looked at him, though, right in his eyes. Full of determination and anger, something that only seemed to piss him off more._

_Maybe she was done. Maybe that’s what had happened. Something had changed. Maybe she’d told him off. Was ready to move on. And he hadn’t let her. He growled at her, low and full of promise before storming off._

_That was when he shook his friends off and got up to go to her. “Hey,” Quietly, gently as he offered his hand out to help her. “Are you okay?”_

_“I’m fine.” She pushed this out and her moment of bravery was over. She wouldn’t look at him. Just like all the other times. “Please- just-“ She ignored his gesture and stood up on her own, a little wobbly but determined. “Leave me alone.”_

_Danny could have felt any number of things. He’d just gotten involved on her behalf. He’d just been decked in the face trying to help her. What right did she have to act this way? ...but that wasn’t what he felt. He just felt pity. And sadness. And all he wanted to do was still help her. “Look- I know this is a shitty situation to be in-“ Not from personal experience but it couldn’t feel great having all these strangers standing around witnessing one of the lowest moments of your life. “Let’s go get coffee or something-“ Trying to take her away from it. To get her to sit down and have a moment-_

_And trying to offer her somewhere safe. Because he felt- he really felt-..._

_“Leave me alone. Please. I don’t need your help.” Their eyes met finally and he saw it all. A million little things in that one watery gaze. Then she pushed past him and back into the bar._

_He was left stunned on the sidewalk._  
_He knew. He knew he needed to go back in there. To take her somewhere else. To- do- anything- “Hey come on man, forget it.”_

_“Let’s get a drink somewhere else.”_

_“You need to get a steak on that face of yours before it gets even uglier!”_

_“That’s not real! ...is it?”_

_They talked around him. All of them. He didn’t say a word. Too stunned. As they collected their gear and took off down the sidewalk all he could see was her eyes. The look of fear. Of exhaustion. Desperation. He needed to go back.... but he didn’t. He couldn’t._

_They drank the night away instead._  
_And when he grabbed a Metro newspaper the next morning, hung over and absolutely beat-_

**_Brutal Attack At The Bitter End_ **  
**_An unidentified woman was carried out of the Bitter End’s restroom after being brutally attacked by an unidentified male. She is currently residing at Beth Israel listed under critical condition. The surveillance footage caught the male leaving the property at roughly 12:34 A.M. If you have any information please call 1-800-577-TIPS._**

_That’s all she got._  
_A little blurb in the paper._

_And he knew... Danny knew he’d carry that regret with him for the rest of his life._

Or. Roughly... about seven years.


	25. It Wasn't That

“Babe- oh god babe where are you?!” Danny’s voice was full of anxiety as he shouted at you from the other end of the phone. You’d hung up abruptly on Kyle after you’d returned from your attack and the world was just as dark as you remembered it. Lightning streaked across the sky. Thunder rumbled. You’d gone cold. 

“You knew this whole time?” 

Kyle had been a pox on your life for a long time, but he’d always told the truth. And he couldn’t be making that up, because you remembered it now, too. You remembered the tall scraggly boy coming in a few times, trying to push himself into matters that didn’t concern him. You remembered him. Danny. He was there in your memory.  
He was there. 

“What are you talking about? Tell me where you are- are you okay?” He was still concerned with your wellbeing. Maybe he’d always been.  
But that was why-  
It was all a lie. 

“How long were you going to wait to tell me, Dan?” You let anger settle over you like a warm, fuzzy blanket. It was so much easier to feel that than the pain that was threatening to make you drive off a bridge. Safer, too. 

“-what?” 

“How long were you waiting to tell me you knew who I was!?” Without warning your voice took off. “What was it? I was some guilty burden on your conscience?! Is that it?!” He felt bad about not staying with you at the bar? For letting you get attacked?  
It had to be. No one... no one would really love you.  
No one would... 

The other end of the line went dead and you waited. Waited while grinding your teeth. Waited for him to give you whatever practiced answer he was thinking up. He had to have known this day would come, right? Or was he simply going to live that lie forever? Was that how bad he felt? “No- that’s not it-“ But this was not nuanced in any way. His voice sounded clipped. On the verge of tears. 

“But you knew!” You just kept shouting at him. 

“Yes- yes I knew..” His tone was just above begging for you to calm down without actually asking you. “I remembered- I’ve- I’m- I knew-“ 

“The whole time! This whole fucking time! Was that why you wanted to talk to me?! Check up on the battered girl from the bar? See how she’s been holding up!?” You couldn’t stop. It all exploded out of you. 

“No-! Yes- at first, yes!” This felt like a punch in the gut. It wasn’t what you wanted. Really, it wasn’t. You wanted him to deny it even more and make it alright again. To tell you that it was never fake. That maybe he didn’t really remember.  
Kyle never lied.  
But Danny did. “But that’s not- I love you, ___! It’s not that- it wasn’t ever-!” 

“Stop talking! Stop talking!!” Tears were rushing out of your eyes faster than you could swipe at them with one hand. It was too much. All of it was crashing in on you. Suffocating you. Swallowing you up whole. 

“___ please-“ He sounded like he might be crying too. 

“Just- Leave me alone! You REMEMBER how to do that, RIGHT?!”

You took the phone away from your ear, listening to him stammer out something as you pressed the button on the top of your phone to power it off. Then he was gone. And you twisted your keys as hard as you could and took off. Drove as you cried and wailed down the highway. Until you couldn’t breathe. Until you got dizzy. 

When you pulled into the parking lot you lost it. Your hands came down on the wheel over and over and over again while you screamed yourself mad. Until your lungs gave out and you could only manage deep weeping. You collapsed against it, gripping it tightly, shaking with rage and tears. 

Never. You’d never have anything good in your life. Kyle had told you that, hadn’t he?  
He was right.  
Nothing was real. Nothing good was ever real. 

Someone tapped on your window and you had to imagine it was someone who had been standing in the lot. Witnessing you go insane in your car. In response you picked your red, wet face up from the wheel, having almost no energy after that fit and opened the door. 

Mark leaned in.  
Had you driven to his apartment complex? Without realizing it? 

“___...”  
Mark was real. Mark had never lied to you about anything. Mark had been there that night. He’d picked you up. He’d helped you. Looked after you. Protected you. 

You swayed out of your car and into his arms as the rained poured down on both of you. Your face went to his shoulder as his arms came tight around you. “Mark...” You whimpered out, finding new strength to cry again. “He- he-“ The words wouldn’t come, though, and soon you began to hyperventilate. 

He just held you, rocked you back and forth, murmured reassuring rumbles into your ear. Words you couldn’t really make out through your own troubles. It helped, though. Eventually you came down. Slowly. “Come on. Let’s get out of the rain.” He pulled back, putting his hand to your face so that he could wipe your wet hair out of your eyes. 

You just nodded as his hand took yours, fingers slipping into the open spaces, and walked side by side. Up the stairs, through the elevator. Into his apartment. The door was shut and double locked behind you and you felt a soft sense of security in it. 

He gave you a towel, let you sit down on the couch even soaking wet as you were. Sat with you. Let you cry in his shoulder for hours. Held you. Rocked you. Told you things were going to be okay. He was the only one you could believe anymore. He was the only one that had always been there. 

You said his name a couple of times as you finally started to drift to sleep. Too tired and too broken and too hurt to do much else. He only ever murmured your own back in response, as if to let you know that he was there. He wasn’t going anywhere. And-

“I love you, you know.” If you’d been conscious enough to hear this, it might have bruised you the wrong way. After everything- after all this mess...  
“Mm...” Your response came out in a half sniffle as you dropped off completely. 

Mark loved you.  
Somewhere in you you’d always known.  
Somewhere deep down. Right next to those memories you never wanted to remember.  
Just like those... would this night become just another boxed up bad experience?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This series of chapters was emotionally exhausting. Please drop some comments my way, let me know how you're all feeling...


	26. He Loves Her

The reddit had exploded in the middle of a session. It hadn’t boded well because a few frantic texts from Mark were something that couldn’t be ignored. When it bounced from one phone to the next, especially, the game had to be put on hold. And then Danny and Arin realized they’d have to scrap the footage altogether and come back to it at a later date. The TV got turned off, the mic, all of it so that they could sit down and actually take a look at what was going on. There were some strong policies about getting involved in fights on the reddit space, especially when they involved members of the group- 

But Danny’s world went dark for a moment when he finally realized why Mark was reaching out so hastily. It was about ___. Fuck.  
Fuck!

Calling her phone went right to voice mail. Danny tried three times. It was either dead or off. He thought about going to her house but she might not even be there. 

“Fuck!” Panic. He was panicking. 

“Calm down, man, I’m sure she-“ Arin wasn’t sure what to really say. He, out of all of them, knew the horror this situation was. He knew the lasting effect it could have on a person. But watching it happen to someone else, to Danny of all people... he just wasn’t sure what to do. Or say. 

“Guys,” Kevin waved them over and Danny all but rushed to his computer as he refreshed the screen. “Someone’s talking about her. -like they know her.” 

He crouched down and leaned in to get a better look at the screen as Kevin refreshed it again. Someone- a guy. Saying he knew her. And just as Kevin refreshed the page again it loaded just in time for them to catch the picture she hadn’t seen.  
She was obviously passed out- at a party or something. Someone was holding her by the hair. Of course his face was blacked out. Oh god. She was naked. Someone was trying to ruin her life- it- 

“Tell them to take that down!” His voice was shaking. His entire body was shaking. This was the reason. This was the reason... he hadn’t wanted her on the public space. What if HE found her? This was him. It had to be. Danny had known. He’d known the only way to protect her after all this time was to keep her a secret. This was his worst nightmare being realized.

“It’s gone already.” Barry wasn’t looking at the screen now, a little pale. Everyone had just got a full shot of Danny’s girlfriend naked. Not just all the grumps. The entire internet. But the picture was gone- that was good- right? 

“Hey, she put something up.” They were all on the site from their personal computers, acting as a network. Refreshing and clicking and trying to make sure they could see it from every angle. And she’d seen as the post went up. “...she’s apologizing..” 

Danny moved away from Kevin’s computer to go to Suzy’s and lean in. He felt his heart tear in two as he read her take responsibility for it all. All of it. The lie, the secrecy- when it hadn’t been her at all. It had been the rest of them. Regardless of the intention, regardless of the fact that it blew up- she was trying to protect them now. Was that it? 

But that was only half the problem solved. The other half... had been a long time coming. That guy. Danny collapsed on the couch, typed in her number again, put his phone to his ear long enough to hear it go to voice mail again for the fourth time. She was somewhere. Somewhere dealing with this and it killed him that he couldn’t reach her. 

“Fuck...” He put his hands to his face, pressing in before pushing them back through his hair.

“She looks like she can handle herself, dude.” Ross was speaking with a mouth full of chips, offering a reassuring pat to Danny’s shoulder. 

“Stop!” He shook him off, hands curling on his lap. “Don’t say that...” It brought up memories of the city. When he’d seen her for the first time. 

“But she can. She took care of it like a pro. They all like her now so who cares?” Ross sat down beside him. 

“That guy.. that guy is gonna come after her.” Danny couldn’t remember his name. It had been so long ago. He’d only remembered her. What he’d done to her. The guilt like building bile in his throat. 

“How do you know?” Arin sat down on the arm of the couch. 

“Because I know- fucking...” He was going to have to come clean. The moment was here. “When I played Skyhill in the city we met. ...but I don’t think she remembers..” 

There was a pained audible inhale behind them. Suzy came closer. “You have to tell her you know. Like- now.” The worst part was, she wasn’t wrong. 

“I tried but-“ A handful of times Danny had tried to force it out. To make it work but it never seemed like the right moment. Maybe he was hoping he’d never have to. Maybe he was also an idiot. 

“No. You have to. What if this guy remembers you? He’s gonna tell her. And it’s gonna be way worse coming from him.” Suzy seemed determined, the rest of the group was nodding in agreement.

She wasn’t wrong. Danny knew this. “I can’t get a hold of her.” That was the problem. If he had the power to make it right, he’d do it. Right then. But he couldn’t. 

“She’ll turn up, dude.” Barry offered, frowning. 

Turning up didn’t happen for fifteen full minutes later. Danny had been busy pacing, trying to text people in the area to ask if they’d seen her. All no, of course. But then finally. Finally she called. He almost fumbled his phone to the floor as he answered it. 

“Babe- oh god babe where are you??” He tried not to yell at her, but his panic was getting the better of him. Was she okay? Did she need help? 

“You knew this whole time?” Her voice was tight and quiet. 

In the whirl of it all Danny tried to believe she wasn’t talking about what he thought she was talking about. That Suzy couldn’t have been so on the nose that this was the moment breaking down over him. He didn’t care about that- he cared about her. He needed her to be safe. “What are you talking about? Tell me where you are- are you okay?” He’d started breathing hard. 

“How long were you going to wait to tell me, Dan?” Her pitch had gone up just by a little. Getting ready for something. To burst, probably.

And the world stopped for him.  
Getting caught. Finally.  
He knew it would happen eventually- that was why he’d tried- but he never- “...what?” Please. Please don’t be... please not now... 

“How long were you waiting to tell me you knew who I was!? What was it? I was some guilty burden on your conscience?! Is that it?!” She’d started screaming and talking a million miles a minute. He almost didn’t get all of it and he had to hold the phone a little ways from his face, wincing.

The rest of the group were looking on, or trying to pretend like they weren’t. But they were. He held his breath. Didn’t know how to respond. Didn’t want to make it worse. But he couldn’t stay quiet forever. She’d always deserved the truth... “No- that’s not it-“ Trying to make it work but he couldn’t. What did he want to say? What would make this better? 

“But you knew!” 

He closed his eyes tight, pressing his lips together, feeling the water hit his eyes. “Yes- yes I knew-“ He just wanted to go back. Go back a couple of days. Make that the confession- I love you- I have always- since I met you in NYC. Why couldn’t he get it all out then? They could have worked it out then. Why this way? Why? “I remembered- I’ve- I’m- I- knew-“ He couldn’t breathe. Started stuttering. Panicking in full. He was losing her.  
Good god he was losing her... 

“The whole time! This whole fucking time! Was that why you wanted to talk to me?! Check up on the battered girl from the bar? See how she’s been holding up!?”

He felt sick to his stomach. That that’s what she thought of him- and she had every right, too. Every right. He was some sick creep. He had to have been for letting it go on this way. 

“No-!” Lying. He was lying. And immediately he bit his tongue and tried to fix it. He couldn’t lie anymore. “Yes- at first, yes!” When he’d seen her the first couple of times by Mark’s side at the office he had thought he must be dreaming. That life wasn’t like that. You couldn’t just find that person again. But then, life was like that. Cruel. Reminding him of what he’d done. Or not done, as the case had been. “But that’s not-“ What could he do? He was losing her. It hurt. 

Every part of him hurt. The tears flew down his cheeks in small droplets. “I love you, ___! It’s not that- it wasn’t ever-“ He loved her. With every part of him. It hadn’t been sick fascination. It hadn’t been guilt. After five minutes of talking to her at the party, seeing how far she’d come. How happy she was now. And that she was as beautiful as he remembered... he loved her. He loved her more than he could say. 

“STOP TALKING! STOP TALKING!!” She absolutely shrieked at him. 

He choked a breath in as he pressed his hand to his eyes. “___, please-“ Don’t go. Please don’t go. Let me make this right. Let me make it up to you. Anything.  
Please.... 

“Just leave me alone! You remember how to do that RIGHT?!” 

It was like she’d stabbed him in the gut with a knife. “___ please, I love you, it wasn’t about that it was never about that- I love you- please don’t go-“ Everything he’d been carrying around with him for years welled up in one horrible moment as he collapsed on to the couch. She was gone. The call had disconnected. 

He threw his phone across the room and breathed in a couple of times, hitched, before it really hit him. He pressed at his eyes over and over to make the tears stop but they wouldn’t. He couldn’t breathe. It hurt. It hurt more than anything he’d known in his life. To know she was out there. To know what she thought of him now. That she thought it was all a sham. To know that she’d never love him again. That it was over- 

It felt like he was being snapped in two.  
“Hey- man...” Someone was approaching. He couldn’t face any of them. 

“I just- I fucking- need a minute-“ He couldn’t deal with any of this. His phone was scooped up as he disappeared out the door and to the back. To the lot. Imagining all the times they’d met there. Sat on the hood of her car. Talked. Sipped coffee in the cafe. Laughed together. 

Gone. All of it was gone.  
He should have tried harder. Done something. Anything... 

His phone vibrated in his hand and he lifted it up through the rain, hoping to see her name on the screen. Instead, it was Mark’s. He answered it silently. But Mark took the hint. 

“She’s here.” His voice was solemn. 

“Thank you.” Danny’s was hoarse and tired. At least he could rest easy knowing she wasn’t crying in some ditch on the highway. She was at Mark’s. Safe. Mark was the one that had tipped them off to this whole thing going down, too.. now that he thought about it... “Did you-“ 

“What did you do?” This almost came out of nowhere. Danny had only seen Mark’s serious side a few times, but it was a force to be reckoned with. 

He just didn’t have the strength to deal with this after everything else. To be accused by another force. “I lied to her for a long time. Is that what she told you?” Bitterness was taking hold of him because he was too weak to deal with the sadness any longer. 

“She sat in her car and beat the shit out of her steering wheel while screaming at the top of her lungs. Then she collapsed in my arms and cried.” And just like that the anger resolved itself as the wash of failure and pure misery came back tenfold. She wasn’t just angry, even if she had a right to be.

She was devastated.  
Danny knew he wasn’t the only one who had been in love. She’d loved him, and maybe she was feeling like hers had been of a truer sort. So true that to think the guy she loved had been lying to her, had just been picking up after himself... he couldn’t take it. Couldn’t face himself after all that, let alone her. He’d crushed her. Broken her into pieces. 

He was no better than that piece of shit... after all this time.. no better... 

“I don’t care if she doesn’t want to see me- you have to make this guy doesn’t come after her-“ Panic made a renewal as he thought about him. Regardless of what he was to her now... he loved her too much to think about him getting his hands on her. Even if.. even if he couldn’t protect her himself. 

“Kyle. I know.” Mark said this with such certainty. Danny had never questioned how she and Mark had known each other. Just known they’d gone back a little ways. But to think that far? That he knew about all that? 

“Did you-“ Did he know? This whole time too had he been keeping that from her? 

“Not about you. I would have told her.” This wasn’t accusatory, but it still was like a kick in the face. Mark would have said ‘hey that’s the guy that skipped off after your monster of a boyfriend said he was coming back for you’. Yeah. Mark would have.  
Danny should have, too.  
But he’d been so scared. So scared of losing that feeling. Losing her. Her smile. Her laugh. Her love... “I didn’t even know you liked her, man.” This seemed like a ridiculous thing to be saying, all things considered. They had been serious for a while- but Danny realized that’s not what he meant. “You moved too fast for me to do anything.” Warn him, maybe? Try to let him know about her past? 

“Doesn’t matter now does it.” He said dejectedly, and to his surprise, was still crying. 

“That’s really up to you.” There was a sprig of hope in this. She was hurt, broken- and it was his fault, no doubt. But there was hope still. He could do something. Fix it. Make it up to her every day for the rest of her life if she’d let him. Maybe she would. 

Maybe...  
“But if you think I’m gonna sit here and let you hurt her again, you’re wrong.” Danny had also never been on the receiving end of a threat from Mark. It chilled him to his very core. 

Then it all sort of shifted in to place. From the wrong angle.  
Mark had been with her her whole life. Had helped her through her abusive past. Through all of it. Helped her get on her feet. Helped her build her client base, no doubt. Find herself. All this time- for years and years- and he was the one she ran to with open arms when things went wrong-

“You love her.” 

He’d moved too fast?  
Maybe Mark had moved too slow.  
Jealousy after loss was an acidic grip.

“That’s got nothing to do with this.” His answer, crazily enough, wasn’t a straight shot of defense. 

“It-“

“It’s got NOTHING to do with this. Not like that.” Mark wasn’t having it. And Danny suddenly felt bad for hanging on to that string. “I’m not gonna sit here and let someone else destroy her life! Do you know how happy I was you two were a thing?” Danny shied back against the building as if Mark was there in person scolding him. “I’m not gonna let him hurt her again and I’m sure as hell not gonna let you.”

Danny shuddered out a long breath. “I wanna- I have to fix this-“ Not even just for himself, though that was a huge reason. 

“Give her a few days.” Mark’s tone had eased up, and Danny felt ten times better for it. 

“Yeah...” That was the least he could do. “Thanks...”

“I’m not doing it for you.” This was the last thing Mark said before the call cut. Danny slipped his phone into his pocket before slicking his hair back. Then his fists came down against the building as he looked up into the stormy night sky. 

He was going to fix this.  
He had to. 

A couple of miles away Mark was sitting at his desk, watching her sleep in his peripherals. He was so, so tired of cleaning up messes. So tired of seeing her cry. Physical wounds, emotional ones. What did it matter? She had never done anything in her life to deserve the kind of shit she got put through. All he’d ever wanted to do was take her in his arms and make it all go away. 

His hands curled tightly on his lap.  
He hoped.  
He hoped that fuck came to California in search of her. He’d pay him back triple. To think that Danny had walked away that night... 

Mark shook his head.  
He didn’t deserve her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gimme dem comments.


	27. It's Okay If You're Not Okay

Four days in isolation had not served to make you feel any better. Really, with every passing day you felt worse and worse. Like you were in this deep, dark hole that you’d never pull yourself out of. You’d almost hoped that your clients wouldn’t understand that you had a personal situation on your hands so that you’d have an excuse to get it together and get back to work. No, it was worse than that. They did understand. And those that didn’t Mark set aside time to help them. He was putting up with so much for you, even going to your house to get you some clothes so that you could stay. 

Trying to make you feel better. Putting his own life on hold.  
Again. 

You were sitting on his couch, wrapped up in a blanket, cooling mug of tea in your hands. He slid a plate of food your way. “Please eat something...” 

You’d picked and nipped at a few things over the last few days but you just didn’t have an appetite big enough to make anything worth it. “I’m sorry.” It felt like the only thing you could possibly say to me.

He chuckled once coming to sit down next to you. “Hey, don’t apologize to me. You’re not doing anything to me.” 

“Just taking up your space and your food and your time and-“ 

“Hey hey hey knock that off.” His hand patted your leg through the blanket a few times. “I want you to have all that stuff. Honestly. It’s not like I’m doing anything good with it.” His smile was nice, but not terribly inspiring. You had smiled almost as much as you’d eaten in all this time. 

You didn’t have much of an appetite for that, either.  
It felt like all the happiness had gone out of your life. You kept replaying that phone call over and over. Wished your emotions hadn’t gotten the better of you. Usually right before you wished he’d just been straight with you. Why couldn’t he have just said something about it at the party? Because you were drunk? ...maybe. Maybe he was worried it might not stick.

But then why take you home? Why fuck you? Why let this persist with that lie hanging over him this entire time? It just felt like it made everything so much cheaper. Now you were thinking about to all the times he looked at you. Was it not what you thought? That he was just looking after you? Felt bad for you? 

It made you sick. And sad. And broken.  
You were broken. Without him. Because of him. 

You pulled your knees to your chest and buried your face in your legs as you begun to cry for what had to be the thousandth time that week. Mark’s arm came around you. “Hey, heey...” 

It was a different kind of pain than broken bones and bruises- but almost just as deep. And it was worse because... because Kyle was scum. Maybe he never even really loved you at all. But Danny? ...Danny had loved you.. hadn’t he? It couldn’t have all been for nothing. Couldn’t have all been because he felt guilty... And part of you thought you were playing right into his hands. He was the one who told you about all of this, made you remember.

Made you angry. Made you call Danny screaming.  
Danny had fucked up, but had Kyle pushed the panic button for you? Had he ruined your relationship as part of some carefully crafted rouse? ...well, unlikely it went that deep. He’d probably just seen an opportunity to make you miserable years later and jumped on it. Because who knew why. He was sick and demented. That’s why. There was really no more reason than that.

But he was winning. He’d done what he’d set out to do. You and Danny were split.  
And you were miserable. 

You almost sort of wanted Kyle to come out and find you now. Just so you could take a shot at him. Hurt him for what he’d done to you. You’d up and ran before you’d ever had a chance before. Maybe if he appeared to do whatever it was he wanted to do you could pop him right in the mouth and kick him in the junk over and over until he screamed for mercy. And even then not stop. He deserved it. 

You were no longer frightened of him, which you guessed was a good thing. You could take care of him yourself. You didn’t need anyone to fight your battles for you. Not Danny. Not Mark. Maybe that was just it. Maybe you were unlovable- or maybe it was just smarter to not do this anymore. It took much out of you. You just couldn’t anymore. 

Pulling yourself together you wiped away the rest of the tears. “Can we go out?” You hadn’t seen the sun in person in days. 

“Oh- yeah! That’d be great.” He was happy that you were ready to do something, no matter what it was. This time when he smiled, you smiled back, but it wasn’t really real. It was just because. 

You were so glad you had him in your life. You always had been. “How about that restaurant on main?” You always forgot the name but it was one of your favorite spots to be with him. They had the best bacon burgers.  
...Danny wasn’t really that into bacon-  
The thought floated in and out. It gripped at you. Everything you thought about had him in the background. And when you closed your eyes this time you could see his big grin through one of those giggling fits of his. You missed him. Terribly. You wished all of this would go away. But it wouldn’t. 

“Yeah- for sure. Let me just get my keys.” 

“I have to get changed anyway. Put on some makeup.” The ache in your bones as you stood up was unreal. Had you really been loafing on the couch for so long? 

“Aw. You look fine the way you are.” The compliment was simple and served with half grin. 

“A mess?” You and Danny would have giggled about this. He might have ruffled your hair. Mark just stood there and let you go into the bathroom.  
Stop. Stop thinking about Danny. 

You heard the tippy-taps of Mark texting someone in the other room while you brushed out your hair and put on some fresh clothes. In the end you actually forewent makeup. If he thought you looked fine... why not. 

He looked up when you came out. “Ready?” 

“Yeah. I think so.” As ready as you’d ever be. The sudden shift wasn’t going to last long. You knew your mood swings better than to believe you’d just be happy for the rest of the day. Something would trigger another weeping fit eventually and you’d dive back into depression. 

The car ride there was quiet and breezy. It was warm outside and you were grateful for it. Japan had been too cold for you. Even with his scarf- which was sitting on the back of your couch now-  
Stop.  
Stop thinking about him. What could you do? How could you make him go away?

His crazy hair and his dimply smile and the crackle of his laughter before he devolved into a fit? You missed him. You missed him so much.  
You pressed your hands against your eyes. 

Mark’s hand went to your shoulder. “You okay?” You’d probably never be okay. Not ever. 

You nodded and tried to suck it up. “Yeah.” 

In response he frowned but kept his eyes ahead. “It’s okay if you’re not okay. You can talk to me.” You could always talk to him. It seemed silly that he had to point it out to you but... you had been pretty closed off since everything had happened. You just couldn’t think of the right words to make it sound as bad as you felt. It was just like a black pit of aggressive squiggly lines in your head. You were mad and depressed and those two things came in waves and fought with each other. 

If you could just stop thinking about Danny- just stop- “I’m fine. -better than I have been.” This was a lie, but you didn’t know what else to do. You didn’t want him worrying about you. “And that’s because of you.” 

“Aw. No.” He waved his hand. “Don’t. You deserve better than you’ve been getting. Making you some food and loaning you the couch is literally the least I could do.” He was being modest but you didn’t have enough strength to argue with him. Instead you put your hand in his and gave it a small squeeze. 

The restaurant seemed empty, which was nice. Only a few cars in the lot. You guys picked a table outside near the window with an umbrella shading the area. The sun was out and high in the blue sky, only a few white fluffy clouds passing by. The waitress came out and offered you some menus but you both refused. 

“Two cokes and two bacon burgers, yup!” Mark was excited for the food.

Really all you had needed was the fresh air. You felt a little better already. Getting out and refusing to wallow in your pit of sadness was working wonders. Even if that cloud over there was in the perfect shape of that messy hair...  
Get it together. Don’t be so pathetic. 

“So, you know, I was waiting to tell ya, but you have a few offers in your email.” You’d given Mark the passwords when he’d asked, just so that he could try and help you out with the business. He was also still in the middle of doing all his videos so he was burning the candle at both ends solely for your sake. But he looked as energetic as ever.

The cokes were placed down on the table and you took a sip before answering. “Offers?” You couldn’t imagine what for. This was probably a joke about penis pills or something...

“Some firms saw the clean up job you did and were really impressed.” This was not a possibility you had thought of. Honestly you hadn’t gone back to reddit since that day. You might not ever. It wasn’t their fault, not really... but you’d forever have a sour taste in your mouth about it. But to think actual firms got a hold of that story? It couldn’t possibly have been that big. 

“That sounds ... like a scam.” The grumps fan base was big, sure. And maybe it had the possibility that people of importance watched the show. Sure... but.. honestly?

“I thought so too but some of them look pretty legit. Yooou uuh.. should take a look at ‘em. When you feel like you’re up to it.” He clinked his glass against yours even though yours was still sitting on the table. 

“Why?” This was your depression settling back in. You couldn’t fathom doing anything with your life. At least not at the moment. 

He just gave your hand a small pat. “Because moving up would be a great opportunity for you. And I know you have it in you. You’re smarter than most- hell, waaay smarter than me. You’d be making more money and there’d be more stability..” Trying to sell you on the idea. 

You really didn’t want to. But.. “I’ll look.”

“Good. Great! I’ll be good for you. I promise.” He wiggled in his seat a little sipping at least half of his coke down before standing. “I gotta pee. I’ll be right back.” 

You just waved him off and let him go. He’d been a constant force almost the entire time and while you were grateful for it, it was a little tiring too. You just thanked god that you weren’t ashamed of crying in front of him. There was a time, but that was long ago. You just couldn’t imagine being cooped up both physically and emotionally. No. Mark allowed you to be who you were and do what you needed to do and never questioned you in any capacity. 

A sigh left your lips as you directed your attention across the street. You hadn’t brought your phone with you- in fact, you hadn’t seen your phone since you’d gotten out of your car. No doubt, maybe... there were texts and voice mails from Danny. Maybe. A part of you hoped that he was still trying. As sad as that was. You didn’t want him to stop. Because you weren’t really ready to stop. But maybe you should...

Maybe you should take a look at those offers. Maybe one was far away... you could move.. start over again... and this time. God this time.. finally have learned your lesson. 

What looked like a flash of a camera bulb caught your eye off to the side of the building underneath the awning. You couldn’t imagine people were taking pictures of you- right? Or maybe they were. Maybe they were grump fans who recognized you. Maybe your picture was still getting passed around like candy. Maybe they were all still talking. Maybe Danny had said something about you. You had no idea. But someone was over there. For sure. You heard the bushes rustle and the bleep of a phone message. 

Then you saw the phone come back around the corner but when they realized you were looking they immediately pulled back. You were too worn, too exhausted to deal with this right now. Slamming your hands down on the table, just so they knew you were coming, you stood up with a screech of your chair against the pavement. Then you stomped your way over.

Whatever record you had to set straight you would. Right now. 

As you rounded the building you were blindsided. The world went a little dark as a hand came around your throat and slammed you up against the wall. Your nails dug into his wrist as you forced your eyes open wide- 

Where was that anger? Weren’t you mad? Weren’t you ready?  
Oh god oh god-  
Oh-  
“Hey baby. I’ve heard you’ve been missing me real bad.”


	28. Beg

“Ky-“ His fingers squeezed your wind pipe just enough to make the rest of his name come out in a choked wheeze.

His eyes rolled back into his skull briefly before he fluttered them back open. “Oh yeah. Those are the sweet sounds I’ve been missing.” He stepped into you, pressing his body up against yours. You were still struggling to get his hand off your throat. Nothing you seemed to be doing made any bit of a difference. “You’ve been running around with losers, baby. Forgot what a real man looks like.” He leaned in, running his nose down the side of your face.

Inhaling in. Deeply. You squinted your eyes half shut, shuddered, tried not to breathe in too hard. You knew. You knew what would happen. You’d just start choking. You’d go unconscious. He’d let you. It had happened before. But unlike this time you didn’t know what he wanted- where he would take you.

Oh god-  
Oh god oh god- where was he going to take you? What was he going to do?

The chime of the front door sounded as Mark stepped out. “___?” He called out for you, obviously disturbed that you’d taken off in the middle of lunch.

“Mm-mmm...” You tried. You really tried. Mark could maybe take him. But he ran the cold smooth barrel of a gun over your cheek and the sound died in your throat.

“Make a sound,” He whispered in your ear, “I put one between his eyes.” 

“___!” Mark was still calling for you. “Where-“ His footsteps took off down the other side of the street. As if you’d run off and he was going to find you. You couldn’t have gone far, after all. But he’d taken down the wrong side. He’d never see you now. 

It was over.  
“Good girl, gooood girl...” He patted the gun against the top of your head with a hard few clunks, praising you like an animal. Then the clunks got harder. You could hear them vibrating down from your skull into your ears with each spike of new pain. 

“What do you want from me?” His grip had eased just enough for you to get this out, though it was tight as you bared your teeth at him. 

His gun suddenly shifted to your temple and you flinched, something that got a hard laugh out of him. He was enjoying this. Savoring every last moment of this. But he was also squeezing the trigger. You could see it out of the corner of your eye, even though you were trying to keep his face in view.  
He was going to shoot you- god- please-  
Oh god- 

“Calm down baby. Not yet. Not yeet... you’re unfinished business. And you know me.” Chuckling darkly to himself. “Can’t be that way. I always get what I’m owed and you’re about- oh- what is it, now...” He pushed the barrel harder into the side of your skull. “EIGHT years overdue?!” 

“Please- Kyle- please!” Tears were streaming down the sides of your face. You couldn’t help it. You were shaking in your spot. He’d been a monster all your life- he’d hit you, beaten you, put you down, made it impossible for you to run for a long time- put you in the hospital-

But he’d never tried to kill you. You were always in a sickeningly safe spot from that treatment as long as you were with him. He’d promised that much. It was what made it so hard to run for so long.  
Well now he was making good on his threats. You could do nothing but beg. Beg for your miserable life. 

His mouth opened so you could see him licking the top of his teeth. “Ooo baby, yeah. I love the way you say my name. Missed it. I have. Really.” He was practically writhing with pleasure. When had he gotten so crazy? He’d dropped off the deep end somewhere in your absence. Maybe all the drugs had done him in. Maybe someone had hit him too hard. Who knew. He rubbed himself up against you. “Beg for me baby girl. Beg and I might take my time.” 

“Please-“ You wheezed out, trying to breathe. It was a losing battle. His fingers gripped tighter and the next beg came out choked as you started to struggle instinctively.  
You could feel the air leaving you. Feel yourself getting lightheaded. Watching his eyes watch you as you faded. The black rippled in on the edge of your vision.

God...  
Oh god.. Danny’s face- his big silly smile- the sound of his laughter rang in your ears.  
You were so sorry... you- 

“HEY- ASSHOLE-!”  
This came with no warning and you had almost no vision or consciousness left to see it. The sound of flesh against flesh cracked against the air and Kyle sprawled to the ground without another second. You collapsed to your knees, grasping at your throat, coughing. 

Someone put their hand on your shoulder but you pointed out- “Gun- he- gun-“ They had to get it. One punch wasn’t going to finish this. But when you heard the metal scrape on the ground as the weapon was picked up and aimed you felt a little bit more relieved.  
Breathe in. Breathe out- get it together- who- 

You looked up, watching Danny edge back to your side, gun pointed but shaking in his hands. He knelt down just as the sound of sirens piercing the horizon wound up. You were still coughing, still scratching at your burning throat. Kyle was writhing on the ground, touching the side of his face, screaming expletives. When you had enough wits about you to look up you could see that his nose was pouring blood. 

Cops pulled up to the sidewalk and officers rolled out onto the street, weapons pulled once they saw what Danny had. “Drop it! Drop it now!” 

He did as he was told within a fraction of a second, putting his hands up. “Hey hey! I’m not the one! I’m not the guy!” 

One officer bent down to take the gun while another approached Kyle before sitting him up and putting him in cuffs. The one who now had his gun knelt to you. “Are you alright? Can you speak?” 

You nodded dumbly. “I’m fine I-“ You weren’t. You could feel it all coming back. Danny was still kneeling, looking at you with those big brown eyes full of worry.  
How?  
How?? 

Did that really matter?  
No. No it didn’t.  
Without warning you pushed yourself off the ground and took him down in one fell swoop. Your arms went around his neck and he struggled to stay afloat before giving that dream up and falling back against the sidewalk, his arms holding you tight. “Danny- I-!” The half sounds that came out after were all wheezing, choked and pained. It hurt to speak. To say anything. To cry. 

He just held on to you, trying to sit up. “I know. It’s okay- I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry-“ He held on to you, half rocking you back and forth, squeezing you tight. When you pulled back a little he tried to take stock of you, putting his hands to your face-

And then immediately pulling back, standing up in a jolt and hopping around the sidewalk shaking his wrist. “Hooooh-! Fuck-! My hand is DEFINITELY!! BROKEN!!” 

He’d come out of nowhere. Probably had seen what was going on, had picked up speed and then hit with all his might. Of course he’d broken his hand. It left you sitting there with a dumb smile. What an idiot.  
Your idiot, in fact.

“Can we- uhm... get a quick statement...?” The cops seemed a little bewildered by what was going on around them, but they had the other guy in handcuffs and it was probably worth knowing to them if they should put the hopping idiot in cuffs too. 

You tried to clear the tears from your eyes. You said Kyle’s entire name first front to back. And then once more for emphasis. “He attacked me. Made promises. I have phone logs. And reddit pages. That gun belongs to him.” They were scribbling in their notepads. “That’s Dan Avidan. He’s an idiot but he saved my life.” 

“For what it’s worth hhuuhgh-!” Still crying about his hand. You honestly couldn’t imagine what kind of pain he was in. “I’m pretty sure the bystanders that called you,” Danny pointed to the other side of the street with his non-broken hand, “Got video.” They had to have, because most of them were still pointing their cameras in your direction. 

“You’re lucky he pulled this stunt in the middle of broad daylight.” One of them remarked, scratching the back of his head before walking away to get some more statements. 

“Lucky isn’t what I’d call it.” Mumbling to yourself. 

“Can I please go to the hospital?!” 

Mark dashed in from around the building coming to a sudden stop. Then he looked around, put his hands on his hips... “Seems like I missed a big ol’ party, huh?” 

“We’re gonna need a statement down at the station...” 

So much was going on. You weren’t sure that maybe he had just pulled the trigger and you were in some sort of state just before dying. Calling for Danny’s heroics. For him to make it right. All those years ago... But that wasn’t it.  
This was just your life. It was messy and complicated and stupid and Danny was part of it. He had been for a little longer than you’d realized but... that was okay. You’d work through it. 

For now all you could do was get to your feet and put your arm around his waist. Scared of losing him again. After all that. After how red in the face you’d gotten screaming at him. How angry you’d been. How shattered... “We can take my car.” Mark was offering. 

“Okay but we need a st-“

“Statement we got it! I need a new hand, lady!!” Danny was doing that half-joking shout- at cops, though, it seemed like not such a great idea... 

The ride to the hospital was quick, thankfully for Danny who had spent the entire five minutes of it screaming about how much pain he was in. You sat off to the side of his bed and Mark tactfully excused himself elsewhere while they were bandaging him up. Once he’d been able to pop a few pain pills, sign a few papers, and be told ‘don’t use that’ for several weeks you were free. 

And the second you were, you found yourself enveloped in his arms again. You buried your face in his chest and his forehead landed on your shoulder. “Danny I’m sorry-“ You felt the tears coming back. Would they ever stop?

“No, no fuck that. I’m sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry.” Muffled into your clothes as you heard his voice go tight. “And you shouldn’t forgive me, either. But god I really need you to.” He sounded desperate. Then he pulled back, taking your face in his good hand, angling your eyes. His were watery, yours were overflowing. “I’m so sorry. I really am- I love you. I love you so much. And it wasn’t because some shitty bar in the city gave you good backlighting or because I felt bad that fucking asshole stole your life away and I turned my back like a supreme shitbag-“ 

“Dan-“

“No- no let me finish!” He was yelling but he wasn’t yelling at you. “I love you, ___. And the thought of not having you in my life killed me. And I deserve that. I do. But please for the love of god don’t leave. Here’s me being pathetic- but it’s worth it so that you know... so that you know how much I love you.” 

You pressed your lips together watching him, seeing a few tears spill down the sides of his face. Feeling his fingers edge back into your hair as he held you. “I love you, too, Danny.” You did. And nothing was ever going to change that. All you thought about was him. And it wasn’t ever about how much he hurt you. It was how much you missed him. 

He breathed out, sounding relieved, even though his tears. “Thank god- well- thank you- really.” His lips pulled back into a half smile before he laughed a little.

And it was the most beautiful little giggle you’d ever heard in your life.  
So you let it run its course before you leaned up on tiptoe to kiss him. His arm came around your waist, though he couldn’t put his hand on your hip, and his other pulled your face closer to his, holding you there. It was sweet and perfect and washed away everything else. It was the feeling you wanted to have for the rest of your life. For as much as Danny pleaded that he needed you, you needed him just as much. 

Thank god, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodnight little rabbits! It's been an eventful, stressful day, but I hope you're all feeling better! I've still got plans, I think this is just an open-book kind of fic, so don't fret! More is coming.


	29. You Have to Try

Two weeks and six days on the dot the reddit found a brand new video to pass around and comment on a million times. When they called you both to the space and told you to sit down, wired the computer up to the big television screen you felt a slight sense of trepidation. At least... well Danny did. He had no idea. But you were still hard at work, and you almost immediately knew the cause for the scare-fan-fare. They were joking around and with the look of trepidation on Danny’s face, you almost wanted to tell him what it was about- or at least what you thought it was about. But a few more moments wouldn’t kill him.

You sat on his lap once he plopped down on the couch and everyone else piled in afterwards. He was having a little bit of trouble keeping his hands off you or being apart from you ever since the incident. You didn’t mind, really. It wasn’t anything you were unused to- even at its heightened capacity.

Barry loaded up the reddit and you watched the mouse scroll down before clicking on a thread titled ‘HOLY CRAP’. Once he clicked on it youtube loaded up. It was a vertical video, of course, something that got a groan out of everyone on the couch. And it was... a little hard to see Kyle, even if you could only see the back of him. Infinitely harder to watch yourself struggle for air, and you were thankful whoever it was that shot this was too far away to actually hear you begging for him.

Then, on long deer like legs Danny jumped one of the hedges separating the sidewalk, having probably run in from the other side of the road after spotting you. He picked up so much speed. You had guessed but hadn’t been able to know in the moment. “HEY ASSHOLE-“ He, of course, was loud enough to be heard. And then he reeled back and then spiraled forward with even more speed and force and you watched the hit connect. Tried to focus on how he rebounded and how Kyle just went down in a matter of seconds, instead of watching yourself drop and try and gasp for air.

“Look at you go man!”  
“Holy fucking shit!”

The Grumps were suitably impressed, even though it was obvious they’d all watched the video at least once before. They had to have to have called you in like this. Their accolades fit right in with the people in the background, ooo-ing and oh-damn-ing filling up the speakers.

“Yeah yeah yeah, I’m a big fat hero.” He couldn’t muster too much praise for himself, and you understood why. Even joking about that moment was still too hard. It was too real. It had happened to the both of you.

“Yeah except for the part where you start jumping around screaming like a girl about your hand.” Ross grinned widely at him.

“It was worth way more than a broken hand. For sure.” He held his bandaged left hand up as if he was almost unsure that it was still broken, his right arm curled around you a little tighter.

You leaned in, pressing a silent kiss to his temple. Your voice still hurt- or, more accurately, your throat. There was only the faintest of bruising, which felt all wrong. He had tried to choke the life out of you. You’d almost passed out. But somehow he hadn’t squeezed hard enough to get a full hand print? ...part of you was glad about that. There were just tan splotches in not-so-random areas, but it didn’t look like a full imprint of his hand. Dealing with it was more... psychological than anything else.

While Danny had become hard to separate from you, you’d become reliant on having him close at hand, too. Sleep had been harder. Nightmares were a little more frequent. And even though Kyle was still being processed and the case was being built- he was in jail, behind bars- but... around every corner you thought you saw that shifting shadow. Him waiting.  
‘I always get what I’m owed’ this rang in your ears before sliding into a high pitched siren. This was faint, too, you could hear over it just fine. But it drove you crazy.

Silent cues had become your go to, mostly because he asked you not to speak if it hurt. And it still did. He understood most of what you were trying to say at any given moment anyway so it wasn’t worth worrying about.

“The comment section is crazy.” Kevin had started scrolling through it on screen. It was nothing new to you, but Danny was leaning a little to get a better look.

Most of them were talking about Danny’s ninja abilities coming into play, wondering where Ninja Brian was, some of the others admonishing those previous commenters for making jokes about a situation so serious. A lot were glad everyone came out of it okay. Some were saying that something like this shouldn’t be posted anywhere- and most of those same ones wondered why those bystanders stood there and filmed while there was a woman being assaulted in plain view. You wondered, too. But it was far past the point of caring about it. It was over, after all.

“Is the court date soon?” Suzy was the one that broke all the awed murmuring, looking at you with understanding eyes.

“In a month.” You scratched it out. “He’s pleading guilty to most of it-“ Assault, unlawful possession of a firearm, battery-

“They’re trying to bargain down from attempted murder to attempted voluntary manslaughter.” Danny’s voice dipped into disgust that you’d become very familiar with.

The heat of passion, it was called. Meaning you two were fighting and it escalated to a point where killing seemed like an okay thing to do. You couldn’t let them have it, but fighting with them on it was getting harder and harder every day. It would reduce the years on his sentence... and you wanted him gone forever. But you were tired. So tired.

The problem was attempted murder was harder to prove. Sure he’d brought a gun. Sure he’d threatened you- sure YOU knew he was trying to kill you. But what more proof did you have than he-said-she-said? He hadn’t actually said it on the phone. He hadn’t said it anywhere you could have recorded it. So he’d had a gun and you two were past lovers and you’d fought. Because of all that ... because of that he was going to get a reduced sentence. Like somehow it was your fault, even if just a little, and that made it better for him.

“I’ll just be glad when it’s over.” You were so tired of fighting. You just wanted to be able to go to bed and not worry. Not panic. You wanted to be able to speak. You wanted Danny to be able to work on his projects again. You wanted life to go back to how it was.

Danny dipped his arm down on the side of the couch and brought back up a bottle of water, handing it to you without you even having to ask. You took it and sipped quietly. “Augh. No kidding.”

You two had yet to actually talk about how you felt about the lying. Or the omitting, as was the case. You thought you understood it. The more you thought about it, the more it made sense why he never said anything. But because of how it all happened it made you feel uneasy every time. You still loved him, that was for sure. No matter what transpired that would probably always be the case. It made it that much harder to talk about it when you couldn’t actually talk for long periods of time. But it still was something you had to hash out... right? Or did you just leave it alone?

But you knew you both felt it. Even so, it probably could wait for a long while yet. While you both physically still healed, and absolutely until after you forced yourself through the trial. It didn’t even have to go to trial. If he’d just... if he’d just plead guilty to what he’d actually done...  
Ugh. Letting a jury decide... giving testimony. Submitting evidence..

Looking at him. Him watching you. Sneering. Smirking. Maybe he’d get away with it. Maybe it would all be for nothing anyway. The jury might vote his way and then all this time and money and effort.. maybe if you just let him go for the lesser crime...

Without a word you stood up and Danny dropped his arm away from you so that you could walk out of the room. The rest of the group watched behind you and then every pair of eyes directed at him. He didn’t look back, watching you disappear through the door, frowning. “She’s not the same.” His eyes went to the floor. “She’s having a hard time.” They were going to ask, anyway, not that they already weren’t with their stares.

“I can only imagine the kind of shit this brought back for her.” Arin sighed out.

“All you can do is be there for her.” Suzy offered.

“I know I just-...”

You were trapped in a void. Let him plead lower. Let him do it. Then you could just get back to life. Forget all this. Move on. Finally fucking move on. You’d forgotten, which had been more dangerous- or more aptly put, as the court-ordered-psychologist had said, your mind had been protecting you. That little box it had sealed all those memories in had been for a reason. And now they were all out again. You were fighting. Struggling every moment of the day. Let him plead lower.  
Just do it. No court. No trial. He could just get sentenced and go to jail.  
Let him do it.  
Let him do it...

When you’d gotten outside you had no idea.  
When you’d gotten into your car you hadn’t the faintest.

But there was where you came to. Gripping your steering wheel in the parking lot of the studio. Dusk was fanning across the sky, nighttime not too far behind now. You pried your hands off the wheel and looked at the red and white skittering across your skin in the distinctive pattern your palms had been pressed against.

There was a tap on the passenger side window, nothing enough to spook you, at least not now that you were ‘awake’. You looked up once and Danny opened the door before sitting inside and closing it. His gaze was forward, hands in his lap. “You wanna talk about it?”

He’d asked you this millions of times now. But the answer was always no. No you didn’t want to talk. What was there to say? “I can’t-“ The last thing you wanted to do was have another breakdown in front of him. You tried to collect yourself, especially because when you got emotional your voice strained even more. You had to keep quiet and calm. “I’m gonna let him plead lower.”

“What?” His head shot up and he turned to look at you. “You- why?”

“I can’t do it. The trial- the time, the energy- I just... I can’t do it.” If that made you weak then so be it. At least you were honest.

“He could get life if they convict him of attempted murder. You can’t let him plead lower.” You understood Danny’s frustration. He’d be put away forever. You’d really never have to worry about him again. But... but.. He had to lean over to put his right hand on your leg, since his left one was out of use. “I’m here, ___.” You’d been close to another walk through wonderland but he kept you just in its edges. “If-...” It seemed like this physically pained him. “If you can’t, then I understand. But I think you should try..”

You had one month. One month until you either accepted the bargain and walked from court or walked into court and let the jury decide. You just wanted it to be over. You were ready. You’d unknowingly been ready for more than seven years.

Finally you found yourself nodding, pressing at your eyes lightly to keep the tears at bay. “I’ll try.”

“Good.” When you chanced a look up at him he was smiling at you, though it was just as tired as you felt. No doubt he was running on empty, too.

“Can we go away somewhere-...” When it was all over you were getting that flighty tingle. Running away again. But this time in a little less permanent manner. Just for a little while. “I know you’re busy but-“ He had his own stuff to do, and he was slowed down considerably right now, too. Asking him to do this might be a little too much-

“Anywhere. Anywhere you wanna go, I’m there.”

You edged out of the driver’s seat to all but crawl into his lap. The safest place imaginable. Your head on his shoulder, his arms around you. He made you feel like you could do anything- like maybe you could get through this trial. And it’d all be worth it. In the end...

“Oh laaaaday- when you’re with me I’m smiliing,” He started singing to you, half-rocking out in the small space of the car. Your smile was instantaneous. “Give me whoahaha- all your loooove. Your hands build me up when I’m siinkiiing. Touch me and my troubles all faaade. Laaaadayyy, from the moment I saw yooou, standing all aloone, you gave me all the love that I needeeed. So shy- like a child who has grooown.”

He opened the door of the car, prompting you to shakily get out and then he took one of your hands above your head and twirled you. “You’re my laaadaaay of the mooorniiiiiing,” Then he pulled you back, your arms went around his neck and his went to your waist and you rocked back and forth together. “Love shiines in your eeeeyes. Sparkliing, clear and loveleeey- you’re my laaadaaay...”

You were giggling softly while he faded out into a soft hum, his head hidden in the crook of your neck. “I don’t think you want me to start singing _cuz’ I’m your lady and you are my maaan..._ ”

“No- god no.” He laughed once before backing up, using his right hand to brush the stray hair from your eyes. “-even though I am your man. And you're my laaadaay-“ He started in again and that was all it took to really coax a large amount of unstoppable laughter from you.

“Hey lady and man-“ Barry was calling from the door of the studio. “We’re getting pizza over here. You in?”

“I want my piiiizaaaah-“ Danny just kept on singing.

“Oh my god how do you even put up with him?” Barry threw his hands to the air before going back upstairs, apparently having had enough of these shenanigans.

You quickly silenced the would-be pizza song with a soft kiss. Determined not to let it go on for too long- for one reason- “C’mon..” Pulling back enough to get a good look at him. “Before Kevin orders that chicken bacon ranch monstrosity again.”

You could do anything as long as you had Danny by your side. At least he made you feel that way. And that was good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Lady by Styx! Check it out. And also yes we are still going on. There's still so much more to do!


	30. Did You Forget Again?

The courtroom was slick and cool and already full of people as you were shepherded in. You’d gone over the case with your lawyer front and back. You just had to keep it together long enough to not blow it. To put him behind bars for good. You’d asked the others not to come- and they had listened to your request. Save for Mark and Danny. Of course they were there. And you couldn’t have been more grateful. Without their presence directly behind you in the gallery you weren’t sure you could have the strength to make it ten minutes in. 

Kyle’s lawyer was everything you imagined he would be. Smarmy. Greased back hair. Fine glasses. Pinstripe suit. Smooth voice. Appealing to common sense. Trying to make sure everyone knew there was no way his poor little client would hurt anyone- not unprovoked that was. Videos were played, the ones from the street. They were talked over. Submitted into evidence for the jury. Picked apart. What was really going on? What was really being said? Who knew? Not solid enough. Just not good enough. 

You already felt hopeless. The longer it went on, the more he talked about how no one could be really sure... you felt like this was all for nothing. 

And then he called you to the stand. The guard gestured for you to stand up and go to the box. Made you swear to tell the truth. When you sat down you looked onto the sea of faces. But didn’t have enough time to look at the ones you really cared about before the lawyer swam up in front of you and smiled politely.

“I want you to look at these documents and attest to their accurateness.” He placed down a packet of papers on the edge of the booth. While you picked them up he turned his back to you. “Submitted into evidence already, exhibit C-dash-4-dash-5; my court ordered psychoanalysis of the plaintiff.” So, he was the reason. Your gut started churning. This was all stuff you’d seen before, and honestly, you didn’t want to read it all over again. He turned around and eyed you hard. “Are they accurate?” 

“I guess-“ At his stern look you rethought that. Right. Be straight forward... “Yes. To my knowledge.” But what knowledge of psychoanalysis did you have? Honestly... why was he asking you- shouldn’t he be asking the doctor who had wrote them? 

He scooped the papers back up out of your reach and held them up. “In this ten page document, our doctor describes that you went through a long period of regression after the alleged incident which put you in the hospital seven years ago.” Which, you’d been reminded, was neither here nor there. Kyle wasn’t on trial for that one. “But,” He dropped the papers on his table before turning back to you. “Isn’t it possible that you could have willfully repressed the fight that happened before the incident on the seventeenth?” 

“Objection! Leading!” 

Was this happening? Was this really happening? The gavel banged once on your left. “Sustained. Counselor-“ 

Kyle’s lawyer waved his hand and nodded. “Ms. ___. There is a phenomenon known as ‘motivated forgetting’. Do you know of it?” 

“No.” This couldn’t be real. Were- was he really trying to-... then it dawned on you. They weren’t trying to prove that he hadn’t been trying to murder you. They were literally trying to prove that your accountability was unreliable. 

“Are you listening, Ms. ___?” You looked up as he chided you. “Let me repeat myself. ‘Motivated forgetting’ is an event in which the person forces themselves to forget a painful incident. Now, is it not possible that due to your past aversions with this man that you could have used this technique to shut off your memories of a fight beforehand?” 

“What? No- that’s-“ How. How could they do this to you? How could anyone do this to anyone and live with themselves at night? 

“That’s not possible or that’s not what happened?” His tone had gotten very stern and he was approaching the witness box at a rapid speed. You shrunk back in your chair and had to sit tense to avoid shaking. “Is it not possible, I am asking you, that you got into a heated fight with him on the phone before he arrived- is it not possible that you perhaps even goaded him into coming to find you? To put an end to all this? We would surely understand, someone living underneath the hand of alleged abuse for so long, wanting some closure- is it POSSIBLE that you told him to come get you, fought with him, and forgot??” 

“OBJECTION! Sir, he’s badgering my client!! And I move to strike!” Your lawyer sounded almost as panicked as you felt. You suddenly couldn’t breathe. 

“Sustained!” The gavel banged a few more times.  
God you couldn’t breathe- “Counselor, this is your last warning.“ 

“Let me rephrase-“ 

“I call for a ten minute recess- my client looks like she could use some fresh air after that attack-“ You were visibly paling in the witness chair. Shrunk back, shoulders dropped, eyes everywhere- you couldn’t breathe- 

“Ms. ___,” The judge leaned over. “Do you need a moment to collect yourself?” 

Dumbly and as quickly as you could you nodded. “Yes- please.. I just need some air.” 

The gavel came down. “Fifteen minute recess- in which time both counsels are to meet me in my chambers. The jury is to disregard this entire examination thus far.” The second you heard him hit that hammer down again you pushed the door of the booth open and tried not to run out the side door. Calm- collected- steps- 

The sky had gone positively gray overhead, with dark threatening clouds hanging low. The heat was sweltering and this bid for fresh air was almost a giant waste of time. You sat down on the bench by the door, overlooking the courtyard before it all went dark. You put your feet up, pulling your knees to your chest. How?  
...was it possible? You had fought with him but did that make him less accountable? Did that make it any less attempted murder? No! You couldn’t have possibly told him to come get you- ...but wasn’t that what you thought of? Hadn’t you hoped he would show up, simply so you could hurt him for everything? 

Maybe- maybe they were right...? 

“Heyheyheyhey-“ Danny was pulling your legs down so that he could kneel in between them in front of you. Then he took your hands from your face and replaced them with his, his palms smoothing out over your cheeks. “You’re doing fine- that guy- that fucking guy is a real scum bag. Holy shit.” 

Looking down at him you couldn’t keep the tears at bay, feeling the tracks they made as they tipped over your lashes and down the sides of your face. “What if he’s right?” Sniffling a little. You felt so helpless. So worthless. You should have just walked. Should have let him plead lower. Why.. why had you put yourself through all this..

“He’s not right.” His thumbs swiped the tears away. “I know he’s not right- that’s not you. What- you told him to come get you? Why on earth would you do that? That did not happen, ___.” You felt your lip quiver before you drew it inwards to keep yourself at bay. You only had fifteen minutes. You could not afford a full breakdown here. He leaned up on his knees, pressing his forehead to yours. “Listen... he’s trying to wear you down, but you’re stronger than that. I know that didn’t happen- you know that didn’t happen.” His tone had gone quiet, calming. You closed your eyes just listening to him. “He’s gonna try again. Don’t let him get away with this. You’re stronger than they are.” 

Danny was right. And you knew it. Aside all that, if you could just get through this- this one extraordinarily tough thing... no matter how taxing.. he’d be gone. Forever. So you forced a nod, leaned back so you could wipe your own tears away and tilt your head back to stop more from coming. 

When you stood you saw Mark standing behind, waiting. It was worse knowing that everyone was sitting in the gallery. Watching this abuse drag on. Watching you fumble and nearly blow your last shot at redemption- but Mark especially.. 

You stepped aside Danny to go to him and when his arms opened you stepped right into them without a word. This had to be just as stressful for him. Reliving all the late night sobbing phone calls. Thinking about how many times you’d been made this promise by him. That you’d get him. You’d put him away- you remembered each time now. Each time a fight had broken out. Each time he’d left and you’d called Mark. Apologized for it being so late. He’d tell you that didn’t matter. 

He murmured a few things into your ear. Nothing of consequence. Just that he was there. That he’d always be there. And that you’d get through this. 

Danny stood back, hands going into his pockets- watching, trying but failing to suppress just the slightest bit of unwarranted jealousy. The feeling wasn’t new but it was rusty. He’d never had call to experience it on this level. 

When you leaned back he tried on a smile for you. “You’ve got this.” The same thing Danny had said. They both believed in you. “We’re so close.” But this was more familiar. We are, not just you. The back of his hand cupped your neck forward so that he could kiss the top of your head. Affectionate and warm. Something the two of you hadn’t shared in a very long time. When had that ever stopped? “We’re so close...” 

“Recess is ending in just another minute.” A clerk called from the doorway and you pressed your hands to your eyes again to clear up the last bits before stepping away from him. 

“I should talk with my lawyer.” Whatever had gone on behind those closed doors was probably worth knowing about. Both men bid you goodbye with a wave and you entered back into the courthouse, trying to keep your head held high. 

Left alone they both stared at each other. Not a word was said, maybe because neither knew what they wanted to say. Maybe because both knew petty squabbling while you were fighting as hard as you could against the monster that had been terrorizing you for years was selfish. It left a widening gap between them. A black hole that had started ever since Danny had accused him of nothing but the truth- and while Mark had said it had had nothing to do with the situation, he hadn’t denied it. 

They both knew. 

The session resumed again and this time you were clearer. “Let’s step back a little,” Kyle’s lawyer had to fine tune his line of questioning since it had been thrown out. But he brought it all back up, just in a more careful way. “-do you think it would have been possible for you to forget something like a fight over the phone?” 

“No. Absolutely not.” You were strong this time. “I would have had no reason to call him out to come get me. Not after everything he’d put me through. I fled across the country to get away from him. There is no way I tried to get him to come find me.” You looked at him, stared him down. 

The lawyer sneered. “Not even for closure, you don’t think?” 

“I had my closure. I have a good life in California. Why would I want to ruin that by inviting him back to my doorstep?” 

He narrowed his eyes through the thick lens of his glasses, the lights reflecting from above. “Examination is complete.” This had been his whole play. To get you panicked and scared enough to make the wrong moves. Say the wrong things. Get you to second guess yourself. It had almost worked. 

But you had strength. You had strength because of them. 

Though your lawyer’s cross-examination came after, it wasn’t as painful. Even as he asked you to recall the events of that day. How Kyle made promises- that he was always paid what he was owed. The gun. How he choked you nearly to death. The testimony was hard, and it wasn’t as solid as the other things. Not like the video, which was almost the only leg you had to stand on otherwise. 

Once everything was finished you sat down at the table and the judge let the jury out for deliberations. It felt like it was taking them forever. Murmurings in the gallery started happening, and you felt two hands on your shoulders from behind. You just sat there, hands clutched tightly together in your lap. What felt like it was an obvious decision for you couldn’t have been as obvious for them. That was why they were there, after all. To pick everything apart.

But had you proven beyond a reasonable doubt... because if not.. 

The bailiff announced the jury’s return and the room went quiet as they filed in and sat down. “Ms. Foreman, has the jury reached a verdict?” The judge asked and you felt a cold spiral down your spine. 

“We have.” The woman stood up, reading from the paper in her hands. “In the crime of voluntary attempted manslaughter, we find the defendant not guilty.” 

Wait- no-  
This was suddenly not what you thought.  
Could it be possible that.... could it be possible that they tried him for both and found him not guilty of both? Could that happen? Was he about to walk on both of these? You hadn’t thought of this possibility. Oh god- oh god- 

“In the crime of attempted murder, we find the defendant guilty as charged.” 

The judge cleared his throat. “Mr. Kinner, it is by my authority by the state of California that I sentence you to life in prison- with the possibility of parole. You are to serve and adhere to a minimum of twenty-five years in anger management and therapy sessions while staying in maximum security before your case may be reviewed again. Court is adjourned.” 

The world sort of slightly tilted on its axis. Was that what you were promised? Twenty-five years was a long time from now but ... but... 

But...  
“Congratulations.” Your lawyer was talking to you. “I’m really glad we could win this case, it makes me sick-“ Whatever he was saying was not important. 

You looked up to where Kyle was being put in handcuffs. He was looking at you.  
He was looking at you-  
He was looking at you.  
He was looking at you-

Someone stepped in front of his line of view as he was being read his rights or whatever the hell it was the guard was saying to him. You didn’t know. Mark crossed his arms, shielding you, staring him down. He’d probably seen you losing it. Going back down the rabbit hole. Danny came to your side, took your hand and without a word pulled you to your feet and out of the building. Mark wasn’t too far behind after that. 

It had started raining.  
A few flashbulbs were going off in front of the courthouse steps. The video that had become an internet sensation. Heroics, bravery, abuse- There were reporters. Vultures. Asking if you could say a few words. Congratulating you. Both Mark and Danny’s arms stayed around your shoulders as they acted as your guards, herding you through the sea. 

This didn’t feel like a victory at all. Nothing you’d been promised was happening. Instead you felt the same- or maybe even worse. Somehow.  
Somehow just a little bit worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life isn't always fair. I know it sucks. It hurts. But everything will be okay.


	31. His Promises

You didn’t really feel like it, but a congratulatory party was going on at the grump space. There were a lot of people milling around, all of whom seemed to be really happy that you’d won the case. You still didn’t feel like you’d won but... there was always the chance for many, many things to happen over the course of twenty-five long years. You had to stop sulking. Look at the bright side- he was in jail now. That was what you wanted. Away for a long time. Gone. Couldn’t touch you. Couldn’t come get you. Ever again. At least not for now. Not for a long while. 

Danny had you with one arm around your shoulders by the table in the back, rocking slowly to the tunes that were coming out of the stereo; the lights were dimmed at this hour. With your right hand to his left you were matching timed taps of his fingers. The little exercises he still had to do to get back full control and continue on the healing process. “So,” He tilted his head back to look at you. “Where do you wanna go?” 

“Go?” You hadn’t actually given any thought to running away like you’d asked him to let you do a while ago. “Oh. I don’t know.” Shaking your head a little. You’d only asked because you’d wanted to get so far away. But now, what was the point? “Nowhere, I guess.” Not now. He had so much to catch up on, anyway. All of it being your fault. You couldn’t add more on top of that. 

“Nowhere’s a little place in Oklahoma if I’m remembering correctly.” His grin suggested he was oh-so-ready for you to give that answer so he could give this one. But... the happiness that he was shining at you was just what you needed.

He wanted to run away with you. Just to see you happy. You smiled for the first time in what felt like eons. Up at him. “Sounds perfect.” Some little dusty town in Oklahoma. Absolutely perfect. You laid your head against his chest while continuing to shuffle around the room at a slow speed. 

“Wuh- uh, really?” Clearly he’d not been expecting you to actually want to go there. “We can go anywhere and you wanna go to Oklahoma?” 

You found yourself laughing a little. “What’s wrong with it?” 

“I mean- nothing I guess. It’s probably boring as shit though.” His giggles were better heard with one ear pressed up against his chest. Soft and rumbly. 

He took your hand above your head to make you go around once before pulling you back in. The music played on. “I think that’s exactly what I need.” Nice, quiet and boring. Everything had been nonstop for so long. One thing after another. You’d barely had time to breathe, it felt like. Your arm dropped down around his waist as you laid your head on his chest again. 

He hooked one arm over your shoulders, his still-tender hand lightly resting on your hip. The swaying continued. “We don’t have to go anywhere, too, if you really need time to yourself.” His voice hovered just above your ear. 

This was a tough decision, though... because the more you thought about it.. the happier you knew you were away from work. Away from ‘real life’. Especially when you woke up with him every day. Could look forward to him and him alone. You’d been so happy in Japan. If only because you were with him so often. But getting back on a plane and dragging your ass over continents after everything... you felt too exhausted. 

Not to mention the fact that all of that had been pulled out from you so abruptly. Your relationship with Danny had been so stop-and-go. Some times you had more than your fill, and some times you had nothing. Finding some sort of balance would really be nice. Back to when you first met him- or, the second time, as things were... Getting to know him. Getting called out for coffee. Hanging out. You missed that. 

“I want to- you promised me we’d get to go everywhere.” You remembered that. Just him and you. You’d look forward to that, one day. “But I think for a while I just need my feet on the ground here.” 

You felt him above you nodding a few times. “I totally get it.” His hand sought yours out, linking your fingers together and holding it up a little, still slow dancing with you. “For what it’s worth, I’m a little glad.” He was just as tired. And he had things to get back to, you already knew. You were glad he was being honest, too. “I was thinking though...” 

His lead off got you to look up at him questioningly. “What’s up?” What did he have on his mind now? 

“If it’s not a gross-clingy thing for me to say.. I was thinking of staying over a couple nights.” At your place, of course. It was small but familiar- and private. Unknowingly, though perhaps he knew more than you gave him credit for, he was voicing your own thoughts on the matter. 

“Do you want a drawer in my dresser, too?” Half joking as you smiled up at him. 

“Whaaat?” He frowned down at you. “No closet space? Unacceptable.” The grin came back soon and it was followed by laughter that he pressed to your forehead along with his lips as he leaned down. 

You wiggled your hand out of his to trail your fingers down the side of his face lovingly. “You’ve been getting pretty stubbly, you know.” Almost like he hadn’t shaved since coming back from Japan. 

“I don’t mind using your pink-lady-razors, if that’s what you’re trying to get at.” He pulled your hand from his face and started working his lips on the inside of your palm. 

“They’re blue, thank you very much.” Pushed out in an amused huff. 

He smiled, teeth showing as he still pressed your hand to his lips. “Even better!” 

You slid your hand away from his grip and into his hair, leaning up on your tip toes as the both of you finally stopped moving to the slow music so that you could keep still. He met you the rest of the way, lips pressing to yours with a warmth that spread through the rest of your body nearly immediately. It lasted only as long as it needed to, and when you slid back a few spare inches, “I love you.” Without even thinking it. Almost simply describing the feeling of his kiss and all its inspirations. 

“Have I ever told you,” He started asking as he took your hand again to take you for another spin before pulling you in close once more. “that I love hearing you say that?” His lips curved and he laughed. Just a little. Then he leaned in, nose brushing yours briefly. “But also- yeah- I love you, too.” You two shared an affectionate and intimately close smile, foreheads pressing together. “Hmmf-“ Trying to hold back a serious giggle there. “As if it wasn’t obvious.” 

Terribly so, at this point. But that was what was so great about it. “Oh Mr. Avidan,” You settled on joking with him while the mood was right. “How do the ladies ever resist a suave man like you?” 

Suave was not one of Danny’s qualities, to be sure... but there was genuineness in that. You adored it, in fact. “As long as I’ve got you in my smooth-tractor-beams that’s all the lady I need.” This probably hadn’t come out how he’d intended it to, with how ridiculous it sounded, but that was fine. He leaned in, holding you around the waist. You laid your head to his shoulder. “One day, when we’re ready, you know...” He was murmuring very quietly to you. So softly, in fact- “I’m gonna ask you to be Lady Avidan.” 

There were sparkles at the tip of your ear where he was speaking close by, and they moved down your neck and into your shoulders. Down your spine. That sounded like a marriage proposal- or a promise-to-propose. Your face warmed in a fresh pink glow and you snuggled a little closer to his chest, if it was possible, just to avoid having to look at him. Not sure you’d be able to handle whatever he’d be reflecting back. “Just Lady Avidan?” 

“No- my lady. My forever lady.” You could hear the smile in his voice. Warm and so-in-love. “Will you say yes, when I do?” 

That sparkly tingle found its way to your chest and then your stomach and down the backs of your legs. He pulled you from your hiding spot in a slow spin, and then held you back with his arms over your shoulders so he could really get a look at your face. Probably trying to gauge your reaction. Which- if his own was any indication, was terribly pleasing. “I think so.” Noncommittal, the ghost of the old you you were still trying to escape, but there was a playfulness in it that kept him happy. 

“You’ll have some more time to think on it.” His hands pressed down along your back to draw you in. “But I expect a yes.” 

“Is that so?” Arching a brow at him, acting incredulous. As if how dare he be so demanding? 

“That is so.” Mumbled along your lips in a half kiss that he wasn’t really devoting his time to because he was too busy grinning widely and giggling. “At least promise not to embarrass me in front of all our friends.” 

“Is that where it’s happening? When we’re all together?” You weren’t really trying to wean information out of him. Because, honestly, he probably had no concrete plans about how it was all going to go down. ‘When we’re ready’ could have been years from now. 

“Now I’ve simply said too much!” He went into full fledged laughter and grabbed you as close as possible. “Shh- kiss me and you’ll forget!” His hands cupped your face a little too hard in a half-squish as he pulled your lips to his but it was such an incomplete action. The two of you were too busy laughing in each other’s faces to actually kiss. 

Everything that had gone so wrong for so long was drowned out in the sound of your giggles mixed together. So loud, in fact, that the entire room took notice. And they, too, couldn't hold it in for much longer after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When things are at their worst, you need someone who will make you forget every bad thing simply with their smile.


	32. She's Really Cool

Undecided. Supremely undecided. While supporting one of your newest friends was probably something you should do, the fact that there was going to be a fan-meet-up not too long after, or during as the case was... you still weren’t sure you wanted to be around for that. You could sit down in the shade and do work while they all signed autographs and handed out hugs- but would that make you seem too disinterested? It wasn’t as if you were an actual part of the team... But.. 

Still.  
What was best for your still bruised image? And, more importantly, actually.. what was going to be healthiest for your mental state? You trusted Danny. It wasn’t like he was about to run off with a fan that very night. Or likely ever. But still.  
Hm. Or maybe you were just being a childish baby about everything. 

Danny asked you to go, but had also backed off that immediately when he saw the look on your face. Said he understood if you didn’t want to. And you didn’t. It was fine. All was fine. Not a big deal... but he was in the other room getting ready. Combing his fingers through his hair, humming to himself. He’d be back in your bedroom in just another moment to ask you once more before taking off. 

In the end you decided... going was probably better. The show was nice, the parlor small and cool and decorated wall to wall. Once you’d had your fill you sat outside on one of the small concrete barriers on the offset of the sidewalk with one of the bigger trees bursting through it. Adequate shade. You had parked yourself in good enough view to keep an eye on everything, not that you needed to. Once your laptop was open and you started working through some emails your attention waned back where it was more necessary. Lines had formed, orderly enough oddly, to meet each of the grumps. 

Pictures were being snapped, questions were being asked- Danny’s laughter rang almost once every minute, not that you were timing it. It seemed like a very tame affair, actually. Then again, this wasn’t a con or anything of the sort where all sorts were running around. Just a small meet-up. It was pleasant, almost. And just as your attention really dipped into your work, you were startled when a couple of feet shuffled up your way. 

“Hey- um-“ The voice was timid and you looked up from your computer screen. Not people you recognized. “Aren’t you ___?” 

“Yes?” Almost like you weren’t sure. You shut your laptop. “Yes- can I help you?” Then you stood, to put you all on equal ground, also to settle your nerves. They didn’t look dangerous but people hovering over you made you antsy. 

There was four of them, three girls and a guy. “No- I mean-“ The one girl speaking with you seemed a little flustered. “We just wanted to talk. Maybe get a picture?” 

All your bells were ringing loudly. “What? Why?” 

“We think you’re amazing!” The second girl to the left answered quickly, clutching some papers to her face afterwards, almost if hiding behind them. 

You tried to think quickly what could have brought this on. Who were they? You’d only walked in on two singular sessions since Danny had started staying at your place. And they’d promised the footage had been cut when you’d spoken. Other than that, your interactions with the fanbase were pretty solely limited to the other garbage that had happened a while back. “I’m sorry-“ You tried to be polite about it. “I’m not really understanding.” 

A couple of other people approached- they were... they were forming a line..? “You’re so strong, and to put yourself out there where everyone can see you must have been so scary- especially when that guy-“ The third girl speaking got a hard elbow to the ribs from the guy.

Then he finally spoke. “We just think you’re cool. And you should totally be on the show, by the way, you should tell them to let you.” 

“Oh- nah. I’m not- it’s not the right fit.” Waving your hand at the idea. 

“You don’t play games?” Another new face approached and the small line that had started sort of... collapsed into half a ring. 

“Not recently- I mean, not that I wouldn’t like to. But my catalogue is more old stuff. SNES and stuff like that.” You remembered growing up with that stuff. When had you ever fallen out of it? 

Two of the new comers grinned and nudged each other. “Like Danny.” 

“Oh- is it?” Smiling yourself. You really hadn’t known. But it made sense. 

“What’s your favorite SNES game?” Someone else new asked this, raising their hand as if they had to be called on. 

Without thinking you just started speaking very off the cuff with everyone. Answering questions, laughing with them at stupid things. 

“Hey,” Arin tugged on the bottom of Danny’s shirt before pointing in your direction where the swarm had grown. Just a little. Where you were smiling and suddenly posing for pictures. Laughing. Signing a few things- although you had no idea why your signature was worth anything to anyone. And that’s all it was, you swore, a signature. You didn’t have a practiced autograph or anything. 

Danny turned half on his heel to watch you chatting it up. “Well well well.” He was grinning from ear to ear. 

Two guys, holding a freshly sharpied DS (Honestly, who would want you to sign that shit? Why? What a waste!!) walked by but turned to the two still staring at you. “Let her on the show already!” 

“Your girlfriend is really cool, you know.” 

An airy laugh of disbelief expelled from his lungs. “No shit? I’ll have to investigate this matter!” 

Arin ribbed him a little. “She’s a natural, dude.” 

“I knew it.” He seemed rather impressed with himself. 

A girl about the same height as you reached forward after asking, putting her arms around you in a tight hug. “I’m so glad- I’m so glad things turned out-“ She hadn’t started out crying, but she was now. “Watching you gave me a lot of strength-“ 

You never thought you’d inspire anyone else. That was... completely unimaginable. To think you’d had an effect like that on anyone’s life. To this degree, too. You hugged her back. “You are strong. Don’t cry!” Honestly. You didn’t know that you could handle all this. You felt the sympathetic sting of tears at your own lashes and when she let go of you you pressed at your eyes lightly. “Seriously!” 

The group laughed softly. And then you heard- “Excuse me, excuse- pardon-“ A familiar voice- and head of hair. He towered over nearly everyone around. Hard to miss. “What is happening over here? Are you making these poor people cry!?” He stood in front of you, hands at his hips. “I just can’t bring you anywhere!” Obviously he was joking, and the group tittered even more. 

“Picture!”  
“Can we get pictures with the both of you?”  
“Pictures!” 

This was so weird. You’d managed people like this, you were dating a person who was used to this- but you’d never thought of yourself as ever being eligible for it. You still weren’t sure that you were. That these people weren’t just crazy. Had you really done anything of value? Anything to merit this? They wanted pictures of you and Danny together. And together with them. Why?  
What sense did this make on any planet? 

But you acquiesced nonetheless. Almost like you didn’t have a choice. Especially not when Danny tucked behind you, played with your hair, made silly faces as phones were pointed in your direction. People came up in the middle of you both and posed one by one.  
So weird. So very weird. But... in a good way. This was probably how they felt dealing with them. It was overwhelming, but how could you not be thankful? Not that these people were paying your bills, or anything, but still. You sort of understood it all now. 

Once the blue sky had just newly darkened Arin raised his hand over his head with a wave to get everyone’s attention. “We gotta get going guys!” This couldn’t go on forever, after all, and it would if you guys let it. The crowd all echoed each other in pained agony. 

“It’s been fun, lovelies!” Danny was waving at them while you bent down to collect your laptop. 

Standing back up you realized some people were looking at you. Still weird. “Uhm- bye guys! Thanks so much!” This had definitely been a strange experience, but it was a good one. Even if you were creating another ‘you’ to add to the list. Public-you was a little more energetic. A little more smiley. No less awkward but there was really no changing that. 

You and Danny packed yourselves into the back of Barry’s car and he pulled away from the sidewalk, following Arin’s car. “Saw you made some new friends, huh?” Barry was asking, looking in his rear view mirror once. 

“Oh, I don’t know..” Weird. Weird! It was weird. You’d be thinking about it for the rest of the night for sure. 

“Coming out and seeing people line up just to talk with you is still a strange thing, to me.” Danny said, patting your leg. Barry murmured an agreement. “We’re just these dicks who play games in front of microphones- but there are all these people. It’s just like- why?”

You had less reason than that to have any of ‘those people’ so it was a little more uncomfortable. But it was nice that he related. That he still felt that way even after doing this all this time. “I heard they wanted you to be on the shoooowww.” Barry sang the last word a little as he shook his shoulders up and down. 

“Oh. Man.” Danny shook his head, pushing his hair back out of his face with his hand. “Maybe GrumpCade and then they can all finally stop going on about it.” You had no idea what this meant. Absolutely none. But he seemed a little worn out all of a sudden. 

“We’ll see after things settle down.” You’d asked for quiet, and in some form you’d gotten it. In the other... “You’re going back across soon to pick up those prototypes and you have the new album-“ Ticking things off in a mental checklist- 

“Are you managing me?!” Even though he’d suddenly yelped, he didn’t sound angry. 

“Ooo trouble in paradise?” Barry was chuckling to himself. 

The urge to hide due to your automatic misgivings was too hard and soon your hands were glued to your face. “Sorry...” Danny was not your client. You’d reminded yourself of that too many times already. 

His arm swung behind your shoulders and he pulled you down, rubbing his knuckles lightly into your hair. Punishment. You were being punished. “You keep me out of your little date book!” He was kidding around, still. You could tell. When you wiggled out of his grip and put your hands up to keep him at bay he was smiling. 

“Okay okay! Sheesh!” You smoothed your hair back out of its Danny-induced frizz. “I have enough clients as it is- I don’t need to be on top of you.” Danny was pretty self sufficient. It was one of his better qualities. His work ethic was to be admired as much as it was to be feared. 

“Oh- but you could.” Wiggling his eyebrows.

“Language! Not in my car! Nuh uh!” Barry was banging his palms against the wheel. The laughter absolutely spilled out of the car as you pulled up to the restaurant. 

“I always ride in the wrong car.” Kevin was saying, shaking his head, hanging his arms in through one of the windows. That your group stupidity was a thing to be missed out on was just as foreign a feeling as everything else that had happened today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking another weekend vacation! I think Two Is The One might get an update if I can make it work tonight, but otherwise I'll see you all in a couple of days! Until then, if you're feeling up to it, leave me some comments. Things you'd like to see happen, have them do, things like that. It means more to me than you know!


	33. This Was Different (♥)

Danny’s flight to the east coast was only a couple of days away and he’d been tireless in his efforts to try and get you to come. You wanted to. You probably should have- for relaxation sake. For your own sake. But for none other than that. You had other things to do, a lot of work- as usual, and he was going there not only for his own personal purposes but for work, as well. Uncertainty was the name of the game, but he thought maybe he could convince you to get that last minute ticket tonight. You both were busy but you’d made plans to not be as busy when his Grumps session was over and he came home-

Or, as the case was, over. Your place. He’d been staying and just kind of hadn’t gone back. You hadn’t needed him to, or wanted him to, and neither had he. So the arrangement had lapsed into a little more permanence than you’d initially realized the night you’d agreed to it. Before he’d left at the front door he’d promised to take you out to dinner. Part of his plans to get you to come with. Since you weren’t feeling like saying no, you, in fact, said yes- at least to going out. By that time of the night you thought you’d be free of work, or at least not in a huge pile of it.

So with that you let him go off to his day long session and you retreated to the couch with your laptop and tip-tapped hours away. Losing yourself to the rhythm was one of the easiest things you could do. Of course, now, you realized why that had been so easy and so warming for you. Putting everything else on hold. Not having to think so hard. Not having to remember anything but the lines in front of you. But now it was fine, too, and easy enough that when the phone rang at two P.M. you looked up in a daze.

Leaning over you grabbed it out of the cradle resting on the coffee table and propped it up on your shoulder. “Hello?”

“Good afternoon, ___. It’s Liam Leske.” Out of all the voices you’d expected on the other side of the line, your lawyer’s was pretty low on the list. Without realizing it you were opening up your banking information.

“Oh- how are you? You know... I’m pretty sure I sent that check..” It was money well earned, at that. You’d both won the case, after all. And without his quick action you would have been sunk. You would have caved and panicked.

“No no! This isn’t about that- and yes, I did get it. Thank you!” With that out of the way you set your laptop to the side of the couch.

If this wasn’t about money.. “What else can I help you with?” As if he was your client, and not the other way around.

“If you’re uninterested in this information, please feel free to disregard this call. Actually.. I wasn’t even sure if I should pass it along, but his lawyer reached out to me and I thought-“ A little bit of static creeped up along your vision and in your ears you heard the shore.

His lawyer?

You shook your head and tried to listen. “I’m sorry- could you go back about ten seconds?” Whatever this was was worth listening to. It had to be.

“Ah- sure- listen.. I know this is supposed to be your time of relief, but that’s exactly why I’m calling. Mr. Kinner is no longer being held at the maximum security facility.” You couldn’t breathe. Oh god- where? Why? Even if they’d tried to acquit you would have had to know about that- you- “That is to say- sorry-“ Your lawyer was still a bit of a mess, but you couldn’t fault him really. He was a good man. “What I was told was that he got into a severe altercation with another inmate.” You wished he would drop the aptly named lawyer-speak but... he is a lawyer.. so...

“How severe?” You couldn’t help but ask. God damn you but you couldn’t help but ask.

There was a little more silence before he answered you. “Off the record the word that was used in confidence with me was ‘brutal’. Ah... he’s in the hospital, there are guards standing outside his room.” What were you supposed to feel about this? Why tell you? You didn’t care. You shouldn’t care, anyway. “I know this probably means nothing to you but, again, off the record with me it was disclosed that his situation is- how to put this- grim. They’re not uh ... they’re not expecting him to make it for more than a few days.”

Whatever your proper reaction to this was supposed to be, you had no idea. You weren’t even sure what you were feeling enough to express it. Kyle was going to die. Because he’d got into a fight. In jail. In the hell he’d been sentenced to by you, finally. Where he belonged. He was going to die. “I don’t-“ Was this panic coming on? Why?

“I know. Look, the only reason I’m telling you this is because I have access to the room- but I won’t forever.” What? What was he saying? He wanted you to go down there? Why? “I don’t know if you... jail might not have been enough closure. And if you want finality, this is the last chance you’re going to have to get it.”

The man was looking out for you, obviously. But in the worst way possible. Wouldn’t it have just been better to read about his death in a little tiny obit in the paper? You wanted nothing to do with this information. You wanted nothing to do with Kyle. How had that not been clear? “Thanks for the information but I really-“

“I know.” He said again. “Look. Think about it. Don’t take too long but think about it. If I don’t get a call back I’ll assume, but otherwise... just let me know. Okay?”

“-yeah. Thanks.” You hung up on him and let the phone slip to the couch.

Go. Run away with Danny. Do not look back. Let Kyle die alone in his hospital bed. Don’t think about it. Stop thinking about it- he’d taken up enough space in your life- And now he was leaving. Finally leaving this earth. Would it really give you closure? To watch him go?

“Heeeeelllloo?” Mark’s voice was in your ear. The line had rung twice before he’d gotten it. You’d barely even realized you’d called him on your cell.

“Kyle is dying.” How else were you going to open this conversation? Might as well get to the point.

“I’m uh- I’m sorry, what?” Having about the same reaction as you.

You sat back into the crevice of your couch, as far as you could wedge yourself in. You felt safer that way. “Did I bother you?”

“No- nah just dicking around in front of the camera as usual. I’ll cut it out.” You heard him inhale. “Now what was that part about the dying?” You heard his computer chair creak as he, too, got more comfortable.

Settling in to have a chat with you. “Liam just called. He said Kyle got himself near murdered in jail and is on his death bed.” When he didn’t say anything you continued. “He said I can go watch him die.”

“Those were the words he used, huh?”

“No. Of course not. He said something about relief and closure and finality.” Your knees found their way to your chest and you pressed your forehead against them. Closing your eyes.

“And what does Danny say about all this?” His tone went a little quiet in asking.

“I didn’t say anything to him yet.” You’d just called Mark. Because Mark was the one you always went to. ...at least about this stuff. This part of your life. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Danny with it, you did. Just-

He breathed out loudly. “I dunno. Are you asking me what you should do?”

“I think.” You wanted another perspective. “..yeah.” Not wanted, you needed. And badly.

“I dunno.” He said again. “You were making plans to go somewhere with Danny, weren’t you? If you stay here... are you gonna tell him why?”

That was an unfortunately excellent point. What were you going to say to Danny if you stayed? Would he even accept that? “I have to, right? I can’t lie about this.” He’d find out. And what would be the point besides? If you ended up making your mind it wasn’t like he’d try to pull you out of it. That wasn’t like him.

“Hm...” He hummed out. “Do you want me to go with you?”

“You’re talking like I already made up my mind.” What were you going to tell Danny and should he come along. You hadn’t said yes or no yet-

“You have, haven’t you?”

You closed your eyes tighter. He knew. He knew you too well. That was the real reason you called. The real reason you always went to him. “This is so fucking stupid.” All of it. Couldn’t you be done already? What had you done to earned suffering this way?

“Yeah. But.. it’s actually finally over. Really soon by the sound of it.” He was right, too. You’d felt robbed the day he’d been sentenced. Because there had been promise, even if a small one, of redemption. For the likes of him. And it had sickened you. But now. Now he was going away. Forever. To a place he could absolutely not come back from.

...you were free. This was it. The final stop of this chapter in your life. Once he was gone he was gone. That was it. You were free! “Will you come with me?”

“Yeah. Of course. Just let me know when. I’ll be there.” You’d need him for support. Now the only thing was to figure out how to tell Danny you couldn’t come with. Because you’d be too busy seeing your shitbag ex into the grave.

Did this make you a terrible person? Needing to go watch him perish? Probably. Maybe. ...a little more than maybe. Morbid and sick. But you needed it. You needed what had been taken from you back. All those years. All this time. “Thanks. I’ll let you know.”

“I’ll be here.”

The phone fell on the opposite side and you pulled your laptop back up. Even though you worked the rest of the day, your mind wasn’t on code or PR or anything for your clients. Your mind was elsewhere. Somewhere nice. It was over. Soon it would be over. You were free. You were finally free. Almost like you could erase that entire part of your life and walk forward again. Start over- or at least keep going without ever worrying about it again.

Free.  
Free to live how you wanted. Free to pursue everything you wanted. Everything that had been taken from you. Free to live with Danny, build that future. Not have to think about what might happen in twenty-five years or so. Only think about that promise of ‘when we’re ready’, of that future. What came even further after that.

This was it.  
Freedom. Intoxicating and beautiful and-

“Are you ready to go?” The front door opened. You’d missed the sound of his car pulling into the driveway.

Hours had melted away. All you’d been able to think about was how once this was over, this one more- just one more horrible thing- you’d have Danny and the rest of your life.

You snapped your laptop shut as he came all the way inside and slipped a bag off his shoulder. Probably had more clothes in it. He’d been steadily moving in. “I don’t want to go out.” Not tonight.

“Are you okay?” He sat down next to you, leaning halfway to try and get a look at your face.

You were free- no- even better.  
You felt _alive_.  
You’d never felt **so** _**alive**_.

Without another second in-between you moved to sit yourself smoothly in his lap, his hands going to your hips almost instantly. You ran your hands back through your hair, freeing it, shaking it a little. Then you placed them on his shoulders. God you felt exhilarated. And there was no one you wanted to share that feeling more with than-

You leaned in, pushing your hips down against his with a healthy and almost immediate reciprocation from his own to get more purchase against you. “I want you.” Whispered to him as your lips ran down against the shell of his ear.

“Ah-hah-“ He was halfway into a breathy laugh. “What happened to a little romance? Wasn’t I supposed to wine and dine you first?”

Pushing his jacket down his shoulders, you allowed him to rock up to get it off and then your hands went immediately up underneath his shirt, dragging the tips of your fingers down his chest. “Don’t need it.” Your lips just barely touched his and you watched him ache for you.

“What d’you want, babe?” In a half groan. He was constantly asking this now. Every time you initiated. Because obviously that meant you were needy. And he was there to please. He wanted you to tell him. More and more.

You ground your hips against his slowly watching his eyes roll back and closed. “What do you want?” You decided it was his turn. Had he not earned such a right? Your hands reached forward, touching the sides of his neck, his face, and up into his hair to grab two plentiful fists full and you closed your fingers around them slowly. Tightly. “This?” The one thing you knew he liked for sure.

“Fuck-“ His mouth hung open for a moment, eyes closed tightly as he held you tighter to jerk his hips up against yours almost automatically. Then he half opened his gaze to look up at you. “Yes- harder-“ He sounded like he was out of breath already, but it was a good look on him.

So you acquiesced and grabbed just a little tighter and watched all the lights in his eyes go off before he closed them tight again with a deep noise from the back of his throat. It was almost a little strange, you’d been trying to wrap your head around the stark difference. Like night and day- almost literally. During the day he was fluffy and cuddly. Huggy. Very affectionate. But at night?

You pressed your lips into the side of his neck, working your hands up further into his hair. “What else? This?” Your teeth dragged slightly before sinking in, not enough to cut but enough to send sparks all over his skin from the feel of it. He clutched tighter, breathed in deeply- half hitched, and shuddered. You worked his skin after that with your lips and tongue, just above too hard, something that was sure to leave a bruise.

“Fuck-“ Groaning. “Fuck yes-“ Making love was good, and fine. One of your favorite things. Playing around was always fantastic, too. But this was different.

Taking control like this was new, but not difficult. And it was sort of fun. Especially with the way he was practically melting in your hands. But being so new to it you still wanted a little direction. What would really get him going? “What else?” You angled his face up so you could kiss him.

“Mmf-“ Either trying to talk or unable to help himself in a moan as he sat up a little to press harder against you. “Anything you want.” There was a certain sort of pleading in this. Wanting you to tell him what to do. “-wait, uh-“ You tilted back a little when he said this but he kept you close, lips brushing just once. “If it’s too stupid tell me-“ He sounded hesitant all of a sudden. “...can I call you my sexy little mistress?” If you had to guess, the two adjectives before it were humorous on purpose to cover for his lack of confidence in asking.

“Mistress, huh?” If it was what he wanted, you couldn’t find it in yourself to deny him. Especially when it was driving him so crazy. You sat back a little, working your hands up his front and to the sides of his face. “Take your shirt off.” You tried to use something a little more authoritative. Danny wanted to be told what to do- wanted to have someone else in control. It was probably why he was always asking what you wanted before hopping into bed.

He pushed back into the couch so that he could get enough space between the two of you to lift his shirt over his head and throw it to the floor. You put your hands back through his hair to comb it from his face, gently, before taking root at the back of his skull. His eyes went half lidded again and his mouth hung open as he looked up at you. Waiting. “Your belt.” Murmured softly to him close to his ear.

When his hands shot down quickly you let go of him with one to put yours over his and still him. “Slowly.”

“God fuck me-“ He was almost completely gone by the sounds of it and you hadn’t even really started yet.

You tried to hold back the smile- and the laugh- “Isn’t that my line?”

“Not anymore.” He pulled the end of his belt out from the metal clasp before tugging it to get the latch out of the hole. Then you moved with his hand as he pulled it from his hips and let it fall to the floor with the growing pile. His hands went back to his pants but you felt him catch his own actions and stop- then looking directly up at you.

Waiting for the next order. You shifted down a little more comfortably against him. “My shirt.”

His lips curved into a smile, even dazed as it was. Then he ran his hands up your back, catching the shirt with every inch. You lifted your arms for him and he pulled it free. Then he put his palms to your back, pulling you in. “Yes, mistress.” Whispered, hot and heavy in your ear.

And you realized you probably liked this about as much as he did. When he touched very playfully at the clasp of your bra you found yourself nodding. “Go ahead.” One-two-three and it was gone. Without any hesitation or clumsy fooling around. When Dan was on a mission, he was unstoppable.

That was why, when his lips trailed down from your shoulder to your chest, the tip of his tongue playing with your breast, sending shivers across your skin, you couldn’t take it anymore. Too much build up. Too much playing. Too much of him, as usual. You hopped back from his lap and he looked up, confused. You didn’t let him stay that way too long, taking his hand and pulling him to his feet where his pants promptly pooled at his feet with no support to speak of.

The moment was nearly ruined when the two of you laughed about it, but you tried so hard not to let it go. Instead you pulled him by his hand, to the bedroom. Then you edged yourself back along the bed, pulled him closer in a half lean, his palms smoothing out over the sheets. You took his head in your hands again, kissing him once before tilting your head to his ear. “I want you to take my pants off- and then I want you to fuck me as hard as you can.”

God. That’s all you wanted.  
All you needed.

His teeth grazed the tip of yours before murmuring, “Yes, mistress.” Warmer and harder than before. Already on the edge. Trying to keep what little control he had left. But that was gone to the wind once he pulled your pants from your body and slipped out of his boxers. Then with his hands on your hips he just-above-forced you to turn over on your hands and knees. And once you were steady with your face still pressed into the covers you felt his hands on your hips.

Felt his lips trace the line all the way down your back. Then once he leaned and the feeling was gone you felt him grab your hips. Hard. Rough. Already you were clutching the fabric underneath your palms. And then without much warning at all he pulled you into one damnably hard thrust, cock burying deeply inside you. The breath spilled out of you along with a terribly loud moan and you nearly felt your bones melt. Then he pulled out quickly and in again just as roughly, hands clutching your hips hard enough to bruise.

This was what you’d asked for- and as soon as his rhythm picked up. Too quick for you to keep your head about you. Too much. Too hard. Too strong- nearly too much to do anything but simply be fucked by him. “Hu- ghm- Danny- god-“ Half wordless until you could make something of it. Each sound out of your mouth pitched and moaning.

“Fuck- babe- mistress- ___-“ Basically speeding through every name he had in his recollection but losing them all in just another second with a nonsensical low groan accompanied with another hard slam into your body. “I’m- gonna- fucking-“

“Me too-“ There was no hope in holding out any longer. And it hit you all at once. The feeling of being positively pushed over the edge. Coming hard- listening to him above you as he called out. Unevenly thrust a few more times. Came inside of you. Held on to your hips with a loosening grip before sliding one hand down your back carefully in a caress as it all slowed.

Then gently he pulled out and then not-so-gently positively fell to the bed with one arm over his head. You laid down beside him, still breathing hard. Content, for sure. For the moment. A long few ones. Until finally- “So you’re not coming with.” Even though he said this, shaking his hand back through his hair to get it out of his eyes, he was smiling. Tiredly. Not that he hadn’t earned that right.

“That obvious?” How did he know?

“You could’ve just said you wanted something to remember me by.” Then that smile turned into a grin.

“You’re only going for a week don’t be so dramatic.” You snuggled up to his side, laying your head on his shoulder. Closing your eyes. Sleep sounded so nice. So very nice.

His arms came around you. “Yeah? ...yeah..” Falling asleep. You were, too. But it was something else. Aside for the fight, since getting together, you hadn’t spent much time apart. Certainly not a whole week. But that was fine.

It was just unfortunate that in the afterglow, and the snuggles, and the half-asleep humming, and the warmth... you just happened to forget why you were staying behind.  
But that was fine, too.  
For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyle's hold on this story is coming to a close soon, quite literally so. I'll be glad to have him gone as I'm sure most of you will feel the same. Thank you for the continued support! This week has been a little hard on me. I don't know if I can promise updates as often as they have been coming but I work on both stories when I have time. I promise!


	34. Talk to Me

“You sure I can’t persuade you?” Standing by the gate, Danny was having trouble letting go. His hand had been in yours through the entire block of check in and security. His seating was about to be called, you both could feel it. It wasn’t like he was going away forever- and you still hadn’t told him why you were really staying behind. Now you wouldn’t be able to until he got back. Because letting go of that information now would just ruin his trip. That was probably why you hadn’t in the first place. Let him have his time.

So you shook your head. “Next time.” Going back to the northeast, even if it wasn’t directly in the city, was still tender. Especially with Kyle in the back of your head. But soon that would be gone. Forever. Until then you had to hold it together.

“I’m holding you to that.” Which was fine. After this- after you did this you were free. Forever. You just had to keep that in your head. His hands brushed the sides of your face before he leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead. “Oh- also listen,” Leaning back just in time for the attendant to call first class boarding. He checked over his shoulder once. “I was thinking of doing an AMA on the plane.” The interaction between everyone had been pretty sparse since everything had gone down. It wasn’t... “But only if you think that’s a good idea.”

They’d no doubt ask about how you were. It was likely. He could just ignore them. But a little face-to-face time, even though a computer, was personable and probably well worth whatever little trouble could come of it. “I think it’s a great idea.” At least he’d be entertained, if nothing else. And you were pretty sure no one else from your past was ready to jump. Mostly sure. As long as you hadn’t blocked anything else out.

“Cool. If they ask for you will you come?” Ah. So he wasn’t just thinking about doing one. He wanted you involved- ...probably because of what had happened on the street.

He was trying to strengthen your image.  
Hm. “We’ll see.” Making promises was asking for trouble. You had no idea what to expect out of something like that, or them.

“Alright alright.” The woman behind him called for his class to get on. His arms engulfed you tight. “Just a week.” He was packing so much into it- not all business, either. And part of you still felt poorly for not going. An even larger part felt bad for lying- ...or. Well. Omitting the truth. Which was just as bad.

“You’re acting like we won’t talk the entire time.” Which was nonsense. He’d text you every minute if he could. More poop emojis. ...but.. You hugged him back tightly. “I love you.” You would miss him. There was no denying that. You’d only just started to get used to him being there all the time. When you woke up. Before you went to bed. The little parts in-between...

He squeezed you just a little bit tighter. “I love you, too.” Getting him to let go was harder, but when the woman called for the last round he tucked his arms back to his sides. “One week.” Turning away.

“I’ll be here.” Giving him a small wave that he returned, took a few steps, returned again, then turned away and forced himself to walk away. You waited until he was long out of sight. And then a little longer after that.

Then you walked back the other way, out of the airport, into the parking lot, and sat in your car for a few moments. Your hands clutched your cell phone tightly. When the line on the other side that was now pressed to your ear stopped ringing you spoke immediately. “Mark,”

“What’s the matter? Is everything okay?” Already concerned. Not a good start.

“For now.” There was no telling how you might unwind. You might even wimp out. Seeing a person die... could you do that? Watch for that matter? Even if it was him- especially when it was him.. “I have a special pass. For an after hour visit.” This was all so dirty. Nothing about it illegal in any sense but the way it was being handled made you feel wrong. Like it was all under the table. No one could know. Not even Danny, apparently.

Just your lawyer and Mark. And Kyle soon, too.

“Will you drive me?” You weren’t sure what your state would be like- before or after. Didn’t matter. It was probably best not to get behind the wheel of a car. “...can we get drinks after?”

“Ooh. Making a full night, are we?” You knew Mark was busy, but he was joking around. “Yeah. That’s fine.” He said he’d be there for you and he would. Always was. No matter what crazy shit was happening. “Just gimme a call when you’re ready to go.”

You found yourself nodding. It wouldn’t be for a while. At least not until the sun set. “Thanks.” He just muttered an “mmm-hmm” back before both of you hung up.

There were six hours before you would go. Six hours to talk yourself out of it and let that piece of shit die on his own. Would it be just as good either way? Probably- right? So don’t go.. don’t go... But you had to. To be free you had to. No questions. Don’t shy away from this.

You’d only been pretending to work for an hour by that point, still talking to yourself at full volume inside your head. Listing the pros and cons of doing something this stupid. This would probably be with you for the rest of your life- but so would the emotional battery. So why not- then, why not...

Your email pinged and brought you right out of the space you didn’t want to be in. Opening it up you saw a reddit notification. Danny’s AMA, damn it. You probably should have been watching it, just in case. But someone had called out your user name and you’d never turned off the push notifications for it. Opening up the page you saw what looked to be a calm state of affairs.

Danny making dick jokes. People thanking him for his influence in their lives. Only one or two questions about you- were you there with him, no. How were you, doing fine-

Then the post with your username attached to it-  
**> Can we get confirmation that Danny cries during sex?**

You’d finally done just a little bit of research. Thankfully enough to get this reference. Though you wouldn’t be surprised if you googled ‘Danny Sexbang’ and ‘cries during sex’ the result would turn up almost immediately. To answer or not to answer...

**> During sex. After sex. Before sex. When he thinks about sex. Also when he uses that measuring tool, I forget what it’s called.**

Almost immediately Danny showed up into the thread.  
**> It’s called a sextant. Also THAT’S PRIVATE!**

You responded again.  
**> Basically what I’m saying is there’s a lot of crying going on.**

 **> You are ruining my dicktastic street cred!!**  
Again, almost immediately.

But as the users started up their ‘lmao’ing and laughing around you you sort of lost it a little yourself. Giggling to yourself on the couch. Wishing he was there to giggle along with you. You really did miss him. It had barely been two hours and you missed him. How on earth were you going to get through an entire week. Pathetic.

On and off you watched the reddit for the next hour and a half. Responded if something entirely harmless and inane was directed at you. Poked fun at Danny when the mood was right. But soon enough he was gone. Soon enough the afternoon was threatening to slip into evening. And you had a date.

The worst date you’d probably ever have in your life.  
And you had to prepare. Mark got a text to come in just another hour.

You took a long shower. This was your time. You’d get back everything. A new you emerged. Dangerous and sharp and ready to watch the light of the last man who had wronged you die out. You dried and fluffed your hair, put on dark makeup. Lining your eyes. Curling your lashes. Deep red lipstick. Sleek black boots, with a pair of tight black jeans. A low cut scarlet top. Beautiful. Everything he lost- but nothing he’d taken from you.

When you stepped out of the house, catching a breeze, you saw Mark leaning against his car, waiting. He looked up when he heard you close the front door. “Damn.” Taken aback, apparently. To say that it boosted your confidence would be an underestimation. “”You look like you’re on a mission.” He was trying to be serious but having a hard time, it sounded like.

“I am.” Taking back your life was no small task. But you were prepared. You’d talked yourself into it. There was no going back. There was also no guarantee. You had this for one night. And if things didn’t move how you were expecting, this was sort of a lost cause.

But you didn’t have time to think about that. Knew you shouldn’t. So you tried not to. The car ride was silent. Both your eyes were set straight ahead but you could tell every so often Mark was glancing over. Your hands started gripping tightly together in your lap.  
You could do this.  
You could.

Once in the parking lot you got out of the car almost immediately. The moon was in the sky now, illuminating the lot far more than the few street lights scattered about. You looked up the side of the building. His room was pretty far up.

“You’re sure about this.” Mark wasn’t really asking a question. It sounded more like he was double checking.

You took off in a slow saunter, still trying to keep your confidence high. You could do this. Without thinking about it your hand slipped right into Mark’s. Something he didn’t refuse. You couldn’t do this.  
Not alone. The woman at the desk look tired as you stepped inside and you unfolded a few pieces of paper from your pocket along with that badge Leske had given you. She read it over, or glanced more like it, and then waved you along.

The both of you walked down the hall and into the elevator. Still hand-in-hand. Still not talking. No turning back. Breathe. No going back. Breathe...  
The doors opened and you saw the one policeman sitting outside the last room. Obviously his. He looked up when the two of you approached and you held out the papers for him. He did just about as much reading. It was most likely that your lawyer had gone ahead and let them know. Once he was done he just waved them back at you and then went back to watching something on his phone.

“Do you want me to stay outside?”  
The answer to this should have been yes. You couldn’t- no, shouldn’t- force Mark to watch this with you. Do the thing you almost couldn’t do yourself. But you just held on to his hand tighter. You didn’t want to say yes. You didn’t want to say no either. You were too weak. He probably knew.

In front of the door you stood for a solid half a minute, taking a breath. Then you pushed it open and the sounds of multiple machines wafted through the air. The two of you stepped inside and you let go of his hand so that he could at least stand in the back of the room. Back against the wall, crossing his arms. You approached. Slowly

He looked really bad. But that’s what dying people were supposed to look like, right?

A watery familiar chuckle popped from his lips as he opened his eyes halfway to watch you come closer. “So the ugly angel of death shows its face.”

Just die already.  
Just go to hell.  
Die so I can get on with my life.

You stared down at him. Unmoving. He looked behind. “That’s not scrawny asshole. Too bad. Would’a liked to give him a good few words.” Danny.  
What would Danny think of all this? Would he think of you differently? Would he even love you anymore if he knew what you were doing here? Danny was a gentle soul. He would have told you not to come. Maybe that’s why you hadn’t told him.

“You banging this one now?” He was talking, mostly for his own benefit you realized, because you weren’t saying anything back. And it was likely this was as much ‘real conversation’ he’d probably had in a long time. The nurses probably didn’t say much to him. The guards probably never talked to him. “That fuck.” He raised a shaky mostly broken hand to point at Mark- who you realized was watching him, just as hard a stare. Just as still. “Ah well. You didn’t miss out on much.”

Whatever he was trying to do it wasn’t going to work.  
Even if-

“Still pining huh. Playing second fiddle. It’s in your nature. Right? She don’t get it. She never will. Stupid bitch.” The last few words spat in your direction as he took his eyes off Mark.

Just die already.  
Just die!

“The problem was I really loved you, you know.” He continued on. And that was the one that finally broke you.

“You’re incapable of love.” Trying to keep your tone calm. Just matter-of-fact. Kyle did not love you. He had never loved you. Anyone that loved someone would not do what he did to you.

“I did. You know...” His words were softening. He coughed a few times.  
Just die. Just. Die. “How many times I saved your ass. Made sure you were where you needed to be. You ruined my life.”

“You did this to yourself.” Your control was slipping. Hands balled tightly at your sides. “You came here. Why- after all these years why did you come looking for me? Why did you show up in that post?”

That was all it took. All this unresolved mess in your brain. Why did he do this? Why any of it? Why? Why? Don’t-  
Don’t die before you tell me-!

In response all you got was a hard laugh that ended with harder coughing. “You belong to me. You ain’t never belong to no one else.” His own control was slipping. That cool facade. He was a piece of shit from the boonies. That’s all he’d ever be. No city would change that.  
The city hadn’t changed either of you.  
Couldn’t expect that much.

“Not anymore.” Because for a certain time you had. His power had been so great, and yours so weak, that you had belonged to him. How else would he have ruined your life for so long? But not anymore. Never again. Never ever again. “Why did you come here?”  
Why do this? Why?

“We had a score to settle baby.” Just to kill you?

“Didn’t work out for you, did it.” Trying to have the upper hand. For once in your life- just once...

He looked up at you, eyes fully open. Grinned. Grinned hard. “Worked out just fine babe. You just don’t get it yet.”

Danny would have told you not to come.  
Danny would have saved you.  
He would have protected you from this-

You were-  
Supposed to be-

Machines shrieked. You watched the color fade right out of him. His mouth go slack. His eyes blur. Go unfocused. Your eyes were glued to him. Watching him. Watching him fade away. Die.  
It’s what you’d wanted. Wasn’t it? Wanted him to die. Wanted to see it. To finally be free but-

You weren’t.  
The door opened and a few nurses came in, shoved you aside. Mark took your arm and pulled you back. But you dug your heels in. Watched because you couldn’t do much else. Couldn’t move. Your vision tunneled. Just him.  
Only him.

Danny would have told you not to go because he would have known better. Why hadn’t you?  
This wasn’t freedom. You’d remember this forever. That little hold he’d burned in the back of your brain was filling up all over again.

The way his eyes glossed over. The last time he’d ever smiled. His face settling. His body slowing-

The machines weren’t shrieking.  
But there was nose-

You-  
You were-

“Hey- hey- hey!” Mark was calling to you his hardest. Somehow you’d gotten out into the parking lot. Coming back you felt out of breath. Your throat hurt.

Had you been screaming?  
Huddled on the sidewalk, your hands to your head.

Danny would have saved you.  
Because you were too stupid to save yourself.  
His face- his stupid fucking face-

“Come on! Snap out of it!” Your whole body was shaking. Violently shivering. But as you came to you eased off the noise. At least. “Come on...” Mark was crouched in front of you, hands on your arms. “I should’ve told you not to come. I should have told you- I’m sorry-“ Suddenly he was talking a million miles a minute. Probably trying to rectify the situation.

“I need a drink.” Make it all go away. Actually try to just black it all out. Forget it. You’d done it before. For years. Just forget him. Forget everything.

“That’s not-“ You looked up to see him frowning. “That’s not going to-“ Not going to help. Not going to fix it. But he didn’t want to deny you. Maybe couldn’t. Not after watching you melt down. “If that’s what you want.”

The safest place to actually just knock back enough to make it all go away was home. So that’s where you asked him to bring you back to. Then you opened the top cabinet in the kitchen, setting down two shot glasses and a bottle of vodka. Very unused. Probably a present from someone. You couldn’t remember. It had been a long time since you’d actually wanted to do this. Usually you were so careful.

Mark’s glass was downed only once, but yours refilled and refilled and refilled. The night fluttered away gently very soon after. You found yourself wandering around the house, Mark never too far behind. At least until you flopped into bed. Finally feeling better. Drunk. Incredibly drunk. The crying had stopped. Thankfully. You could barely feel anything save the room shaking. Your vision wobbling. The way everything swirled around. Everything else went away.  
Far far away.

He said something- a lot of somethings. Talking to you while you laid in the darkness, arm over your eyes. He was talking and you just couldn’t focus. Had no idea what he was going on about. But eventually he pulled the covers up over you and shut the door after himself. Leaving you alone.

You laid there for a long while. Swimming.  
**> Dsmany I csnt**

Your fingers were shaking over the screen as you leaned over the bed, letting the floor hold your phone for you as you moved your fingers over it. This seemed efficient enough. You expected a text back. Texting was safer. Quieter. But almost immediately your phone started ringing.

You edged back on the bed and held it to your ear.  
“What’s going on are you okay?”

He knew.  
Because that was most certainly a drunk text. There was something wrong. It had to be four in the morning over there but he sounded on edge. Like he’d been awake and you hadn’t just bothered him. But you had- he had just picked up the phone, seen it, and instantly been shaken awake by worry.

“Daannyyy...” You put your hand to your face again as you called out to him. “I wish-“ God you wished he was here. That he had protected you. Kept you from doing this stupid fucking... so stupid- “Danny..”

“Okay, okay breathe. Do you have water? You should get some water.” He could tell you were absolutely shitfaced. It wasn’t all that hard, honestly. “What happened? Can you talk to me?” His tone came down and he was trying to coax you so gently.

“I wish you would- I can’t-“ You immediately started choking up. Why hadn’t you just told him? He would have stopped you. He would have made it so this night never happened. Never ever. But now you’d be stuck with this forever. Why couldn’t you have- “Danny- I’m sorry-“ You should have just been honest. You’d been so mad at him for holding this information. Like this. But you’d done it.  
It wasn’t okay- “It’s not- I’m sor-“ Blubbering.

“___,” Almost singing your name to you. You loved his voice. Wished it was there. Really there. “Easy. Easy... just take a breath.” You tried to do what he was asking. Hadn’t he earned that right? “What happened?”

“Kyle’s- Kyle...” You heard the absolutely audible intake of air. He was preparing for something bad. “He’s gone- dead- died. He died.”

“Uuh...” And this was not what he thought you were going to say, by the sounds of it. Because, by all accounts, the guy who had ruined your life died. Shouldn’t you be happy?  
Yes. Yeah! You should have.  
But you fucked it all up.

“I saw- I watched- I saw him-“ You couldn’t stop.

“Wait- what?”

Then you went on a nonstop verbal rampage, sitting up in bed. “Liam the lawyer my lawyer he called he said that he fucking got into a fight in jail and got hurt and that the other lawyer said he was gonna die and that I should go because finality and closure and because he had a badge for me,” Inhaling once to catch your breath and start up, “so I said no but then said yes and Mark took me and-“

“Waitwaitwait hold up. Wait! Slow down.” You held your breath when he started calling out. “Mark is there? Mark’s there right now?”

“Yeahyeah he came with me and he saw it too and Liam said no Kyle said he was second best and then he said that I’d never- I’d always-“ You started blubbering again. Loudly.

“Babe- babybabybaby slow down. It’s okay. It’s okaaay...” Was it, though? Probably not. It’d never be okay. “Breathe for me. In.” You obeyed. “Out.” Again. “In.” He repeated this like a mantra for you and soon you’d gotten control of yourself. If only a little. “Listen- it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

You hid your face in the bed. “...are you mad?” God he must be pissed. He probably hated you. You hated you. Why not him.

“No- no of course I’m not mad. It’s okay.” This soothed your nerves so deeply. Danny still loved you. Thank god. Thank god...

You sniffled. “I love you.” This came out watery sounding. You wanted to cry again.

“I love you, too. It’s okay.” He kept saying this. It’s okay. Was it. Was it okay. “You should drink some water and try to get some sleep.”

“I wish you were here...” You wanted to snuggle up to him. To have him make it all go away.

“I know. I wish you were over here.” You should have gone. You should have just fucking gone. God why were you so stupid. Why. Why. Why?

“I’m sorry-“ The crying started again. You were so sorry. So very sorry. And you probably would be. For a long time.

He started humming and you held your breath. You always did- you wanted to hear him. His nice voice. You wished he was there with you. “When life sails in, the city sets up and everybody’s playing their parts. You look in the mirror, you promise yourself tonight you’re gonna make a brand new start.” You let your breath out slow, trying to breathe quietly so you could listen to him. Did he know? How did he know. Like he was living in your brain. Good song... “So who do you call when that clock on the wall says there’s nothing left to do but go home?”

Him. You always called him.  
Ran to him.  
Or was that-

“It’s no damn good, but I knew you would. I can hear your voice before you call.” You missed him. Wanted him there. Singing to you. Holding you close, dancing with you. Like all the other times. Why hadn’t you just gone.

“But it’s alright babe,” You closed your eyes. Thinking about him. “You can call me up in the middle of the night. It’s okay babe...” He hummed again. Tapering off softer and softer. “...you alright?” This wasn’t singing. But now you just felt tired.

Heavy. Still sad but.. “I’m okay.” Still sorry. Still stupid as ever.

“Good. Good...” Breathing out, you could hear him. “I love you. Please get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow. Okay?”

You nodded to yourself. “Okay. I love you.” He started humming again for you. The same song. It’s alright. It’s okay... you drifted off that way, laying on your phone. It’s okay.  
It’s alright...  
It’s okay...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is It's Alright by Brian Greenway! Check it out! Also sorry! Not really but sorry!


	35. It's Gotta Stop

Just a little air. A little fresh air. That’s all he needed. She was blacked out anyway. He knew he really shouldn’t have let her drink that much. He shouldn’t have let this entire night go down. But he couldn’t deny her what she wanted. She’d really seemed to think this was a good idea- but it had turned out so sour. She’d probably carry this around for the rest of her life. Damn it. He knew he really should have just spent the night with her somewhere else. Far away-  
Or persuaded her to go with Danny- 

...  
His phone vibrated in his pocket and he dug around to hold it up to his face, adjusting his glasses in the darkness of the night. Sitting outside on her stoop. And almost like he’d summoned the devil. There was his name. Mark was out of options. There would only be one reason he was calling. And if he ignored it... 

“Yeah.” Answering the phone in a defeated tone of voice. This was a battle already lost. Mark knew that. 

“Can you just please explain to me what the fuck is going on over there?” Danny’s voice was on edge- but almost surprisingly not because he was mad. Though he was. But because he was mostly in the dark and scared. 

“What did she tell you?” So she’d not gone to sleep immediately, obviously called her boyfriend for reassurance- probably cried.

“I don’t even know, man. She’s drunk as hell and I couldn’t make a lot of it out.” There would be no reason for him to lie about this but Mark was a little skeptical. “Please just tell me what’s going on.” He sounded stressed. And for good reason. He’d probably been woken out of a dead sleep after a long flight to his girl drunk-crying about who knew what. 

“A couple of days ago her lawyer called with information about that dirtbag being on his deathbed. I guess she made up her mind to go see him off.” Breathing out hard. “Didn’t she tell you?” He tried to keep his voice neutral but it was hard. She hadn’t told Danny.

“No.” So. Danny had had no idea. Obviously. Because if he had, Mark really doubted he’d let her go. Just like... just like he shouldn’t have.. “You let her go?” His tone jumped into aggression. Maybe he had every right.

But Mark was too on edge. “Look. I’m not her babysitter.” He regretted this the second it came out of his mouth. 

“But you are her FRIEND aren’t you? Jesus christ, man.” Danny wasn’t yelling, just being stern. “Look- maybe I’ve earned that, that she feels like she can’t trust me with this shit yet. That’s fine. I can deal with that. But she trusted YOU.” Mark’s shoulders hunched and he shrunk into himself listening to Dan lecture him. “You should have-“

“Don’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. She wanted to go. I went with her.” He would have done anything she asked. Because that was his lot in life- in her life. He loved her too much not to help her out. But.. was this really helping her? 

“You know this shit isn’t right. You should have done whatever it took-“ 

“She’s a grown woman. She can make her own decisions, Dan!” Even the wrong ones. The very, very wrong ones. Mark was too rubbed raw by the evening and too guilty to let himself be talked to this way. No matter how right it was. 

He heard Danny sigh. “Look-“

“No YOU look-“

“No! Listen to me!” Danny cut him off and Mark pressed his lips together. “This has gotta stop.” The worst thing was, he wasn’t wrong. Both of them were too tired. Way too tired. “She trusts you- and so do I, man. Like- come on. We were friends before all this shit. We ... we still are, aren’t we? And I don’t wanna fight anymore. I just wanna know that she’s in good hands when I can’t be that for her. You don’t even owe that to me- but if you feel like you don’t owe that to her either then maybe it’s time to walk away.” 

Mark’s hand curled tightly in his lap.  
Is that what he felt?  
She’d only ever done right by both men. Even if... even if she’d never come to the understanding of how deeply Mark had felt for her. But was that her fault? Absolutely not. Absolutely not... And Danny. Danny was such a good guy. 

“...I don’t wanna fight anymore either.” It was too tiring. And. The worst part- the absolute worst part... it was a losing battle. She didn’t love him like that. She loved Danny like that. And now that she did, she’d never love him like that. Ever. That war was over. He’d missed his chance- and he’d have to live with that. Forever. But that was no one’s fault but his own. Not hers. Especially not Danny’s. “I fucked up. I know. I shouldn’t have let her go.” 

“Is she gonna be okay? Should- ...should I come home early?” This was...  
What Danny was asking was big. Because it wasn’t as simple as it sounded. He was asking if Mark could handle this. If Danny could trust him... 

“She had a panic attack. I talked her down from it. Then let her get stupid drunk because I don’t know. I’m an idiot.” There was at least very little point in hiding the evening’s events. “She’ll probably be a little weird for a couple of days- but- It’s okay. I’ll be here for her.” What else could he possibly do but that? 

There was a soft moment of silence between them before Danny spoke again. “Okay.” And another silence. “...are we good?” 

They hadn’t been for a while. A few months now.  
First Mark was the one that had been rightfully pissed. Now it was Danny’s turn. Next, logically, it’d be hers. And neither of them wanted that. She’d end up hating them both to know how they’d gone at each other like dogs. Stupid, stupid dogs. 

“Yeah. We’re good.” 

He didn’t want to fight anymore. Danny was too good a man to be that way with. He’d never done anything wrong. He was good for her. Made her happy- ...he loved her enough to know that was enough. 

“Good. Thanks.” 

Mark laughed. Softly. Not really all there. “Ah what are you thanking me for?” Being a gigantic asshole? 

Danny giggled back. “I dunno man. Just. Thanks.” When Mark hummed in response, “I gotta get some sleep. You probably should too.” 

“Yeah. Yeah...” 

“Later man.”

“Buh-bye.” 

Mark slipped his phone back into his pocket, taking a deep breath. He didn’t want to admit it but it felt like a huge weight had just been lifted from his chest. The whole situation had never felt good. Not since it had started. But now it was almost like he was free. He still loved her, but over time it would edge back into respectful platonic terms. Where it should have been in the first place. 

Strange thing was... Danny had not once accused him of fucking around. And how easy would that have been? Danny knew he loved her. And he’d let her get drunk. Incredibly drunk. Wouldn’t it have been easy? But... all Danny had been concerned with was making sure things were okay- and... apparently even though they’d been fighting, he still trusted that Mark was a good guy. 

...Danny was too good of a person. Honestly.  
And that was why Mark couldn’t do it anymore. Not to him. Not to her. The both of them. He needed to get on with his life. He hadn’t needed permission to do it, either, but now that he sort of had it... 

He felt so much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breathe easy my friends.


	36. Can't Stand It Anymore

The morning was a blur- a lot of the days after stuck together, too. One moment bled from the next to the next. You really wished Danny was home. You needed light. Laughter. But did you really deserve it after lying to him? No. This is what you deserved. You’d done this to yourself. Should have been smarter than what you’d become in your greed to overcome the last bitterness in your life. Or what should have been. Instead now you had this black hole- and the one person who should have, could have, would have saved you from it you’d shut out. And now was halfway across the country. You’d bothered him enough, too. You couldn’t do it to him anymore. You’d lost that right.

So when he texted or called you tried to put the best you could forward. More lying. Lies on top of lies. When he asked if you were okay it was always ‘yeah’ and ‘of course’. Whether or not he believed you really... You hoped he did. You wanted him to enjoy his time with his family. Getting his stuff for his band release together. You had no right to get in between that.

Mark was in and out. Trying to help you but you were just as reluctant to let him. Lying to him, too. If only so that he’d get back to his life, too. And when he finally did you plunged off the deep end into truly miserable. That’s when time really stopped. You lost all comprehension. Wandering from one room of your house to the next. Thinking about the thing you didn’t want to think about. The time that was robbed from you. But who to blame? Yourself. Of course yourself. It got so bad that you couldn’t even focus on work.

Early one morning, you weren’t sure which, you felt a little better. With no explanation. You just did. Safe. Again. Warm. The sun was only just starting to come up, dark blue still sitting outside the shuttered window to your left. Your bedroom was mostly dark. But you felt okay. Finally. Too early to get up, most likely. So you snuggled into your pillow, still lying on your side. Shimmied back a bit.

Felt two lanky arms pull you closer. Into his body. Then heard his slowed breathing behind.

The wash of relief turned into a trickle of cold panic.  
You sat up, jerking away, and twisted to look down. “Muh-“ Danny raised a hand up and back to push some of that wild hair out of his face.

What was he doing there? Had you lost more time? How many years now? -but if you could think that, wouldn’t you know? But when- “When did you get here?”

He blinked his eyes a few times, shifting to lie on his back. “Took an early flight. Couldn’t stand it anymore.” His voice was gravelly. Then... then he smiled. And it was almost like all was right with the world again. His hand reached up, cupping the side of your face. “Snuck in to bed with you. Sorry.” He giggled a little airily.

It didn’t take much more coaxing than that to lie back, all but collapsing into him. Snuggling up to his side. Relishing when his arms came around you. You buried your face into his chest. “I should’ve gone with you.” So many things could have been avoided. All of it, in fact. Literally no good had come out of being stubborn. Of thinking you could do this by yourself. None that you knew of, anyway.

“Yeah.” Said with a sigh as one of his hands carded through your hair a few times. “But we’re done with that now.” There was no going back. No taking it back. “I mean- I am, but I’d be a dick to assume. Are you okay?” He’d asked about a million times and you’d lied every single time. The fact that he was still asking meant he knew. Of course he knew. He always knew.

You didn’t really even have to think too hard about the answer. “I’m better now.” Much better. You could feel life coming back. The happiness and the sun that his laughter brought wherever it went.

“I’m glad. Like- really really glad.” There was no way, after that, that you could deny that he knew how much you’d been suffering. Even though you’d tried to spare him, he’d probably only been thinking about you for most of his trip. Which made you feel terrible.

“So. How’d it go?” You’d made it such a mission not to bother him that you hadn’t had time to talk to him. And now you just wanted to double check you hadn’t actually ruined his whole time.

“Great. Actually. Really good. Rush was amazing. Wished you were there. We’ll get ‘em next time though.” The hand playing with your hair disappeared as he shifted, getting more comfortable, putting it behind his own head. “Family was awesome. Really wanted to meet you. But we’ll-“

“Get ‘em next time?” He probably wasn’t purposefully trying to make you feel bad. But you’d earned those stripes.

“Yeah.” A little wistfully.

“How do the albums look?” You were really curious about this.

“Oh! Fucking amazing.” His enthusiasm bubbled out of him. How you’d missed him. “I dunno dude. I mean like.. we had a few physicals of Starbomb but. Like. This is something else.” You could listen to him go on and on about it all night- or morning. All day. Didn’t matter. Listening to him talk like this really made you happy. “We’ll get the preorder out soon and like- ...I hope people like it.”

“They will.” You said this with confidence. They would. People really liked Danny. How could they not?

“You think so?” He tilted a little to look down at you.

All you could do was smile up at him. “Of course I do.”

His grin turned wide and he practically squished you in his arms. “Fuck I missed you.” You reached up to try and get your arms around him. Just melting into him. When you got close enough his stubble caught the side of your face with a tingly brush and that set off an entire giggle loop that neither of you could escape.

You were comfortable and in love and safe. Only he could ever make you feel that way. The sounds of your combined laughter carried throughout the whole house. Such a beautiful sound.

When the two of you tapered off into just light chest rumbles you felt oddly reenergized. The colors outside had turned a soft golden. You leaned up, hand against his chest. “I’m gonna make some coffee.”

“Cool. Oh- hey! I have copies. Do you wanna see?” He just couldn’t stop talking about it.

“Hell yes I want to see.” You leaned in to press a careful kiss to his lips, trying not to get too consumed. Then you rolled out of bed, shrugging on the long cardigan hanging on the doorknob before heading out into the kitchen. Behind you you heard rustling- that backpack. He ended up dragging it out into the kitchen after you and plopping it on the counter while you started the brew.

He was tearing apart the contents of his pack and throwing it all on the counters looking for his CDs. You settled a few scoops into the filter and before you could turn back his arm was around your waist, leaning in. “Look at this shit.” He held one of them- Attitude City- in front of your face.

You leaned back into him to get a better look. “Oh. Don’t you look dangerous.”

He giggled into your ear. “I’m a bad, bad boy. Obviously.” You pressed the button on the side to get the coffee going, then turned yourself around so that you could face him. “We have Ninja-Sex-For-Women and Strawberries and Cream, too. It’s gonna be amazing.”

The CD got set on the counter so that he could put his hands on your hips. Your arms went around his neck in a loose embrace. “Gonna bundle them, huh?”

“Yeah. Fuck yeah. I really hope they like it. We’re gonna sign Attitude for it. I’m hoping for like... at least a hundred. It’ll be amazing.” He was grinning like an idiot, leaning down to brush noses with you.

“Why not a thousand?” Laughing softly every time his nose touched yours.

“Hehah- yeah why not one meeelleeon?”

The two of you shared another short laugh session, close together. This one much quieter. But just as contented. He took your right hand in his left and started leading you gently. “Dance with me. I want to be your partner, can’t you see? The music is just starting, night is calling\- Uh. Er- morning is calling!” He leaned his forehead down against yours, and the two of you shared another squinty eyed laugh in the middle of his singing and dancing. “I am falling. Dance with me, babe.”

Everything you needed happened to be everything he was. You leaned your head against his chest as the coffee started bubbling. “Fantasy could never be so giving. I feel free, I hope that you’re willing.” He hummed while you sang. “Pick the beat up and kick your feet up. Dance with me.”

He arched back. “Let it lift you off the ground. Starry eyes and love is all around us.” Belting just a little in his Danny way. “I can take you where you want to gooo!” He dropped your hand to take you around the waist, shifting you back and forth.

The two of you spent the rest of the morning singing at each other. Quite the session. And after everything else, just what you needed. Maybe just what he needed, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is, the aptly named, Dance With Me by Orleans. Check it out! ....I'm just gonna fill all your itunes up with songs you will forever associate with Danny. You're welcome in advance!


	37. Who's Responsible for This?

The phone on the desk rang and you shot up out of your chair to get it. “This is ___.” The landline was almost solely used for business these days. 

“Good afternoon, Ms. ___. I just received your payment for reservation here at the restaurant. I just wanted to get a few more details down to make the evening perfect for you.” 

“Thank you for being so prompt!” 

You could hardly even believe they’d let you take the Water Grill out of commission for a couple of hours. Not that they hadn’t charged a ridiculous amount of money for it, but it was worth it. It was going to be worth it. The place had absolutely no meaning to anyone but it was beautiful and pretty classy. A great place to host a dick party for sure. 

The massive reaction to Attitude City had swept everyone off their feet- Danny especially. At the moment he had gone to Arin’s place for the afternoon and was recording some sort of thank you video with Brian. To watch him just light up with every new sale was a beautiful experience. Glowing, really. He was so absolutely grateful- so overwhelmed. And. Well. You had to do something. Getting everyone in on it without the two of them knowing was probably the hardest part.

But you were good at your job. That meant sneaking around, scheduling things on time, and making sure everything was where it needed to be. This was such a huge milestone for him. You couldn’t let it pass by. After settling things on the phone you checked your email for the confirmation letter. Everyone who was attending the party was supposed to have ordered the bundle- just for fun, really. He didn’t need the help and you were sure he’d appreciate it. You wanted them to print out the confirmations to wave around like invitations. 

Arin was going to take them there when they were finished. Not much time left. They’d only blow a couple of takes. Both of your phones rang a couple of times. You managed to handle both with proficiency. Just party-goers asking for directions, asking if they absolutely had to have the print out, things like that. You settled all the scores as quick as possible. Not much time left. You still had to get there before them. It was a surprise party, after all. So once you were sure your house phone was done ringing you got right into your car and drove downtown. 

The restaurant was ready. Music already playing away in the corner, waitstaff running about setting food and drinks down on a makeshift buffet table- which you’d had to pay extra for, but that was no big deal either. People started trickling in just as you were wobbling on a ladder hanging a ‘CONGRATULATIONS’ banner. Go big or go home. Some people were starting to move a few of the tables on the left side out of the way to get the dance-floor up and running. 

“Hey, they’re about five minutes away!” Barry called from the food table, his phone going back into his pocket. Five minutes. Okay. Not everything was set up. Not everything was perfect. People were talking amongst themselves, rather loudly at that.

You got down off the ladder, wiping your hands on your pants. Were you nervous? Hm. “Okay, okay! Can I please get everyone to quiet down?” Raising your voice while cupping your hands at the sides of your mouth. When the talking died down into murmurs then died down into nothing, “Thank you! Danny and Brian will be here very soon! Can I get everyone to take out their confirmation codes and huddle around right about here!” Waving your hands to the spot you were standing. “If you want to film that’s great! We’d really like that!” Putting some of it up on instagram was a must at this point. 

About a hundred different rustles came from every corner of the room as papers were being pulled and unfolded. You did the same with yours before smoothing your hair back. You’d almost wished you’d gotten a little more dressed up. To be honest.. you were kind of a mess. Everyone else looked really nice. But you’d had so much to do- so much to maintain- hopefully he wouldn’t mind...

“They’re here!” Kevin called from the window before ducking away to avoid getting caught. 

You held your hands up for silence. Feeling that coil of excitement. Ready to burst. The doors opened. “Yeah so I said-“ Danny had been in the middle of a story.

“CONGRATULATIONS NINJA SEX PARTY!!” Everyone threw their fists in the air, waving their papers around like party poppers. 

“Oh shit god damn no fucking waaaay!!!” Danny seemed to be in the process of losing it.

“I’m sorry- are those bundle codes?” Brian looked less than impressed- facetiously so, having too much trouble hiding his smile after asking. 

“Oh fuck you guys. Do you know how much shit we have to sign?!!” But when Danny laughed he took the entirety of the room with him. “Who I ASK! Who is responsible FOR THIS?!” Taking dramatics to a new level with both fists in the air. 

Just about everyone threw you under the bus. “Uuuh...” They were all either pointing or staring at you. Yep. You. Your fault. You did this. Made this mess. 

“I KNEW IT!” Danny took off from the door in a running start right at you before coming to a halt right in front of you, putting his hands to your hips and lifting you miraculously off the ground for one spin. Right before he put, or rather almost dropped you, back down and leaned over. “I’m getting too old for this shit. Hah fuck.” The room just took off in thunderous laughter again. The night officially started after that. 

Danny and Brian posted up just off center of the drink table, one in both their hands, while scarfing down appetizers and whatever else was within arms reach. You walked around to try and make sure everything was going smoothly. Even if you wanted nothing more than to stand around with Danny and enjoy the night. But it wasn’t about you. It was about him. And as long as he was having fun-

“Hey pretty lady,” Danny had come, almost quite literally, out of nowhere. Grabbing your hand to get your attention and pulling you to his side. 

“Oh jeez. You scared the crap out of me.” You’d been so focused on making sure the plates on the table weren’t empty. 

He giggled softly, pulling you closer, swaying with you to the rhythm of the music. “Can you take a moment to relax?” 

You looked beyond him to the other table with the drinks- “Well I wanted-“ You had too much going on in your head. 

“Pleeaaasee?” But. How could you resist that? So you relented, putting your hands to his shoulders. Dancing lightly with him. 

“...Did you really know?” Had you somehow blown the surprise? Had he been expecting this party for a couple of days? And here you’d thought you’d been so clever. 

“No you totally fucking got me. I just meant that I immediately knew you were behind it.” You relaxed a little knowing you’d done your job well. 

You laid your smile to his shoulder. “I’m glad.” Surprising him was worth it. You leaned up on your tiptoes to whisper to him. “I’m so proud of you.” This was a long time coming. You might not have known him for years and years- but you remembered now. Remembered him playing that gig in the city. Not many bands made it out of there alive. While his didn’t actually, he had. He’d come so far. Done so much. Helped so many. 

“Mm- fuck. You’re gonna get me going again.” His voice trembled before he forced it to dip into a laugh. He’d been a little bit of a mush ever since the numbers started rolling in. But he’d earned that right. He hugged you close. “You’re coming with, right?” 

There wouldn’t be a lot of time to spend together in the sense of a vacation when he went to Portland to start signing copies, but you’d already learned that staying behind was a bad idea. Just as a rule now. You stepped away from him to reach into your pocket and give him another folded up paper. “I have more than just a CD-Baby email.” The one he was glossing over was airline ticket confirmation. 

Once he was done making sure it was real his arms came around you and he was just short of squeezing the life out of you. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou. God I love you.” His lips began a frenzied crusade. Kissing every part of your face he could manage while smushing your cheeks together in his palms.

“Aagh- Danny! Stop!” Whining at him. He was getting a little crazy. A little overly affectionate. 

“Never! I’ll never stop!” In between each loud smack of a kiss until just about everyone’s attention was diverted your way and laughing up a storm. 

“You two are fucking gross!” Definitely Ross’ voice from the back somewhere. 

In response Danny just kept on covering your face in kisses but held out one hand to stick up his middle finger. “Suck a diiiiiick!” Then- “Oh- not you- I mean. If you wanted. But I wasn’t talking to you just now!” 

This finally really got you and you half bent over to laugh pretty hard. He came behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and lifting you back up, giggling in your ear. The mood was too infectious. The best kind. Camera flashes were going off from every angle. Just recording your and Danny’s breakdown into absolute mad laughter. With how crazy you two were already, it was going to be an absolutely long week. But probably one of the best ones in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mushmushmushmush. Thanks for your continued love and support! If you guys ever have any questions or anything don't be scared to ask. I'm mostly around in the comments these days with responses. I love interacting with you guys. It honestly makes my day!


	38. You're Among Friends

It was business and not pleasure. You went to Portland with him knowing that. But watching him get up to leave by nine A.M. and come home around midnight absolutely busted and broken for three days straight was really making you antsy. To know that he was cooped up in an office space signing his life away- even if it made him incredibly happy to do it, made you in turn feel a little sad. He was still glad to have you to come back to. Your hotel room was nothing fancy to speak of but none of that mattered when he collapsed on the bed, snuggled up in your arms and drifted off.

You had other things to do, of course, so you weren’t really just sitting up in the room doing nothing. He’d even invited you down to the office- every morning, in fact. You’d said you’d go at least once before heading back home, but you didn’t want to distract him while he was busy. And that was probably what would end up happening. His attention span wasn’t the best. Working out of a hotel room was no different than from your couch with the right accessories on hand.

Midday you got a couple of pings from reddit. People were talking about some videos being reuploaded and... for some reason they’d asked you to come take them down. It was confusing and flattering all the same. The better idea was to leave it alone and not go in there and talk to anyone but... In this instance it seemed harmless.

**> I’m not actually the Game Grumps’ manager or anything! But I’ll see what I can do about it! Thanks for the heads up.**

You couldn’t file a claim for them but you could pass it along to Arin. It’d probably get handled in a couple of hours... or at least the end of the day, knowing YouTube. The response seemed harmless enough but, of course, showing up actually caused a few people to come in and start asking you questions. You’d only interacted with them on this level that time a while back- face-to-face was a little easier. It was better for gauging people and reactions. You could only do so much with text. But. While you were there.

**> Are you ever gonna be on the grumps? grumpcade maybe?**

This one in particular caught your eye because you remembered Danny and Barry talking about it in the car. Saying anything without consulting the actual show runners was probably a bad idea- or at least a hard confirmation. But what harm was there... in..

**> I’d love to! We’ll still be in Portland for a couple of days but I’ll see what comes up when we get back.**

The wrongness in this was that... you sort of wanted them to like you. Even when Danny had been wary the first time- though now that you were thinking of it, that might have been for the wrong reasons. Or the right-wrong reasons. The ones he hadn’t told you about. But they seemed to like you. At least some of them. Right?

Wrong.

A few responses in the thread asked how Danny was, how the signing was going, and some people were of the general mind ‘of COURSE’ she’s with him. That sounded more tired than anything but you’d never tried to shove your relationship down their throat. A little funny, thinking about it, since you’d actually tried to hide it at first. Again for the right-wrong reasons. Nonetheless...

Then there came the nasty comments.  
**> what does she even know about gaming?**  
** >besides sucking Danny’s dick why would she be on the show**  
** >here we go suzy 2.0**

Honestly. You were an adult. These sounded like things children would say. There was nothing you could do to it but shrug your shoulders. Responding would absolutely do you no good. They’d just keep on going. People like that didn’t want to be convinced that you had worth. Or that you were a nice person. They just wanted to strike out. So let them. What did you care?

You closed your laptop and sat back, taking a breath. This was the part of the fanbase that Danny had been talking about, no doubt. The angry little ones. For no reason, really. You’d not done anything to them. You felt just a little itch. A tiny one. To say something. Defend yourself. But you were too smart for that. Had handled too many cases for that. Just let it pass.

But now you had to keep away from your computer. So no more work. Because if you went on it, no matter how strong or how smart you were, you’d keep getting emails if they pinged you, and if they didn’t... you’d probably go back to the thread anyway. So you fixed yourself up and went out into the lovely Portland weather. The office wasn’t too far. A short walk. And though it was probably a better idea to let him know beforehand, you decided a surprise was better.

Before going in you grabbed a couple of sandwiches- classic ham for Brian and a turkey for Danny. Then got sidetracked in a doughnut shop and picked up a dozen for the other people no doubt walking around in the building. And then when you got to the front desk you realized how dumb your plan was. “Can I help you?”

“Uh- oh- Is Danny here?” Of course he was there. But you were sort of panicking. Wow. You were dumb.

“Do you have an appointment?” Of course they weren’t gonna let some random chick wander in to their studios and have a nice little chat with Danny. What the hell were you thinking?

“I have doughnuts?” This was a joke but the way the woman looked at you made you feel really bad. “Hold on.” You slid the food onto her desk and pulled your phone out of your pocket.

**> I’m currently making an ass out of myself at the front desk please help**

“Look- if you don’t have an appointment...” The girl was in the process of picking up a phone. Probably calling the cops.

“Here I come here I cooome!!” Danny flew down the hall to the right, coming to a dead stop, hunched over to take a breath. “It’s cool it’s-“ Taking a breath. “Totally cool. We know her.”

“Oh! Sorry. It’s just we don’t know-“

You waved your hand. “It’s okay. I get it. I kinda came to the realization halfway through.” She was just doing her job. Couldn’t fault her for that. “These are for you guys.” You tapped the box of doughnuts.

“Thanks!”

Danny put his arm around you. “I know she’s the bomb, right? ...what’dyou bring me?”

“A turkey sandwich.” Holding the bag up to him.

He did a triumphant fist pump. “Seeee?? The god damn bomb!” He waved at the receptionist before taking you down the long hall he’d just had to zoom down for you. “What made you decide to come and make an ass out of yourself?” Giggling already.

“Oh. Reddit was picking on me.” Sighing out. This was, also, meant to be a joke. But it seemed like you were striking out today.

“What? Really?” His concern stomped out his previous amusement. “What happened?”

“It’s okay. Really.” Smiling up at him before coming to a halt. Brian was seated at a table that was almost piled to the ceiling with CDs. Danny’s adjacent table was much the same way. “Oh wow.”

“No kidding.” Brian looked up once.

“It’s a lot worse than it looks.” They had so much to sign. So much. It was almost unbelievable. No wonder the few-day-trip turned into an entire week. Would they even be able to get through it all?

Danny collapsed into his seat and picked up his sharpie to doodle on a few more covers. You dropped Brian’s sandwich off which earned a very tired ‘thanks’. Not that you could blame him. You only smiled before pulling a chair up to Danny’s table and putting his sandwich down for him. “Have you eaten?”

“No. It’s about time for a break anyway.” He started tearing into it almost immediately. He chewed, half-swallowed, and then, “What’dyou get for you?”

“Oh. Nothing.” You’d forgotten to actually get anything for yourself. Today was just not your day.

He pushed the other half of his sandwich. “Eat. Please.” He washed down his bites with a water that was sitting on the corner of the table then swiped his back of his hand across his mouth. “And continue with the reddit story.”

You waved your hand dismissively. “They pinged me a couple times about some reuploaded videos so I went in to tell them I’m not the manager. I don’t know why they thought...” Just because of your reputation? But that had nothing to do with the Grumps. You’d probably never know. “And then they asked if I’d be on the show and I thought it would be okay to say we’ll see and then they just got nasty about it.”

“Mmf,” Chewing still, “How nasty?”

You shrugged. “High school level insults. It’s not a big deal.”

He leaned his head down a little to make his stare more poignant. “Yet you still ran here.” This was halfway between a joke and sort of probing to try and see if you really were upset.

And he wasn’t entirely wrong. Sort of. You had come to him almost immediately after it had happened. “You did way more running than I have in my entire life just now.” Smiling at him to try and ease his nerves.

“That’s a long fucking hallway!” When he provoked a slight giggle out of you and smiled around his sandwich in another bite.

“Soo...” Leaning back in the chair. “How many?”

He finished swallowing and put his food down so that he could run his hands halfway back through his hair before mussing it up hard. Then he went face down on the table. “Too many.”

“...one meeelleeeion?” Giving his head a small pat.

“Hmmf-“ Laughing to himself. He sat up, slinking back in his chair, actually fixing his hair with his hand this time. “Not quite. Somewhere over eight thousand. And still coming.” The deal ended on Friday. Until then they had no idea what the final number would be.

That was still huge- and this was just pre-order stuff. Their album on itunes had shot right to number one in the comedy spot through those preorders alone. Then there was amazon- and- You reached over to put your hand on top of his. “This is amazing.”

“Tell that to my hand!” Bursting out before shrinking back. “I know. It’s fucking crazy...” He hadn’t imagined all this. He’d probably hoped. Really really hoped. But to see it all here now. He pressed his hand over his eyes. “Ah come the fuck on Sexbang! Pull it together!” Still a little mushy. But it was okay.

You just patted his hand a few times. “You’re among friends.”

“Are you counting me? Because I’ll mock him mercilessly if he starts crying again.” Brian made you aware of the situation with a few extra hard squeaks of his sharpie.

Danny wiped the tips of his fingers underneath his eyes, tilting his head all the way back. “Aaah okay. Okay! I’m fine. It’s good.” Watching him get so emotional really tugged at your heartstrings. You were just glad it was for a happy reason instead of anything else. He sat back down and uncapped his sharpie with his teeth, spit it out on the table, and started signing away.

“Soo...” Settling into your chair. “Did you sign my copy yet?”

“Yes. For sure.” Nodding, sending his hair flying every which way.

“You can have any pick of the litter. The ones we fucked up.” You looked over to where Brian was pointing. A small pile of CDs on his corner of the desk. Once you got up to look at them...

Mostly dicks drawn on either of their faces. Faces blacked out. Saying either one of them sucked. Unibrows. Big noses. More dicks. Alien antennas. “It’s amazing you two can get any work done at all.”

“Blame him not me.”  
“Blame him not me.”

Said at exactly the same time. Oh boy. “I blame both of you.”

When you sat back down Danny slid one of his just freshly signed copies. On it-

 _To my forever lady love._  
Then his little Danny with the S and the star.

When you looked up he gave you a smooth wink with a head tilt up and a purse of his lips that made it not so smooth. But it got to you anyway, getting just a little bit of pink out of you. Something that made him laugh.

“Perfect.”  
Just like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mushmuuush.... hah ♥


	39. I'll Dance If You Sing (♥)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I heard that there was a certain video that got released yesterday that's driving everyone mad. Hmmm? Let's see what I can do about that...

The 60s, 70s, and 80s mix had been blasting in the office for hours. Hours upon hours. The night had turned a while ago. Both Danny and Brian were working feverishly because they saw the bottom of the pit. And they were close. They’d been close about three hours ago, but even closer still now. You’d taken up position with them as their pretend assistant. Getting them food. Bringing them drinks. Managing the piles and switching the stacks when they were ready to be signed by the other. When they didn’t need you you sat in the corner with your laptop.

Surprisingly you had not gone back to reddit since a couple of days ago. Your willpower was impressive even to you. Instead you buried yourself back in work and the work that came and went whenever the two needed anything. You all felt exhausted- them more so, and they had every right. You could feel the scritching-scratching more than you could hear it, which was strange. But they were going so fast. Trying to make it end before midnight hit this time.

The only sounds were squeaking of markers and the fade out of Clapton and into the Bee Gees.  
“Here we are in a room full of strangers-“

“Pizza up front!” One of the late night office workers called from the reception desk down the long hall. You pushed yourself up from your desk, wallet in hand and rushed down. You’d made this trip several times by now and had to give Danny credit for how quick he’d gone from text to front desk.

You took some bills out of your wallet and accepted both pies. “Keep the change.”

“Thanks!”

“FUCK. YES.” Celebration erupted behind you and you were a little sorry you missed it. So you just waved to the delivery kid before bolting back down the hall to try and catch what you’d missed. Danny was triumphantly swaying his way around the room.

You quickly shoved the pizzas off on one of the desks. “You finished?”

“Uh! Oh yeah!” Even Brian was getting into it. So you shoved your hand into your pocket to get your phone out and turned the recording on.

“Come on come on! Get together!”  
They both bumped shoulder to shoulder as you hit the record button- Bee Gees still blasting away.

“Blaming it all! On the nights on Broadway!”  
Danny was lip synching while Brian stoically mouthed the backup words-

Danny was also rocking his hips in quite a hypnotic fashion, keeping beat and absolutely spilling joy with a big grin on his face as he continued on.

“Singin’ them love songs.” Danny was absolutely rocking out. Moving his hands all over and swaying all over the place. “Singin’ them straight to the heart songs!” His pelvic thrusting was absolutely out of control. You almost lost it laughing. But you couldn’t ruin the moment!

So you kept it in just as he was jumping in and out behind Brian before shaking his hands in the air and then jumping all over the room and out of frame. Then you let the phone slip downwards and you just let out the most satisfying laughter. “Oh they’ll love this one.”

“Gimmegimmegimmegimme!!” He probably wanted to send himself the footage so you offered your phone up. But instead he just sat on the edge of the table and logged into all his accounts from your phone. A deep level of trust in this day and age. “Aw damn, it’s too big for the instagram.”

“Cut it a little there and then post the whole thing on facebook.” The only alternative. As long as it went somewhere because people could not miss out on this one.

As soon as it snapped up Brian had it playing on his phone. Laughing to himself. “You big idiot.”

That he was. Probably one of the biggest you’d known in your life, but that was what made him so great. You shoulder bumped him as he was still trying to get it onto their facebook. “You never told me you were such a good dancer.” You’d slow danced with him quite often. It was, in fact, perhaps one of your favorite things. But watching him just shake it all out with happy joy was something else entirely.

“These hips aren’t just for banging, baby!” Running a hand back through his hair, giving it a good shake.

“Augh. Is that where this is going because I will take my pizza back to the hotel room.” Brian was snooping through the boxes you’d dropped off before stuffing half a slice in his mouth.

Danny was already a giggling mess by the time he handed your phone back to you. Then his own came out of his pocket. Probably to tweak and fine tune. Or send that video to everyone of your friends. While he was busy doing just that you muted it and... played it back. One or two times. It already had thousands of hits on both sites. And on the third play it really got you.

He was. ...very good at moving that lanky body of his. Not that you didn’t already know that. Watching it back, though..

Packing up the signed CDs carefully was a chore. Even eating felt like a chore, because there was something else on your mind. And that something else was still busy dancing and humming every chance he got. Trying to get you to shake your hands and arms with him every chance he got. Walking back to the hotel he was still going on and on. It was adorable. The joy was spilling out of him like he was overloaded. Probably was.

But you didn’t want cute.  
And when the door closed you sat back on the bed. He shrugged off his jacket and then turned back to you. Hands on his hips. “Go ahead. Ask.”

You tried to play innocent. How did he know?! “Ask what?”

“Don’t be shy, baby. You want me to dance for you. Don’t lie. I see it in your eyes!” Pointing a dramatic finger your way.

You felt your face warming a little. It couldn’t be helped. “...well, if you’re offering... will you dance for me?”

“Of course I will. On one condition.” He waggled his previous pointing finger, a little admonishingly, if nothing else. You just tilted your head to the side. What now? “You have to sing.”

This put a few squiggles in your stomach. It wasn’t like you were bad at singing. Decent, if nothing else. And you’d done karaoke in front of the entire group. And you were known to bust out with him on occasion but... this was something... entirely more intimate. Somehow. “Okay... uh..”

He just smiled at you. Waiting.

What better song to sing than the one that had started this whole mess?  
“Heeere we are- in a room full of straaangeers,” You started it up again, trying to remember exactly how it went. Danny set to swaying. “Standing in the dark. Where your eyes couldn’t see meee...”

“That’s it baby. Rock it out.” He was stepping from side to side, his arms going up and down, snapping a few times.

“Well I had to fooollow yooou. Though you did not waaant me to. But that won’t stop my lovin’ you. I can’t stay awaaay. Blaming it all on the nights on Broadway.”

He swayed his hips from side to side, lifting his arms, closing his eyes, stepping closer. Within arms reach. “Yeah yeah.”

“Singin’ them love songs. Singin’ them straight to the heart songs. Blamin’ it all on the nights on Broadway. Singin’ them sweet sounds to that crazy, crazy town...”

“Aw that’s it.” He was pelvic thrusting though it was far less intense than in the office, seeing how close he was.

You reached out to him, pulling him to the bed. He knelt on top, a tall beast, quite the look in his eyes cast down at you, his messy hair falling forward. Then you laid back and pulled him down with you. His lips weren’t far after. Kissing you. Softly. But building the intensity. Your arms went around his shoulders before your hands couldn’t stay still, going up through his hair and back down again, over his back, clutching at his shirt.

He kept his balance, hands in the bed at both your sides, tilting his head to catch just the right angle. When his tongue met yours the moan that mixed between the both of you was nothing short of heated. You lost track of time. Only when he pulled away, both of you panting hard, you had any semblance-

But he didn’t stay dormant for long. His lips trailed a hot pattern of sparks everywhere they went. Gentle and slow. Down the side of your jaw. Landing at the hammering pulse in your neck. Grazing his teeth carefully. Smoothing over with his tongue. You raised your body to his, clutching at the front of his shirt. Needy. So needy. When he laughed quietly close to your ear you really thought you might lose it.

He knelt back on his knees, skimming his hands up your sides, hooking your shirt between his fingers before lifting it away from you. Your belt was next and once that slithered off your hips he edged your pants down; didn’t stray for too long before his lips were back on yours, the pads of his fingers trailing up the inside of your thighs, getting your hips to lift instinctively.

Need turned into lustful want. You thanked every god listening that he didn’t waste more time- even when he kept it slow. Your head fell back, out of the kiss, as he edged two fingers up, stealing the breath right of you. You felt his lips brush yours briefly before he was kissing down your chest. Pulling his hand away and then back in. Inch by inch. “Danny...” Moaned, slightly heightened. You wanted this- more of this- almost felt like you wanted him to take his time forever. But on the other hand that’s not what you wanted at all.

“Tell me what you need, babe.” Kissing the corner of your jaw as he asked, mostly breathless himself.

“You.” Felt like the only appropriate answer to this question, and when he laughed again softly you felt like you were being driven crazy. “I need your clothes off.” You tugged impatiently at his shirt but he sat back to get rid of it the very next second.

When he did you trailed your hands up his bare chest and he rocked back in to kiss you again deeply. Then you worked on his belt and once you pulled it open he had to move back again to wriggle out of his pants. But again he wasn’t gone for long and soon he was wrapping you up in another kiss, pulling your up along his side. You felt the head of his cock against you- teasingly so. Just barely brushing you. And when you made a sound of displeasure you felt his lips curve into a grin against yours.

Your hands raked up his back, fingers pressing in hard to try and get him to move. When he finally acquiesced your brain fogged. The feel of him moving inside. The sound of his groan and half caught breath as he tried to take his time, but almost couldn’t. His head dropped to your shoulder as he worked his hips all the way up, deep inside you. “Oh- Danny...”

One of your arms looped loosely around his shoulders while your other hand touched up the side of his face, fingers brushing lightly at his scalp the further up they ventured. “Fuck-“ The word dropped out of his mouth just as he pulled out and thrust back in, taking a lot of your coherency with it. Your fingers curled in his hair. “I wanna- mgh- _fuck._..” He established a hard rhythm, but to his credit it was slow- “Wanna take my time but-“ His lips pressed against yours and you leaned up, trying to angle your hips in time with his own. Trying to take him every step of the way. “You’re making it incredibly difficult-“

You hadn’t realized how hard you were pulling his hair until he pushed those words out. Driving him wild, it seemed. He was trying his hardest. “Mm’sorry..” Murmured to him before loosening your hold, kissing him lightly in apology.

“It’s okay,“ He was breathless all over again with just the lightest giggle at your expense as he slowed, but by no means rocked his hips any less harder. When he dipped his forehead down against yours you opened your eyes halfway, caught him looking down at you. Your face warmed anew as you gazed up, watching his eyes watch yours. Catching a smile on his lips that he pressed down to yours, allowing you to close your eyes again as a soft moan overtook you with a particularly hard thrust. You tried to keep a little more still, holding your legs bent at the knees, at his sides, hands pressing to his back. “Mm...” Lips gliding up the side of your face. “Already?”

How did he know... “Danny...” There must have been some different sign you were unaware of. But he always knew. Knew right when he was carrying you over the edge.

“God babe- _fuck_ -“ He kept himself slow and steady, for both your benefits. It was driving your body crazy. “ _Come for me._ ” Murmured into your ear. Something that ignited a fiery crackle straight down.

“I-‘mn- Da-“ He stole his own name right out of your mouth as he kissed you. You held to him tighter, leaning up off the bed as he kept moving. It felt like deeper and deeper each time. Your breath left in a quick exhale, feeling yourself lose it- half hearing him right there with you. The kiss suffered for it, just a little, becoming a little lazy as his hips moved a few more times. Slowly. So slowly. Taking you back down.

Then his hands were a constant fluttery force. Everywhere the tips of his fingers touched down your body his lips followed. Eventually the tingles became too much and you started to squirm, grabbing at any part of him to get him to stop and come lie down with you. When he finally took the hint he laid on his side, drawing you in, running his hand up and down the side of your arm, his other propping his head up. He leaned in to nuzzle the side of your neck before kissing the skin a few times. “I love you.” This was a half-whisper. Tired but no less aglow.

You found yourself smiling, just toeing around the realm of sleep. “I love you, too.” You tilted your head back to look at him- and of course he was smiling back at you. Watching you.

“Can’t blame that shit on Broadway, though.” The smile turned into a mischievous grin. Terrible jokes. Ah. What a night.

“I certainly can.” You turned over to snuggle up to him. “And you.”

“Always me. But I don’t mind taking credit.” His head came down to rest on top of yours. “Had I known it drove you crazy I would’ve been a dancin’ fool for you much earlier.”

You whined. Slightly. “Stoooop... can we just sleep...” You felt a few more tingles as his hand traced up your spine.

“Yeah.” Then his palm came flat across, holding you to him. “...but I’m serious. I’ll dance. All night.”

You found yourself giggling along with him. “Let’s wait and see.” You were too tired to make any executive decisions about whether or not Danny’s hips should always be in gyrating mode. Consumed by warmth and the sweetness.

“I love you.” Said somewhere above you once more. Quieter. Tireder. You mumbled something back, but it was a wasted effort. A few more seconds and you were completely gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You. Are. So. Welcome.


	40. Did We Come to an Understanding?

There was a series of quiet knocking on your front door- no. Wrong door. You were so wrapped up in sleepy bliss that you forgot where you were for a second. It felt like home. Dan curled around you, keeping you close. Happiness was contagious wherever he was. Even in sleep- or just out of, it seemed. But this wasn’t your house. It was a tiny airport hotel room in Portland.

“Mghff...” Danny voiced his displeasure the longer the knocking went on, into the pillow, burying his face further. Well. If he wasn’t going to get up. Someone had to.

That had to be you. But your limbs were pretty unresponsive, and when you finally kicked them into gear, they felt like jelly. God damn that boy. It made it that much harder to root around on the floor for your jeans and shirt and pull them on before getting the door open. “Yeah?”

Thankfully it wasn’t cleaning services or anyone else that actually ran the hotel. Just Brian. He waved and tried not to make it painfully obvious he knew exactly what had happened last night. “I’m going out for lunch. Then I’m gonna stop by the office for a few last things.”

You nodded sleepily, rubbing once at your eyes. “Cool. I’ll get him up.”

He just offered a small hand in the air. “No- nah it’s fine. You two enjoy the day. Just... don’t let him be late for the flight.”

“I’m on it.” You smiled. “-thanks.” He just nodded once before turning away and padding down the hallway. The door closed once your hand was off it and you stretched in the front of the room. Danny was still face down in the bed, but you had the sneaking suspicion he was awake. If only half so. You went over to the window to pull back the curtains-

Brian had said lunch? How long had you two been asleep? The light poured into the room, filling it completely. The sun was pretty high up. It had to be at least noon. Wow. “Nooooooooo-“ Danny was in the process of whining.

Sitting on the edge of the bed you ran your hand back through his messy hair, earning something that sounded like a purr. “We have the day.” He could continue sleeping if he really wanted to. He probably still needed it after the week this had turned into. Regardless of why it was the way it was.

He turned over a little so that he could at least open his eyes to watch you. Then he pulled your hand from his hair and to his lips, brushing them over the inside of your wrist. “And what would you like to do?” A little more coherent than you thought he should be.

“I dunno.” But you weren’t quite there yet. Your absolute nonchalance got a wide grin out of him and a half-laugh. “I’d like to get something to eat, but we’re not in a rush.” That’s right. The both of you weren’t. And if it was your last day there, there was no sense in pinging all over the place. Taking it slow wasn’t a luxury either of you had often. It would be nice to explore it.

Without warning he tugged your arm hard, though not hard enough to actually hurt you. Just enough to get you back on the bed. Then he moved over you in a slight lean, his hand landing beside your head as he looked down from above. His smile was warmer than you could ever remember it being before. Unable to help yourself you ran your hands up his chest, still bare from last night’s exploits. “I love you.” Murmured, as if a secret he only wanted you to know.

You smiled back. “You say that a lot, you know?” He’d made it almost a mission recently.

“Because,” He said softly, leaning in to brush his lips with yours, “It’s important.” Your arms wrapped around his neck to bring him closer down. “And I know I’m not gonna be able to like voice just how much I feel by saying it- so I have to say it a lot.” His words trickled a little, but that just meant they weren’t as processed. He was still mid-wake and trying to be true.

It meant a lot.

“Besides.” He continued. You opened your eyes to see him grinning down. “I love the look on your face when I say it.” This was cocky-confidence. Like he knew just how good it made you feel to be loved by him- and he loved that.

“Oh? What look is that?” Unable to help yourself.

He came closer, brushing noses with you. “Like- _Oh Danny! Your love is the most satisfying force on earth! Oh I’m gettin’ the vapors!”_ Pitching his voice high to try and mock yours, even though it wasn’t even close. Giggles absolutely flooded out of him immediately after and you followed suit.

When the rumbling died down you kissed him chastely. “Well- I am pretty satisfied.”

“Knew it.”

Then you patted your palms against his chest to get him to back away. “But I am also hungry.”

He sat back on the corner of the bed, ruffling his hair. “Yes yes. And what would my lady love like to eat?”

There was just the weirdest sensational feeling you got every time he used that phrase. Whether jokingly, adoringly or otherwise. His lady love. You pondered on this for a little too long- “I think-“

Because he was looking at you, chin tilted a little downwards, eyebrows raised. And when you caught eyes with him again he smirked, reached forward, and squished your cheeks. “What is it this time? What did I say?” Teasing you for blushing. When you tried to pull away he refused to let you, palms laying flat on your face. “Nonono! What is it? Lady love? That really oils your gears huh?” His voice amped up with each word, smile growing wider by the second.

“ _Oils my gears_?” Asked in incredulously as you tried to get your growing-warmer-by-the-second face out of his hands. “Stop! Knock it off!”

He just let go of one of those extra loud laughs of his before moving in to give you an extra loud smack of a kiss. “Yeahyeahyeah I’m the worst. I already know.” Still laughing to himself as he finally got up and stretched.

While he busied himself collecting his clothes, you knelt on the floor to stuff your remaining stuff into your bag. You might be back before the flight, the check out time wasn’t actually until later tonight, but it wouldn’t be hurt to be prepared. Then you fixed your hair and face in the bathroom. “Do you have anywhere you wanna eat?” Because you had no absolute preferences.

“Panera is pretty close.” He called from the other room. Danny’s love affair with that chain was something to behold. But last night was pizza, so it sounded pretty safe. It was also easy, too. The best thing about it.

“Sounds good.” You stepped out and leaned against the door. “I was thinking...”

“Yeah?” Looking up as he was tying his shoes.

“There’s that little park right across from here. ...with the little lake.” Was this too much? Too cheesy? Just being cooped up in another building while eating sounded like the worst. And if it was your last day...

He smiled, standing. “Wanna go have a little picnic?”

“As long as you’re offering.” It looked like a nice day outside, too.

Coming closer, he took you around the waist. “I’m offering.” You mumbled a quiet thanks as the two of you kissed. If he couldn’t accurately explain how he felt, neither could you. That cliche of ‘words don’t do it justice’. But the feeling was just as good.

The keys were grabbed off the dresser and the two of you left. While he drove you checked a few things on his phone, humming in and out along with him to whatever was on the radio. Ordering too much food for a picnic sounded like the exact wrong thing to do, but that’s what the both of you ended up doing anyway. Two grilled cheese, two salads, drinks and some pastries. Then it was back the way you came to the park by the hotel.

You picked a spot a little further in, under the protective shade of some very tall trees. Right by the lake where ducks were busy arguing about something. There was no blanket but that didn’t stop the both of you from plopping right down and putting all the food over the plastic bag like a chef-prepared-spread. He leaned back, legs spread out in front of him, one up over the other, and his hands back in the grass. You sat comfortably with your legs crossed.

In the middle of a bite you must have forgotten where you were, with the peace and the serenity, you pulled your phone out of your pocket and almost immediately, “Hey hey! Put that shit away!” Danny was admonishing you but in a completely teasing way. “What’re you trying to say, huh? My company is boring? Huuuh?”

You just shot him a look that said ‘of course not’. Because honestly. “Sorry.” But it did deserve an apology. Old habits died hard and this hadn’t exactly been a vacation. You’d been working the whole time. So had he. “Just trying to keep track of everything.” There was a lot coming up soon.

He ghosted his hand over his face, “Keep track of this. That’s all you need eyes on, baby!” For the terrible joke that it was, it got a laugh out of both of you. After a few more bites he dropped his arm back to lean shoulder-to-shoulder with you. “...what’cha keeping track of?”

“Oh. Oooh! Did I not get yelled at earlier?” When he bumped you, you pulled your phone back up and opened your calendar. Most of it was client visits the next month which were nothing of note but they did take up a lot of space. “I have a wedding to go to in August.” Approaching soon. Sooner than you thought. That July was almost gone was ridiculous.

“Who’s your date?” Asked around the mouth of his seltzer.

“I was probably just gonna go alone...” What was the big deal? Drop off a present. Schmooze. Go home.

“Oh, girlfriend, nooo.” Taking a catty tone while waving one hand in front of him. “I’ll like ask this totally hot guy to go with you. You don’t want to go alone! There’ll be talk!”

You settled in against him. “Totally hot guy, huh?”

“Oh. Totally. He’s that tall dark and handsome routine.” He ruined his schtick by giggling.

You tried so hard not to giggle, too. “Yeah? Sounds gorgeous. I wonder if my boyfriend will have a problem with that.”

He snorted once. “Gorgeous, huh?”

“Well she said so. -oh. I’m sorry. Were we talking about you?”

Danny bumped your shoulder a little harder than usual. “Yes! Duh! I’ll go with you.” Just to avoid any other tall-dark-handsome strangers, it seemed. He stopped your calendar browsing by putting his finger over August 17th, tapping the date. “Pencil in GrumpCade there. You’ll need the whole day. Don’t make any other plans because god knows shit goes wrong all the time.”

You tilted your head to look up at him. “...really?” It might not have been the best idea what with the way the fanbase had reacting earlier.

“Yes. Really. I love you. I love the show. I want to share it with you.” Your smile got the better of you as he verbally doted on you, making promises. “And who gives a shit what anyone else says. They rail on Arin all the time so it’s okay if you suck at games-“

A noise of fake disgust left you. “Uh! I’m pretty good at some games! Thanks!” You brought the date up and typed in a title for it. “...don’t you have Starbomb work soon?”

“Yeah. Yeeeah...” He ran a hand back through his hair. “But the other shit still has to go on.” He was close to starting working himself back into a hole- or... well, had he ever left? He just kept going and going. “I love it. Don’t get me wrong.”

You looked across the pond. The ducks had settled down and were swimming back and forth in a large circle. “You should move in with me.” It made sense. Your place was phenomenally closer. Less travel time for him between office and home that way. He didn’t have to just veg out on the couch in the office when things ran too late. Besides.. if he was close at hand, too, you could keep an eye on him. Make sure he had what he needed when he forgot to take care of himself.

“Oh- I mean. Not that I’m not- flattered or anything...” Your heart sank hearing this. Oh. God. How stupid. It was too soon, right? Too soon. You kept your face turned towards the ducks, trying to keep from frowning. “Buuut I thought like... I’d already moved in? Had we not come to an understanding on that?”

“Yeah- you know-“ Your smile burst forward, those little flutters in your stomach had come back. “I thought I saw you sneaking clothes in.” With that little black backpack of his. It came in full, left empty, and came back full.

“Sneaking? SNEAKING? Wow! So rude! I would never SNEAK.” He started giggling, lying back on the grass with his hands behind his head. You turned to look down at him. “Now quietly hide my shit in your house without your notice- that I might do.”

Your eyebrows went up. “Is there more shit besides clothes??”

“No! I mean- nothing! Don’t look for it!”

Unable to help it you rolled your eyes and shook your head. “If I find something perverted...”

“You wouldn’t! I would never! -...but just in case hey why not don’t go in your bottom bedside drawer until I say so!!?” You were the first to bust out into a hard laughter at this, his arms came around you, pulling you back onto the grass to roll slightly. Laughing just as loudly.

They edged off into soft tittering before you both were winded, lying on the grass together, watching the clouds through the trees. And just when it had gotten too quiet- “Um- excuse me- sorry! I don’t mean to bother you!” Dan sat up, looking for the voice and you followed closely behind.

There was a girl standing off to the side, clutching a notebook to her chest. “Ah yeah? What’s up?” Danny asked cheerfully.

She came closer. “I just wanted to say I’m a huge fan!” The smile that spread on Danny’s face was sweet. He stood up, brushing the grass bits off his pants and went over to her. You couldn’t hear what she was saying but they hugged a few seconds later, very tightly and she kept talking to him. When she held out the book for him and a marker he gave a few quick scribbles and you couldn’t help but think how his hand must have hurt from all the signing.

“It’s a little lopsided- shit. Sorry.” He was laughing at himself, shaking his hand out. “Been getting a lot of mileage.”

“I bought a bundle, too! I can’t wait.” She practically had stars in her eyes.

“Yes! Thank you. It really means the world to me.” Then he hugged her again.

And just when it seemed like she was ready to leave she looked over to you and asked him something. When his shoulders just went up she actually approached. Quickly you got to your feet, feeling like you shouldn’t make her have to look down at you. For whatever reason she was coming over. “You’re ___ right?”

“Yeah! Yep. That’s me.” This was still so new to you. It’d probably never stop feeling weird. Danny had even said so and he’d been doing this for a while.

“I just wanted to say that you shouldn’t worry about all that garbage that happened a few days ago.” Oh. Well. That was nice. “A lot of us really like you-“ She leaned in, trying to keep something a secret from Danny, “And we’re really happy that you’re making him so happy. Trust me.” You looked up. Danny had his hands on his hips, half leaning. Then he tossed his arms up in question. Only the slightest bit concerned.

You smiled at the girl. “Thanks. I really appreciate it- but don’t worry about me so much. I’m tougher than I look.” At this point in your life you just had to be .... regardless of the fact that after it happened you’d gone straight to your source of comfort.

The man standing in the middle of the park shaking his hands in question still. “Good. I’m hoping to see you on the show soon!” Said as she turned back.

“Maybe! We’ll see!” Still couldn’t confirm in any sense, even if Danny had made you schedule it.

She waved at you before running away, waving at Danny and then running away further. Out of the park and out the road. He watched her go before approaching. “What did she say?” He was only concerned that it had been something bad- most likely.

“She told me... she knows of this tall dark and handsome man that I’m taking to that wedding with me. And that he’s a total catch- so watch out.” Grinning up at him.

“Oh- oh shit!” He moved in, hanging his arms over your shoulders, looking down. “I’ll just have to step up my game then.” He rocked you slightly side to side.

You were content to let the moment drift- and yet... you squinted your eyes up at him. “If I find something weird in my drawers-“

“You won’t! Seriously! ...just don’t look until I get there first! That’s all!!”

The worst part was you couldn’t even tell if he was joking or not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The future is bright.


	41. A Tie and a Dress

Shopping was one of your least favorite things- well. Under pressure shopping, anyway. Looking nice for the wedding was a thing that had to happen, but none of the clothes in your closet were really going to cut it. Or Danny’s, you’d imagined. Which was why you had dragged him along. Better to get tall-dark-and-handsome out of the way now and not have to worry about it. He had a million other things to do, so checking this off the list would at least give you some peace of mind. But men were so much easier to shop for than women.

Black pants. White collared shirt- the suit jacket was debatable. Something fitted- which was hard with his lanky body. But nothing was too hard for you to find, not when there was an on-site tailor. Which was incredibly helpful because Danny’s measurements were absolutely ridiculous. And it was like he’d never been fitted for anything in his entire life. Which probably wasn’t true, he was probably just uncomfortable having some random guy poking around near his junk. The discomfort would be well worth it, though.

And while he was being put through styling hell to get a good fit, you went off into the other area of the store to grab some things for him. He was just about as disinterested as you in this, so doing it alone was probably the best idea you’d had all day. Black pants. Got it. Collared shirt- good. Easy. But the jacket... what to do about the jacket... Surprisingly for how simple it was, there were almost thousands. They all had different cuts. Different styles. The lapels of each one seemed to be somewhat unique to each that was presented.

You ran your hands over almost every one of them. Trying to feel your way around. Okay. So... maybe men weren’t easier to shop for than women. Who knew? At least traditional black was easy to pick out but from there you had to go through each one to see if you could find something you liked. And who cared if he liked it, honestly, you’d be the one looking at it all night. The ones with the folded lapels looked nicer to you, for some reason. They were slicker, for sure. Eventually you settled on one with a two-tier fold, in a little bit shinier of a black on the inseam so it really showed well.

Then you came back and handed it to the tailor who had finally let Danny go from his clutches. “This is the one.”

“You’re sure now?” He was threading his machine.

“Yes. We’re sure.” Danny forced out before whisking you away- at least as far away out of earshot as possible. “Look. Man. I love you and all- but if you tell me I gotta let that guy like delicately brush my junk one more time, I dunno if this is gonna work out.” He had such a serious expression on your face-

That lasted all of a few seconds before he was giggling, as you were too. It was expected by this point. “It’s good. No more junk-brushing, I promise. We just have to pick out a tie.” And shoes but black dress shoes had to be the easiest, absolute easiest, part of this whole venture.

“Can’t do that yet.” He seemed so sure about this.

You arched a brow. “Why not?”

His response was a smile, an arm around your waist, and a personal escort over to the other side of the store. Then he swept his hand out across the women’s department. “You have to pick a dress, first.”

Ah. That was right, wasn’t it. While a standard black tie could have completed the classy look you’d been going for on him, he could match your dress and make it even better. To think he was two steps ahead of you.. sly dog.

Either that or he really just didn’t want to do any more of his own shopping. Probably that. Probably the latter. Your anxiety flared. There were just so many to choose from. Where to even start? Well... anything all white was absolutely out. Couldn’t do that at someone else’s wedding without being an asshole. Floor length? No. It seemed like a safe bet but if Danny had any mind about dancing with you, probably not the best idea. Not after Portland.

That was what led you over to the mid-length dresses. Some were form-fitting, some were very flowy. Long sleeved? No. Absolutely not. Your hand brushed over every one, trying to get a feel for what looked right. Danny stood off to the side, playing on his phone. He didn’t really need to be paying attention yet because you weren’t really doing anything.

So hard. Too hard. Too many choices.  
None of the colors particularly struck you. Nothing really jumped out at you. It was hopeless. You were hopeless.

“Hey- babe-“ Danny was calling, “If you wanna rock a pants suit that’s totally fine with me.” Giggling to himself.

You just rolled your eyes at him. What a great help he was being.

Mid-length was appropriate for a wedding. So that was the section you should be in- nothing that cut too low. Nothing too inappropriate. But the color... what color-

It was then that a selection of dresses caught your eye. This was a particular style, but you forgot the name. O-something. The color faded from top to bottom. A lot of them were entirely too loud. Too flashy. But then. At the end of the rack. There was one that seemed familiar. Like a warm friend- a snuggly friend.

One that went from blue to white.  
And you thought you had the perfect accessory to wear with it. A special scarf that had been given to you months ago. The perfect thing to wear with the perfect guy to go with.

“Your tie is going to be blue.” You said, almost triumphantly, as you turned back to him with the dress in your hands. Mid-length, a little form fitting, a-line, sleeveless- and blue-to-white.

He glanced up from his phone, taking it in from bottom to top. Then a grin came over him. “Got some plans?”

“When don’t I?” Maybe it was a little cheesy, but both of you had been known to be on occasion.

Danny’s arms came around your waist, lulling you a little. “Do you have to get that fitted? Because I’ll be honest... not really funny thinking about another guy touching _your_ junk...”

“No- there’s a woman that’ll do that.” This side of the department, of course, had a seamstress.

His eyebrows went up. “Oh. Uh. ...can I watch?”

“Oh. Uh. No.” Teasing him, leaning up on tiptoe to brush his lips which were curved into a frown by now. When you stepped away- “Besides, I think your old guy needs another go-“

“I. ABSOLUTELY. REFUSE.” If you two hadn’t been making a scene before, every single person in the immediate area turned to look now. It got worse when the both of you just started laughing at each other hysterically. The best part being... This was too routine by now to actually make you feel weird about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a tumblr now! Check it out for previews and exclusives and probably Danny junk- uh- but not that kind!! http://envelopesyou.tumblr.com/


	42. It's Gonna Work out for You

“Alright check-“ Danny was leaning over into his mic and then he leaned over to yours, “And checkcheck-“ The read out on the nearby screen bumped a little so he sat back. Arin was busy messing with wires and setting things up. One of those oblong N64 controllers got passed to you and your hands gripped it tightly. “I’m gonna give you the same advice I got-“

“Don’t worry about the internet shitting all over you ‘cuz that’s what’s gonna happen?” Arin offered after turning on the TV.

“No! God- you get the hell out of here! I’ve got it!” Danny shooed him away with both his hands. Once he was out of the way, “Just be yourself and everything will work out okay.”

“That’s... pretty hopefully optimistic.” Your nerves felt like they were on fire. Was this the right thing to be doing? This was probably not the right thing to be doing. Did you even belong on the show? Was this the right game? Ah god...

“Hey. Trust me- it worked out for me. It’s gonna work out for you.” You didn’t really believe him- but you had no choice in the matter now. Everything was set up. Well. You could always say no and back out but he’d be unhappy with it. He’d understand but he’d be unhappy. And hey, if this really didn’t go well, you could always just never come on the show ever again.

Or go out in public ever again. Great.

He hit the switch on the 64, turning on the game and then hit the timer, scribbling on the little notepad on the table before giving you a thumbs-up. “Hello lovelies! Welcome to Grumpcade- yes. It’s here. It’s happening- I feel your excitement- and I am in fact joined by-“ He was so natural. Oh god. Could you even do this?

“Oh. Hi! This is ___ I guess.” Smooth! So smooth. Danny just giggled. You watched Diddy Kong pull up in his little go kart. “Today we’re playing Lula3D.” The snort that came out of you was _unreal_.You weren't sure why you even said it- something about how shitty the landscape was and the really bad particle effects-

“Lula3D? What’s that?” He arched a brow at you.

“Oh god. Nothing. Please let’s just-“

“No I’m looking up it up!” His phone got pulled so you busied yourself pressing your start button.

‘ _Diddy Kong Racing! Yeah!_ ’ Played in the background while you got the animals into their lineup positions. “So we’re playing this game- it was pretty popular back in the-“

“Oh my god! Did you just reference some porn game?!” He was laughing pretty hard. “I bring you on the show and the first thing you do is reference a fucking porn game?!”

You waved your hand at the screen. “It was the graphics! It just- I don’t know! Reminded me of-!”

“Polygonal tits?! What is the matter with you?!” The two of you dissolved into the most bubbly laughter. “Oh god- holy crap. I cannot bring you anywhere.”

“...Can we start over?”

“NO WE CANNOT START OVER! I pull out a game with all these delightful little animals and you just shit all over it! I am so embarrassed right now! This is a show of class and elegance thank you very much!”

You sighed just above your microphone. “So when do the dick jokes start on this classy show?”

“I haven’t gotten there yet. Give it time. You cannot rush genius!” He pressed start and the player-two box jumped into one of the character’s hands. “Ugh god okay moving on- I think I definitely want the turtle.” He moved his box over. ‘ _Hey it’s Tiptup!_ ’ the voice chimed in over the music. “Tiptop? Oh damn.”

“Tup.” You moved yours. “Tiger. For sure.”  
‘ _Timber!_ ’

“Aw- not cute little mouse girl?” He sounded suitably disappointed.

You just bumped his shoulder. “You’re not playing with Arin.” He giggled while you put in your initials as the main screen and sat back for the cut scene. “Besides, Pipsy can’t drift.”

The island in the game was dark before the clouds disappeared. “Look at you professional Donkey Kong racing-“

‘ _Wey-hey!_ ’ The blue elephant had arrived on his magical flying carpet accompanied with twangy sitar music.

“Holy early 90s blatant racism Batman. Jesus Christ.”

This time it was your turn to laugh. “He’s Raj the genie of the island.” Said right as the character was saying it.

“Yeah I fucking got it. We’ve never actually been to India so like this is our best guess. Wow. WOW!”

When the elephant left you alone you were able to drive around in your car, Tiptup’s picture was in the corner. “So you don’t actually get to play until I start a level-“

“Oh. Great. So it IS like Arin is playing with me.” He was grinning over at you but you ignored him, doing a few circles around the island.

“Well. Welcome to Diddy Kong Racing. This is actually Timber’s island, which they never tell you.” You did a few more laps in your car, honking the horn a few times.

“No wonder you picked that one.” The eye roll was clear across the audio. “I thought you said your cabinet was SNES games?”

“64 was okay, too.” Shrugging as you pulled up through a hollow log, through a floating balloon, and into the actual first map of levels. ‘ _Dino Domain_ ’ played as your car rode down the ramp and you bumped right into-

“Oh hey there friendly clock guy- you brought the rave with you, huh?” The second you’d touched the character the music had bumped into something catchy. ‘ _Hi there, I’m T.T.!_ ’ Danny just dropped his head down a little and stared at the screen. “Did he just say his name was titty?”

“T. T.! Like two letter t’s! And you were calling me terrible!” You backed out of the clock’s menu.

“You are- and don’t think we’re not having a discussion about that!” The only response you possibly had to that was a groan-

And gunning it into Ancient Lake, the first map. “Shut up and drive!”

‘ _Get ready!_ ’

“Why do you get to start in first and I gotta be in fifth, huh? This seems more like Timber’s unfair bullshit racing to me.” Smiling to himself as he sat forward on the couch and gripped the controller in his hands.

“Hey. I own the island. You do what I say.” ‘ _Go!_ ’ was declared and you pressed the A button as hard as possible- that didn’t actually do anything, on any game. Ever. But that was just what you knew how to do best.

“Yes mistress.”

Thank god your inhale of breath didn’t trip the mic but he was grinning like a loon to himself while you shot him a look. Why would he do that?!

“So... uh.. what you played this shitty porn game or what?” He asked as you two became busy with trying to knock other karts off the road.

“No! I just knew someone who had it and saw them playing it.” It was a waste of money and time. Why anyone would put together a game like that was beyond you. It had been then and it still was now. You felt sorry for even trying to make such an offhanded joke. Ugh.

“Uh huh- I’m right behind you, you little- and I’m sure your parents like got the ‘ _that’s not mine I’m holding it for a friend!_ ’ speech a lot too.” Pepping his tone up into that catty mockery while pretending.

“Can you hold **this** for me?” Asked as he had pulled out in front of you, just the opportune time to hit him in the ass with a rocket.

“Hey whoa whoa! What happened to this cute little animal game?! You can’t just go shooting people in the butt with nuclear missiles! Oh god- what will we tell Mrs. Tiptop!”

“Uh we’re sorry ma’am your husband was obliterated by a  ** _Hetz_** missile. His shell could not withstand the force of seven thousand pounds of ass-seeking trajectory!”

“Okay- gettin’ a little dark in here.” Shaking his head, you saw his hair flying around in the corner of your eye. “-aaaaand so the Tiger is jewish, huh?”

“He owns the island. Come on.” Off-color comedy was par for the course on this show, right?

“Fantastic pronunciation, by the way. If I didn’t already know you were a dirty _shiksa_ I might be very fooled...”

“Do you speak Hebrew?” Asked as you rounded into the second lap. You knew he wasn’t practicing anymore, but that was a very large part of his person- growing up with that stuff.

“Not a god damn word.” Giggling to himself. “I was like super good at pretending, though.”

“Oh I’ll bet- agh, god damn oil spill-“

“You’re welcoooome!!”

“You're just as  _good_ at pretending you know the lyrics to songs you don’t know the lyrics to in the car.” Verbal spinning was hard while trying to blast ass on the raceway.

His shoulders started shimmying. “You can’t stop the BHAL AHH MM BAH-“ Singing loudly, very off key- and with how sudden it was it was almost like it pushed the emergency laughter button. You just started and you couldn’t stop. And that got him going.

But not as hard as you- and he propelled himself into first place at the last second. “That’s cheating you know!” In between laughter.

“Yeah, but- oh hi giant racist elephant. Glad to see you’re still around.” Raj had come down in a cut scene to bequeath Danny with a balloon for winning the race. “Oh god please will you just get outta here? I’m so uncomfortable interacting with you!”

“He just wants to give you your prize!”

“This is like fucking Christopher Columbus’ fever dream.” Putting his hand to his face, shaking his head again. “Jesus christ. Anyway- next time on GrumpCade!”

“Oh- already?” That had actually surprised you. You’d been having so much fun you’d barely even realized. You hadn’t even been paying attention to the clock- hadn’t even realized Danny was paying attention. But that was his job and he’d been doing it for a couple of years now so...

“Yes already. Next time on GrumpCade ___ and I play Lula3D!”

“What?! No!”

“Aaaand done.” He put the controller down to scribble some more number on the pad. “Perfect cut out. You’re a natural.”

“And you’re the worst.” Shooting him a dead look. How many times was that going to be brought up? Probably forever. The comments. You could just see the comments...

“Not as bad as Lula3d I’d imagine.” Grinning at you widely. “The intimate world of gaming gets a little more intimate-er!” Imitating some sort of old-timey radio host.

“Uh- huuuuugh...” Putting both your hands to your face.

He put his own straight out in front of him, stretching. “Mm. Yeah. Shake it out. Ready for the next one?”

You leaned hard against him. “This is hard work.” Keeping constant conversation flow going while also paying attention to the game- and being funny- and being genuine- and paying attention to what was being said at the same time- And you still had a few more hours ahead of you.

This was only one episode.  
God. God damn. How did they do it?

“Talking over video games on the internet is super serious work! I told you it was harder than it looks!”

“Yeah but you always say that.” It was your turn to grin.

“Hey! ...Kevin don’t you dare put that in the endslate!”

The episodes wouldn’t actually come out for another three weeks- but. That was exactly what Kevin would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing people talking over video games is infinitely harder, though! Let me tell you! In case you missed it I now have a tumblr! http://envelopesyou.tumblr.com/ It has exclusives and previews so don't miss out if you care about that kind of stuff if not carry on!


	43. We Should Probably Talk

Winter had struck the city hard. It always did. Like a child lost you found yourself standing outside in the freezing air and the blowing snow- right outside The Bitter End’s doors. They beckoned you. Bigger than you remembered. Darker than you remembered. Even in the dead of night with no streetlights to speak of- strange, for the city that never slept. That it was so terribly, terribly dark. They called- someone called- you could hear your name being sung inside by the sweetest voice you’d ever known. And though you were afraid, that was what pulled you inside. The promise-

Inside it was as broken and awful as you remembered. Or at least how you thought you remembered. The ticket booth glass was smashed, an imprint of a fist that matched yours to a t. The counter of the bar was splintered and drenched in red. There was broken glass everywhere-

Brooklyn Ale.  
Tables were overturned but on stage Danny stood with microphone in hand. ‘Skyhill’ was plastered behind him in neon lights- some of the letters warped and strangled. As if someone had wrapped their hands around the paper figures and crushed them as tight as possible. Cracks ran up the wall behind him- and along everyone as if a line on a piece of paper Danny with the S and the star. His signature littered the whole bar.

He was singing but no sound was coming out, bent over while grabbing the microphone in both hands. Instead almost in time with the gyration of his hips, there was a shrill beep. Hospital machines. The room was flooded with them- how had you not noticed? Wires rained down from the ceiling, plugged into every outlet and sparking on the ground as you stepped further in. Danny didn’t look up at you. His eyes were closed tightly, too consumed by his ghost overture to even take notice.

The fact that this was wrong had been obvious, but the fear had not quite gripped you until you crunched fresh glass and old plastic casing underfoot. You felt a few frantic bumps, as if you’d stepped on an animal, and then suddenly you were being grabbed by the ankles and thrown forward to the back of the bar. Danny continued moving in the area just beyond your peripheral.

Propped up in the corner was an old and worn out hospital bed.  
Don’t look-  
Kyle laid there. Frail. Thin. Abdomen wrapped tight with thick, soupy, reddening bandages. Bleeding. Dying.  
Don’t look-  
But you had to. His eyes locked with yours and in his shaking hand he held out a gun. When had you gotten so close? He was pressing the barrel to your forehead. And when you tried to look back, to the only possibly comforting thing in the room, Mark stood with his arms outstretched. Blocking him. There was a hot flash along your skin and you turned back.

Kyle still laid there. Dying. The color in his eyes was fading fast.  
You did this.  
You’d forgotten. And you’d remembered. And you’d forgotten again. Hadn’t you?  
Don’t look-

The sound of the gun firing was ear shattering. There was no pain. In its wake you felt the pieces of your skull fragmenting and the floor coming up behind you. But it didn’t hurt. When you looked up over the acrid air hanging in the bar, the low lights streaming down, Danny’s face came into view. In his eyes the color was fading.  
Don’t look-

Then without warning his mouth opened, stretching down as far as it would go and then further still- and he let out the most piercing scream-

You jolted upwards in a cold sweat, breathing hard. The Bitter End was gone. This wasn’t the city. This was California. Your home. You were safe but-

Danny was screaming.  
He was beside you absolutely **screaming**.

More alarming he was just... lying there. With less than usual mental faculties left to you, your hands came down on his shoulders. “What’s wrong?! What’s happening?!” Was he dreaming still- no! His eyes were open!! And then they shot straight towards you, almost as if he was zeroing in- frightening you-

And then it stopped.  
All of it. The noise stopped, his eyes rolled closed, tightly, and his lips pressed together as he shuddered. His hands jerked upwards, as if bracing for the ceiling about to fall on top of him and you sat back. Defeated. His fingers curled inwards and he drew a breath in, unable to hold it for very long before it wheezed out. Then he sat up and put his arms around you tightly. “Fuck. ...fuck.” Breathing hard-

You were, too. You still hadn’t recovered. And the sight of Danny’s eyes dying just like _his_ had was burned into the back of your eyelids. Your arms came around him, holding him back. “What the hell was that?”

His head dropped to your shoulder heavily. “Sorry- I. Agh. Fuck. That hasn’t happened in a long time.” He sounded so worn out. But then again, he had just been wailing as hard as humanly possible. The neighbors had probably heard it. You didn’t say anything in the hopes he’d continue- “Sleep paralysis. I must have eaten dinner too late.”

It wasn’t a phenomenon you knew too much about, and now you were glad. It also didn’t take very much to guess that it was an absolutely terrifying experience. Never. Never in your life did you ever want to hear Danny scream that way again. “...are you gonna be okay?” Asked as you ran your hand up his back slowly.

“Mm... just.. give me a minute..” He still needed time to recover and wasn’t ready to let go of you.

You laid your head atop his. “I’ve just closed my eyes again, climbed aboard the dream weaver train.”

He breathed out, just short of a laugh, a humorous noise. “Are you singing to me now?”

“Driver take away my worries of today and leave tomorrow behind.” Smiling to yourself as you continued. Danny wasn’t the only one who could sing to make a situation better. “Ooo dream weaver. I believe you can get me through the niiight.”

His forehead pressed against your neck before he sat back, just a little. Still holding on to you. “Ooh dream weaver, I believe we can reach the morning li-hiiight.” You hummed along with him, which seemed to perk his mood a little. His forehead pressed against yours, and he smiled-

But you missed it by just a few seconds, eyes darting down.  
You were scared. Didn’t want to see- that look... “I’m gonna make some tea.” There would probably be no going back to bed for either of you. And it was too early for coffee.

“Uh- yeah. Cool.” There was no way he hadn’t noticed your hesitance, but he probably wasn’t feeling too sure of himself after such an episode to call you out. Which was good. You didn’t really want to talk about it.

You left him like that in bed as you got up, covered yourself with a cardigan, and walked into the kitchen to set the kettle on the stove. Once the flames settled down you set your elbows on the counter, leaning in, putting your face in your hands. Tired. So tired.  
This wasn’t the first time you’d had that dream ever since-

Why couldn’t you just let it go? It was over with. It had been over with. You were moving on. So far beyond. You were happy. Things were good- great, even. So why...

“Look- I’m sorry if I spooked you-“ Danny was leaning his hip against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. He looked very uncomfortable.

“Huh?” Back away to cast a sleepy glance up at him- but not his eyes. “No. It’s not you.” The last thing you needed was for him to start blaming himself for your idiocy. “I mean, that was pretty freaky but it wasn’t like you planned for it.”

His lips drew into a thin line, the edge quirked into an almost smile. “You actually have no idea how grateful I’ve been up until this point that that’s never happened.” Until now. But what was the big deal? “How bad would I have blown it if that had happened after the first time we met?”

Probably pretty bad- your eyes dropped from his face again when they got too close to his own. You almost wanted to look in defiance. Because there’d be nothing there, you knew, save for those deep beautiful brown depths. Kind and sweet and warm. But... you couldn’t. Pathetically scared still.

“Uh... I guess... I mean the second time..” He’d misread your facial backtracking as something he should be guilty for. And this- this was almost unbearable.

Miraculously you two still had never had that talk. Why he felt the need to hide it from you. The road that had led down to. The shitty, messy, terrible road that had led to. It didn’t matter now. “It’s fine.” You turned around to sit on the counter, hands in your lap, head down.

Don’t look-

“It’s not. Though. And... like. Fuck I really don’t want to talk about it but we probably should, right?” He reached his hand up to run through his hair, giving it a good shake. “I can’t fucking put it off forever.”

“Stop.” Just short of begging him. “I don’t want to- besides, I’m pretty sure you don’t actually have a reason.” About 99% sure, at this point, after knowing him for as long as you had. Danny was... well. Danny. “You probably scared yourself and when you realized I didn’t remember you took it as some sort of do-over sign and didn’t push it.” He was too come-and-go for that not to be the case.

You didn’t hold it against him.  
Not anymore, anyway.

“Uuh...” The noise drew out. “Yeah. I guess.” He was frowning. You still weren’t looking, but you knew that he was. “Aaaaaand yet I don’t feel like things are any better.” The noise as he held out the first one squeaked pretty high. And if you were in the right mood it was something that would have made you smile. Laugh even-

But you weren’t.  
And you didn’t. So he stood there. Still uncomfortable. Still frowning. He thought the reason you were being the way you were was his fault. And he’d keep on thinking that until you said something. So your choices were let him feel guilty about something that had nothing to do with him or fess up.

“It’s not you-“ You spread your fingers out, watching them carefully, the only thing you could keep your eyes on.

That was until he pushed away from the counter, his hands flying everywhere. “Whoa wait fucking hold it there a second. Please do not slide straight into ’it’s not you it’s me’ because I am completely mentally unprepared and fucking christ I don’t think-“

“Stop! Stop!” You reached forward to put your hand over his mouth. “That’s not what-“ ...but.. “Okay that  _is_ what I was going to say, but not like in the hey please get the fuck out of my house kind of way.”

His shoulders dropped and he leaned his head forward a little with an assuming look, eyebrows up. You dropped your hands so he could talk. “...you’re sure?”

“Yes. Why would you even think that?” It wasn’t like things had been rocky between you two. You’d been having fun. Spending as much time together as you could. You loved him. You’d never given any indication otherwise. So where would that have even come from?

“I don’t fucking know. It was just suddenly there- like I woke you up by screaming my lungs out and you’re being really weird.” He wasn’t trying to make you feel bad but the way he said this made it feel like someone had flicked you right in the heart. You felt the twinge in your chest. His hand slid up the side of your face. “...you haven’t looked at me directly once.”

Danny played stupid a lot of the time, but he simply was not. You knew better than that by now- at least you should have. So you curled your fingers and toes inwards to try and give yourself some sort of sense of control as your eyes slid up. Panic rose up in the back of your throat-

But there was nothing there save half bruised curiosity. “I had-“ The tea kettle started up its little whistle, slowly building.

“Hold that thought-“ He put one finger up to you, tapping the tip of your nose once, as if hitting the pause button, before stepping away to prepare tea. The cabinets were opened quickly, he pulled two mugs out and down, settled two tea bags from the little metal canister on the edge of the counter into them and then poured the water. Once the kettle was set back down he stepped right back into place and tapped your nose again. “Continue. Please.”

While you’d had the excuse not to look at him, you’d taken it. And now that you had your eyes refused to go back to his. Even if you already knew there was nothing there to be afraid of. Instead you fixated on the steam coming up from your cup. “I’ve been having nightmares.” This wasn’t a one-time occurrence, even if you’d almost just played it up as one. “About-“ Your teeth drew down, almost in sheer resistance. “Him.” No. Not just him- and you knew you didn’t even need to say his name for Danny to know who you were talking about.

He didn’t say anything, so you shook your head, eyes closing tight. “All of it. It’s winter. And I’m there at the Bitter End. And you’re there but you’re not. Not all the time. And he’s there. And he’s dying.” Once you started it just flooded out of you. “Sometimes he’ll shoot me and sometimes he won’t- but he always says it’s my fault.”

“Is that what he said to you then?” You’d never spoken with Danny about this. You hadn’t wanted to, because you felt that bottling it up was the key to moving on. And how wrong you’d been.

You nodded hopelessly. Helplessly. You wished then that your eyes weren’t closed. Because you could see it. All of it. Him. “He said the worst part was that he really loved me. And that he actually thought he’d been helping my life. Or some bullshit-“ That’s all it was. That’s all it ever was. “I told him no. To everything.” Because he was wrong. “He said I belonged to him. Always. And that-“

Danny’s hand came down over the both of yours. Your fingers had been digging so hard into your palms that your entire arm was shaking. “Let me guess.” He said calmly. Softly. It soothed your nerves. “Probably something about how he’d have a hold over you forever.”

Shocked wasn’t quite the right way to describe what you suddenly felt hearing Danny come so close- “In a douchier way.” And he’d been right-

He’d been right!  
Because ever since then you’d been reliving it in strange, vivid ways. Every night. No matter how happy you were. No matter how far you went in life- he was there. He was reminding you-

“Well, he’s been right so far.” Hearing Danny affirm this was like a punch in the gut. Like a death sentence. No escape. “But as soon as you let go he won’t be.”

“Like it’s that easy-“ Almost like you were talking to someone you completely didn’t care about hurting. What an asshole thing to say. Life wasn’t as whimsical as Danny liked to think-

No. No- what was wrong with you?  
That wasn’t how you really felt-

“I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy.” His hands touched up both sides of your face and he waited for you to look back. It took you a good long while to get there, too, but he waited. Eventually your eyes matched his, still a little nervous. “But you’re making progress now.” The smile spanned out over his lips and he pulled you forward to press a kiss to your forehead. “You are. And it can only get easier from here.”

His tone was-  
...he was proud of you. Proud of you for taking a stand. For trying to make peace. For trying to move forward. Proud of your struggles, even. And how far they’d taken you. How much further you’d get.

He took you in his arms for a long hug and you soaked up every moment of it. “I love you.” Murmured quietly. Just before- “But for the record, hmf-“ Losing himself to a little giggle as he stepped back. “Next time I wake up screaming, if you can help it, let’s not follow it up with a serious discussion about- fucking _anything_.” He stretched the word out and his body drooped- he must have been positively exhausted.

That he could even handle you, had even wanted to, after something that harrowing, that draining...  
Yeah. Yeah he did love you. You never needed to ask for proof because he was constantly doing things that shouted it.

You smiled at him. “I’ll try my hardest.” You owed him that much, at least, right?

“Good, now,” He picked up both mugs and handed one to you. “Let’s drink some fucking sleepy time tea and go the fuck back to bed.”

With a shimmy you scooted off the counter and followed him back to bed, sipping at your tea side-by-side. “Does this stuff actually work?” You weren’t too sure...

“Hey, if they’re putting tranqs in our tea, I’m totally fine with it. Man’s gotta sleep- and uh. Lady’s gotta sleep, too. I guess- Both. We both- oh just fuck it. I’m tired.” His giggles came back to life, softer than usual though.

This time you joined him with a few gentle rumbles of your own. Moving on was hard- had been hard- a long process that you actually hadn’t been able to master on your own. But... that was why you had Danny. And now.

Now you were really ready.  
Fucking finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is, of course, Dream Weaver by Gary Wright! Also yes. Fucking finally. Embrace it!


	44. He's Not That Kinda Guy

Being late wasn’t a thing you did. Most of the time, throughout most of your life, things were carefully scheduled and planned- for good reason. Being late was cause for admonishment and eyes- and also it was entirely unprofessional and rude. It was why you hadn’t wanted to be late for the wedding. Especially considering it was a client’s wedding. And not one you could skirt around being impolite too. The church was downtown and it would take at least an hour to get there. Everything had to work out perfectly.

Unfortunately you spent an unbelievable amount of time lying in bed in the morning sun with Danny, giggling about nothing at all. Just relaxing. By the time you realized his hold over you had set you back far enough to panic, that’s exactly what you started doing. You shoved him into the shower as quick as possible and once he was done you got in quickly after. Took as little time as possible because you had other things to do.

While he was still pulling on his suit- which you honestly could not wait to see him in, you were in your bra and panties, hair tucked up in a towel, trying to finish preparing the gift you’d bought for them. “Are you good at wrapping presents?”

His laughter was delightful. “You’re asking a jew if he’s any good at wrapping shit?” He half leaned out of the doorway to look down at you. “We’re gift bag city _\- and don’t even think about throwing it out Daniel you reuse that_!” Pitching and drawling his voice to mock someone you hadn’t met quite yet. He tucked back into the bathroom. “What is it, anyway?”

“Fancy towel set. I dunno. I just bought it off their registry.” And thank god for that. Buying gifts for anyone was hard enough. Lists of things you wanted was just so convenient. The paper crinkled around the edges as you folded it.

Oh well. No time to worry about that now. Once everything was taped down you threw it on the bed and started shimmying into your dress. The towel came out of your hair, running it back a few times- still waiting on Danny. He was the worst. So when you decided you couldn’t wait any longer, having already slipped into your heels, you bumped him in the bathroom to step aside so you could flip your hair and start drying it. You pretended not to be looking at him zipping up his pants- or buttoning his shirt-

No time for that. Absolutely no time. Once you were finished fluffing up your hair you focused on just enough makeup before getting away from him. No time no time no time...

“You’re worse than me.” Said as you checked your phone, heading over to the dresser.

“You can’t rush perfection!” Dramatically stated, still from the bathroom.

It was hot outside, but inside the church it would be air conditioned, and the reception would be too. Which was good. You scrunched your scarf in your hands before loosely draping it off your shoulders. There were always the barest little tingles. Flashes of the airport. His smile. ‘I want you to have this’. Soon your own stupid smile was taking you over-

But it stopped once he stepped out of the bathroom, pulling his suit jacket lapels a few times to straighten out the creases and settle it over his form more. “Well?” It was obvious he looked uncomfortable- which was a shame because he also looked very fine in a suit. The only problem was his tie was still undone.

“Can’t manage?” Asked with just a wry quirk of your lips, stepping over to him and taking the dark blue fabric in your hands.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m not really a suit-and-tie kinda guy.” He put his hands on his hips and puffed his shoulders out as you wound his tie up and through the hole before settling the knot up just snug enough.

“A real shame.” Giving his shoulders a smooth out with your hands before stepping back to really appreciate the full form that was Danny in a suit. A real shame indeed.

He grinned. “Ah- why? This doin’ it for you?” His hands went behind his head as he leaned back and thrust his hips forward. “What about this? Huh? This getting you going?!” Laughing wildly already.

“Moment ruined! Jeez!” Sort of. You had all night long to look forward to staring at him. Which was going to happen. No doubt. “Alright stop- stop!” Since he was still going. You pushed him in the chest just the once until he stilled himself. “We’ve gotta get going.” Almost late. You’d just barely make it there in time.

When you turned away to get the gift, “Uh- yeah sure. But I gotta swing by the space first.” You drooped in defeat, turning around with present in hand to give him an unsatisfied look. His hands went up in defense. “‘I know. I’m the worst. Sorry. But I borrowed Arin’s-“

“Tell the story in the car.” Fetching the keys off the nightstand and tossing them to him. “Let’s go.”

He caught them in one quick swoop of his forward hand. “You got it lady.” Out of the house. Into his car. You’d just-just barely make it there in time now. But even if you didn’t, they couldn’t lock church doors, right? Or could they?

Hopefully you wouldn’t have to find out. As Danny pulled up to the studio you found yourself getting out with him and going upstairs. No real reason- except that maybe you were a little too attached to the visual now. He did look very nice.

Which everyone agreed with as the both of you stepped through the door. They were sitting at the table, most likely talking about something- and eating, and when the both of you came in the accolades started. ‘Whoa’s and ‘hey!’s and ‘wow’s were being tossed around from one person to the next.

“Yes- yes I know I’m god-damn amazing!” Danny tried to shush them, giggling the entire way. He then reached into the inside pocket of his suit jacket and threw out what looked like a disc case. Probably a computer game- an old one, if the three seconds that you saw it said anything about it. “But we don’t have time for your undying adoration right now!”

“Mmf- thanks man-“ Arin was in the middle of chewing something as the CD clattered onto the table top.

“Are you two running late?” Suzy was asking as she stood up.

“Almost- why?” Checking your phone right before it went back into your purse.

And in the absence of yours, hers was suddenly produced. “Can we get a picture of you guys?”

“Oh- yeah. They’ll love this.”

Him, they meant. Danny in a suit. While you still had yet to find your footing, and maybe some of them liked you, they had nothing to be fans of- yet. The videos still hadn’t gone up. You weren’t sure what you were going to do when they did. Ignore them? Watching them back would probably be too weird. Listening to yourself and Danny talk. Going to the comments section was probably asking to get your feelings hurt.

Either way-!

Danny’s arm swung over your shoulder. “Just a couple- wait- waaaait-“ He tilted his jaw up, eyes looking off into the distance in that silly expression he always did, lips pursing forward. “Am I screaming badass? I wanna be screaming badass.” He looked down at you and then put his fingers underneath your chin to get your gaze up, too. “Come on get with the program!” Grinning once before immediately shifting back into the eon-seeing gaze.

So you tried.  
Arched a brow. Pursed your lips forward. Hand on your chin.  
What a couple of losers you were.

“Got it- got it! Go!” Suzy was waving her hand at you. No time to check how dumb the both of you looked. You grabbed Danny by the hand and pulled him down the stairs.

You could make it- still make it-

He pulled off the side of the curb and onto the street. Just had to hit the road- down the highway- and- ....coming to an immediate stop as you pulled up the ramp and about ten feet onto the road. Traffic. So much traffic.

“God damn it.”  
“Son of a bitch.”

Trading insults with one another about the situation. His hand came down once on the side of the wheel before moving back into his hair. You then shared a sigh before sliding back in your seat. He reached forward to twist one of the knobs, flooding the car with quicker, cooler air. There was no point baking while moving at ten miles an hour. If that.

You turned on the radio, Pretty Poison’s- Catch Me I’m Falling filtered in through the speakers. “Aah a genuine hair-spraying boppin’ classic.” His fingers started drumming on the wheel in time with the catchy beat.

“Don’t plan for much of that at the reception.” This woman was all up-to-date and completely modern. Honestly. You were even surprised she was going as traditional as a church.

“Ugh no. Really?” His head fell forward a little, defeated. “What am I looking forward to, huh? Biebs and One Direction all night? Kill me now.”

Catch me I’m falling-  
Catch me now I’m falling!

A tiny laugh bubbled out from you. He was probably going to be miserable all night. “All the greatest hits. Not much to dance to.”

“Which is a damn shame. Why else go to a wedding if you can’t pig out, drink and dance like an idiot?” He was right, too. Dancing the night away with him sounded like the best thing to do.

“You can dance like an idiot all you want.” No song could stop him from doing that. You were sure.

“Oh, do I have your permission, mistress?” He was teasing you but- that was just it.

Your hand came down atop his leg just once. Not in a terribly hard snap but just something lightly admonishing. “Why do you keep doing that? I couldn’t believe you did that on the show!” You’d forgotten about it moving into the next episode, no time to talk about it.

“Hu-what?” Catching a little in the back of his throat before he giggled. “It’s funny! ...I think it’s funny. If you can’t joke about sex what’s the point?” That had to be like his grand life motto or something. What with the work he did for a living.

With your sweet love and devotion-  
Baby it’s magic! A magical thing.

“Between you and me is fine but I don’t really want...” Them talking about it. And they would. No doubt about it.

“Alright alright. I guess I should’ve asked what our rules should be before we even started- but I didn’t want to psyche you out or anything.” He’d been trying to help you but it backfired a little. Strange how that always seemed to be the case. A true Danny-ism.

“Does everyone have a set of rules?” It seemed likely, but this was the first time you were hearing about it.

“Oh, for sure.” His laugh came out before speaking. “Even Avi’s got some rules- I’m not allowed to play voicemails on the show anymore.”

You found yourself smiling even if- “Yeah, well I get that! You’re turning him into a joke.” And you didn’t want that to happen to you.

“No- no that’s all wrong. I joke about the stuff I care about. Having fun is like ... I dunno. What is life about if you can’t poke fun? Tease the ones you love a little?” He waved his hand in dismissal. “Besides, he secretly loves it.”

This was a lot to consider, but it wasn’t like it was new information. You liked to think you’d gotten well acquainted with Danny by now to understand his philosophies. Hopefully. “Okay- well... no more mistress.” On second thought, “At least on the show.”

He nodded. “Alright, cool.” No argument. One of the things you felt most grateful for was that he always respected your comfort zones. Once the law was laid down, that was it. And he never fought- ...unless it was in your best interest. But that was different. “I can’t really make promises to nix sex stuff entirely though? That’s kindaaaa...”

“Your thing.” Smiling over at him. “That’s fine.” Reaching up you patted the side of his face once. “I like your dumb sex jokes. Don’t worry.” It was part of the Danny-Charm.

“Thank god for that.” The song faded out and something you didn’t recognize- old but still new to you, came on. “Aaaaah but... how cool are you with weird butt stuff?”

“On the show orrr.....??”

“ANSWER FIRST. PLEASE.”

It was going to be miraculous if the two of you could even get through the evening without making giant idiots out of yourselves- or, who knew, burst into flames upon immediately entering the church.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to follow envelopesyou on tumblr for exclusives and dicking around good fun times!


	45. It'll Happen When It Happens

Burning on the front steps of the church didn’t happen, though that might have been the least of your worries. By the time you pulled up, got a spot all the way in the back and then jogged to the front you were a good twenty minutes late. Thankfully the doors didn’t creak too loudly when you pushed them open. The service had, of course, already started and you’d missed the bride walking down the aisle. That was fine. As long as you could settle in quietly...

It was surprising even to you when you got a seat in the back without anyone really looking up or noticing that you’d slipped in. Everyone else was far up to the front, a couple of empty rows separating you. Once there your shoulders dropped and you breathed a sigh of relief out. “See? Not that bad.” Danny was already patting himself on the back. “And hey we were twenty minutes late so uuhh... what, ten more hours of this?” He probably wasn’t wrong. Traditional service dragged on forever and ever. You’d been to a couple in your time and they were never fun.

There had been no programs left- someone had probably handed them out when the people had come on time. Since you hadn’t, you had no idea or estimation of what time this was going to end. The only close indicator you had was that the reception started at four. Which was three hours from now. Fantastic. At least she looked happy. How could she not be? This was her wedding day. “I wonder if they have personal vows.” Just thinking to yourself. Sitting quietly anywhere with Danny was always a little hard.

You just always wanted to talk with him.

He sat all the way back, hands going behind his head. “Ours cannot be like this.” So casually let go of. But he did have a very good point. A church wedding? Not for either of you.

“Not at a synagogue huh?” Just kidding around. Having a long boring service where you joined forever just wasn’t appealing.

His laugh was quiet. “Even if I was still on that train,” He bumped your shoulder with his own. “Crafty _shiksa_ , remember?”

So, no official service. No church or temple. You leaned your head against him. “Not at the beach either.”

“Oh god no. Fuck that.” Shaking his head quickly. Like Jaws was going to pop out of the water and come drag him away on his wedding day. Yeah right.

“Where did Arin and Suzy get married?” Because their wedding couldn’t have been a traditional affair either. At least you didn’t think so.

He breathed out a noise of thought. “The museum of history, actually. It was an awesome party.” His hand smoothed down the front of his shirt, playing with- “And I’ll have you know I didn’t even wear a fucking tie to their shindig so you should feel very privileged.”

Your eyes closed for a moment, trying to think. If you were going to get married- to Danny- nothing traditional... something magical.. “How about... on the day of the last breath of winter, where the flowers are icing-“

“Don’t you fucking do this to me. Not here!” He tried to keep his voice curbed and quiet seeing as how you were out in public during someone’s wedding.

“And we’ll look to the north- where the pale moon is rising-“

“God, fuck you!”

It wasn’t actually his hushed shouting that drew heads back your way, it was the sound of the both of your giggly laughter. When you finally did notice that people were staring you down you raised your hands in apology. “Sorry...” And now you’d officially made a scene. A small one- the bride and groom didn’t seem disturbed, thank god, but still. People would be telling them about it later.

His arm came up over your shoulders after you calmed down. “No but, really. When I think about it...”

“A winter whimsical wedding?” Asked as you turned your head to the side to look at him. “We couldn’t have it here.” It never snowed in California. You’d have to go back. Back where you both came from.

“We can put unicorns and shit in between the trees- ah man. This might actually be awesome as shit.” Like he’d never really given it thought until just this moment. Maybe he never had. To be fair, neither had you.

However, on second thought... “You’d have to wear a million layers, though.” Couldn’t have him freezing his ass off during your wedding.

“I have this sweet fur cloak. You don’t even gotta worry about it.” His thighs squirmed back and forth a little as he shifted in his seat.

“You sound pretty excited...” This was honestly adorable. He was dreaming up your winter wedding and actually getting so into it he couldn’t sit still.

“I am excited. Aren’t you excited? This shit’s gonna blow everyone away.” He looked down, arching a brow- “Uh- though... like. I’m still gonna propose. So.” Trying to backtrack just to make sure you knew that planning a wedding was fine, but couldn’t fully happen until he did what he was planning to do.

All these plans. You hadn’t thought he’d had it in him. “Are you? When?”

“Well, if I wanted to be a huge dick, I could do it at the reception.” Laughing to himself.

Oh god. You’d probably be fired on the spot. What a massive faux pas. Drawing attention away from one wedding to another couple. “You have a ring on you?”

“Hm. No- I don’t actually. But I could go get it-“

“So you have one.” You absolutely leapt at the chance without realizing it.

Danny had a ring.  
Danny had a ring for you.

You’d caught him in the middle of joking so he’d said it without realizing it! Ah hah! “Shit- no! Fuck. Stop it! Let me do what I’m gonna do don’t drill me!” He was speaking in that weirdly amused but frustrated tone of voice. Because you had, in fact, caught him.

How had you gotten this far?  
As you settled back against him and the next set of laughter subsided, the ceremony around you faded out. Instead your thoughts went back. Far back to how this all began. You remembered him at the party. Touching his hand accidentally. The swimmy memories of his smile and his hair. How he tried to protect you from driving home- before that, when you both laughed about how shitty you were at small talk.

Your first kiss out on the balcony- and getting caught red handed.  
When he’d taken you home and then taken you on the counter. The morning next. Waking up and wondering how much trouble you’d gotten yourself into. Talking casually- or trying- while naked. Denny’s. Syrupy pancakes. Poop emojis at three in the morning. The impromptu run in at the space that turned into just more of him looking out for you. Falling asleep before hitting the couch. Watching him sing in his car at five in the morning.

Coffee dates. Dinner dates. Mid-day-dates. Messages and texts, calls cradled between your shoulder while working out of your email. Getting caught off guard by a random invitation to go halfway across the world. Japan. Beautiful Japan. Getting used to waking up with him. Getting used to the feel-

And then watching it all go to hell.  
And then somehow salvaging the wreck the both of you had caused by your recklessness; with it came the first mention of a life together forever. Rebuilding slowly again. Falling in love again, not that you’d ever fallen out. Him staying over more and more until you couldn’t distinguish whether or not you lived alone anymore. The fans- the signing and the autographs- the inexplicable success of his band. The nights in Portland. The picnic. The show.

The-  
“I love you.” You weren’t the one who had said it, and when you tilted to the side you saw him staring at you.

How had you gotten this far?  
Now you two were joking about that forever again. Like it was so easy because it just was. It was a thing that was bound to happen. He seemed to feel that way. Did you?

“How long are you going to make me wait?” Yes. Yes you did. And now you were impatient for it. You wanted to have that absolutely amazing wedding that would make everyone else talk about it for months. Not for them- not for the talk- but because it would be fun. Because that’s what you two did. That’s all you ever did.

Fall more and more in love, go with the flow (even if he was still teaching you this), and have fun. You’d never had as much fun in your life until you’d met him. And you sure as hell didn’t want to stop now. Or ever.

“What did I just say! It’ll happen when it happens. It’s supposed to be a surprise, god damn it!” He tilted in closer to press his forehead against yours. “Now- will you please fucking say you love me back.”

Your smiles were mirrored. “I love you back.” Did you ever.

“Good.” Nodding to himself before sitting back again, arms going up over the backs of the pew. “So, like, _nine_ more hours, right?” You hid your giggles in his chest as you leaned against him, into the crook of his arm.

A winter whimsical wedding...  
It was going to be beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to check the tumblr for extras!


	46. Getting Feisty

Ten or so hours later Danny would have liked to think, in actuality it was more like just the one, the service finally ended. The reception wasn’t too far away and the entire way there you two were blasting ‘I’m Alive’ by America. To say that there was actual tangible giddiness in your veins would have been selling it short. Him, too, because the way he was belting it out not only enticed it out of you, but made you yearn for his little secret to be not-so-secret. Either way you both had to pull it together before actually departing and going into the building.

The venue was well decorated and the low lighting made the late afternoon outside instantly melt into night. Music was already playing away- all of it stuff Danny absolutely hated, but that was alright. You didn’t have to stay the whole night. Food was being served out on the main tables, and there was a bartender entertaining the single ladies with trick glass flipping. The bar was open. You knew this. But you hadn’t decided what to do with that information just yet. Instead you busied yourself putting your present down with the others and then trying to secure a table that was mostly empty so that you and Danny could sit together alone.

This wasn’t an entirely anti-social move, or a bid to be one you just... didn’t want to engage with people you barely knew and also you didn’t want anyone to ask you two why you were being so rude during someone else’s wedding ceremony. To be fair, you had been. But... you sort of didn’t really care. And if that made you a bad person, so be it.

“Do you want me to grab you a drink? I’m probably gonna get a beer.” The one he’d hold on to all night while you went through drinks like they were water.

This was a good question, but before you were ready to answer it, you had one of your own. “How drunk do you think I should get?” Danny had driven, which was already a good start, but hadn’t you made a fool of yourself enough around him? ...in the traditional sense, anyway.

He just rolled his shoulders in a shrug. “You do what you wanna do. I’ll watch and laugh from the sidelines.” There was a giggle pressed to your forehead as he dipped down to follow it with a kiss while you murmured out dejected a ‘gee thanks’. “I’m here, you can do what you want.”

There was security in this statement. He’d stop you from getting too crazy if you went overboard. He’d protect you if anything went wrong. And he’d take absolutely any excuse to stop wasting this evening in an uncomfortable suit to drag you home. “One drink to start. What’s super girly?”

“If you think I’m gonna be embarrassed ordering you a sex-on-the-beach or whatever, you are dead wrong.” Raising his eyebrows with a glance downward.

“Sex on the beach or whatever it is.” A good place as any to start. Vodka. Yeah. Great start. The evening was shaping up nicely. He just gave you a two finger salute before disappearing across the dance floor.

“Soo!” The sudden squeak of a high pitched voice startled you enough to get you jump in your chair. You’d been entirely too focused on watching Danny groove his way around other bodies and lean against the bar in that suit of his. ...watching was too light a term, in fact. You were ogling. “Who’s the handsome rogue you’ve dragged with you??” Melanie, the bride in fact, had graced you with her presence, lifting her large skirted dress up so that she could sit down with you.

“His name’s Danny.” Said half-dreamily. You were gone already. He needed to get out of those clothes. And stop touching on maybe-proposals. Wedding feelings were just apparently very infectious. Who knew?

“Oh? Another client? You know, I was half sure you’d bring Mark!” This drew your attention properly her way. This was not the first time someone had insinuated you and Mark should have ended up together. The last time someone had, it hadn’t ended up very well. Still scratched at the back of your skull, in fact. Feeling the little fragments-

You found yourself shaking your head. “Dan and I have been together for a long while now.” At least it felt like it. You’d sort of forgotten what it was like to be alone, but that was what being in love did. Clouded your lonely memories and made you wonder how you did it. You had no good answers either way. “We actually met through Mark.” Sort of.  
Oh how sort-of. But you were over that now. And it didn’t need to be talked about.

She patted your arm. “Either way you’ve done very well. He doesn’t look half bad!” No, he really didn’t. And if the bride of all people was eying him...

“Didn’t you _just_ get married? What will your husband think?” Joking with her as lightly as possible.

“He’s probably very jealous. It’s not everyone who can grow out a shaggy mane like that and look fabulous doing it.” No kidding. Oh no kidding. Your smile consumed you as your eyes dropped to the table. “Oh look at you go. You totally love him!”

“Totally love who?” Danny was asking as he set his bottle down on the table and slid your cocktail to you. “Is this something I gotta worry about? Huh??” Ribbing you for good measure. You just couldn’t win.

“Danny this is Melanie. Melanie, Danny.” Introducing them to try and get them to stop picking on you. Why was it that was the people you surrounded yourself with?

He reached out to shake her hand awkwardly. “Great ceremony. Sorry if I totally blew your big day a couple of times.” His giggle was as much of a handprint as anything else, so when he sat down and did just that the light went off.

“Oh! That was you two!” Her hand covered her mouth in what could have been fake shock. “We heard all that tittering but we weren’t really sure what was so funny.”

“To be honest, we’re probably not even that sure.” You two ended up cracking over everything these days. Who even knew why sometimes. It just happened. Once Danny started...

His arm went over the back of your chair loosely and he took a sip of his beer before tipping it in the bride’s direction. “Trust us. You don’t wanna know.” His teeth showed when he grinned again and half-laughed. Mostly at his own expense. “But uh- it wasn’t at you. I swear.”

“Well doesn’t that just make me feel better.” She was joking and gave it away after her stern look broke into a wide smile. “Anyway! Enjoy yourselves. Eat as much as you want- and don’t be scared to have a couple of more drinks.” She stood, lifting her dress up as she did so. “We want pictures though! Just act natural when the photographer comes around!”

Before she could scamper away though, “Can I just quick ask if it’s requests or do you only strictly have a playlist?” You thought that while Danny was putting up with all of this for you, and mostly doing a good job a few screw ups aside, you could do something for him to make it a little easier.

“You can ask for whatever you want!” She waved and then hopped over to another table.

Danny’s hands came down on the table drumming in thought. “Okay alright. How do we secretly turn this into an 80s bash?”

The chill of the air conditioned space crept up on you and before answering him you unfolded the scarf lengthwise and draped it back over your shoulders. “Drop a list off at the booth- or we could go in shifts.”

“You want my jacket?” Asked as he was in the process of unbuttoning it anyway.

“On my floor maybe.” This came out of you with little preparation.

“Oh- whoa!” So little, in fact, and so suddenly that it nearly knocked him off his feet. “I’ve never heard you be that saucy before!” He was giggling loudly- embarrassedly, maybe? You’d never seen that on him before. Usually he was the one saying the weird sexual stuff and getting you going. “Where the hell did that come from?”

“The bride wants to bang you, I think.” So did about every other single pair of eyes in the room. You’d watched the women look at him as he’d been walking around. And they weren’t so slick in hiding their stares now.

“Oh shit, really? Damn. That would’ve been a great story.” The way his lips thinned out before pursing up and then he blew it in laughter told you he was kidding. For the most part, anyway. “No but. Seriously. What is it? Because I want to replicate it as _much_ as possible.” Pushing your buttons. There wasn’t a lot that Danny had to actually do. Sometimes he just needed to look at you the right way. Say the right thing in the right tone. ...dance. “Is it the suit?” Picking at the open lapels and flapping them a little.

“I can’t give it away.” The suit did help, though. Not that he needed extra to really push him into the bone-zone. He was pretty much there all the time anyway. You just were a little more reserved.

“Aw come on. A little hint?” Asked while he was busy putting his hands back through his hair and giving it a good ruffle. “Because she said something about me?” Trying to walk back verbally- then he looked around. ...and then he smirked. “Oh. I get it. You’re getting a little feisty, huh?”

This was why you didn’t want to say anything. His chair scooted closer and you put your eyes anywhere but his. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Oh come on baby, Danny Sexbang’s love is pure and true!” His hands took your already warm face. “I would never stray- but you can’t blame them for looking at the goods. They are very good!”

“Stop!” Though you were whining at him, the laughter wasn’t too far behind. It would end up being a fantastic picture in the scrapbook as the photographer sneak-snapped it.

The next time he got up it was to refresh your drink and bring back some food- and on both trips to and from he dropped off a few song suggestions. The next time you got up to get yourself another drink and bring him back another beer, you did the same. This happened at least twice, but the more drinks you had, the less track you were keeping. Soon the room was flooded with good songs. Finally.

Journey and R.E.M. and Queen and the Pixies and just a little Ace of Base and The Clash and- well. Lots of good songs, at least if Danny had anything to say about it. The best part was that the more you added in, the more people got the hang of what was going on until it wasn’t just every other song, it was every song.

It was half into the fourth drink and around a mouth full of cake that Danny was actually feeding you that the familiar drum and guitar lead in for Call Me by Blondie rolled across the dance floor. Your palms came onto the table and you swallowed before getting up and pulling his arm. “Come on come on!” To say that you were drunk would be putting it mildly, but you didn’t have it in you to care. You and Danny were having a good time, that was all that mattered.

And, to be fair, if you guys had wasted half the evening changing the songs in your favor, wasn’t it time to actually dance? “I’m going I’m going!” His hand slipped into yours and you both whisked away to the dance floor as the first round of ‘Call me’s actually hit.

It wasn’t a traditional song to dance to, by any means, but the beat was wonderful as it thrummed through you and you took a few pages out of his book to shimmy and shake your hips as he kept an arm around your shoulders to keep you afloat. Then he led your hand up above your head for a few quick spins that felt quicker than they actually were.

Oooh he speaks the language of love-

His palm came to your back to lean you back just a little before bringing you back up and holding you close as you swam your way through the dance room- in time. On beat. While he didn’t look like he knew how to, when the beat consumed him, Danny definitely knew how to dance. And you couldn’t have been happier. But towards the end your feet became just a little bit clumsier so he slowed down his pace, put his arms around your waist and leaned in.

Whisper sung a few of the lyrics to you as you laid your head on his shoulder. When that song faded out into something entirely more appropriate for a wedding dance floor, you two stayed, swaying gently together. “Having fun yet?” Asked with warmth.

Oh- you did know this song. “We need to lay in each other’s arms, there’s nowhere else to go,” Singing to him, mumbled into his chest. “It’s all so easy and I want you to know,”

He giggled a little. “Rock it Taylor, baby.”

“There will never be another one who could get this close to me, everything you give to me is everything I’ve dreamed of.” This was a good song.

His hand guided your face up as you still rocked quietly on the dance floor. “What kind of mix should our wedding have?” Watching your face carefully, even as he smiled. Probably trying to gauge how drunk you actually were.

“Walking In The Air- uh-“ Hm. What songs? “I’m Alive, definitely.” Grinning up at him.

“Oh, sure.”

“Blaming It On Broadway-“ You just counted yourself lucky that your face was already red from intoxication. Thinking about his hips again-

“Are you being saucy little lady?” Laughing to himself as he leaned in just the once to kiss you in a carefully chaste way.

When he broke back, “What if I am?” You didn’t let him get too far. “You know what else would be a great story besides banging the bride on her wedding night?”

His chest shook with laughter as his lips spread in a wide smile. “What’s that?”

“Going to a wedding and then leaving early to go to the hotel close by so that you can bang your date on every available surface.” That sounded good, right?

The giggles that burst out of him were louder than usual. “Oh my god! I am so totally undecided on if I like this or not!” His arm came around your shoulder to calmly escort you off the dance floor. “By the way, ‘every available surface’ of a hotel room is like. The bed. And uuhhh... maybe the dresser. If it’s at the right height.”

A groan left you. “You’re such a buzzkill.” The worst. Why couldn’t he just give you what you wanted?

“I didn’t say we’re not going.” Said with such a sly tone as he picked his jacket up off the back of the chair and draped it around your shoulders. “I’m just trying to let you know you’re going to be suitably disappointed in your options.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stop by the envelopesyou tumblr for cool junk or whatever! And the song drunkenly being sung was Heart Of Stone by Taylor Dane!


	47. Play It Cool (♥)

There was a Marriott hotel not too far away- just about five minutes. Enough time to really get in the right mood after slipping out unnoticed. Melanie would probably be too busy to even have noticed. In a few weeks when you got back into contact after she came home from her honeymoon she wouldn’t even remember the night. Hopefully not Danny. Because how dare she eye him the way she had?

The roads were dark by now, lit by the buildings and street lamps around. The hotel itself rose up pretty high among the rest of them, awaiting you in the distance. The closer you got the antsier you became. Until finally you couldn’t seem to hold it in anymore. Leaning over your hand pressed down against the top of Danny’s closest leg, then trailed the tip of your fingers on the inside of his thigh before cupping your palm against him. His inhale was audible- “Hey, cool it. You want me to crash?” He was joking, of course. Maybe.

You leaned in and up, palming him slowly while running your lips along his neck. You watched his eyelids flutter a few times, swallowing hard. “The way other women look at you drives me crazy.” If you were going to be honest about what really brought this on, that was a good place to start. It did. It made you insane. Mostly because you still found yourself questioning every so often what a man like Danny was doing with a woman like you.

“Can’t blame them, can you? I am one sexy majestic beast.” His smirk was thin, but it disappeared when you pressed your hand harder against him in warning. “Hah-fuck- come on...” Almost like you’d punished him. “You’re not alone but it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’-nnm...” Eyes going half lidded as you worked him still through his pants.

Not alone? What did that mean? Men didn’t ogle you on the streets like women seemed to with Danny. Then again you didn’t quite draw as much attention to yourself as he seemed to. “What are you talking about?”

“Gah- fuck me-“ His fingers flexed on the wheel and you backed off him a little, not realizing how hard you were moving until he’d groaned like that. He took a breath to steady himself. “You never look at the instagram comments? They’re fucking disgusting. It drives me crazy.” Once pictures went up on their spaces, or videos, for that matter, you didn’t really pay attention to it.

Mostly because you didn’t want to. Reddit was bad enough, and soon youtube comments would be a thing that picked you apart, too. Instagram was something else entirely you felt the need not to be involved in. Especially because the stuff that went up there was, directly, pictures and videos of your face. And you with Danny. You didn’t need more excuse to feel bad. To think they were saying awful things about you...? “Like mean things?” Because the internet was good at that.

“Oh god- can you please fucking take your hand off my crotch if you want me to have a serious discussion with you!!” The urgency in his voice drew a giggle from you before you laid your hand to rest on the inside of his thigh instead. He ran a hand through his hair before putting it back on the wheel. “Good god. Jesus.” Taking a couple more deep breaths. “They say gross shit all the time and like. It was fine when it was about me but it makes me crazy when it’s about you.” At your confused look- “Like. Sexual shit. Really sexual shit- don’t give me that look! It happens!” He was half-laughing despite this being somewhat serious.

He waved his hand forward, “I get like the Danny Sexbang thing and yeah they probably think it’s funny but it’s not. It just makes me angry.” Then he sighed out. “So, yeah. I get your frustrations about ladies eye-banging me. I do.” His head moved to lay against yours. “Not that I’m saying I don’t wanna go bang it up in a hotel room, but like- I guess I’m trying to say- fuck. I dunno. It shouldn’t matter.”

A lopsided smile took hold of your face as he pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. “Because we’re already together?”

“Fuck yeah that’s why.” He twisted the keys out of the ignition. “Now- I’m gonna need you to scale it back by about a hundred. I kinda don’t want the person at the front to know we’re here just to fuck in one of their rooms.”

Once out of the car you took hold of his arm between yours, leaning your head against his arm. His jacket stayed carefully around your shoulders as you walked into the cool air of the lobby.

“Playitcoolplayitcoolplayitcool-“ He said this under his breath like you guys were on a secret mission and any misstep could blow your cover. It was too much for your drunk mind to take in and you ended up laughing softly as you both got up to the counter. “Hi- can we just like- I need a room for the night. One bed.” He shook his hand back through his hair before retrieving his wallet and putting his credit card on the counter.

“Too much to drink?” The girl working offered with a caring smile.

Danny laughed. “A little. Yeah. Could you tell?”

She tapped on her computer before running his card through her swipe. “We’re glad you’re staying with us instead of driving! It’s going to be room 516 on the fifth floor.” His card was handed back to him in addition to a room key. “Hopefully you will have a restful night.”

Oh she knew.  
She knew.

“Thanks!” Said as he towed you away to the elevator as quick as possible. He then jammed the button three more times than necessary until the elevator came down, the doors opened, and the two of you could get inside.

Once there he pressed the fifth floor button and the doors closed again. He settled back against the wall, his hands holding the railing. You stepped close in to him, body against his as you took his lips to yours for a kiss. A very appreciative hum fell from him. But before it could go further he was half an inch away to say- “They have cameras in here.” You peered up, watched his eyes watching you from so close. Saw the hang of his hair as it fell forward the further he leaned. The arch of his shoulders as he still reclined casually.

“She knows.” There was no way she didn’t. But you only offered this up to ease the rush of heat you felt pooling not only in your face.

He grinned. Just a little. A damnably handsome look. “Nah I think we sold it.” He leaned back in, brushing the tips of his fingers up along your jaw and to your ear. “Now play it cool for five more seconds, okay?” At your voiced displeasure the grin turned into one of those dopey smiles. “I know! I know it’s hard!”

The elevator couldn’t have stopped any sooner. The second it had you two were hand-in-hand lumbering down the hall, trying to find your door. Finally after locating it, you both stepped in and the door closed. The room was dark and that was just the way you wanted it- also small, but that was of little consequence. Except in the way of him being right about all the available surfaces. But that was neither here nor there.

In the middle of the room you dropped your purse and let the jacket and scarf slide off your shoulders as he took your face in his hands. The kiss came soon after and you ran your hands up his chest, stopping at the knot of his tie before bringing them back down around it, tugging at him a little. “ _Hmn_ -“ A noise around your mouths, “I kinda like that.”

He would. Of course he would. So you set back on the heels of your feet, pulling him down to your level instead. Satisfied him with a deep kiss, a brush of your tongue against his. Just before backing away and pulling him by his tie over to the bed, leading him like a dog on a leash. Close enough by the bed you tugged him forward- not with enough force to get him to move if he hadn’t wanted to, but he was obeying the situation. He edged back on the bed, leaning up on his elbows.

You moved on top of him, kneeling over his lap. Then you reached in to grab his tie again to pull him up to you for another heated kiss. His moan didn’t wait too long, hands curving down your hips before grabbing you for a good squeeze. You rocked back against him, and down when you moved forward, drawing his own hips up to yours. Once- then again- a few more that seemed to drive him absolutely crazy, if his heavy breathing was any indication to go by. Or the moaning.

Your hands let go of his tie so that you could pop a few of his shirt buttons open, stopping at the last one. Then your nails raked up his chest as you leaned in, his hips still working up towards yours. His lips caught yours hungrily and just as your tongues brushed he was running his hands up along your back, trying to edge your dress up. It didn’t take much more than that for you to get the hint so you sat back, pulling it up and tossing it to the floor. He leaned up the next time, lips cruising over your collar bone as his hands quickly worked off your bra. Once free his kisses moved down your chest, sitting up completely to take you closer in his arms.

His teeth grazed your sensitive skin as you felt his hands moving between you, fingers playing along the front of your last remaining piece of clothing. Gently. Teasingly. And when his mouth curved into a smile against your skin you could barely take it any longer. Reaching up you grabbed for his tie again to get him to kiss you but you didn’t linger. Just when he was dazed enough you pushed him back down and leaned over him.

He looked up in the darkness. “You’re being awfully rough, lady.” But if his grin was any indication, he loved every second of it. Reaching down between the both of you cupped him hard just the once, just enough to get his eyes flutter closed again and a groan to leave his mouth. Then you worked off his belt and his pants as quick as you could manage. No more fooling around. You couldn’t stand it any longer. He lifted his hips so you could edge his pants down. Then you settled over him, hands to his shoulders all the way down, sliding your panties off your hips and to the floor with the rest of the unnecessary clothing. “Fuck-“

He breathed it out just above a hard murmur as the head of his cock pressed against you, but you kept your hips just high enough that he couldn’t do anything but wait. Wait for you. You heard him swallow hard, felt his hands trembling at your hips as he tried to do just that but was losing his patience- or his willpower. Either way. With one hand on the bed keeping you steady, your other grabbed his tie and pulled him again, close to your lips. Just a bare brush. “What do you want?”

His fingers dug into your skin. “I wanna fuck you- _fuckin_ -“ His mind was already too muddled to make much more sense than that but the way it came out of him, desperate and shivering, was nothing short of exquisite. It took just about everything you had in you to keep it slow as you lowered down. Feeling him edge up into you. The slight jerk of his hips as he moved too quickly but tried to restrain himself. You kept him afloat, gripping his tie hard, even as he went a little slack. “God- fuck-“ Breathed out in a low groan.

Your own eyes closed a little tightly as you felt him inch by inch until your hips were fully settled atop his. In favor of being able to move, because you were sure you couldn’t sit still for much longer, even to savor the feel of him, you let him go. Back to the bed. Your hands moved to his shoulders instead and you used him for balance as you lifted your hips up and then pushed back down quicker than he was ready for. Another hard sound came out of him- one that you mirrored accidentally.

One of his hands left your hips, arm coming up to circle your shoulders, pulling you down so that he could kiss you. But it served another purpose you were too clouded to realize first. The angle shifted as you bent down to meet his lips. And then he worked his hips of his own accord, no longer needing to wait for you after the space between your bodies had been created. This left your forehead hanging against his as he thrust into you deeply without hesitation between the ins and outs. Taking you for all you were worth. Your hands clutched his shoulders then, and when you chanced just one look you saw him watching you- same as always.

“Danny-“ Trembling from your lips as he stole the next words out of your mouth in a kiss. Too much build up and going by too quick to do anything but let it take you- or him. Definitely him. You clutched tighter as he pushed you right to the edge-

“Oh _fuck_ \- ___-“ And then moaned out your name against your lips and that was all it took. The sound of his voice, tight and breathless, and the feel of his hips riding you. As you came you pulled him with you, feeling his thrusts grow uneven, harder even as they became slower. The shudder of his breath just as his head fell back against the bed.

You settled down, head to his chest, still breathing hard. Still feeling everything. Every time he moved- every little twitch. It got a wiggle out of your hips, something that drew another noise from him. Somewhere between frustrated and elation it sounded like. You were content to fall asleep there. A very bad idea. But as his arms came around you, and you both settled back, it almost overtook you.

“She knew.” But then you found yourself saying this, and enjoying the sound of his soft giggles so close to your ear.

“Yeah. Probably. But who cares.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beep boop. Come join the tumblr fun!


	48. Blindsided

Morning found you wrapped up in his arms. The chill in the room was unreal considering it was the dead of summer outside. At some point he must have pulled over the covers and then the comforter sitting on the edge of the bed. None of it had roused you. He must have been very careful- or you’d been just the right mix of worn out and drunk. Probably the latter after last night. As always, you weren’t allowed to sleep until re-energized, a common theme when you found yourself in a hotel with him. Both of your phones were vibrating somewhere on the floor. Yours in your purse, his in his discarded pants.

When you tried to wriggle away, he refused to let you. His arms came tighter around your waist and his forehead burrowed into your shoulder. “Nn-nn. No. Nnn...” Complaining into your skin.

You weren’t awake enough to resist him. So your hands traced up his naked back, resting your head atop his. “It could be something important.” If someone was attempting to get a hold of the both of you that thought had more merit than you realized.

“Not more important than this.” He sounded sleepy, but no less serious. His lips trailed across your collarbone as he leaned a little away, the fringe of his messy hair as it fell forward tickling across. You laid back as he leaned forward, one hand going to the bed.

When you opened your eyes he was close, staring down before cupping the side of your face in his palm. His smile was just as sleepy as his tone suggested, but enamored as well. You felt yours must have been very much the same. Every morning played out like this. In a wave of glow and appreciative love. And- the nuisances, too. “They disagree.” Whoever ‘they’ were. Because your phones hadn’t stopped.

“Well they can eat it.” Giggling already so early in the morning. The best sound. His forehead pressed down against yours as he continued, dragging you with him. Laughing about nothing particular. But as the buzzing continued- “Ah alright. Fuck it.” Rolling his eyes, he finally leaned back and got out of bed.

You leaned up on your arm, appreciating the view. He grabbed his pants and tossed your purse to you. He walked half away closer to the door and actually answered his phone- you looked down at your own and realized it must have been two different sets of people. “Hey- oh yeah-“

So you turned the other way, sitting on the opposite side of the bed, covering your ear with your free hand. “Hello?”

“Hey, just a little courtesy call.” Mark’s voice was on the other end of the phone.

“Court-“ Confusion came first, then realization. “Oh- what time is it?” Then panic.

“You have about an hour. I figured you’d probably be a little out of it.” Now Mark was managing you. When had the role shifted? Probably around the time all that business with the unnamed happened... “It’s at the building uptown. Are you home?”

A client meeting. You’d known about it- and promptly forgotten about it about two sex-on-the-beaches in. Because Danny and 80s music and dancing was too intoxicating to pass up. Even if you were supposed to be a responsible adult in the morning. Going out into the ‘field’ as you liked to call it was a rare thing, so when it happened you had no call to be so unprofessional. “No.” Running a hand back through your hair. “It’ll be okay. I got it.” You just had to leave in a few minutes and put yourself together at home and then go back out. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be at the studio.” He’d been working there more and more. It was a good set up. Danny would probably be heading back that way very soon, too.

The phone came away from your ear and you looked back, Danny just having got off his too. “You got stuff to do?” As if he’d been listening in the whole time, or maybe he just knew you too well by now. Maybe both. Who knew?

“Yeah. You?” Standing with a stretch before trying to collect your clothing off the floor. Wedging back into a crumpled dress didn’t feel very good. But Danny’s wrinkled suit was far more of a tell than your own clothing.

“Scheduled a session today.” Filming. So, you knew what he was about to be up to, too. No surprise. But that was an all day affair. “Arin wants to hang after. Will you be able to swing by?” By ‘Arin’ he probably meant the entire group. The invitation wasn’t entirely rare, but this was the first time in a while after things had settled.

“I think so.” The meeting shouldn’t have taken that long, and while you had other things to do, going to the studio at night hardly seemed like a tough sell on yourself. Probably going out for sushi or hanging in for pizza. Something food related, of this you had absolutely no doubt.

After shimmying his hips back into his pants he pulled on the absolutely destroyed white shirt- wait, had he taken it off after you’d fallen asleep? Probably too uncomfortable. You hadn’t realized until he was arching down to pick up his tie so that he could hang it over his shoulders. “Good. Now...” Pulling on his suit jacket, “Try not to project walk-of-shame down the hall.”

That girl at the front desk had totally known. But she had to be home by now and replaced with other staff. “Are you ashamed?” Grinning up at him as you picked his scarf off the floor and then scanned the room one last time to make sure you hadn’t missed anything.

“Hell no.” He let you out of the room first before stepping out and taking your hand in his. “But drunk-you was pretty worried about getting caught banging.” Said at full volume as an older couple walked by.

“Sober-me would kinda like you to keep it down, too.” How was it he could still embarrass you so easily?

His giggle this time was just a touch triumphant. Because he’d been doing it on purpose, of course. Stepping into the elevator he pushed the button for the bottom floor. “And you also maybe wanted to bang in the elevator. I had to put a stop to it, though.” Grinning widely. “Not that I didn’t want to.”

“Okay okay stop!” He had to know that you weren’t drunk enough not to recall what you’d been up to. So this cute little recounting was solely for the purpose of-

His fingers poked your cheeks. “Why are you so shy about it?” Then he flat out smushed your face. “Ah it’s so god damn adorable!” He hooked his arm over your shoulders despite your whining, pulling you in for a squeeze and not relenting the closeness once the doors opened again. He dropped the key card on the front desk before oh-so-casually strolling out with you.

Into the disgusting hot air. It took a lot longer than it should have to get the air conditioner to do anything of worth in the car, so much so that you actually turned it off and just opened the windows. Thankfully there wasn’t as much traffic as the night previous- the last thing you needed was to be late for this, too. It left you with just a little time to spare as you pulled into the driveway, but Danny did not disembark with you. So you walked over to his side and leaned in his open window. “Sooo we’ll probably be done around eight. Ish.”

“If I’m late will it cause problems?” He was being strange about this. Up to something, no doubt. But what? Who knew.

“Nah. No. I don’t think so, anyway.” He tapped his palm against the wheel. “Just gonna go straight there. Try to bang out some stuff...” His eyes avoided yours. Definitely up to something.

You leaned in, pressing your lips to his temple. “Whatever you’re planning you’re not being very subtle about it.”

“Who said I was planning anything?” In a very defensive tone, but grinning all the same. Yep. Definitely evil incarnate.

You pushed your hand to his cheek next, giving him a little bop. “It’s written all over you. I hate surprises, just in case you need to be reminded.”

“I’m not doing anything! Get ready to be super disappointed when there’s just a box of shitty pizza waiting for you!” You just shot him a look that said ‘uh huh’ in the most sarcastic sense. “Yeah well we’ll see!” Pointing at you as you leaned back away so that he could pull out of the driveway. The stare and pointing continued on halfway down the road before he turned left and out of sight.

What he didn’t know was that you had an in. Mark was there today, too. If they were setting anything up he’d tell you. If you asked, anyway. But he might also tell them that you were snooping. A delicate situation...

And one that had to be put on the back burner as you went into the house to make yourself look less like morning-after and more like professional adult. Cleaning the old night off with a literal five minute shower, a quick blow dry, and just a touch of makeup. And pants. Thank god for pants. The dress had been fun but now that was done with. Getting back on the road happened quicker than you’d expected and it left you with the realization of where you were headed.

A rented office space- or it was being used as a conference space, now, you guessed. Some clients were like that. Upscale. They’d told you you really needed your own office. That working out of your house wasn’t professional at all. But you still had a strong base so what did it really matter? Aside that you didn’t really want to start a job that made you hate working all the time. An office meant visits all the time. Part of the reason you liked things you could do from your couch was just for that very reason. Hair up or a mess, pjs- Danny within arm’s reach. Most days.

Strange how it hadn’t always been like that.

You kept your laptop underneath your arm, just about the only thing more important than you yourself, as you stepped into the building. Some big corporate giant that you had no affiliation with. Couldn’t imagine ever being stuck in the wheel like the people who were jogging about the hallways.

“So- I have to admit, this was a bit of a rouse.” An arm came around your shoulder, your client’s- Trevor. He was a tall, skinny thing. Dressed down which made you feel just the slightest twinge of guilt for having even put on pants instead of jeans. Damn him. He could have just said.

You’d been working side PR and some coding for his own business’ site for a couple of years. Things had been really well. But this sounded like a nightmare. “Great.” As dry as the desert as he led you into the room. Another man was there waiting for you- at least he was wearing a suit. But you didn’t immediately recognize him.

“It’ll be good. I promise. I actually was talking to Mark-“ This slapped you in the face with how odd it was. As far as you knew those two had never met. Had never had reason to. And yet...

“Ah, Ms. ___. You know I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for a while now.” His tone was smarmy and you instantly disliked him. Not the sort of person you’d pick up as a client on your own. Was that what this was? Had to be. Someone trying to introduce someone else. A passing of business cards.

“Oh? I’m sorry. Things have been a little hectic.” Personally speaking, anyway. “Mr...?”

“Robert. Adalle. But you can call me Rob.”

That name struck you almost as hard as the unease of this situation. You knew that name. For very, very good reason. One of the top PR agencies in the entire world. Booked A-list celebrities and companies day in and day out.

He’d talked to Mark-  
No.  
_No_.

How to back out. How how how to do this gracefully? Or maybe blowing it wasn’t a huge deal. If you made an ass out of yourself they’d no longer be looking at you. Which was what you’d really wanted. You and Mark had only brushed this possibility briefly, and still very much while you were in such a state of shock. That’s why you’d never pursued it. He reached out and automatically you took his hand for a shake. “It’s a little weird meeting you this way- ...though I have to assume you’re about to steal Trevor from me.”

Both men laughed as they took the same side of the table and sat down. “Not at all.”

“I’d never leave you, ___!”

“But when I found a little red string, I must confess I couldn’t help but give it a tug. And here you are.” This was wrong. How to turn him down nicely... this was all that was filling your head. You weren’t really paying attention to him. “We actually watched your rise to fame very closely and-“ Yeah yeah. They were proud of how much you handled. How you turned a three million-plus user base on their heads and made them absolutely adore you.

Well. Most of them, anyway.  
The internet was a powerful thing, blahblahblah. Oh god make it stop.

“We would be very interested in getting your talents on our team. Some top dogs have been asking around. We’re prepared to offer you a very generous salary-“ Blahblah-

...he was talking numbers.  
And-

“Of course, our office is in New York City, but as I understand it you’re very familiar with its charm.” This might have been a joke in poor taste, but you chose to just not pay it any mind. That was about all you could do. “We’d really not try to encroach on what you’ve built here- you could work from home here, as long as you don’t mind flying in at least once a month. Paid for, of course. -but, if you were to become a permanent member, we would really be looking for you to make a move closer...”

Whoa. Wait. This was a different sort of opportunity. They were offering you a lot more than you realized. No office. Still home with Danny. A trip to the city every month? On someone else’s dime? Still had your own clients with the base you’d built- but moving there... no. You just couldn’t.. “So... this is a power grab, is that what I’m hearing?” Trying to joke a little. Hey, if you had the worth to throw around, why deny it? But this wasn’t you at all. That was the problem.

Thankfully he laughed. “Yeah! A little. A little. That’s that quick wit we’re really in love with. So- yes, we’d really love to have you as a part of our team.” A good opportunity, Mark had said. And apparently he’d thought so good of one that he just went ahead and talked with someone he had no business talking to in order to try and set something up for you. Why wouldn’t he just-

...that was why he’d called. It all made sense now. And he’d told you where he’d be, just in case this went south and you wanted to kick his ass. He at least knew he couldn’t shy from punishment for meddling. He could be a man when he wanted to. But you were undecided if you were mad yet. Irked, a little. Yeah. He could have just been upfront with you.

Or maybe not. Maybe he’d known if he tried bringing it up again you’d just have shrugged it off. You probably would have. This was just his way of trying to look out for you. Push you to do the things that he knew you could do.  
Damn him.

“We’d really love it if you could come out to the city. Visit the office. We can pay for that plane too- and a hotel, if you need.”

This was all so very sudden. “When? I’d have to move some things around.” Trying not to seem too excited, which wasn’t that hard. You weren’t. Not yet, anyway. Maybe it hadn’t really hit you.

“Whenever you want. This is a permanent on-the-table-offer.” He reached into his suit jacket to grab a business card and slid it across the table to you. “You call that number whenever you’re ready and we’ll set up a city meeting.”

You picked it up, feeling the raised lettering on the front and then flipped it to the back, then front again. “Alright. Cool.” This was entirely unprofessional but the way it made him smile made you think that’s what maybe he was after. Someone who had their feet on the ground. Not a rat in the wheel. Someone who knew what she was doing- though you seldom did.

After that was settled he stood and you followed suit; he offered his hand again for a good shake. “I look forward to hearing from you.” And after shaking Trev’s hand he simply walked away.

And once you were sure he was all the way down the hall you reached out to give Trevor a less-than-light punch to his gut. He doubled over. “Don’t pull shit like that on me!”

“Yell at Mark!”

“I intend to!”

Maybe. Still a little undecided. But that was enough for dicking around. If you wasted any more time you really would be late for whatever it was Danny was up to. And he _was_ up to something. That much he’d made painfully obvious. At least with how bad he was at hiding shit you knew he’d never really be able to pull anything big on you.  
...though the thought of that-

He couldn’t be.  
Nah. No.  
...could he?

Thoughts of a ring inside a little box suddenly filled your head and your face got too warm for you to handle. You tried to bury yourself in work. Listening to what Trevor’s new phase three site needed. What he wanted. How he wanted his customer base reorganized.

...Danny wouldn’t dare- would he?  
Nah.... no..

Don’t jump ahead of yourself. That was another situation entirely and your brain simply did not have the space to think about that while also trying to think about whether or not you should go to the city while also trying to focus on work. More times than was appropriate you had to get up from the computer to go to the window for a breath of air. Too much. Too much going on. During one of these breaks you thought about putting a stop to it.

**> What are they doing at the space that I need to know about?**

Asking Mark. Danny wasn’t getting ready to propose, you were about seventy-five percent sure of that now. But if he was, could you really try and make Mark make him call it off? That seemed like an ugly situation waiting to happen. But it was just- it was just...

**> Don’t know? Nothing? They were talking about dinner earlier I guess?**

This was far too many question marks. He was hiding something too, but he didn’t seem to want to tell you. So that was a bust. But. If you couldn’t make that work you could at least-

**> You and I are going to have a stern talk about my affairs when I get in >:[**

Smiley face added in to try and throw him off about whether or not you were really mad. If you were you probably would have just ended the sentence with a period and no emoticon.

**> Affairs? Should I tell Danny?**

This text just got ignored. Back to work. Because now you really had to be on time for whatever this dinner was turning into. You highly doubted just a shitty box of pizza. Once you sat back down you finally let work take its place in the forefront of your brain. It only took a couple of more hours after to get finished with what he was asking you to do. Just in enough time to be late. You gave Trevor a backup disk just in case something went awry and said goodbye as quickly as possible, running down to the parking lot and getting into your car as fast as you could.

As you waited to turn out of the lot you dialed Danny. “I’m on my way. Sorry.”

“Are you driving and talking?” He sounded very disappointed in your life choices.

“Yeah but look- whatever you’re-“ What could you possibly say? You were almost half glad he cut you off.

“Shh shhhh! GOODBYE. FOCUS ON THE ROAD GOODBYE.” The call cut and you edge your shoulder up and let your phone fall to your lap. God damn him. You couldn’t even be really mad that he was being dodgy. He was just looking out for you. And being sneaky. About something.

It was for that reason you turned off your headlights as you came down the street. Tried to close your car door as quietly as possible. Tried to walk up the stairs without any creaks. And then you pressed your ear up against the door.

Whispering.  
Nothing you could make out. God damn them.

You took a deep breath in, put your hand to the doorknob, and then pushed the door open as quickly as possible, hoping to catch them off guard. And you did. There was a large group standing in the middle of the room and they all sort of stood up straighter when they realized you were there. The lighting was the same as usual, but there were weird ‘congrats’ and ‘welcome’ and ‘new baby’ banners hanging from the rafters. On the table was an open box of pizza with ... candles stuck in it. Lit.

When they got a handle on themselves- “Congratulations!!” The whole room erupted.

Danny rushed out in front of everyone, holding his hands up. “Woo **YEAH**!”

You didn’t really have any words for what was going on. “Uh...?”

“Fuck you! Look at your face! Totally surprised!” He was circling around you, pointing his hands in the air. He wasn’t wrong, either. You weren’t surprised the way he had probably wanted, but you were ... well. Confused was a better word. “And look.” His arm came around your shoulders as he swept his other out to the table. “Shitty pizza. Just like I promised.”

“Is it my birthday or something?” Honestly what the hell was going on?

Suzy leaned over the table to push the box of pizza to the side. Hiding behind it was a cake- with your face embroidered on the front. Well. Your-

“Welcome to the family!” Your grump face. You hadn’t actually seen the work on it. You’d only really been focused on the- oh. _OH_. The episodes!

Arin stepped forward. “As an honorary and new grump here is your exclusive copy of Glover.” He held out the old N64 cart to you. “Now I’m not telling you what to do, but I’d get that framed.”

“And for fun we picked the best comments and put them on the wall. Like a museum.” Ross was tipping a red plastic cup in your direction.

The little squiggles in your tummy returned. “All bad, huh?” You’d expected as much.

“Fuck no! People love you!” Danny seemed most excited by this prospect. The reason for that should have been terribly obvious.

Barry shrugged. “Well. I mean. Not _everyone_. But that’s part of being in the fam’!”

“I think for sure my favorite is _this bitch is actually entertaining._ ” Kevin was already laughing after reciting it. “Like they’re mad you’re fun but gotta give you props.”

This wasn’t what you were expecting but it had the same sort of warmth to it- especially with the way Danny was hopping around the room. He’d probably had too much coffee today but also he was super excited that people were happy. You guessed. It had to have felt nice, regardless. This was his family, too. And the lovelies as he called them were ready to accept you. At large- though you had to wonder if Rob knew about this?

And that thought dragged you back down. Luckily Danny seemed to know just what to do. Which was take you by the waist and lead you around to music you hadn’t realized had been playing. But you kept him at a standstill when you laid your head on his chest.  
Home. Could you leave it? “What’s up there, lady?” Recognizing the lull of what was supposed to be a special moment.

“Just tired.” This wasn’t really a lie. Even though it was. You tilted your head back to look up at him. “And you’re terrible at surprises.” Letting him know that he’d never be able to get away with things like this. Which maybe worked out in your favor.

His smile was reassuring. “Yeah, so what? It’s hard to keep things like this in. I just felt like bursting!”

“But you must have planned this at least a _few_ days ahead. Why’d you blow it in the driveway?” The build up had been too much for him?

“Dunno.” Said in a murmur as he leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead, much like you had to his hours and hours ago. “You’re kinda killing my excitement boner, though. You sure you’re okay?” Lying to him would never be an option. You should have known better than that by now.

But now just wasn’t the right moment to talk about the possibility of... leaving. Not him- certainly not him. How could you? But could you also move to New York City? He wouldn’t follow. Couldn’t. Brian had just moved to California to take on the band full time. He had Game Grumps. He.... he wouldn’t follow. So.. that was why- even if it was a dream career you couldn’t-

“Heelllooooo?” Danny was knocking playfully at your forehead. “Anyone home?”

You rocked back on your heels and caught just the wrong person. Mark was in the corner talking to someone you didn’t recognize, forkful of cake heading for his mouth. Doing this in front of Danny when you’d known there was an obvious tension between them was probably the worst idea. And yet you stepped away from him to go right to Mark. “Hey, thanks.” Dryly.

Danny followed behind, not too closely. But his smile was all but gone and he was watching carefully, arms folded over his chest. Standing behind like the watchful guardian. Mark looked up, sheepishly smiling. Whether or not he saw Danny beyond you didn’t matter, he seemed unaffected in either capacity. “Did it go well, at least? You know I wouldn’t have bothered if I didn’t think it was a good idea.” This was true but...

But-!  
“I know you’re trying to help.” You had to at least acknowledge this. Because that’s all he’d ever done. Try to look out for you. “But you can’t just pull shit like that without warning.”

He frowned for only a few seconds, eyes darting up, perhaps catching a quick glance of Danny before they went back to yours and he smiled again. His friend stepped away immediately, sensing this was not the time to be hanging around. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any harm.”

Part of you still wanted to be mad, but that was childish. Because you knew he was telling the truth. You were less mad at him and more mad at the fact that things might change. Or not. Either way... “I know.” You did.

“Soo... we’re good? We can talk about it later. You should really enjoy your party.” Sensing the discomfort you’d forced on him wasn’t too hard after he was shying away like that. The reason standing about two feet behind you.

You just nodded at him and let him walk away. Of course, being mean to Mark by doing this here meant you were also hurting yourself. Because when you turned back Danny was waiting. Looking at you expectantly. “You gonna tell me what that was all about?” He didn’t sound angry, just concerned.

How to even start- ...the worst part was it all started in a place you didn’t want to go back to. You stepped closer, if only to be comforted by his closeness, but he kept his arms crossed still, looking down at you. “When I couldn’t keep track of stuff a little while back,” Hoping he’d understand what that meant and- yep. The immediately frown told you he knew exactly what time you were talking about. “Mark helped me out. I guess he’s still been looking out for the business because he got into contact with one of my clients who apparently had a contact in the top PR firm in New York City.” Deep breath. Danny didn’t say anything, so you kept going.

“They blindsided me today out of nowhere. Just there he was. He said... he said he wants me to come work for them. I’m talking like... six figure salary.” The dream job. That’s all it was.

The storm passed in that moment. “What? That’s amazing!” His hands took your shoulders. “___ that’s fucking amazing!” So proud of you. He was so god damn proud.

You wished you could be, too. Your head rolled forward just so you wouldn’t have to look at his face. “Yeah but... they want me to move to the city to do it. Permanently.” His grip slipped. You felt it. Like he wasn’t sure what to do.

A shot straight through the heart no doubt. Thinking about what that meant. “Yeah but... you’re still gonna do it... right?” He sounded hopeful. And when you dared to look back up at him that’s what you saw reflecting back at you.

“No- I don’t know. No. I don’t think so. What are you talking about- Of course not- I can’t-“ Couldn’t do this without him. Didn’t want to. You’d gotten so used to him. You needed him.

His arms enveloped you, pulling your entire body close to his. You closed your eyes and laid your head against his chest once more, clutching at the sides of his shirt. Peace. Comfort. This was what you needed. How in the hell were you going to get by without it? “It’s alright. Hey- it’s aaaallriiight...” Murmuring to you carefully. Quietly. Trying to bring you down from the anxiety attack you’d nearly just entered. Or maybe it was just an emotional peak. Either way. “We don’t have to talk about it right now.”

You just found yourself nodding dumbly. “Thank you.” You were so tired. Too tired to even think about this. -and too tired to understand he wasn’t letting you get off with a no. Talking about it later meant that’s exactly what would happen. When you were in a little better state to deal with making an adult decision of that scale.

His hands cupped the sides of your face and he stepped back a little. His smile was content. “Hey- anyway- we’re getting married in the city, right? So like...” Giggling a little after saying so.

Oh, that was right. The magical winter wedding that definitely could not happen in California.

You smiled back. Glad to be able to. “Are we?”

“Fuck yeah we are.” Fuck yeah, you were. “But I’m still gonna-“

“Propose. I know.” To think you’d been worrying he was going to pull that on you tonight. If he had you just wouldn’t have even told him about it at all. Let it go by. ...did that make you a bad person? It wasn’t like you were unsure that he would. What with all the promises to do it he kept on making. What made it so different that-

He kissed you without your notice the first couple of seconds but you warmed up to him in just another few. When he pulled back, “Now, if you please.” Taking your hand in his. “I went to the trouble of printing out millions of comments. Can we read some? And eat some shitty pizza?”

You rested your head on his arm as the both of you walked the room. “Mean comments and shitty pizza it is.” How could you ever even dream of giving up this life?

You just... couldn’t.


	49. They'll Know

_“Son of a bitch!”_

The party after everything had cooled down had actually been relatively fun. There’d been no alcohol being served which was a great idea since you were getting used to the idea that being loose around Danny was far too much fun to pass up. Being sober was great, too, though- but the problem was that when your mind was full you had a tendency to try and dump it out with a little booze. The reading of comments and eating of aforementioned shitty pizza, and just a little cake had gone on longer than you’d expected. When the both of you arrived home it was a little after twelve A.M.

Sleeping was a difficult process. While Danny had dropped almost immediately off next to you, turned away on his side and lightly snoring, you laid on your back. Staring up at the ceiling. In mental pain. You were tired. So tired. But exhaustion didn’t often take one right to sleep. You laid there for what felt like hours. And when you finally did drift off, nightmares kept you in a chokehold that you just couldn’t escape. For the first time in a long while it wasn’t the Bitter End and billowy snow gusts that greeted you. But it was still the city, all the same. And the feeling of emptiness. Watching Danny disappear.

He wouldn’t want you to not follow a goal career. He’d never ask you to do that for him. Much like if he had had the opportunity elsewhere for NSP, you would have told him to go pursue it. He didn’t want to hold you back. But... that wasn’t it at all.

Three times you found yourself sitting up, running your hands through your hair. Looking down at him. How calmly and deeply asleep he was. Watching before lying back down, snuggling up to him a little, falling again only to wake up moments later. It took you right to sunrise. Right into a pounding headache and muscle cramps. In the end once the sun was actually up you found little point in tossing and turning any longer. So you got up, leaving Danny to slumber a little while longer, and took the hottest shower imaginable. None of it served to soothe your mind, though. Or the quick forming sickness that was following in its wake.

Burning out. Slowly, but surely, you were burning out. Just a little. It wasn’t like the feeling was new. In fact, since it hadn’t happened in such a long time, it was like welcoming back an old friend. Especially as you sat at the kitchen table, typing furiously away at your laptop. Working. Trying to work through what you were feeling. But none of it helped. It only made it worse. Part of you knew that. But if you could at least focus on work you would have less time to feel uncertain about what to do with everything else. So that’s what you did. For a couple of hours, at least, until Danny sleepily got out of bed and appeared in the doorway.

“You okay, babe?” Rubbing at his eye once before giving his hair a good shake. He knew. He always knew. Nothing should have been out of the ordinary and yet he knew there was something off.

“Just couldn’t sleep.” You sounded defeated even to your own ears, but there was real purpose there. You didn’t want to talk about... it. Not yet.

He nodded, mostly to himself. “I’m gonna get dressed and grab some coffee...” Breathing out slowly with a small stretch. “Are you still up for a session?” Your calendar was sitting behind one of your open firefox screens. You’d already ran over it a couple of times. You had, in fact, scheduled another grump session. But they had other things they could play if your series needed to be on hold.

“I’m fine.” Smiling at him, a little tiredly. You had to force yourself to close the laptop screen. Getting away from that reminder would probably be best. “I’ll go with you and we can head there.” A fresh cup of coffee sounded nice, anyway.

You were stuck on him like glue from that moment. When he drove you leaned your head against his arm, when he ordered your were holding hands. Walking up to the space you were brushing up against him and sitting down on the couch while sipping and talking about nothing had you laying your head in his lap. You couldn’t do this without him, and if that made you weak, that was fine. Six figures meant nothing next to that. Working a job you loved meant nothing next to that.

At least you thought that had been your resolve. But the aches continued. The pounding in your head. The glare from the TV made it worse, but you thought you could handle it. Trying to concentrate on playing the game while being funny- you thought you could handle it. But when Danny smacked you with a tier-two rocket just before the big ice slide in Walrus Cove, glitching your car out, you yelled. It surprised the both of you.

“Whoa there lady calm down! You’ll make it up in the next pass!”

You ran a hand through your hair. “That’s so rare. That’s not supposed to happen.” You just felt so tired. You shouldn’t have agreed to doing the game. The time wasn’t right. He could feel it but he hadn’t wanted to tell you what you could or couldn’t do.

“Oh- you mean the cars aren’t supposed to faze right through the ice and into a bottomless pit?” Laughing a little but he turned his head, giving you a worried glance. You could stop, scrap the footage, use the backup save file. But-

The episode was almost over anyway. You just had to power through a couple more laps. You could do it. And so you tried. Tried to keep your mood afloat for him. For the viewers who sort of liked you. You couldn’t disappoint them- and Danny in the process. The rest of the grumps who had gone out of their way to include you.

This was just more work.

When the episode came to its conclusion Danny sat back, eyes on you. “We can throw this one out, if you want.” Hearing this was like hearing ultimate disappointment. Like you’d failed him and he just couldn’t let this get out into the internet with the grump brand on it. “-not that- I mean, they’ll just be able to tell, that’s all.” He was trying to make you feel better but this just did not help at all.

“Was I that bad?” The only thing you could really ask. The answer was probably yes.

“Nononono-“ Said in rapid succession as he leaned over to take you in his arms. “You’re just not feeling well, right? They know when something’s up, trust me. That’s all.” He put his hand to your forehead. “What’s the matter? What kind of sick is it?”

There was no fever for him to feel out. You knew this. “I don’t know. I couldn’t sleep and my head has been thrashing and I just feel like- I can’t breathe a little-“ Congestion. Or-

“Oh god. You’re stressing yourself sick over this?”

There it was. You knew that. Burn out and stress sickness often went hand in hand. You’d just tried to fool yourself into thinking you were burning out but also had a valid reason for feeling ill. Oh well. The only thing that felt right in response to this was a tiny whine in the back of your throat.

But at least it amused him. He giggled, just a little, taking your face in his hands and angling your gaze upwards so he could get a better look at you. Then his hands pushed your cheeks in a little smush. “You’re gonna be fine- _we’re_ gonna be fine.” He seemed so sure about this.

“How d’you know?” How could he be so sure, though?

“Because I’m knowledgeable in all things.” Said with a raise of his brows and a tiny smirk. Antics. Just trying to make you feel better .... but it was working. “And trust me when I say the city isn’t swallowing you back up. Danny Sexbang is a much more powerful force than you’re giving him credit for, baby.”

This finally dragged a small smile out of you and a half-defeated laugh. “You’re so dumb.”

He giggled again and leaned in to brush noses with you. “You love every fucking second of it.” Basking in that would have been easy, and something you would have readily accepted. But as with most things, the moment was interrupted with the chirp of his phone on the other side of the room. “Ugh alright alright... but this conversation is not over!” Making sure you knew one phone call was not the end of the world.

So you waved your hand and let him get up, unpausing Diddy to just try and run a test lap or two while he took care of whatever it was. If you could just get back in the groove... “Yo, Staaaarr, baby, talk to me. What the fuck is up?” Danny answered his phone with a little more enthusiasm than you thought he’d have in him after being so disappointed about getting interrupted.

Starr? Was that a name you- oh. Oh yeah. You did know that-

Danny startled you out of your thoughts when he jumped up and down a few times, jacket zipper and pocket change jingling with the effort. His fist was pumping forward a few times. “No fucking way no fucking way! Yes! Fucking obviously! I mean Brian’s not here but yes! God damn fucking duh yeah yes!” Talking a mile a minute in heightened excitement. “Doesn’t matter- does- listen to me it does not fucking matter! We will be there!” You leaned back, watching him bounce around in his spot while exchanging a few hurried goodbyes.

Then the phone came down, he typed something into the screen, and then put it back up to his ear. “Brian listen- we’re gonna guest star at the Blues with Steel Panther tomorrow. I don’t wanna hear no it’s fucking happening!” Nodding enthusiastically while Brian was talking to him, sending his curls flying everywhere. “They’re gonna tweet at us. Hit them back. I gotta go!”

Without even realizing it, watching him rock up and down, smiling widely, talking about doing a concert- that was what you assumed he was talking about, anyway- made all your other worries vanish. Your headache completely disappeared. You felt less tired. Like he was sunshine incarnate with his happiness. Especially when the phone went back down and he turned towards you, making a sprint back for the couch. “Aaaahhah- oh god!” Too excited to even make sensible words.

He practically pulled you off the couch by your wrists so that he could hug you tightly, still vibrating. “Good news?” Amused. So very amused. Then he started jumping again-

“Yes- ugh- would you PLEASE FUCKING-“ Too excited for his own good, even. But apparently you were not giving him enough. So you let him lift you a few times for a quick couple of hops. “YES. THANK YOU.” His loud laughter was drawing every other grump in the space to the main room to witness the stupidity that was going on. When he finally could stand still for a moment, “We’re gonna play a song with Steel mother fucking Panther tomorrow night!”

It always felt like so many things were happening. Going on. Coming at you with no time to rest. “So great news.” But you couldn’t take this away from him. Not yet, anyway. He busied himself running in a circle around the room to gather up some high-fives from everyone standing by. “Don’t party too hard, though.” It wasn’t ruining the moment, right? Just looking after him. That was your job-! ...as a girlfriend! “You’ll only have a day to recover before RTX.”

When he came back around he grabbed your shoulders in a lock and ruffled your hair. “You’ll be there to keep me in check little lady!”

You tried to wiggle to get out of his grasp but he wouldn’t let you go. “Augh stop!” The rest of the group were laughing at your expense. You could hear them.

“No! Say you’re coming with me! I won’t stop until you do!!” His hand swiped harder back and forth.

“Fuck you! Fine! I’ll go!” You weren’t really being given a choice in the matter. When he made good on his promise and let you go he placed a loud smack of a kiss on your forehead.

Once he was done embarrassing you he rocked back on his heels. “I gotta go get the spandex and cape all set out!” This was about all he said before settling another sloppy kiss to your face and then practically skipping off.

“Uh...” Arin watched him slam the door before looking back at you. “Was he your ride?”

You just rolled your eyes, smile not too far behind. “He’ll come back... eventually.” Plopping down on the couch you held up one of the controllers- “Now- who wants to sit in for Danny and get their ass beat?”

“Is that a challenge?” Arin hopped the back of the couch and sat down heavily beside you. “Ms. mother-fucking-Pipsy is about to teach you a lesson!” He hit the reset button and eyed the timer. “Let me show you how a real man plays Diddy Kong Racing.”

“With the little mouse. In the red bow. And the skirt.”

“That’s right!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a good ol' time at the envelopesyou tumblr. Jump on in!


	50. Rock Star (♥)

You’d never seen him this nervous before- then again, you’d never seen him in his Danny Sexbang getup ready to take on a concert performance before. A sold out one. Not that they were headlining, but this was still a huge deal. His shoulders were constantly moving up and down in what had to be an unconscious quiver as he shifted back and forth in that tight blue spandex. You smoothed out the furry fringe of his cape as he tied the red ribbon around his neck.

“You like how much nip it almost shows?” Joking with you while he was staring at himself in the mirror. Pulling. Readjusting. Micromanaging because he was jittery. 

“It’ll be less of a problem for you if one slips out, I think.” The smile he wore after such a poor joke made it worth it. You stepped to his side and he turned to you, hands on his hips. “You’re gonna do great.” 

His head turned up confidently. “We’re gonna rock it the fuck out!” For all of three seconds. “I hope.” 

Your hand touched the side of his face and he leaned in for a brief kiss. “I know.” He’d do just fine. Music was in his blood. He could command a crowd when he wanted to. People loved him. Even though it wasn’t his venue, he’d captivate them with his silliness and his voice. You were sure. Why wasn’t he?

Then again, it couldn’t be as easy for a performer. Even one of his caliber. Maybe it kept him sharp. “Ready?” Brian was asking from the doorway, mask in hand. You sort of worried about how he was going to avoid overheating in his getup but surely he was used to it by now. “You’re taking pictures, right?” Asking you. 

You rocked your phone back and forth in your hand. “I’m on it.” 

Sliding into the backseat, Brian at the wheel, the drive started. Danny was bopping to some mix he’d slid into the CD player, vocally warming up. Trying to get his shaking out. You took a few candids. Hands in the air. Where he closed his eyes and let the music soothe him. The lot was full and the sun had already set by the time you got up there. And the bouncer in back did not look like he was having a good time. 

“Tickets up front.” He held his hand out. 

“We’re playing part of the show.” It was weird that Danny let Brian do the talking- “Ninja Sex Party.” 

The guy just looked the two of them up and down and then cast a side glance at you before checking his list. Then he reached into his pocket, “Here are your bands- is she getting one? I only have an X for two on my board.” 

Danny’s arm swung around you. “An integral part of our act I assure you!” Huge liar that he was. 

He looked entirely too tired to fight off a trio of weirdos so he just motioned for you to hold out your wrists so he could snap on the performer bands. Hot pink. Great color. Danny gave him a thumbs up and a quick ‘thanks man!’ before you all disappeared through the door and into the backstage area. Just as busy as what sounded like an impatient crowd up front. People running in quick zippy lines- some faces you recognized- 

Weird celebrity appearances.  
Hm.  
Danny was thrumming with nervous excitement again. 

Outside the main door right before the stage was the performer roster with ‘Steel Panther’ in big bold letters. “Here guys, come over.” Motioning your hands for them to stand in front of the doors. Brian slipped on his mask. Danny’s bubbly nerves washed into that cool look he was still trying to perfect just as you snapped the picture. A good one for their instagram. 

Someone pulled the doors open behind him and Danny took a little tumble back. A woman with a headset. “Ninja Sex Party, right? C’mon c’mon!” Waving them forward. You just held up your bracelet so that she wouldn’t stop you from coming with. 

It wouldn’t have mattered much, anyway, Danny’s hand was almost super-glued to yours. A tight hold. He’d done concerts before. His own, too, from what you knew. To think every time was just as new and scary... that’s why he was so good at what he did. Hopefully it would never get old for him. 

What you’d assumed was impatient crowd crying was actually the concert underway. You weren’t familiar with the music but it sounded like a more hardcore version of NSP themselves. Danny danced between the line of inappropriate yet funny. This was... well. Didn’t matter either way. It was loud and the people around you, no doubt more guests ready to go on, having conversations amongst each other were yelling. Just to be heard. 

Danny busied himself practicing, warming up. Fists straight forward, jumping back and forth in the small space you guys had claimed as your own. Some of the faces were looking your way, but he seemed not to care. He was happy. Rocking it out. You took a few more pictures. Just for yourself. Watching him fly this way... it made you feel warm. You wanted him to always feel like this. You hoped he would. 

“NSP, next set!” The same woman from before was yelling over everyone. 

On stage Steel Panther’s playing was quiet and they were talking- probably introducing them. Danny craned in, pressing his hands tight to your face, drawing you in for a deep kiss. Maybe for luck. Maybe to steady himself. Either way you almost drowned in it. There was a little bit of whooping around- and then the crowd started cheering. 

When he stepped away and turned towards the stage, Brian behind, you held up the phone. “Hey!” They turned and he gave you a thumbs up. One picture. And then when they turned to the light you took another. Ready to go. 

It was too bad you couldn’t be out in the crowd, not that you would have survived the crush of so many bodies anyway. But you couldn’t watch Danny’s face forward. Could only see bits and pieces. In the end you leaned back against the wall when you gave up hope of watching him. How excited he must have been. How hard he was jamming out. Instead you listened. And while the lyrics were silly and exactly what you’d expected, listening to him break them on the mic was wonderful. The adrenaline was hitting you. And if it was hitting you he was probably high as a kite on it. 

Despite the few technical problems- his mic fading in and out, you could still hear him clearly. Maybe because you knew exactly what you were listening for. The crowd was still having an amazing time. And before you even realized it, the moment seemed over. He was fawning over his pals and they were giving him an outro. Something about the best band in the universe- he walked off stage so calmly to his applause and the band behind him started talking about something else. Probably introducing their next act or their next song. You had a hard time paying attention to it because as soon as Danny was out of the crowd’s view he bolted for you.

His hands went to your hips and without warning he lifted you up in an energetic and still nervous spin. The tiniest noise, something close to a yelp, left you as he took you for a ride and then put you back down, pressing his forehead to yours, grinning with his eyes closed. “Oh my god- oh my GOD. I can’t believe we just did that!” 

Brian shrugged off to your side, pulling his mask down. “Speak for yourself. I performed perfectly.” 

“You were amazing!” The only thing that really seemed to matter enough to say. When he backed away with an arch of his brow and a half-smirk you clarified. “Both of you.” Then you leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek and whispered, “But you especially.” You were allowed to have just a little bias. 

The stage manager broke the moment up. “Your bracelets put you in the VIP section. Please keep the area clear for the next few acts.” 

“Oh yeah man. Sorry.” Danny took hold of your hand and the three of you headed out of the backstage. It wasn’t too hard to follow the signs to this supposed VIP section. A small cordoned off place with chairs and tables and a private server buzzing about around the guests who were already sitting there enjoying the rest of the show. A few recognizable faces made your stomach twist. Real celebrities. Not that Danny or Brian or NSP as a whole weren’t deserving of the title but-

With the way his hand tightened in yours, you knew he might have felt the same. It was a weird disconnect. Even in the boxed off section, Steel Panther’s show was still blaring loud. You didn’t actually catch what Brian was shouting the first time until he poked the both of you in the shoulder. “How long are we staying?” Cupping his hands to his mouth.

This question was not for you because it wasn’t really up to you. “Oh- I dunno man! I wanna at least talk to them after!” The guys, you assumed. Which was fair enough. Playing a show with them warranted that at the very least. The three of you found a small table that at least would keep you together and away from the other people you all knew you felt weird being around. The rest of the show was loud and jam packed with tons of tunes you didn’t recognize but watching Danny dance, sing and scream in his chair made it worth it. At least he was having a good time. Beers were served to the table and the three of you took them without notice.

And when it was finally over a different set of music hit the air as the men of the evening themselves disembarked from the stage. And it took them all of ten minutes to get to the section you were in, high-fiving, hugging, and fist bumping everyone in the immediate vicinity. Danny got out of his chair when they got in close. Hard hugs and back patting ensued. “That was so fucking awesome dude!” 

“Oh we’re really glad you came.” They pulled up a couple of chairs and dropped in. “This your girl?” The one with the long straight blonde hair was asking with a point in your direction. 

Danny sat back down. “Oh, yeah. This is ___.” Smiling at you. 

“Slamming lady, dude.”  
“Nice to meet you, babe.” 

It was hard to get a real read on them. They did sing absolutely lurid songs about sex but... so did Danny, sort of. Theirs were a little more vulgar, for sure. But Danny was the biggest sweetheart in the universe. And he was friends with them. They were probably decent people. 

“Can we get a round of shots here!” Almost as if the staff had expected it a tray was brought over within seconds, tiny glasses handed out. 

“What’s up Ninja Brian?” Asked as Brian avoided his glass. 

He shook his head. “Designated driver for the evening.” 

“Oh man that sucks.” 

It was a little hard to follow the conversation between all the guys. Especially with all the noise around. “Come on, Sexbang, what are you waiting for?” Danny, too, had been shying away from his glass. 

“I don’t-“ He probably didn’t want to. 

“Aw man Sexbang don’t be a stick in the mud!” The other guys were all holding their glasses up, waiting for him. 

He held his hands up. “Oh- no! Peer pressure! It’s like high school all over again!” Making a joke to ease the mood. Also his discomfort. Then he turned, giving you a small look. You weren’t completely sure what he was asking with it. And you didn’t have a lot of time to think about it. But what did cross your mind-

He always kept his beers close at hand. Never really went over one. He was pretty skinny for a guy his height. ...had he eaten a lot today? Oh. Oh you knew what that look was. Without thinking you reached out to take his glass and drank it down. 

“Whoa! Little lady’s got a thing for the sauce!” 

You weren’t absolutely sure that he was asking you to come to his rescue, but it was just a little alcohol. And he probably didn’t want to do anything to embarrass himself in front of the friends that just let him on stage with them. Though they were probably way above petty grievances like that. 

But the one with the curly blond hair just pushed your glass in front of Dan. “Here.” 

In the end he sighed with a shake of his head and a smile. “Okay. Just one.” And then you watched him knock it back. 

“But who’s gonna drink Brian’s?” They were party guys. Rockstars. Of course this is the way they were. And they were unwinding after a long and successful show. 

“Oh, oh I have an idea.” One of them rounded up your and Danny’s glasses and poured half into each. “Lover’s share!” Then he slid both in your direction. 

The hesitation that Dan had had before seemed to melt instantly as he picked up his glass, so you did the same, only following his lead because you weren’t sure what else to do. What was your place here? You clinked and then drank it down together, putting them back down at the same time. “Yeah! Now that’s some true fucking love right there!” 

Whatever they’d ordered was stronger than most anything you’d ever had before. It didn’t take long for it to hit you. And when it did you leaned against Danny’s shoulder and his head came down atop yours. If you were feeling it, he had to have been blown away by it. The talk turned towards music. Tours. New sets and singles. Brian led a lot of the discussion but Danny never seemed shy to offer his thoughts, slurred as they started, or things that excited him about the potential future. A few people stopped around the table from time to time to congratulate and cheer and ... order more shots. But you found yourself lucky the attention was off Danny when that happened. He was probably feeling the same way. You both just idly sipped on your beers, just if only to have something to do. 

Track of time was lost but when Brian poked the both of you to get up and go, it must have only been a couple of hours later. You got up without a word because you’d been ready to go since Danny had gotten off stage, really, but hat wasn’t your place to say. Not if he was having a good time. Some of the band members hugged you a little too hard, either overexcited or over-strong. “We gotta go out sometime, bring your lady!” This was a little muffled from one of them as Danny’s arm came up over your shoulder.

“We’ll talk!” Shot back at them as the three of you finally left the club. The drive back was a lot less hectic. A lot quieter. Danny was sitting up in front, rocking back and forth in his spot, singing to something that was on the radio. You just leaned your head against the window and counted street lamps. Up until the point where you got to the one that was still out. On your street. 

The liquor had worn a little but hadn’t had a chance to fully dissipate. It was exactly why you found yourself waving a few inches from Brian’s face. “Thanks! You guys did an amazing job! I’m so proud of you!” 

But at least he smiled. “Yeah.” When you got out of the car you heard him talking to Danny about something, though what it was you had no clue. Probably just congratulating themselves on a good show. They deserved it. Your keys were in the door before he could even get out of the car. But when he did he ambled up with those long legs of his and met you inside. 

It didn’t take long for you to get into your bedroom. Ready to sleep. “How drunk are you?” It was weird because you’d never seen Danny drunk before. You still hadn’t, honestly. He’d been keeping well to himself the entire night. 

“How drunk are YOU?” Asked as he pointed a hand in your direction. The worst part was that it was hard to tell if he was just playing up the theatrics. 

So you decided to answer him honestly. “I’m pretty buzzed still.” Enough to make sense. Enough to know what was going on. Enough to not have the finest control over your motor skills. 

You were still slipping out of your shoes when he cornered you against the wall near your bed, hands going up over your head as he leaned in. “You know. After shows generally singers take their fans back to a hotel and bang.” No- okay- so he was just slightly more drunk than you, which was what you had guessed. 

Your brow arched. “Are you saying we should go to a hotel?” Joking with him because that was the easiest thing to do. Reaching down you dipped a finger into the band of the tight blue shorts sitting outside his spandex and snapped them. “Besides this outfit can’t be easy to take off.” 

He recoiled back. “Hey- hey! Watch the junk!” 

Reaching a hand up his chest you pulled carefully at the red ribbon around his neck, undoing the bow and letting the cape slide off his shoulders. Nothing about this could be rushed because this was one of his signature outfits and you certainly didn’t want to be responsible for damaging it. He brought his hands up to slip out of the ties at his palms and drop the garment to the floor. Then he brought them straight forward, cupping the sides of your face and pressing himself to you. 

The kiss was just slightly stilted at first. He had to find his bearings, but once he got himself there it was well worth the wait. Your hands slid further up his chest before looping your arms around his shoulders. He tilted in, hands sliding down your sides before his tongue brushed yours. The taste of alcohol was very, very faint and that suited you just fine. A soft moan was mirrored back and forth and by the time he pulled away you were slightly breathless. “You have to get out of that.” The body-hugging-blue that he was currently wrapped in. There was no way you’d be able to peel it from him carefully. 

He pressed a half-drunken smile to the side of your neck. “Isn’t that my line?” 

You couldn’t help yourself, laughing softly. “Usually.” 

Edging back he kicked off his shoes and then you pushed up from the wall, watching him. Not just for the show that was about to happen, but just in case he needed to be caught. And with the way he struggled at first, you reached out to do just that, but he balanced in time. He shimmied his hips out of the shorts first, letting them drop to the ground. Then you tried to hold back your smile as he literally had to peel that spandex off himself. He dropped the straps of the shoulders before wiggling his entire body to try and get himself out of it. Once the top half was off, hanging at his waist, he walked back to sit on the bed so that he could pull it off his legs.

Probably the least sexy undressing you’d ever gone through with him. Who knew that such an outfit would be so terrible for pre-game-sex? When he was done and discarded the thing to the floor with the rest of his clothes, he looked up and caught the sight of the smile you apparently just couldn’t stop. “What? I didn’t go through all that hard work to get laughed at!” 

“No- no. Of course not.” There would only be two reasons he would go through ‘all that hard work’, and the one he was referring to definitely wasn’t sleep. 

To try and recapture the mood you lifted your shift slowly up and off before removing your bra in one fluid move. Once getting his attention thoroughly enough you undid the button of your jeans and led the fly down, sliding them off your hips and coming to kneel in front of him. Looking down at you with parted lips he trailed the tips of his fingers down the side of your face, leaning back a little. Your hand pressed right up against the center of his boxer briefs and his eyes fluttered closed for a moment with a hard exhale out. 

“Is this what rockstars do with their fans?” You couldn’t help yourself in asking as he shifted up so you could take the last remaining clothing off of him. Your hand took hold of his cock, stroking upwards just once, thumb brushing over the tip.

His head fell back. “Fuck- fuck yes-“ 

Pressing in closer between his legs you murmured, “What about...” and the implication followed as you took the head of his cock past your lips with a gentle sweep of your tongue. 

His hand moved up into your hair. “Fuck yeah- oh.. fuck...” Danny without just a little bit of barrier between himself and his outgoing words was excitable and just a touch filthier. Deciding to see just how much you could draw out of him, you suckled softly before dipping in deep, taking him more than halfway. His hand squeezed at the back of your head. “Mmn god- fuck- ___,” These words started coming at regular intervals, as if he just didn’t have it in him to stop. 

You dragged your tongue along the side as you backed up and just before you could move to take him in again his hands clasped your arms with a very gentle insistence. Your gaze turned up to find him looking back at you, slightly red in the face, a little bit of those wild curls falling forward over his eyes. “What is it?” 

He pulled again and you got off your knees and into his lap instead. His hand guided you, one at your hip and the other touching your face again before going to the back of your neck, taking you in a strong and deep kiss. His tongue touched along yours before he drew your lower lip between his teeth with a soft nip. Then he shifted back on the bed all the way, lying down, bringing you with him over top. 

Leaning up he dragged his lips down the side of your neck and to your shoulder. Something soft and surprisingly sensual for the state he was in. Then back up again and to your ear. “Around.” From the way he said this it was clear that he thought he was making a clear demand. But you really had no idea what it meant.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Moving just a little to find his lips so that you could kiss him, having already fallen into the moment too far to pull back now. He leans up on his elbows, kissing you hard for only a few moments.

“Turn around.” This was groaned out against your lips and it started to make a little more sense. 

Around. On top of him.  
He didn’t really need to say more than that. It was really just a good thing you hadn’t gotten too drunk. So you rocked back a little, just so that you could get on your hands and knees in the opposite direction. His fingers touched own your hips and he eased your panties down and off with just a little wiggle from you and a move of your leg so he could slide them all the way to the side of the bed. 

Without waiting for him to move again you took hold of his cock, lips touching just over the head and down the side. You felt his moan, buried against your thigh, more than you heard it. A quiet breath of vibration. His hands touched your hips again, attempting to bring you down and closer. And when you took him into your mouth again, you felt his tongue touch up along you. A gentle play of the tip against your clit and this time it was your moan that spurred him on. He didn’t wait for much longer, delving his tongue up deep inside you and you fell half away, cheek resting against his thigh while your hand stroked him. 

A shuddering breath left you as he gripped you a little harder, tongue dragging out slowly before going all the way back in again. “Oh- Danny-“ Unable to help yourself. You tried to pull it together just long enough to lean up on your opposite hand so you could slide your lips against his cock again. Slow. As slow as you could manage while his tongue still moved in and out before tilting up to slowly circle your clit. Eventually your hips started rocking back of their own accord- and when you realized exactly what that meant you turned. Blush lighting up your face. “-sorry..” Just a touch embarrassed.

You’d been shifting right into his mouth. Right against his face. But his response was a brush of his lips and a smile as he looked at you. “Don’t fucking apologize, it’s fucking hot.” His tone was dripping with inebriated lust. “Do what you gotta. Move where you want.” And then you watched as he reached up, tips of his fingers sliding up along your thigh before pressing up into you. 

Your eyes closed and you worked back against him again. “Danny-“ Lush and languid as his name dropped from your lips. 

“Fuckin’-“ Just a little tight as your hand moved up his cock in a tight grip and then back down again. It became hard to concentrate when his fingers withdrew and his tongue found a better pace inside you. Leaning half down you slid your lips down his cock again, taking him as deep in as you could go. His moan as his tongue left you felt close and hard. The two of you switched off a couple of times, unable to find a pace that both of you could concentrate at. 

You ended up getting the better of him, just as you felt him edging you along. Shaking over him. Ready. So ready. Just as his tongue found a good, hard, and steady rhythm, and that one good spot- he tensed. “Oh- ___- I’m gonna-“ Choppy and rushed and you put your own aside so that you could focus on him. Taking him in deep before leaning back, hand gripping him hard as your lips and tongue worked the head. “Fuckin’-!” He drew a deep breath in just before it all came crashing down and he came. You felt him pulsing in your hands, and the wet heat filling up your mouth, dripping back down as you swallowed once and leaned away. “Fuck-“ A little groggily stated. 

You tried to move away to give him space, which seemed to suit him just fine. And when you laid down next to him, he surprised you again. He rolled up onto his side before his lips found a path down your body and right back where he was. Your hands went into his hair as he pressed two fingers deep up inside again. “Oh god...” It wouldn’t take long for him to find you right where you’d been. Especially not when he moved his tongue against your clit, slow at first, then a little harder. Just before he suckled softly. And then a little harder when your fingers tightened, a low groan rumbling from him. “Danny-“ Heightened in half warning as he still kept moving. 

Your hips moved up, into his mouth, into his fingers and sooner than you realized the break came. Pressing your head back all the way into the bed you held on to him, hips steady upwards against his tongue as the tips of his fingers dragged up deep inside of you. Felt yourself coming with a hard cry as he continued to move. Pushing you there. Pulling you over. Feeling yourself twitch and pulse around him still as he almost refused to stop, even as he slowed. But when it became too much you moaned out something weakly to him and he pulled back completely, kissing the inside of your thigh, up to your hip, over your navel and to your shoulder. 

The fog kept you quiet, and his lips kept you warmly satisfied as he seemed determined to kiss every inch of your skin that he could. Reaching up you slid your fingers against his jawline and into his hair. Eventually you wrestled back enough control to look up at him as he hovered over. “Did you have a good night?” 

This seemed like a ridiculous thing to say, but you meant it genuinely.  
He played a big show. He did a fantastic job. He got just a little drunk with his other rockstar buddies. And then you’d gone home. 

His smile was wide and warm. “Every night’s a good night with you.” Going for cheesy, it seemed as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. “But- yeah.” Lying back, drawing you into his arms, head against his chest. “Best night. Fucking... amazing night.” There was a soft, starry quality to his tone. Either from drifting a little too hard or really being in awe of where he found himself. In either case, it was sweet. 

You put one arm up and over, clutching at his shoulder as you snuggled in. “I’m glad.” And just as you thought he had fallen asleep, having been quiet for a while-

“Did you?”  
The question appeared in the darkness, quiet but very interested.

You found yourself smiling. “Yeah.” 

He held you a little closer. A little tighter. Resting his head atop yours. “Good.” Strong meaning in one simple word. Falling asleep, and together, didn’t wait too much longer after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, lovelies. Come hang out at the EnvelopesYou tumblr for exclusives and general dicking around. It's good to be home.


	51. He'll Follow You

Waking up the next morning- or afternoon, as it was- the clock on the bedside table alerting you to 12:23 P.M.- Danny was nowhere to be found. This wasn’t a completely unnatural occurrence. Most days when you got up too late he’d already be up and out. Too busy to lie in bed with you, not that he didn’t want to, you were sure. Still, after the concert last night, getting just a little drunk, and having sex, it would have really been nice to not roll over to a cold empty spot greeting you. On the pillow aside your head there was a hastily scribbled note.

_Forgot about a Grump session. Will be there probably until five. Text me when you get up. Took your car. Super sorry. I love you._

You read over it at least three times, probably twice too much for how short it was. He worked too hard. He really did. But you were in no position to judge. Sitting up you ran a hand back through your hair before setting his little letter on the table and then you reached for your phone. Not there. Leaning over the bed you groped around on the floor until you got a hold of your jeans, pulling them over so you could get it out of your pocket instead.

What to text him, though? You sat back again, closing your eyes and taking a breath. The flight to RTX was tomorrow. Neither of you had done any preparation, things just coming too fast. Even for someone as diligent as you. With that in mind-

Want me to pack you a bag for tomorrow?

You were going to do yours, so there was little point in not setting up his. At least then when he came back you could grab dinner and get to bed. Only to get up and go to LAX for yet another airplane ride. Wasn’t Pax soon, too? Too many things. Despite his best efforts to slow down your life, Danny seemed to be doing the exact opposite. But you enjoyed every minute of it. And it wasn’t as if he was forcing you to go to any of these places with him. You just... did. Because that’s what you wanted to do.

In the middle of picking up your clothes from the floor and getting dressed your phone chirped its happy little tone.

Yes please you’re the best.

The only confirmation you needed. Rooting through your dresser after pulling both your suitcases out of the closet, you really took the time to notice just how much moving in he’d done. It had been so sneaky, really. Over a long period of time. Going to his house, then to the space, and then to your place. Just dropping off clothes and other things. He had more than enough there to pack at least two bags. Jeans, jeans, and more jeans. Lots of them with tears and rips. And in your closet he had all of his favorite t-shirts hanging up. You made sure to be careful with everything as you folded it in.

Packing your own bag wasn’t as nearly as neat. You figured there was no need to be. You weren’t going there to do anything but maybe sightsee and be near him while he did panels and... whatever else it was he was doing. Lots of panels, probably. Lots of talking. You couldn’t imagine there was much need for you to actual go but the thought of _not_ going was one that didn’t sit well. It was only a couple of days besides. So you busied yourself the rest of the day once your luggage was zipped closed making sure everything was up and running in your few days of absence.

He came home tired as ever some time just before ten, dropped next to you on the couch, and fell asleep with his head on your shoulder. Some part of you thought it might be better to keep him up so he could sleep on the plane but the flight from LA to Texas wasn’t too far so it wasn’t like he’d need to readjust. And waking him up was too hard a task regardless. Eventually he was going to run himself ragged if he kept going on like this but he just seemed so happy. What more could you do but by there to offer a hand when he needed it?

The next morning met you both hurriedly, trying to get it all together before missing the flight. This was why you liked to have everything in order, but as you were learning, spontaneity and the rush of almost falling behind could be fun. Sometimes. Especially when he was giggling and pulling your hand through all of it. This life you could handle. You were almost certain of it.

But the one behind the curtain?  
He had so much to do almost immediately upon getting in. Making sure the room was right, getting his schedule lined up, making sure he knew where to be and when. Here you’d thought it was just going to be a couple of things, what with how suddenly it had come up. But he had a full line up. It was what led you to staying the first night in the room by yourself while he played some sort of on-stage question game. You could have gone and sat in the audience- in fact, you probably should have, because watching it on the computer when he was right down in the main hall seemed almost stupid. But there was something in the back of your head. Just a little... _something_.

The next morning proved easier, the group of you sitting down to breakfast. The rest of them around you were discussing what their plans for the day were. That something made itself known again while you were mid-sip, hands holding your coffee mug tight. That **something** had followed you, and you hadn’t realized it until just now. When you’d gotten off the plane. And when you’d been walking to the hotel. It was what had made you not want to go out. And your feelings, though often overly paranoid, were hard to ignore. It was _something_. But what something?

“Hey,” Danny was nudging your arm and everyone else was looking at you.

“Oh- yeah? What’s up?” You needed to get a grip. And soon. You were about to ruin the rest of the trip for them and that absolutely could not happen.

He looked at you with an arched brow, trying to ask what was wrong without actually asking. When you chose not to respond to it he smiled instead. “We were talking about our signing. You don’t have to come, but maybe it’d be fun?” Trying to include you. Like always.

“Uh- yeah. Sure. What time?” Sitting down at a booth and writing your name on some things for a couple of people was something you could do. Meeting fans was still a new concept. Probably one you’d never really wrap your head around, but if that’s what they wanted you to do, you could certainly do it. And they’d all been nice so far. For the most part. Missteps aside.

“Our table is at eight.” Late. Probably after a panel or something, you guessed. Instead of asking you just nodded. Committed. You’d spent the better part of this trip-

Thoughts about your moping were interrupted as you turned in your seat. Saw nothing but empty tables behind you. But you thought for a second...

Didn’t matter.

That same feeling followed you back to the hotel room. Almost made you want to tell Danny you weren’t feeling up to coming down to the convention center to do the meet up. But you couldn’t do that to him. Or the rest of them. So you ate it all down, took a long shower, put on your best face afterwards and found yourself following his directions to the spot on your phone. Since your being there was more impromptu than the staff had realized, they didn’t actually have a chair for you, nor was the table big enough for them to pull one up. It wasn’t just the Grumps doing the signing, Mark was there too along with some other faces you didn’t immediately recognize. Nice people, to be sure. Many of them offered to get up.

But who were you compared to any of them? You just told them it was alright, not wanting to cause a fuss, and stood to the side. Surprisingly, once people got through meeting people they had actually come to see, some switched and made a line to you. Smiling for selfies, writing your unfinished signature on some things, giving hugs, listening to stories- these were all things you could do. And it served to ease your sense of. Well. _Unease_. Whatever that something was had fled. Soothed over by good people and a happy atmosphere.

You’d moved away from the table a little to give them room as your line sort of more made a circle of people. A little more informal. That was really the way you felt it should be. Because while you did have that one thing on the show, and you were Danny’s girlfriend, you weren’t really there for that. You were just there to be a normal person. Or about as normal as one could get, anyway.

About an hour in Danny had come up behind you, hands to your shoulders, and a small press of a kiss to the top of your head, saying he’d be back. Probably a bathroom call. You let him go and ignored the murmurs of cooing from the crowd around you. But without him nearby, suddenly that _something_ came back. And it took all of five seconds for you to finally realize what it was.

A young man, age hard to determine, stepped right up. Taller than you. Dusty blond hair. A crooked smile. Overbearing posture, leaning in your favor and just a little too close. Murky blue eyes behind a pair of thick lenses. He reached his hand out and instinctively you reached back. He took yours in a stronger grip than you would have pegged him for before pulling you into a completely uncomfortable hug. “Oh- hey- thanks-“ He was clinging and all of a sudden you realized you had no idea what to do. What was the protocol? He had to be younger, you were thinking.

The hug went on for far too long.

When you finally wriggled back just enough to give him a hint he let go, but still stood too close. “Hi- I can’t believe I’m getting to meet you.” This wasn’t the first time someone had said something like this to you but it was strange coming out of his mouth. Maybe you were being overly judgmental. “This is like so amazing. I watch your DK Racing episodes every day- and you should do more. Are you getting back to them any time soon? You really should. You know you could do them without Dan, right? You should have your own channel.”

Here he was.  
Your first-

The thoughts in your head had no time to run. He was overpowering you with his incessant talking and making you anxious. Especially as he kept standing close, put a hand up over your shoulder. And then when he tugged down his shirt. “Can you sign- right here.” He pointed over his heart. “I wanna get it tattooed. My name’s Austin by the way.”

For the first time since he’d come up to you he stopped talking. Finally. “Oh- Austin. I mean my signature’s not-“ You didn’t want this. Didn’t want any part of this.

“Please please please please it would mean so much to me- listening to you has helped me get through a lot. You’re so nice and sweet and I’ve seen your posts on the reddit and the stuff and I totally couldn’t believe Dan just abandoned you at the restaurant that day- I mean if it was me I would have stopped that dirtbag. I’m so glad he got what he deserved. You must have felt so good- I mean you do, right?”

The world was spinning out of control around you.

“I’ve just really connected with you you know? You and I understand a lot of the same things we get it. We’ve gone through stuff- I used to have a bitchy ex girlfriend too. And- well she’s gone now. So. Just like listening to you really means a lot to me so. I mean do you ever think we could get a cup of coffee or something? Not right now obviously you’re doing something but-“

He’d dropped his idea for a tattoo in favor of putting his hands on you again. Out of control. This was out of control. Where- where was Danny?

Finally getting a small break in the crowds, Mark looked up and immediately caught sight of what was going on. Austin had actually pulled you further from the table than you knew, and as soon as Mark saw he snapped his hand against Arin’s arm and stood up. Rushed almost. He knew obsessive fans when he saw them. Had had so many of his own.

_Where the hell was Danny?_

“Hey hey hi!” He tried to put himself between the two of you but since Austin seemed reluctant to let go, ended up standing to the side. “Got yourself a new friend, huh? Hi, the name’s Markiplier. _Maybe_ you’ve heard of me.” Putting on that pretend-douchey drawl in an attempt to make a joke.

Austin darkened visibly. “Yeah.” Then with his hand still curved around your shoulder, he pulled you. Maybe harder than he realized. “Look, can we exchange numbers? Like I was saying I really think we get it. You know? And you’ve gotten me through a lot and I just really wanna buy you a cup of coffee-“

“___!” Arin had excused himself from his table and had come up finally, putting a much more familiar and calmer hand on your opposite shoulder. Something you turned towards if only so you could get out of Austin’s hands. How had this turned so suddenly? “I need to talk to you about tomorrow- oh. Hey. Sorry.” Pretending in such a terrible way that he had been totally unaware of the kid’s presence. Arin didn’t really care whether or not he bought it. “You mind if I borrow her? It’ll just be a sec.”

“I’ll keep you company in the mean time if you want!” Mark offered with one of those big dopey grins of his.

Austin shrugged back, avoiding the eyes of both men in your presence. “Look ___ just take it okay? We’ll talk right?” He shoved a piece of paper into your open palm hard enough to hurt. But when he looked up for confirmation you were already gone, Arin’s arm around your shoulders, taking you back to the staff hallway.

And that was where you lost it. Arin took the paper out of your hands, shredding it. That kid had overpowered you- this was a familiar feeling. How? Weren’t you better? Stronger? Maybe it was just that you hadn’t wanted to cause a scene. But because of that, what? You were going to let him- let him what?

“Look, I’m really sorry that happened.” Arin’s tone dropped softer and when you looked up he was frowning. “It’s the nature of the business. I should’ve been watching closer.” Putting it on him- because you were technically under his wing, you guessed. But that still didn’t feel right.

“I need to go to my room.” Needed to take a shower. Hide under your covers. Go somewhere you could break down for a few seconds. But when you turned he put a hand out.

“Look- I know you’re upset. That’s okay. That’s totally fine. But please don’t go upstairs right now.” The way he said this but didn’t elaborate made you feel almost frightened.

“Why?” Why could you not run?

His lips pressed together and you realized then why he was trying to keep it light. “He’s gonna follow you. He’ll follow you right back up to your room. I can guarantee it.”

All at once you felt the trembling that had been happening in your hands ever since you realized the situation had gotten out of control. He was going to follow you? He was waiting out there for you? All over again- ...it was happening all over again-

“___!” Danny came through the hallway doors, skidding to a halt, putting his hands to your shoulders. “Shit- I’m so fucking sorry- I didn’t know. I didn’t see him-“ Someone had filled him in. Probably Mark. Or anyone else that had been watching that display.

Why this all over again? Why couldn’t you have just told him to back off?  
He just seemed like a sad kid. Maybe.

Instead of scared then you just felt angry. A slowly building glow of ire. At yourself. Only ever at you. Why could you never get it right? Security had been there- hadn’t they? If the kid had gotten out of control at you telling him to leave you alone they would have handled it. You were supposed to be stronger now. Where was your voice? Where had it been? Instead you’d waited. Again. Waited for someone else to come help you.  
And what if they hadn’t?

“It’s okay.” The only thing you could think to say.

“It’s **not** okay, lady.” Danny seemed hard-pressed about this. “They said he was all over you. Trying to pull you away. That’s not okay!” You were too busy looking the other way but you heard the definite smack of Arin’s hand to Danny’s arm. Probably trying to tell him not to scare you any more than you already were. But the truth was that Danny was scared, too. “Look- I-“

You shook your head. “It sucked but I should have stood up to him.” Right? Of course. You should have put an end to it. Not waited for someone to come get you.

“You don’t know what would have happened.” Danny was trying to make it better. To let you know you’d done okay. Acted correctly. You wanted to believe him. So badly you wanted to... "I'm just glad you're okay."

And so you did. Let it go for now. Nodded once, fell into his arms for a tight hug. The three of you went back out to the floor. You tried not to make it obvious that you were watching out for him. But you were. He just didn’t seem to be anywhere. But Arin had said he would have been waiting to follow you, so he must have been somewhere out of eyesight. Or maybe you all were reading too much into this. Maybe he really was just a sad kid with a sad life and listening to you talk over video games had helped him out.

Maybe.  
But who really knew?

When the signing was over and the convention center was starting to clear out, Danny excused himself one last time. Though he was trying to hide it, you could see that the experience had almost shaken him as much as it had you. Probably because second hand accounts of ‘wow you weren’t there’ weren’t especially nice to hear. Plans were trying to be hashed out around you, where to go for dinner, where to hang out for the night, but you were distracted when Mark took you away.

You went silently. Followed him quietly if only to be away from the crush of it all. You needed to breathe. It was only too little too late you realized he was taking you up to his room. The sense of fear came back. “What if-“

“I don’t care.” He seemed angry about something. And when you were in his room alone you saw that fire in his eyes just behind his glasses. ...aimed at you. He was... mad at you? “___, look-“ This wasn’t good. What was going on? Was the world just determined to blow up in your face today? “I know this wasn’t your fault but you’ve _got_ to start standing up for yourself.”

These words were rehearsed. You knew when Mark had been in his head all day. Were used to it. And this had definitely been brewing. “What?”  
He was saying what you had been thinking. But after everything else today you weren’t sure you could take it.

“What if he’d taken you? What if I hadn’t looked up and you’d just disappeared into the crowd?” He was mad because he was scared. Same as you. Always the same.

“That’s not what happened-“

“Yeah but what if it had?” He pressed back against the wall, hand to his forehead. “And- What if Dan hadn’t been there that day?” He didn’t have to clarify. You knew exactly what he was talking about.

Everything boiled over. “He had a _**gun**_ , Mark!” Kyle had come prepared. “What was I supposed to do?!” You’d never talked about that day. Not really. Not how terrified you’d been. That things had almost ended there. Was Mark really blaming you?

“No! I know! But-“ He did know. He had just picked a poor example.

“But what?” You’d never been mad at Mark before. The experience was disorienting.

“But this kid didn’t- and Dan wasn’t there to save you this time! You were almost halfway gone! What if he’d taken you out to the parking lot and we never saw you again?! Dan’s not always going to be there! I’m not always going to be there!”

Tears stung at your eyes. Not because you were sad, although maybe you should have been. You were just alarmingly, overwhelmingly angry. “You don’t-“

“No, _you_ don’t, ___!” There was desperation in his eyes. But it didn’t heal the wounds he was cutting. “I don’t want to see you get hurt anymore! I don’t want to see you get taken advantage of anymore! You’ve **got** to start standing up for yourself! There’s going to come a time when no one is there to save you and I don’t want to see what that looks like!”

He was terrified. Absolutely terrified of the one time something like this happened and, like he was saying, nobody but you would be there to make a call.

But you couldn’t see it. All he was doing was backing you into an increasingly small corner. And then you did the worst thing. You shortened your world by one. “You won’t have to.”

Fuck him.  
Fuck all of this.  
What had you ever done in all your years to deserve any of it?

“___!” He called out after you as you went to the door and then slammed it behind you. You couldn’t see beyond the storm clouds that had rolled in. Maybe later you’d regret it. Probably would. But why would he do this to you mere moments after it had happened? You just couldn’t-

Lost in your head you slammed into someone in the hallway. When you looked up you saw him.

Danny hadn’t said this was your fault. Danny had said you’d done everything right. And you had, hadn’t you? What if you’d told the kid off and he’d gotten violent? What then? Danny hadn’t blamed you. “Babe?” He was frowning down at you, hand on your shoulder.

“I’m going to bed.” You needed to go up to the room and decompress. From it all. From everyone.

The look of concern on his face grew worse. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”  
No. By no stretch of anyone’s imagination were you okay. You knew he could see it. But when he looked up towards the end of the hall you already knew what was on his mind. “Don’t take too long.” You wanted him to come up to the room with you. But he had his heart set on something else. And while they thought you were blind to what had been going on between the two of them, you were absolutely not.

Never had been.  
Not for a second.

He let you go and you went straight to the elevator. Straight back to your room. Once there you put yourself to bed.

And then you cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to hell :]


	52. Do What You Gotta Do

Mark’s words and the looming sense of being watched ruined the rest of the trip. You refused, albeit politely and quietly, to leave the room for breakfast with the others the next morning. You ordered room service for lunch. Whatever fun they were having down at the convention center now that all their panel and signing duties were fulfilled, you were unable to take part in it. But it did give you some respite. Some time to think. Before running to LA, and away from the city, you’d been on your own. Sort of. Mark had helped. Looked after you when you needed it, but saving? You’d saved yourself-  
  
…or, maybe it was true that Danny had set the entire path for you? Though you hadn’t remembered it at the time, it was that moment at the club that had helped you get away. Or at least start breaking. Piece by piece until you were free from the city and Kyle’s clutches and in an entirely new place. Starting a new life. Alone. You’d done it mostly on your own. You hadn’t needed saving or protecting. You’d built up your own empire. Done your own work. And now… now you weren’t sure what you were anymore. Or what you were even doing. The last months in passing had served to really tear down every part of your character and turn it upside down. That maybe was to be expected, but how long could you continue to hide from your own shadow? To rely on someone that- as Mark had said.. might not always be there?

It was late when you came to this realization, thinking for most of the day with a couple of coffees throughout. The balcony view from the room was nice and the sky above even nicer. It was a gentle reprieve from all the madness that had set on so fast. Time away to clear your head. Time away from all the madness and the friends, nice as they were. Time away from Danny. And it really hammered in the point that Mark had been right. His timing had been awful and he really shouldn’t have come at you the way that he had, but he’d been right all the same. The only problem now was, again, twofold. What to do with that knowledge, and what to do about Mark? Make amends? You weren’t sure if you should have come to him, or if he should have apologized. There was no clear answer, at least none that you could come to a conclusion on by the time Danny came back to the room.

He looked tired, worse for wear, but happy. As usual. Who knew what he had been up to, and you really didn’t feel like questioning him about it. If he wanted to talk about his day he was welcome. Otherwise…

Coming out onto the balcony he rested his hands against the railing. Though you’d been sitting at the little table on the terrace, you’d taken to standing to enjoy the warm breeze the last couple of moments. The two of you stood in silence for a while. Until he broke it, at least. “Are you okay?” A very valid question.

“Yeah.” And one you finally had an answer to. Yes, you were okay- or at least you were going to be. Some peace had returned. Though its path had not been a gentle one. As with all things.

“Good.” Nodding, mostly to himself, sounding sure. And then less sure. “I was worried. After all the shit that you’ve gone through, I just-”

You turned to him, silencing him with a hand to his shoulder. “It’s okay-” Seeing the grimace on his face, you knew you needed to correct this. “I mean it’s not. Obviously. But I’ll get over it.”

His arms slid around your waist. “You have me, you know?” As if he really needed to remind you. “And I’m- I know I picked a really shitty time to go take a piss last night and I’m really so-”

You silenced him again, not sure you’d be able to take another apology. To take his guilt. Leaning up into him you slid into a careful kiss. His hands left your waist and went to your face instead, cupping your cheeks and keeping you steady and close. “Don’t be sorry.” Not for his timing. Not for anything. Not because of you.

He grinned, almost a little helplessly so. “It’s hard.” A short breathy laugh left him after saying this.

But it wasn’t particularly funny to you. It was hard for him not to be sorry? That was a terrible sentiment. You moved back down, resting your head against his shoulder. He let you go, putting his arms back around you. “I’ve been thinking after all this it might…” How to phrase this nicely? He waited patiently for you to gather your thoughts. “I think I might take that month in the city to check things out.” You needed to get back on track for you.

If it didn’t feel so awful, it might have been a little hilarious how you’d run from NY to LA before and now you were doing the same thing in reverse. Only, was this really running? You weren’t running away from Danny, certainly not. Just… going. Just to see. You felt his nod. “You should. It’ll be good for you.” He must have sensed it too. Either that or maybe Mark had gotten around to talking to him too. But you really doubted that.

That thought alone spurred your next aloud, “I think I should talk to Mark, too.” There was real reason for saying this to him. There was some real air that needed to be cleared here. You watched the expression grind to a halt before moving to unsure.

He clearly didn’t know what to say about it. “…yeah?” And his stilted questioning tone sold that idea.

“Yeah.” Whatever words they’d exchanged before you’d stormed off must have not been very many. You almost wanted to ask exactly what they’d said to each other, but then decided maybe it was best if left between them. One thing that _couldn’t_ remain betwixt the two boys any longer, though, “Look.”

“Oh that makes me feel really good.” He cut you off, grinning in his usual dopey way, trying to alleviate some of the tension. And to his credit, he did immediately make you feel better as you slid back to look up at him, hands resting on his chest.

“I know that there has been some… _weirdness_ going on between you. And I think it has a lot to do with me. And I don’t want it to.” They’d gone back and forth with whatever they’d been doing or feeling bad about. And it had to be you. That was the only conclusion that made sense.

One of his hands left your back, reaching up to ruffle his hair. A very good sign that you were right on target. “Yeah _**weirdness**_ doesn’t even begin to cover it.” A frown finally found him. A terrible look on a face that should have always been happy, as far as you were concerned.

You soothed your hand up to his heart. “I think there’s a lot of things I have to talk to Mark about. And maybe you should, too. But when I’m done.” You pressed your lips together, trying to think of how to get it all out. “You two were friends before me- that’s how we met, even, because of that. I don’t want to be the reason that ends.”

“You wouldn’t. It’s not on you.” Suddenly his mood seemed to shift- but it must have been because you were blaming yourself, and he didn’t want that.

Your eyes left his. “It’s a little on me.” Because while you didn’t know exactly what had been going on, you hadn’t been totally blind to the strange things either. The tense air and the looks. You had just chosen not to get involved, for your own sake. Because it had never been a good time- and for theirs as well. Now that was time to stop. “And that’s fine, I can accept responsibility. And when he and I and you and him are done talking, we should sit down and have a nice night out.”

His eyebrows went up, giving you quite a look before ducking in, arms around you, squeezing you tight. “That is incredibly optimistic.” Murmured into the side of your neck. “I like it.” Optimism and hope was all you had left. All you could hold on to anymore- …and Danny had taught you that.

“I learned from the best.” Yes you had. Very much so.

The two of you stayed in that close embrace for a very long while. You felt like you could have fallen asleep standing up as long as he had his arms around you. There was a real sense of peace, second only to the slight anxiety with the thought of going back to the city. Chasing something new- and not with him- “I can come with you, you know. If you want.” And almost as if he could read every thought you ever had or would have, he spoke up. “I can put everything else on hold and-”

“No.” Determined. No, you couldn’t do that to him. And this was for you, too. “I can handle the big city by myself. That’s where it started, remember?” Trying to find humor in this, but he must have not found it very funny.

He backed up, taking your cheeks in his hands again, tips of his fingers stroking through your hair. “Yeah.” Almost hard served. Yes he remembered. And you remembered. And it was time to stop remembering. “But I can. And I will. -if you need me to.” Reliant on that, wanting to give you what space to grow that you needed, if you did.

You did. And he might have been starting to see that, too. Maybe he’d seen it a lot sooner than you. “It’s not that I don’t need you, I do.” You did. Terribly so. But maybe that was starting to become a problem. “But let me get settled. Let me do my thing. Then maybe you can come over when I’m almost done.” If you had things figured out by then. And if not… well, you’d cross that bridge when you got to it. “You stay in LA. Work on your songs and your Grumps and all that other stuff. -but not too hard.” You almost worried that without you to come home to he might start running even harder.

But maybe you were giving yourself too much credit.

His grin suggested you might be right on the money, though. “You’re talking to me like this is a goodbye. Are we not gonna talk every day or something?”

“Of course we are.” The words flew right out of your mouth. The very thought that you wouldn’t was terribly hurtful. Sure you were going to the city to get some distance, but you weren’t trying to end things.

“Okay then.” Tilting down, he pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead. “So you’ll be on hand to tell me to go to bed. Don’t worry so much about me.”

“I do worry.” Probably just as much as he worried about you.

He hugged you close again. “I know. But you take this time for you. Feel things out. Do what you gotta do. I’m not going anywhere.”

He wasn’t. But you were. And whatever that meant by the time things were done you’d have to face it. Until then… you were content to stay with him. Close. Soak him in. “I’ll make the calls when we get back home.” Speaking of which- “You can still stay at the house, too, if you want.”

His giggle rumbled in his chest, shaking you a little with how close you were. “I’m really glad you said that because I was probably just gonna end up doing it out of habit anyway.”

Going home. Climbing into bed- what will be an empty bed. Yours, on the other side of the country, will be, too. Something you really, really didn’t want to think about. No amount of talking on the phone would be able to replace how he felt snuggled up to you. How at ease your mind is when he holds you and the two of you fall asleep-

…but later. Later you’d have to worry about all that.

“Did you eat?” Asked as he backed away, though one of his arms still remained around your shoulder.

“No. Do you wanna get some room service? I think I saw some really crappy movies on pay-per-view.” Things would return to normal, as they were always wont to do. Always did. Things naturally fell into place after hectic and ridiculous moments. That’s just how it always had been. You just had to hold on and keep hoping that the storms would get smaller and smaller until the sun became permanent.

Whenever that would be.

“I’m totally feeling a night under the covers with terrible movies.” His smile warmed you. Genuine and caring and loving as ever.

How in the hell were you going to live an entire month without it? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doing some clean up.


	53. Can We Talk?

On the plane ride home you were anywhere else but with him. Really the only place you wanted to be, but you couldn’t commit when all the cogs and gears were grinding at full capacity in the back of your head. He’d poke and prod you to make sure you were headed in the right direction. Drinking water. Eating the little snacks the stewardess brought by. He’d talk, but you weren’t really listening. There was a very soft panic reflex going off. How much you had to do and how little time you had to accomplish it- and much more than that, what it all meant in the end. Part of you knew you had to start departmentalizing. Breaking it all into its basest formats so you could focus on one thing at a time.

When you got past that the plane had finally found itself on the ground. Danny’s hand had found itself firmly in yours. The both of you waited tiredly for the luggage. He said he’d drive home, and you let him. The car ride was much more silent than usual, not even the radio on.

“You don’t have to go, you know.” It had started out seeming like a fantastic idea, but now he seemed unsure, where you’d slipped so far out of his reach. What would putting an entire country between you do?

You looked at your hands, finally hearing him- thankfully, too. “I’m okay.” The reason he was bringing it up was one of worry. Your silence since leaving the con had driven him to start being nervous on your behalf. For you.

Though you weren’t looking at him you could just feel the thin of his lips as his expression drove into a bit of a frown. “Are you?” Asking you honestly, expecting much the same answer back.

“Yeah.” Though if this was the whole truth...? So you corrected it. “I don’t know. I will be. I just have to get through the next couple of days. Then I’ll really know.” You had a lot of ground work to do. Not only did you have to call the people to set up some things, if they still even wanted you, you had to... fix things with Mark first. And maybe that’s where all the anxiety was coming from.

What if he didn’t want to make up? What if he wanted nothing to do with you anymore? The more you thought about it, the more shocking it became that you’d been thrown so far out of bounds that you’d so easily tossed him aside. He’d been trying to help. While he wasn’t blameless in how things had happened, it was hard to imagine now how you’d been the same person that had told him to get out of your life. Much plainer words as they may have been at the time.

Danny’s hand came down on your errant bouncing leg, soothing you and your jittering. “I’m here, you know?” Reminding you that he wasn’t going anywhere. That whatever you needed he’d be there. Just like always. ...but that was part of the reason you’d thought making the trip was important.

Tilting your head up, finally, looking at him for the first time since the evening before when you’d ordered in and passed out, you managed a smile. “I know.” And, thinking on it, “Thank you.”

His eyes remained on the road, still trying to focus mostly on driving, but he smiled back. “I love you.” His way of saying _you’re_ welcome. Among a million other things. Not the least of which would actually be that he loved you. Which you knew he did. Unfathomably so. You still weren’t sure why or how. But he did.

And you were grateful.

That night there was no sleeping. For either of you. He tried to focus on getting some of his lyric work done, having lagged behind doing almost everything else for the past few weeks. So much to catch up on. You were much the same way. And it was in those peaceful early morning hours that you realized how easy it had been to settle with him. Not in every sense of the word. But you two had ended up, morning approaching soon, sitting on the couch together. You cross legged, him with his legs tucked underneath him. Shoulder to shoulder. Comfortably close. Not paying attention to each other. But just _being_ with each other while you were busy doing almost everything else.

How many nights had you spent with him like this? Too many to count now. It was nice. Simple. Warm. When his head eventually lulled to your shoulder in the middle of answering emails, you patted him softly. Asked him if he wanted coffee. He answered with a yawn and something close to, “I should try and get some sleep.” Which wasn’t what you really wanted. Even if that’s what was better for him. He did need to sleep. More than he let himself. “You should, too.” And apparently he was of the same exact mind in your direction.

And when you protested he attempted to silence you by closing his laptop. Then pushing his hand on the cover of yours to lower the lid. Something you playfully whined about until he leaned in and kissed you. Briefly. Gently. As if either one of you might break at any moment. Then he left and you did exactly what he wanted you to. Followed him. Chasing after his hand as he held it behind him, luring you further. Right into the bedroom. To the bed. Falling over each other.

Kissing quietly as the sun rose. Listening dearly to his soft, delirious humming giggles as they bubbled out against your lips. Sliding your hands up his chest as his wrapped around your waist, tugging you closer. Everything seemed to cease at that moment. And when your eyes blinked open next, the sun had been up for at least a few good hours and he was trying to bumble his way to the shower.

Were you in such a deep hole that running away would fix it? Recalibrate you? ...but if you had to imagine that you _couldn’t_ live without these little moments.. then you knew you already had your answer. So you let him go. Let him take his shower. Attempted to wake yourself up with extra dark roast coffee. Poured him a cup. Poured yourself a cup. Waffled your phone around in your hand. It was today or never.

Mark came first.  
For a very long time, Mark had always come first. And you owed it to him to try and make up. You knew this. And yet such a feeling of dread was locking you up. What if he said no? What if he already blocked your number? What if he never wanted to talk to you again? Giving you exactly what you’d said you’d wanted?

Danny came out of the shower, towel around his waist, draping himself against you, arms around your shoulders. Hair dripping wet still, droplets staining your shirt. “It’ll be okay.” He might not have known exactly what you were fussing around with. Being nervous about. But he knew that it would be okay. At least that was what he seemed to think. And you really had no choice but to believe him.

So you nodded, chased the warmth as you leaned back into him. Let him drip more on you as he curved down closer. Pressed a little kiss to your temple. Then he took his cup of coffee and disappeared back into the bedroom. Going to change but also giving you your space. Maybe that’s what he thought you were really after. It was but it wasn’t. And so difficult to explain. But he hadn’t asked you to write it out clearly for him. He was content to just let you do what you needed to do.

_Can we talk?_

You stared at these words at the bottom of your text box for a long time. Thought about not sending them. Thought really hard about not sending them. Because it would be easier not to... but thankfully better sense grabbed hold of you after a couple of minutes. You let it go. Let it go to him. And if he didn’t want to see you, didn’t want to talk to you- you’d just have to-

_I’d really like that._

You were almost too grateful that his quick response cut off your almost-endless-spiral. Too easy to descend into the nightmares of wort-case-scenario-what-ifs. Far too easy.

_Coffee?_

Though there were about a million different coffee places all over the city, there was only one on your mind. The closest to the space. He may have been recording there- trying first out of convenience. And simply because that coffee place had so many good memories to get you through. You could hang on to gentle happy memories to soften whatever blows might have been bound to come. The only solace you’d get, and not one you necessarily deserved either.

_Sure. Fifteen minutes?_

Acquiescing you. Always. As if you two hadn’t fought at all.

If only it were that simple.

_Yeah._

The matter was settled after that- well-... at least the meet up. There was tons of other things to attend to once you got there. And getting there, too. Without thinking you stood from the table, going straight into the bedroom where Danny was still getting changed.

“Whoa! A little knock next time, please?” As if you’d caught him naked. Which wouldn’t have exactly been the first time, either. And not like it really mattered. He was standing there in only jeans, fixing his belt. Hair still slicked down and wet.

Fifteen minutes. Not enough time to really give this visual everything it deserved. But just enough time to at least whisper a promise.

“Sorry.” You said in a way that conveyed absolutely being unapologetic, smile doing the rest of the work. Coming up closer you raised your hand, tips of your fingers gliding upwards along his skin. He breathed in deeply, curving closer, hands breaking from his belt to settle gently on your hips.

You leaned up as he bent in, lips meeting. A brief yet lingering exchange. Something warm and impossibly sweet. Right before it head-dove into searing. His hands shot up your back, brushing the back of your neck higher up on their way, before delving into your hair. Something that drew a quiet moan, enough of an opening for him to really drag you down deep. His tongue brushed yours and you tilted your head, allowing him in all the more. Melting in his touch. Begging almost.

Fifteen minutes had been three minutes ago.  
“Danny- wait-” Begging in a much different sense. Begging for him to let you go. As if you really didn’t have enough strength to do it yourself. Your fingers fanned out along the sides of his neck, feeling the trembling groan of protest as it loosed from the back of his throat.

“Yeah-... _fuck_.” Unable to help himself, but letting you know that he understood. That he understood but that he really wished he didn’t. Or that you hadn’t asked him to stop. Regardless his hands dropped, back to your waist as he tilted away, instead brushing his nose against yours affectionately. “ _Fuck_.” Whispered softly with just a careful brush of his lips against yours and then he stepped away, running his hands back through his damp hair.

“Tonight. Okay?” You really wanted to make this promise to him. It had felt like so long since... since you’d been completely and totally with him in the moment. Had been able to surrender to exactly what you both wanted to. So very badly so. You wanted to.

Tried to explain it to him with your eyes more than your words could. But he raised his hand, cupping the side of your face, smiling at you. “We’ll see, okay?” Because you had some things ahead of you. And he didn’t want to make you feel like you’d have to hold steady to the promise of getting with him when the possibility was you may not have had the energy later. Or the capacity.

Because you always came first, to him. You reached up, pressing your hand against his, tilting your cheek into his palm. “I love you.” How many times would you say it before you left? How many times would you say it to make it really stick?

“I know.” Smile curving just a little bit more as he drew you in again. “I love you too.” Murmured softly as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

It was probably harder than it should have been to break from him after that, even when his hands left you and he gave you space to breathe. To think. You still stood there. Thinking about things you shouldn’t have been. Then you did what he was letting you do. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

You grabbed your car keys off the table, slipped on your sneakers, threw your hair back as neatly as possible and turned to leave. He watched you, and you turned back in the doorway, looking at him. When he gave you a smile and a little wave, your attempt at a return was meek. The best you could do. If you stayed there any longer you ran the risk of permanently damaging something important. That was all the notion you needed to push you into your car and towards the coffee place.

When you got there you actually didn’t order any coffee. That wasn’t really why you went. That wasn’t really why he was coming. Even if it was where you agreed to be. It was just neutral grounds. Which felt awful. You would have much rathered going to his home. Or him to you. But not after the night at the hotel. The fact that you were early really put a sizzle on your activities only moments ago. You could have stayed longer. Kissed a little deeper. Pressed a little closer-

“Hey.” His deep rumbling broke you out of your dizzy thoughts and he was already sitting down in front of you before you could do much anything else about it. What would you have done anyway? -you found yourself asking. Hugged him? Stood and waved awkwardly? Thinking about Danny had at least saved you from looking like an idiot.

But that wasn’t a solace you had much longer after that. “Hi.” Terrible and small out of your mouth. His hands came down on the table and you looked anywhere except the entire picture that was him. The corner of the table. Out the window- but he deserved better. He must have thought so, too, since he was waiting on you. “Look.” Not really a great start. “I’m sorry- I’m... for what happened. For what I said.” Your eyes dropped dead center of the table as you spoke and then you dared to look up at him. “There was a lot going on and- that’s an excuse but- I shouldn’t’ve...” Frowning at him.

And then suddenly he was smiling. “I’m really glad you came here to say that instead of telling me you’re handing me off to someone else.”

This struck you like a hammer. That he was nervous you were about to officially end things- yes. He was your client, as well as your friend. “No- no.. I-” That was so... so trivial. So little compared to what really could be going down the drain. Did he not see that?

As if to stop the out of control spinning wheels he held his hand up. “I know. Sorry. Bad ice breaker. I’m just- I wanna say sorry too. I shouldn’t have come at you like that after everything. I just got so scared and- I dunno. I dunno why I thought it had to be _right_ that second. It could have waited. It **should** have waited.” Frowning then as he set his hands on the table again. “I’m sorry, too.”

That was it.  
It was over. Just like that it was a done deal.

The end of the trip had been utterly ruined when all you two had had to do was sit down and talk. Like adults. Because you both knew what had been at stake. You both knew it was worth too much to just throw it away like that. Yet you’d been burning wheels in your head trying to come up with some way to get it all together.

And _that_ realization prompted the next thing out of your mouth. “I’m going to New York for a little while.” You had to. You really just had to go. You’d miss Danny. You’d miss Mark. You’d miss the Grumps. Your friends here now. But... you needed to go. Get it together. Again. Try to pick up the pieces. Figure out where you were going. What you wanted to do.

“Really?” Smiling again at you, reaching over to pat your hand with his in an overly comforting manner. “That’s great!” Trying for chipper when he saw you sinking. And when that didn’t work his expression faltered. “That’s- ...it’s good, right?” Wondering then if you were running for a _different_ reason.

“I hope so.” Trying to help him out just as much as yourself. The only thing you could do.

He patted your hands again. “Then it’ll be good. What did Danny say?” There was no suspicious pause in this. No narrow-eyed questioning. Wondering, as your friend, what your boyfriend felt about it. This. _This_ was where you should have been months ago. Where you **all** should have been months ago.

“He said good, too. He wants me to go.” He wanted you to go the second you brought it up. Had tried so hard to make you see it for the breath of fresh air it would have been then. The opportunity. Only so happy for you now that you could still do it. Encouraging. ...always trying to push you to somewhere better.

“Good.” Mark smiled widely, nodding to mostly himself. Without realizing it your hands had cupped around his. Shaking a little. Scared, still. Seeking support. And he readily gave it to you, steadily holding your hands in his own. “It seems like a lot now- and if you need help with planning you know I’m here. But it’ll be good for you. And- hey-” Shrugging broadly. “If you don’t like it you can just skip out and come home early, right?”

“I guess.” His nodding was getting you to do the same. Probably why he was doing it. “I want this to be good.” You wanted it for you. You really did.

He tilted his head downwards a little to get you to tilt yours up instead, to catch your eyes with his. His smile was the next thing you mirrored. “Then it’ll be good, ___.” Not telling you not to worry. Just trying to reassure you where he knew you couldn’t help but worry.

And to this realization- the only thing you could do...

“Thanks, Mark.”

_For everything._

“What else are friends for, right?” Grinning then in that stupidly silly way of his. “Now.” Now that everything was settled, so easily, too, “How about that coffee?”

A little helpless bit of laughter escaped you. “Sure. Caramel something.”

He let go of your hands, pointing a finger straight up as he stood. “Caramel something coming straight up!” And with that he was gone. Over. Done. Your world felt a little bit lighter. Increasingly so. In little increments here and there things were getting better.

_Tonight. I need you._

Deciding then, phone under the table in hand.

_God me too_

Danny’s quick response.  
It pulled a warmth out of you. Gave you something to look forward to. And you would. Running in the back of your head like a porno for the rest of the day.

**God me too.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come join me at my tumblr! I really love chatting and hanging out with you guys.


	54. You Need His Love (♥)

One ring... two.. three-

“This is Robert.”

The voice surprised you more than anything else. You’d been expecting a secretary or something. To think that the number he’d given you was a direct line to his office? Unbelievable. You’d been sitting at home most of the day after patching things up with Mark. That coffee date lasted about an hour longer than it should have. But it felt good. Good to not have to worry about where things were or where they might be in a couple months. You two were on good ground. And so from there... you had to focus on you.

“Oh- hi. It’s ___.” Letting him know that he had indeed caught you off guard by answering you like that. For giving out his phone number like that. You couldn’t imagine that he just handed that out to anyone that came calling.

Then again.. he came to you. Not the other way around. Something you’d probably do well to remember.

“___! It’s great to hear from you.” That chipper business-y tone taking up residence almost immediately. “I assume this means you’re ready to give things a shot?” For whatever reason, whatever he saw, whatever he wanted, you were ready to go with it. Ready to take just a little tour. A little look into the world of an actual firm. See what you could really do if you put your mind to it. You had merit.

He came to you.  
Remember that.

“Yeah. I think so.” Yet you were still unsure- but this, too, was smart. Make him want for more. Make him want to convince you. Your worth here was more than you’d have ever given yourself credit for. But he didn’t have to know that. “I wanted to set myself up for a month in September.”

“Ah, can’t come out immediately, huh?” Did he really expect you to? Something about this struck you as odd. Not that it really mattered. Maybe he was just excited to put you to work. Maybe he’d promised you to the company ... although he _was_ the CEO. Who else would he be making promises to? The Board?

You shook your head even though he couldn’t see it, tucking your legs underneath you on the couch. “No. We’re heading out to Pax Prime in a couple of weeks and I need to give that my attention first.” You already had plans there. And you were already dropping a lot just to go out to the city to do this. He had to know his place, too.

“Completely understand. Seattle is a beautiful city. I hope you enjoy yourself!” This was small talk that you really didn’t want to get into on the phone. You didn’t really know him, and from what you could tell, this was just more of him trying to butter you up. Again, what the hell for, who knew... “September first, then? I can get you some plane tickets and a hotel room as soon as you want.” He had his own power to throw around. He probably made more than you’d ever dream of making in a lifetime. But money had never been an issue to you. At least not after putting your feet on the ground and doing something with your life.

Going out the first day in September gave you almost no time to rest. You’d be heading back on the thirty-first from Pax. So you’d get in, have to repack a bag, and then leave the very next day. It felt... it felt awful. Because between then and now you’d have hardly any real time with Danny. But.. maybe getting this out of the way would be a blessing in disguise. Maybe you’d hate it. You were definitely going to come back. There was no way you were moving to the city. No matter what he promised.

“Yeah. That sounds good.” Shifting again. Drumming your fingers on your leg for a moment. You heard him tip-tapping at his computer in the background. “So September first until..?”

Another couple of keyboard taps and then he stopped. “How’s the twenty-eighth? Tuesday until the last Monday?” Before you could even answer that he laughed, briefly, and then spoke again. “It’ll be more of an office going away party that day I’m sure. But if you want to skip out on that we can just do until the twenty-fifth?” Which would have been the Friday before.

It seemed like a really stupid idea to spend one more weekend there, not working at that, just to go to the office on Monday so people you didn’t know could say goodbye to you. But who knew. By then you’d sort of know them. And maybe you’d even like one or two of them.

“Yeah. Monday is fine.” You’d take the weekend to clear your head, no matter if you hated it or liked it. Take Monday to go to the office. Say goodbye. And then get on a plane back to the place you really belonged. Back to the man you were leaving behind to do this- the one who was pushing you to go. Because it’d be good for you.

Hopefully...

“Fantastic!” He sounded only too delighted. The keyboard strokes resumed. “My email is on that card I gave you. If you could send me just a quick note and I’ll have some confirmations for you back within the hour.”

Again you nodded with no one to see it. “I’ll get right on it. Oh-” Realizing all of a sudden what that meant. “You don’t have to overdo it, though. No first class or anything like that and a normal room is fine. I promise.”

“Nonsense! I’m going to express you over a company card, too. Keep all your receipts. Put everything on there the second you step into LAX until you land back in again. Food, clothes, anything you want. It’s all on us.”

Anxiety rose in the back of your throat. He was putting so much into this. Your chest tightened. What the hell was he expecting from you? Was his company going under or something? Was he expecting you to save face for him? Couldn’t be. So then- why all this? You had no idea. Maybe you didn’t want to know, either.

But it would have been better than going in as blind as you felt now. “Okay...”

He chuckled and stopped typing again. “Don’t sound so unsure. Trust me. I know you’re going to be a good fit.” You didn’t think so. But saying that to the man trying to hire you for six huge figures on salary seemed like a terrible thing to say. So instead you said nothing. And he filled in the gaps. “I’ll be in touch.”

“Bye.”

Just like that it was over. Just like that you were promised back to New York City. In mere minutes. Moments. Life was changing around you. You were trying to just let it happen. Do what you could to help yourself. Yet you found yourself hoping things just didn’t work out.

After letting your phone down from your shoulder you went into your business email to take care of that first. Sending him a blank mail with the title of your first and last name so he’d know who it was from. When no response came within the first full minute you shut your laptop, deciding you didn’t want to see what sort of ridiculous accommodations he was going to give you. This all felt wrong. It felt so very wrong.

It was a dream job. In a city you were sure you hated by now. Away from the one person you loved and few good friends you’d finally made in life. How could any of it be right?

You would only have so many days with Danny alone- and most of them would have to be devoted to wrapping up things for your clients. Not personally, but just like when you’d taken off to Japan, you couldn’t leave them in the lurch. You also would have some groundwork to do to make sure they knew you were coming back. Because you couldn’t just lie about where you were headed. You taking some desk job in the city for a top firm didn’t mean you were abandoning the people who had put you were you were in the first place. Never. Absolutely never.

And that was why you knew you were coming back. That... and a few other bits and pieces...

You’d have to make some calls. Pull up files. Folders. Things people would need to pay attention to and check into in September. You were sure you’d have your hands too full in the city to get anything done from there. But that had to come later. The anxiety hadn’t subsided. It probably wouldn’t, either. It would follow you until you were finally promised back home for good.

With that knowledge weighing heavily on your shoulders you slid off the couch and took off for the shower. Hopefully at least the hot water would do _something_ to alleviate the pressure. Once bare and under the stream you tried to let your thoughts wander somewhere else. A few times you tried to just not think of anything, futile as that was. For the most part you drifted, head against the tiles, letting the water rain down, trying to think day by day. Not even a shower would stop you from that.

One thing at a time.. one thing at a time...

“Can I come in?”

A true testament to how long you’d actually been in the shower- and how in your head you were. Danny was home. And you hadn’t even heard him. “Yeah.” Because why not? When he pulled the shower curtain back and actually climbed into the tub with you you startled a little. “-Dan!” Turning half back before he stopped you, arms wrapping around your waist, pressing himself against you with a warm giggle.

“You said I could!” Lips brushing over your shoulder.

“I thought you meant- like- in the _room_! Not in the shower!” You were hardly mad, though. Absolutely no way that you could be. Not with how he felt against you. Not with that warm laughter of his spilling out against your skin.

When he tucked just a little more over you tipped your head back and to the side to get a good look at him. He was grinning. “Should I get out?” He already knew the answer to that.

Wiggling just enough to get him to loosen his hold, you turned around in his arms, pressing your back to the tiles instead, hands slowly moving up his chest. “No.” Of course not.

He took one of yours in his, raising it up further to his lips, kissing the inside of your palm, still smiling. “You’re pretty pruney... how long have you been in here?”

“I have no idea.” Honestly not a single clue. Too long, probably.

The warm expression vanished in that moment as he gazed down at you, instead then full of concern. “You okay?” There would be a million reasons that the answer to that _could_ be no. And the look in his eyes told you he wanted to hear them all if that were the case.

“I made up with Mark.” Probably not the first thing he wanted to hear.

“Okay.” Answered back softly. “That’s good.” Murmured words at your wrist as he still busied himself kissing your skin.

“Then I did some work. And then I called Robert.” He arched his brow to this- and that was when you realized you’d never actually told him the guy’s name. Just that someone in the city wanted you to come work a dream job for him. That was all he’d ever needed to know to tell you to do it. “The guy in the city with the PR firm.” You corrected after a moment.

“Oooh. And?” Curious to know how it went. His kisses continued up the inside of your arm.

Taking a breath, you steadied yourself, trying not to falter where he was starting to steal your concentration away. You didn’t want to think about the job, didn’t want to think about **anything** \- not when he was naked, leaned up against you, kissing you... “I’m going out the first of September.”

You saw the immediate conflict in his eyes. He wanted to be happy. “That’s like.. no time at all after we get in.” Literally almost no time. And it worried him. Get in late from Pax- probably no time to sleep- just get right back on a plane.

“I know.” But he wasn’t saying it to alert you. Obviously you knew what kind of schedule you’d be on. “And I have to spend these next couple of weeks getting everything together.”

The anxiety washed away into heartbreak at that moment. Things had been so hectic. You felt like you hadn’t had any time to enjoy yourself lately. Or, when you did, things just went _wrong_. And now you were about to leave for a month. Leave _him_...

You shuddered a breath inward. “It’s supposed to be good, right?” Trying so desperately to convince yourself that this was what you were supposed to be doing.

His frown deepened as he settled your arm over his shoulder and took your face in his hands instead. “Look- don’t go if you don’t wanna go. Especially don’t go if you’re just doing it because I said it’d be good.” Trying to make sure you weren’t getting in too deep only because of him. “I think it will- and it sucks that- ...I don’t wanna not get to see you either- I also _really_ don’t wanna see you work yourself into a hole.” Worried about you. Always worried about you.

There was a sudden urge to cry. Just the way he was looking at you was breaking you down to your very core.

“But,” He continued, smiling. Although it was small. “once it’s done it’s done. You’ll know if you like it. And from there-”

“I’m not moving out there.” No matter what. No matter how much you liked it. It just wasn’t happening. He had to know that. He had to know that you felt too strongly to just throw it all away for that.

His smile disappeared yet again. “Don’t make promises just yet.” Not even for him. “And- try not to look at it like that, okay?” Still trying to reassure you, leaning in, brushing his nose against yours affectionately. “Just do what you gotta do. We’ll figure the rest out after.”

Your eyes closed, if only to fight off the threat of tears. “Danny-”

“You think if you move out there we’re through?” Asking you to clarify. He stayed close while doing it, too. And you couldn’t open your eyes. “Because I don’t.” Then this came with almost no warning, followed up by a similarly striking little giggle. “I’m still gonna propose, remember? We’ve still got a majestic as fuck winter wedding to get to.” His lips touched yours briefly before he went on. “A country between us is nothing. I promise you that.” Another little kiss. “I love you too much to let something stupid like that be the reason it’s over.”

There was something unspoken there, too. That he loved you too much as well to be the reason you didn’t follow your dreams. Didn’t do something that would be good for you. That might fulfill you. Boost you. He loved you too much to let you sit at half potential.

“I love you too.” Your words came out just as shaky and you silently thanked him when he kissed you fully. No more fleeting little touches between words. Ready to stop talking. You were, too.

The feel of the hot water trickling between the both of you in that steady current became so much less important next to the feel of his hands on your body. Sliding down your sides. A hitch of breath from the back of your throat, a little rumbling groan from his as he tilted in to kiss you deeper. Slower. Taking his time in every little way possible. The glide of his fingertips down your side mere centimeters at a time. Like he was mapping out every little spot. Every place that made you shudder. Every patch that got a soft moan out of you.

It was as he pressed you back a little more, fingers drifting somewhere between your collarbone and your shoulder, lips dragging down much the same path on the opposite side that you realized what you wanted- what you _needed_ from him after everything, after all this, and coming up, too, couldn’t be accomplished in the shower. So you wound your hands through his hair, delighting in the hum it pulled out of him, and directed him back up. Kissed him again. Tried to catch your breath as he pulled away. “We need-” And then he caught you again in another kiss, left hand drifting to your hip, pulling you into him again. “I need-”

One more time he stopped you with another lingering kiss, something that threatened to throw away your resolve. But he proved to be just as attentive as ever. “Tell me.” With that winding desperation. Like he wanted to give it to you- whatever it was. Just **had** to please you in any way you needed.

“Can we have sex?” This tumbled out of you in an easy sort of breathlessness as his lips cruised your jawline.

And then promptly giggles spilled out into the side of your neck. “Of course we can, what kind of question is that?” He might have had a point. Your mind might have been too muddled to realize you weren’t voicing your needs the best way. But when your hands slid out of his hair, down the sides of his face, down towards his shoulders, fingertips pressing in with a soft sense of urgency he breathed out warmly at the juncture of your shoulder. “Oh.” Getting it, feeling his smile more than seeing it. “What you meant was- _can we make love_.”

You realized then it would have sounded stupid coming out of your mouth. Something about it was so cliched and awful that you could barely even stand to think about saying it. Yet... with the warmth, kindly amused that it was, he spoke of it- it sounded like the most amazing endeavor you could ever hope to dream of.

He kissed his way back up the side of your neck and to your lips, palm cupping your cheek again to keep you tilted just the right way. Holding you. Fingers caressing back through the side of your hair just by your ear. “Is that what you need?” Slightly playful. While he understood there was always this underlying boyishness to him.

But it was just another thing that you loved about him. Your eyes flickered open, looking straight through to his. You could see the same warmth he spoke with reflected back at you, the same wryness. “Yes.” More breath than tone as his lips brushed against yours without actually sealing in another kiss.

His hands went on the move again, touching down your sides before taking hold of yours. “Come on.” Like a shepherd so very ready to lead his lamb. Eager. Loving in that sweet way of his as he shut the faucet off and laced his fingers with yours. Took you, both of you still dripping wet, through the bathroom and to your bed. Completely uncaring, as were you, as he laid you down, half knelt on top of you, leaned in on his forearms, tiny water droplets falling, and kissed you deeply again.

As he kept your lips preoccupied, his hand found that same easy path, down your right side with a gentleness you swore the two of you hadn’t ever fooled around with before. His fingers hugged at your side with a delicate curl before moving to your hip again, and then to your leg, guiding upwards as he draped himself fuller against you. Closer. And as your tongues met again he felt him enter you. Slow. But not in that damnably teasing way- not trying to pull anything out of you for once.

And yet because of that, that’s exactly what it did. The tender loving rhythm he was treating you to nearly threatened to break you as he pulled eased back and then in again. Your head fell to the side, a shiver of a breath in and then back out, reaching up to clutch at his shoulders. Heat spiraled almost out of control every single time. “Oh-” Hard to find the right words. “ _Danny_...” Practically the only one still floating around in your awareness. The only one that made sense.

You felt his open lips brush up your jawline and around the shell of your ear still as he rocked in that gentle rhythm. “I love you.” Whispered with only the slightest bit of actual voice to you just as carefully as he was moving. He leaned in on his right arm just a little more so that he could press his palm to your cheek again, tilting you closer to him. Keeping you that way in every feasible sense as he continued to make love to you.

Your hands reached up, sliding down over his shoulders, past the blades, pulling him in all the more. “I love you- too...” Trying to make the words work. To let him know that you did. Incredibly, unbelievably, deeply so.

And as if you’d done something ridiculously dirty, it inspired a carefully quiet groan out of him. Your hands worked back the way they came, taking his face between your palms, feeling the stubble brush your skin. Your eyes met his, half-lidded; face warm and feeling your heart swell. Not the usual fog of lust clouding his vision. He was looking at you. And only you. Like he’d never loved another woman like this in his entire life. For all you knew that might have been true- for all you wanted to believe... it was.

“I love you.” He murmured again, lips just barely touching yours as he rocked into you once more, not shying away from your eyes.

It threatened to break you. In more ways than one. You couldn’t hold his gaze anymore after that, head tipping back, mouth parted to drink in what little air that you could as he overtook you. Overwhelmed every single part of you. Your hands slid back into his wet, tangled hair. And then back out. Underneath his arms so that you could hold him. His left arm shimmied between your shoulders and the mattress, hugging you back as his hips still worked that soft tempo. Somehow this, _this_ , was way more intense than anything you’d ever done. Anything you’d ever felt.

It went on and on and on- easily losing track of time here just as you had in the shower. Focusing on every part of him. The way he felt. Just how many more times he told you that he loved you. Trying to hold on. Desperate to keep going. God you just couldn’t-

“ ** _Danny_** -” A little ragged, breathless now, as his name poured from your lips.

“God- me too, baby-” Sensing, as always, exactly what you meant. Exactly what your body was trying to tell him. In that same delicate way his lips took hold of yours again. Kissing you in between telling you again- warmer than any other time- “ _I love you_..”

And that was what undid you. Pooled warmth straight through to your core as his hips rocked in again, as he thrust in deep. Your arms curled around him again and he swallowed the next cry out of you with another bone-melting kiss. Unfathomably deep. Too much for you to handle all at once. Especially when the next noise out of him was something similar, shared between you as you brought him crashing down along side of you. Heard him coming first- then felt it. That unbelievable heat driving further into you as his palms spread on the bed, holding himself shakily as he moved in and then back out shakily just a few more times.

Your fingers touched at the damp hair at the nape of his neck, spooled up forward and then worked out so that you could bring them back in at his temples. Just touching him. Holding him as he eased in again, kissing everywhere his lips could go. Sending little flurries and dull sparks skittering across your skin. Caught up with him. Nothing else had the right to even exist in that moment. Just the two of you.

Warm to the touch. Breathless. Kissing. Exploring all over again. Long strokes of fingertips down lean planes of skin. Brushes of lips and noses. And then mirroring smiles before the sentiment came with it.

“I love you.” Still as soft and full of adoration.

“I love you, too.” Whispered back to him at the tip of his ear, like it was the greatest secret he would ever know. Something he had to hold dear.

You knew he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out at the envelopesyou tumblr for other stuff and fun!


	55. Running Ragged

Two weeks slipped by faster than you realized at the non-stop pace you were traveling. The first was dedicated to opening every single client file you had and pouring through the month ahead. Hours upon hours slipped away until it became days at a time, amassing large manila folders all ready to go out. This, you must have realized at some point, was the real reason Rob wanted to hire you. Your work ethic and dedication to the people whom you worked for was unparalleled. Once the switch was flipped there was no turning back- and that switch had been flipped roughly the first time you’d moved to LA and actually decided to try and do the freelance ‘just about everything’. From your first client all those years ago to signing your last a couple months back. Every single one of them was important. And that was why you worked so hard.

You were going to make sure they were taken care of when you couldn’t be around to do it yourself. A month was a very long time. Enough time for little things to slip through the cracks and snowball into ridiculously large avalanches. You wouldn’t let it happen. Not so long as you could stay awake, focus on numbers and dates and words. A few days without sleep, curled up next to Danny on the couch, fingers ambling across the keyboard, headset on. Sometimes he’d bring you coffee. Food. Little things. Sometimes he’d just be there next to you, snuggled right back up against you, reading. Going through his emails. Working on lyrics. It didn’t matter what the two of you were doing- just that you were able to spend even these quiet moments with him meant the world.

On the second week once you’d finished gathering absolutely everything that you could feasibly foresee up, you set out on actual visits. This sort of trip couldn’t just be dropped off in an email notice. Unlike Japan, where you’d done roughly this same thing, that was only for a small while. Some people got an email and a list of links and dates, and some got face time. But for _this_ , **everyone** was deserving of getting a few hours with you. Every single client you had. From the channels with millions of subscribers, to the channels with just a few thousand, to the businesses with millions of clients, right down to the little shop on the corner whose website only had hundreds of hits at a time. No one was above anyone else. Everyone was important. You’d make them see that. And make them understand that when you came back things would continue as normal.

Not just for their own benefit, but yours as well. If you came back and they all had gone to someone else... then you really might have to assume the job you were sure you couldn’t live in the city to do.

When Thursday night rolled around, you almost couldn’t even keep on your feet. No triple shot of espresso was going to fix days upon days without sleep and proper diet. Much as Danny had tried in the week that you were home, when you were out, you weren’t around for him to keep an eye on. It was a chore just to sit down with Mark at his place and give him his folder. He insisted that you stay there a while, take it easy- some other things... it all went into a blurry memory bank that you might remember later. The moment it was all happening all you could really seem to focus on was the worried look in his eyes, the tense smile, and the fact that he wasn’t really paying attention to what you were saying.

-oh. And how many times he asked you if you were alright. To which every single one you merely said ‘yeah’ and then tried to move on. By the time you got out and declined another invitation to stay a couple hours and rest, the sun had set long ago. The flight to Seattle was tomorrow morning. Your clients were taken care of. All you had to do now was get home, send out just a few more emails for good measure- and...

 _And_...

“Hey, baby, what’s up?” Danny’s voice rang clear through the speaker of your phone, sitting in your lap.

You pressed your hand to your eye, trying to clear up your vision. Honestly, you knew you shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a car. Not in your condition. The lines on the road were blurring... “I think- I’m close to the space- so.. I was... gonna grab a- a um- hmn... coffee. Do you want something?” Mind absolutely just turning to mush the longer you exerted yourself.

“You want me to-” He was in the middle of asking you something when he decided to drop whatever it was. For what reason you had no idea. “Oh- coffee. Yeah, that sounds fine. Can you bring it up? We’re in the middle of an episode.” But they must have been in an in-between if he had answered your phone call. Either that or he was really worried enough to break an episode as it was filming just to take the call.

“Yeah.. yeah. I’ll be there soon.” If he needed you to bring something up for him that was fine. You could do that.

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

You let the call end itself when he hung up, digging your palm across your face again in an effort to wake yourself up. Just hang in there. Just a little bit longer.

Actually going in to the coffee place seemed like an absolutely terrible idea. The longer you had to be on your feet, the much more energy was likely to drain out of you. So instead you chanced the drive through, just ordering two plain light-and-sweets. ...and then promptly changed your order to include a shot of espresso. It was unlikely it would do anything but endanger your heart rate at this point, but anything was worth the shot to keep you up just a few more hours.

Climbing up the stairs to the office was more of a challenge than you ever thought possible, and midway there you started seriously regretting asking Danny if he wanted anything. You could have just gone home and minded yourself instead. The things you did for love...

Once upstairs, you shifted the tray in your hands and promptly forgot what a nuisance getting up the stairs was- as if it had just never happened. There were still a few people in the space, Arin on his computer and Kevin on his, as well, Barry on the couch, Ross clicking furiously at his desk. Danny sitting at the bench eating what looked like a bowl of cereal.

Nothing about the scene in front of you seemed strange. But maybe it should have.

You slid the tray down next to him and he looked up with a smile first that then soon melted into that look of worry. “Man... Mark said you looked wiped out but jesus you look _**wiped out**_.”

The casual use of Mark’s name from someone that had been on a prickly path with him for quite some time (over you, you wouldn’t soon forget), got a smile out of you. “Were you talking to Mark?” Like everything had reverted back to normal.

He eased his coffee cup out of the holder and patted the spot next to him to get you to sit down. “He texted me, but, yeah.” Smiling as he pressed a kiss to the side of your head. Just happy that you seemed to be happy about it. “You really don’t look well, though.”

“I’m okay.” The same thing you’d been saying nonstop for the past two weeks. The same thing you’d regurgitated to Mark- ...although seeing him felt like it had been eons ago. ...did you actually go to his apartment? Was his file still sitting in your car? You couldn’t remember-

“Hey..” You hadn’t even realized you’d been jostling in your place, as if you’d pull Mark’s folder out of your jacket, until Danny put a hand on your arm. “Maybe you should lie down for like fifteen minutes?”

The offer was _so_ god damn tempting. So utterly and irresistibly tempting. God you wanted to. Fifteen minutes. Such a small amount of time. You could... you could spare fifteen minutes- right? “Will you actually wake me up?”

His smile was almost convincing. “Yeah. Of course.”

Just a little power nap. You’d read somewhere that those really helped. It might wake you up more than the coffee had any hope to do. Maybe. If you were lucky. Fifteen minutes... “...yeah. Okay..”

He took your hand in his, helping you up from the bench. As he walked you over towards the back of the room he stopped by Arin’s desk. “Nobody needs the recording room anymore, right?”

Arin waved at you with a little grin before shaking his head. “Nah. All yours.”

“Cool man, thanks.” Giving him a little thumbs up before leading you through the door and easing you down on the couch, taking your jacket from your shoulders and draping it along the back.

As if you just knew you couldn’t trust him, much as you wanted to, you took your phone from your pocket and set your alarm for fifteen minutes, putting it on the table after that. Then you dropped down, easing your head onto one of the pillows. “Fifteen minutes... I mean it..” You had just a few more things to do. _Then_ you could call it quits.

He leaned in, fingers brushing back some of your stray hair from your face, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Let me get you a blanket.” As he walked away, the only willpower you had left was to mumble that you loved him, but you didn’t think he heard you. Or. If he did- you couldn’t quite hear what it was that he might have said back as you slipped hard under. Days of being awake tying you deep down into sleep.

**\---------**

Danny was gone for literally just a minute. He left the recording booth, went out to the couch, grabbed his blanket off the back, and then came back in. She’d fallen fast asleep. Deep, soft breathing filled the room. Carefully he draped the blanket over her, tucking the edges in, watching her for a moment or two, frowning to himself. Then he picked her phone up off the edge of the table and walked back out, closing the door behind him quietly.

“She out?” Arin asked, turning around from his computer, sliding his headphones to rest around his neck.

“Yeah.” Dan found himself glad she didn’t have a lock password on her phone, feeling just slightly bad for going in there to turn off the alarm. Touching her things without her permission, even if it was something as small as that. -and the other things, too. Lying to her about being in the middle of a session so that she’d come upstairs. Lying to her about waking her up in fifteen minutes. No way in hell that was happening.

Arin watched the frown grow deeper on his buddy’s face. “Things gonna be okay?” He knew that she was going away for a month after Pax was over. It couldn’t have been easy for either of them.

“Yeah- she just. She worked herself into a hole trying to make sure the trip was fine.” Misreading Arin’s actual question, running a hand back through his hair.

“Sounds like someone I know.” Tipping his head a little, eyebrow arched, just a tiny knowing quirk of his lip.

Danny looked up. Realizing in that moment- probably too many things. He smiled, but it was weak. “I don’t-” And that would have been one lie too many today. “Yeah alright.” Constantly. Consistently. She saw it, too. Tried to help him make sure he was sleeping. Eating. Drinking water. Paying attention to him despite her own schedule. He hadn’t actually realized how much she tried to take care of him- save for when the tables reversed. And he watched her energy dwindle while she desperately fought to stay above the waves. Tried to do what _he_ could, then, to make sure she was okay.

And even that wasn’t enough. Couldn’t have been when she’d come up there and it had taken her approximately ten seconds to pass out. He worried.

He worried that she’d do the same in the city. The city that battered and bruised her for years and years. He worried because he wasn’t going to be there to help her. Telling her to take care of herself over the phone wasn’t going to be of any help. He needed to be with her. But...

But...  
He knew she wanted to do this on her own. Knew, even without her explicitly telling him, that this trip was more than just for work. Whatever it was she was looking for, trying to find in his absence.. he had to just accept that. Love her and let her go. And just hope for the best.

After everything that happened.. so much ridiculous heartbreak- and they’d come out still in each other’s arms- that’s where he wanted to be. He wanted to take her away somewhere. He’d made a couple of promises that he could remember. Just them. Just them and whatever the hell they wanted to do. Not this hectic life they’d fallen into. While he was grateful, and oh so very at that, to be able to be with her, even when they were both busy, he knew they both needed to get away.

And besides that... besides _all_ that.. he wanted-

“Well...” Arin’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Our signing isn’t until Sunday, then NSP’s panel.. And our panel is on Monday. So just spend as much time with her taking it easy once you get in.” As if signing off on the notion that she and Dan didn’t need to be with the rest of them. Not that he _needed_ to give anybody permission to do anything.

But Danny almost immediately appreciated it. “You’re sure?” Because while they were going out to do actual work, if it was the last time he’d have with her before a month away, he really was grateful that Arin was giving him the go ahead. That Arin seemed to understand the duress all of this was causing. Not just on him. But the both of them.

Arin just waved a hand at him with a big grin. “Of course dude. You do what you gotta with what time you have. You both deserve it.”

Dan nodded, looking down at his hands, fingers curling inwards. “I... you know- I was thinking-” Just thinking. Just a thought. A little tiny thought. Maybe coming out now more from desperation. And the aching feeling of oncoming loss.

“Don’t do it.” Without him even finishing, or even really getting into it at all, Arin knew. He knew the look. He knew what those cogs spinning up in Dan’s head meant.

His lips pressed together and he nodded. Arin was right. It was stupid. “You’re right.” He looked up again, smiling. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Grinning again in that big doofy way of his.

**\------**

There was that familiar voice close to your ear. The slight feeling of being jostled. Car engine rumbling before shutting off. Click- click of... something..

“Come on, baby.” Danny’s voice. Warm and sweet and quiet.

More jostling. “Mn...” Feeling his arms around you. Mind too tired to catch up. Disoriented. In bed? No- you couldn’t remember where you were. Or where you’d been. The entire day- the entire week even- what had happened? “What-”

“Easy, easy-” There you were again. On the couch- no- _yes._ The couch. The office.

Some awareness trickled in and you fought to sit up. Fought yourself, your tired body, and fought his hands on your shoulders. “I have to get home-” Had to send out those last few emails.

“We are home.” Hands sliding up the sides of your neck, cupping your cheeks, kissing your forehead gently.

“We are?” You blinked your eyes open and closed a few times hard. Tried to make sense of what he was saying. No- not home.. shouldn’t- you’d fallen asleep in the office, hadn’t you? “Why?” The only thing that made sense to ask.

He moved to sit next to you on the bed- yes. The bed. The room. You were in your room. “Because I couldn’t let you sleep in the grump space all night?” Giggling just a little as he looked you over.

You pressed your hands to your eyes. “What time is it?”

“It’s about eleven now. You should go back to sleep.”

Eleven. It had been after six when you’d fallen asleep. “Eleven is not fifteen minutes later, Danny!” Whining at him frustratedly. “I have to-”

His hands set on your arms, leaning in again, pressing his lips to your forehead, murmuring into your skin. “Easy, easy, easy...” And as if master hypnotist that he was, it served to calm you. When you did as he asked, easing back, going slack in his hold just a little, he trailed a few kisses down the side of your face. “You were running ragged. You still are.”

“Yeah- but-” You had too much to do. He had to understand that. You had to wrap things up. You couldn’t just slack off.

“No but.” Kissing your cheek. Across the bridge of your nose. Then leaning his head against yours, palm cupping your face, gazing at you. In his eyes you saw weeks worth of stress.

And for once it wasn’t because of his draining work ethic. It wasn’t his schedule. It wasn’t his fault.

It was yours.

Your shoulders drooped and you leaned a little more heavily against him, eyes closing. He remained where he was, thumb brushing softly over your skin. “Most of Sunday and Monday are gone.” He spoke again, quietly so. The convention, you realized, brain tired enough to be addled just slightly. You just nodded to him. “But we’ll have Friday and Saturday just to ourselves.”

That felt wrong for some reason. You were all flying out as a group. You were sure they all wanted to spend time together there- “Are you sure?” Yet as much as you knew that to be the case, you wanted-... _needed_ to just have those couple of days with him. Just him.

“Yeah.” Kissing your cheek once before leaning back. “So get some sleep. We’ll get up in the morning and get ready. Get on the plane. And then it’s just you and me.” For those next few hours. Slim. Tiny. Not even a full two days. But...

They were all you were going to get before not seeing him for what felt like a ridiculously long time. As he tried to get up you reached for his jacket, pulling him back in. His hands carded back through your hair. “Thank you.” Thanking him for- just about every possible thing that you could.

Leaning in, lips caressing your hair. “I love you.” Murmured softly. “Get some sleep.”

He didn’t need to tell you twice. Just like before, the second your head hit the pillow you were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out at the EnvelopesYou tumblr for a fun time! ....usually!


	56. Sharing Himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovely readers, while I realize the mingling between tumblr and here is at a high rate, I just want to take a moment to talk about MAGFest this year. I was told (and as it turns out it may not be true) some fans of Dan and Brian's did some pretty disrespectful and disgusting things (hanging around their hotel room, propositioning him for sex, stalking him) and that's not okay. Do not ever treat Dan or Brian in a way such as this. Respect them and love them for the cool and amazing people that they are and leave the interactions with them at a minimum and respectful place. You're all cool kids. I know you understand right from wrong. Whether or not this turned out to be a huge misunderstanding, I think it says a lot about the community that we were all so very disheartened to hear that something like this COULD have happened. You're all great. Let's keep being great. Thanks for listening. Rock on.

Tiny pellets of rain dropped quietly over the house, illuminating the extra-quietness of the early morning. Streaking through your hazy awareness and gently rocking you towards consciousness. Blinking your eyes blearily you could see the gray light of an unfinished dawn through the window, thick clouds hanging in the sky just above the power lines. It was calm and sweetly otherwise silent- save for the rain, and the deep breathing just above you.

Sometime during the night, whenever Danny had gone to bed himself most likely, the two of you had snuggled up. And it was at that moment you knew why you felt so rested. Cuddled up at his side, lying on yours, while he slept soundly on his back; arm around you, his opposite above his head. You tipped up from his shoulder, just watching him for a few couple of moments. Admiring the absolute look of peace about him. Just a few of those unruly dark curls hanging down over his forehead, the rest the same wild mop it always was, stubble having grown in more than just that, lips only slightly parted.

For the next month after the next four days you would wake up without this. Without him. The very notion seemed unreal. And yet was causing a wave of anxiety. How had you gotten so used to this?

Reaching up you soothed the tips of your fingers up over his chest, the light planes of darker hair covering over his skin. He stirred only lightly, as if just barely having drifted off moments ago. Or perhaps so hyper-aware, waiting for you even in sleep. As if he couldn’t think of spending a moment alone once you were awake again. The hand over his head moved to crash down on top of yours. “Mnm... fuck..” That groggy groaning morning voice of his. His fingers flexed errantly.

Your smile was instant. “Is your arm asleep?”

“It’s all _tingly_.” Followed up with a gentle roll of a giggle as the arm around you encompassed you closer.  The very noise that always got mirroring laughter out of you. When he seemed to get control over his limb he raised his hand up again, pushing back through his hair. “Is it raining?”

“Yeah.” Besides your voices, the only other noise hanging in the air.

You watched from your position at his shoulder as he rubbed at his eyes with his pointer finger and thumb, trying to arouse his sense of awake. “What time is it- you been up a long while?” Wondering if you were waiting for him to get up, just lying there with him.

You hadn’t, but it wouldn’t have mattered if it had been a couple of hours instead of minutes. This time was nice. “No- and you’re closer to the clock.” The little bedside table alarm that blared bright red numbers.

Without even making an attempt at turning to look at it, “I don’t have my contacts in.”

“I would hope not.” But you saw this for the learned excuse that it was becoming. Something about his contacts seemed to have been bothering him lately. It went without notice, most of the time. You two barely ever talked about it. Unimportant. But because he was just giving up on an attempt at reading it you leaned up from your side, squinting your eyes at the numbers and then lying back down next to him. “We’ve got a couple hours before we’re even supposed to be up.”

There was just a slight pause before he asked, “Do you wanna go back to sleep?”

But none on your end as you answered. “No. Do you?”

Then a mirroring amount of time. “No.” And from there the matter was settled.

The rain continued meeting the roof and sides of the house in almost perfect little patterns. Some strange rhythm of nature. You and Dan stayed huddled up, close and comfortable. Just enjoying the time alone, together. These little moments you’d have before- ...  
  
Didn’t matter. Not now. Not yet.

He started humming to fill up the space just a little, alongside the pitter-patter tempo. Something in a soft mellow register. A song you caught the wisps of and followed along after he circled back to the first couple of bars. “ _There was a boy... a strange enchanted boy...”_ And as you sang to him and he kept humming to you, you heard the slight curve in his voice, the indication of a smile. “ _They say he wandered very far... very far.. over land and sea...”  
_

His fingers curled alongside yours, thumb stroking just over your own. “ _A little shy.. and sad of eye... but very wise was he...”_ His humming was in the exact same register and yet it sounded lower. Something about the deep set and comfortable rumble of his voice putting you into a little bit of a melodic daze. You snuggled closer.

“ _And then one day... one magic day he passed my way... and while we spoke of many things, grumps and kings-”_ Your improvisation got a little bit of a lurch in his humming as he held back a giggle. “ _This he said to me...”  
_

The arm around your shoulder held you a little tighter, his hand sliding over your arm. And then he joined you in that lower sounding key for the last lyrics. Not harmonizing with you. Just staying with you on the exact line. “ _ **The greatest thing... you’ll ever learn.. is just to love... and be loved.. in return**...”_

From him you’d only ever felt certainly so. Loved at every moment. Every time you caught him looking at you, and all the gazes you missed. When he smiled at you. When he laughed with you- or even at you, at times. When he shared things. His life. His favorite music. His everything.

You’d never been more sure that you loved someone so completely- and not just that. That he loved you just as much.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

And though quick in response, nothing about it robotically automated. Nothing about it usual. As if you’d gotten used to saying it, like so many before you had. Just a phrase to be parroted back on command. No.. when you said it, when he said it, regardless of space of time or no seconds missed in between, it was just simply the truth.

The two of you stayed in bed for another hour or so, humming and whisper-singing sweet nothings to each other in the comfort and serenity of the home which would soon cease to be. It had been a house without him- without you, for that matter. And it would still be one when you left. When he left. Even without a single resident in it. But **home**. Now, that was different. Maybe it was less the roof and walls and more just the two of you, wrapped up in each other.

When the glaze of freshly woken up melodies finally lifted, you got ready for the adventure ahead. Took a shower first, met with him on your way out in a damp embrace, then went to pack a small bag. The one for New York had already been stowed away. A much longer trip that needed more of your attention than you knew you’d be able to give it now. It sat in the back corner of your closet, reminding you that the second you touched back on ground, you’d come and get it, and then go and leave.

Once things were set, the two of you found yourselves ready to go. A small drive to the parking lot of the space, a few friendly words passed between even friendlier faces, and then a couple of taxis over to the airport. How many times had you made these trips now? It never seemed like you were in one place for very long. Maybe that was just the way life was.

The rain had followed you out to the tarmac. Almost impossibly close as the clouds sheltered the plane when it went up. You watched the gray dreariness from your seat aside the window, though you were leaned up against Danny. He had his headphones on, not really paying attention to much, just his notebook, whatever music was buzzing through his headphones, and you; leaning his head down against yours whenever you drew near. There was an eerie quietness that hadn’t been there in the morning. When there were more faces, sullen colors in their eyes, all directed at you, you couldn’t sit easily.

The bleary weather persisted once you landed, rain a little bit heavier in Seattle than it had been in California. Once you picked up the bags, the entire group waited inside, chatting with each other in words you almost couldn’t recognize. Simply because you were miles away. They must have decided on something, Arin going out from the safe space of the dry terminal to talk to some cab drivers that had pulled up. Then luggage was wheeled out one by one in quick succession as most hung back, yourself and Danny included-

At least you had thought so. But when you turned to where you were sure he’d been sidled up to you not moments ago, he was suddenly absent. Barry took notice of your obvious confusion and gave you a little reassuring touch to the shoulder. “Said he’d be right back.”

Were you in such a fog that you’d missed that? You realized that you needed to get out of your head. These were the last couple of days you’d have. Suddenly you were sinking into quicksand, brain idling out in comfort. But if you weren’t really paying attention, was there any point at all? If that were really the case you thought you should have just headed to New York right that moment. Nodding to Barry you tried to get a smile on your lips. “Thanks.”

The expression was said again from your mouth not moments later when Arin came back in, slicking his drenched hair back and reached out to take the handle of your suitcase. He grinned. “No problem. Almost done here. Thank _god_.” As if he couldn’t bear to be doing this for one second longer.

“Do you want me to help you?” With what little bags there were left. Which would have been Danny’s and Barry’s, along with yours still in his firm grip.

He waved you off. “Nah. It’s cool.” And with that he was off, lugging your suitcase out the doors and onto the sidewalk.

“Look at this-” The familiar melodic voice rang through and you turned back to see Danny ambling up on those long legs of his, holding a bright blue umbrella in his hands, smiling as if it was the best thing he’d seen in quite some time. Then as he stopped just a foot away from you he popped it open, revealing the white and black music notes along its top.

“That’s bad luck, dude.” Ross tried to warn him.

He just shrugged it off and kept his eyes with you. “Like it? I thought... maybe you and I could go for a walk.” In the Seattle rain. “We can go down the little glass walkway upstairs and make it out onto the sidewalk and go for a while until we get bored..” Offering it to you, instead of telling you that’s what he wanted to do.

It was as unplanned as just about everything else you two ever got up to, you could hear it in the way he spoke unfamiliarly with the idea. Putting that time he’d promised you to good use. “But what about-”

Arin, who had reappeared from the rain, took Danny’s luggage in hand and waved his hand yet again in dismissive reprieve. “You two go. We’ll take your shit to the hotel and you can get it whenever you get over there.”

Danny clapped hands with him in a gentle shake. “Thanks man.” Genuine warmth stewing in his words. Lucky, no doubt, to have a friend like Arin looking out for not only him, but the both of you. And what promises had been made. But, realizing you hadn’t actually said yes, he looked up, arching a brow. “If you want- I mean. We can just go chill out in the room if you want instead.”

Lie down on a freshly made foreign bed. Watch crappy movies. Order room service. The both of you were no strangers to this pattern. Which was exactly why... “No. I’d like a walk.” After being on a plane for a few hours, that sounded nice. And with him... even nicer.

His lips curved wider, eyes warming. There were quick goodbyes and the promises of catching dinner together, something you noticed Arin seemed to try and shy the rest of them away from. It didn’t take much more than that for you to realize he had a special interest in letting you and Dan have time together. While he was a good man on his own, you had to wonder if it wasn’t something extra in the way of Danny.

....had Danny said something more?

The question filled your head as he offered his right arm to you. Your own arms wound snugly around his, laying your head to his shoulder as he ushered the both of you upstairs, umbrella still open, some passersby watching curiously at the display. But it was well worth it once you actually reached outside. The rain keeping the air crisp and chill as the late autumn sky sprawled ahead, colors hiding behind thick swatches of gray and white clouds. The rain had grown heavier still, but the umbrella kept you both safe as you walked arm in arm down the sidewalk; looking at the trees, leaves only just starting to redden, hanging heavily with the efforts of the downpour.

The indicative shimmy of his shoulders told you there was something bouncing up in his head. There was no real way to guess what he was rocking out to in his internal library, but he’d share it with you in a moment. At least he might have, had you not beat him to the punch. _“Here comes the rain again, falling on my head like a memory, falling on my head like a new emotion._ ” It had to be close enough, right?

His giggle told you you may have just simply burrowed up in his decades of melodies, gotten so comfortable with the way the music flowed so effortlessly through his very soul, that you could call a few tempo beats of his shoulders and translate them. “ _I want to walk in the open wind, I want to talk like lovers do, I want to dive into your ocean, is it raining with you..._ ”

So often his voice lilting with notes permeated just about everything you did. You’d never met someone as as entwined with music as he was. How joyful it made him- and you, in turn. Thinking back on all those late night coffee dates, still getting to know each other, he’d fall back on singing. Or, now, you were realizing, it had never been falling onto. It had just been him.

It was always just simply and wonderfully everything that he was. And when he allowed his singing to become a duet where you were concerned, you couldn’t remember a single time you’d felt more at peace. Home, again, as you’d been thinking on the plane. It was such a big part of him that you had to imagine when he sung he was sharing that piece of himself that was so intrinsic.

Sharing it with you.

_Why had it taken you so long to realize?_

He was still humming with a few bops of his head, curls falling here and there as he did, eyes set straight across. “Do you have any plans?” Asking him softly with a similarly easy smile.

His head tilted to the side, looking down at you. “No. Should I?” The answer to anyone else in the world probably should have been ‘yes’. Something concrete in the last couple of days you had with someone important. Down to the minute.

It’s what you would have done, a while back. It may have been what you would have done had you not had so much else to attend to. But that lazy happiness that he had tried to get you to learn, even when he himself had such a strict and overworked schedule himself, was sometimes the best thing you could imagine. Having nothing in the known works save him.

You laid your head back against his arm, eyes closing, letting him lead the next few steps without worry. “No.” You’d do whatever it was that you did. And you’d be fine with that.

The weight of his head came down atop yours again, sending another sense of relief through you. “I know this is probably a dumb thing to ask, but you okay?” His voice tender but not overly wrought with the worry he was asking about.

“Yeah.” And then, realizing his reason for asking, “Sorry- I know I’ve kinda been off somewhere else. I’m here now.” You’d been nowhere save with him the entire time, even in mind. But that wasn’t close enough in the physical realm. In your head he couldn’t keep up.

“It’s okay.” He reassured you. You weren’t sure that it was, but- “If you said you wanted to just have these few days to relax and fuck off before your business trip I’d be totally fine with it.”

He would, too, and you knew it. If you told him you’d even wanted to stay at home and let him go alone, he’d have been okay with that, too. If you said you wanted to go to the hotel room and not move, he’d be absolutely okay with that, too. Because as long as you were happy and safe, that’s all he cared about.

“I do want these next couple of days to relax and fuck off.” You told him, tone strict as you followed up. Making sure that he understood.

An uncertain noise came from the back of his throat. “Oh- yeah- that’s good. You should.” Clearly not having actually expected you to tell him you wanted to be alone, but willing to accept it, even despite the lurch.

“But with you, obviously.” Tilting back to smile up at him again. Just a little dry stretch in your tone.

“Oh- yeah. Obviously. Duh _._ Hot dogs. Duh.” Following up as quickly as he could manage with a joke that you _finally_ recognized, for as much as ‘I’ll google it’ and ‘you can just ask me’ had reigned supreme for a time, as something on the show. -and one that didn’t belong singularly to either of you, at that. The togetherness of the in-situation that made it as sincere as anything else. Included. He and the rest of them had always tried to make you feel included.

And that was why, you realized, Arin may have been on top of things. With or without Danny’s say-so. You’d let it go. If Danny had spoken with Arin about that he was upset or bummed about you leaving, that was between them. There was no doubt that he _was_ , of course, but between him and his best friend, that’s where it would stay. There was no need for prodding.

“Now,” Laying your head to his shoulder again, hugging his arm closer. “where’s the nearest cafe or whatever? I think lunch is in order...”

“I have no idea.” Said in an almost smarmy triumphant manner. “But I bet if we keep on walking we’ll find something.”

Lost together in Seattle underneath an umbrella, arm in arm in the rain.

“Sounds wonderful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your daily dose of songs: Nature Boy by Nat King Cole and Here Comes the Rain Again by the Eurythmics.


	57. You're Not Running

When he pulled you from your head the problem became that the hours were melting away without your notice. Without micromanaging the minutes, just letting things happen, it felt like vacation all over again. One thing after another until the sun had set and you had no idea how late it was. Sitting down in some corner booth at a cafe, curled up side by side, cups of tea in hand, laughing with each other over terribly important unimportant things; one cup, then two, then another- and then it was dark. And still raining. So you walked somewhere else for dinner. A place neither of you knew, you barely understood what part of the city you’d wandered into, but that didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter because you were with him.  
And very soon, you wouldn’t be.

You sat there across the table from him for a couple more hours- or maybe it was a few, neither of you had checked your phones since leaving the airport. Just letting things land where they would. Come as they may. Over chicken sandwiches and fries you talked about the same nothingness that was the very same everything. It only felt imperative because you weren’t going to have this, soon. So very soon. And every time that statement echoed in your head, it was like he could see it in your eyes, and he pulled you out again. Whether by laying his hand atop yours, or reaching out to tap your nose- just doing something small to bring you to him again.

Back outside a gust of wind stole the umbrella from your hands and he laughed. Poked at your sides as the downpour drenched the two of you. Told you that he said he’d carry the umbrella, but _no_ , you’d just had to have your way. Laughing mid-kiss, bubbling against your lips before you both hid under an awning. He took out his phone then, calling for a car to come find you- and when it did you got in, apologized for dampening the backseats. Laid your head to his shoulder as the driver took you back around to the hotel. Paid, got out, ran inside.

Hand in hand through the quiet lobby.  
You let him do all the talking as he pulled out some email confirmation about your late check-in time. When he’d done that, you had no idea. Maybe when you’d gotten up to go to the bathroom maybe? Thoughtful as ever. Or at least prepared- in the way you should have been, but you just wanted not to be. So he was taking the lead on it. And you were certainly grateful.

Once he got the room key his hand was back in yours and stayed firmly there, fingers linked together on the ride up. Down the hall. Even as he slid the card in the door. Only leaving when the two of you got into the room and started shedding wet clothes. Realizing that Arin- or was it Barry, you could hardly remember- had your bags. It was late now, far later than either of you had anticipated being out. You couldn’t bother them. But that was fine. They didn’t need to be bothered. Because the two of you weren’t.

His hands cupped your face, pressed his cool and damp body to yours. You tilted to him, walking step by careful step to the bed until he was moving back. Still careful to keep the kiss alive. You found yourself atop him on your hands and knees with his back fully settled on the bed, just draped over him. Lying comfortably atop him. Kissing for what felt like hours at a time. Tongue brushing, little suckles of lower lips and playful grins with tiny clashes of teeth. It never devolved to fucking. Not even when you set your hips up and over, sinking his cock deep in, inch by inch; he caught your gasp against his lips and then kissed you senseless again.

The rounds of his hips stayed constantly slow. Consistent in their rocking upwards. Lovingly sweet and gentle. His hands touched up along your face and back through your hair, holding you as you came the first time. Then again moments after. Grinding still up against you, sharing groans from mouth to mouth. Then he moved and you followed him. Found yourself on your side before he laid you to your back, drawing your leg up with careful persuasion of his hand along your thigh. Rocking in again and again, taking you back to that edge.

Never going far. Never out of your reach. Never really more than a mere inch from your lips. Sometimes kissing, sometimes only smiling against your lips. But there. Always there. It was when his forehead pressed to yours in what had to be hours later and your eyes flickered open, finding his gazing steady at you, “Is this goodbye sex?” Your voice was soft, unable to muster much else, especially when he stole the next words out of you not with a kiss but with another hard rock of his hips that drenched anything else out in a moan.

“You’re not leaving for a couple of days.” His tone sounded grounded but he was unconvincing all the same. You let go of his name as he hit a spot that had your eyes fluttering closed again. “That’s it, baby...” Groaning back to you before kissing you again. Tongue sliding along yours. Taking it all away from you as you came again. Feeling the shakiness of his breathing as he struggled to hang on. Unwilling to have it end.

That was what solidified your thoughts. “Danny...” This a moan that you couldn’t help as he just kept on moving. Kept sweeping you out further to sea. Then you reached up, sinking your hands into his hair. “I’m coming back...” This was probably going to be the last time the both of you were able to spend a night like this. The last time until you returned home that you could be tangled so intimately. You hadn’t really needed to question him the first time.

He nodded, eyes closing then. “Yeah- I know, baby...” He did. He was sure but also nervous. Scared of losing you all the same. You’d come home but would you come back the same? Who knew? Would you even still love him? Would you decide you could carry on in the world alone after a journey like this? Who knew. He didn’t. And this was the last time he’d have you like this. The last time he’d be able to tell you he loved you while holding you at the same time.

Both of your eyes flickered open again, staring at each other, breathing hard. Your hands carded back his curls, drifting to the back of his head. “I love you, Danny...” Shaky only with his persuasion, firm with your own conclusions.

His head dropped to the crook of your shoulder, leaning on his forearm so he could wrap his other arm around your shoulders. Holding you as close as he could possibly have you. “I love you too, ___...” The same way out of him as the rounds of his hips became uneven. “God-fuck... I’m- ...” The uneven and pleading desperation in his voice pushed you to the very warning he’d been trying to get out. You curled up closer, leg around his waist to keep him steady and his groan spilled out in a low vibration against your neck as you pulled him into coming with you. Rocking still a few more times, ebbing with each in and out until he silenced his movements completely.

The two of you were left alone in the room with only the sound of your breathing and the rain cascading against the window from outside, a low rumble of thunder across the horizon. You held on to him like it was the only thing you knew how to do. Only thing you could do. Tired and drifting. Ready to go down with him. This would be the last night like this, though not the last night together, so you struggled to stay. His lips drifted up the side of your neck as he moved, pulling away so that he could lie down and then immediately draw you into his arms.

There you settled, head against his shoulder, hand over his heart. “I’m coming back...” You said again, anxious. He believed you, didn’t he?

“I know.” There was amusement in his voice. Maybe even happiness. But no confidence to speak of. You weren’t sure there was anything you could do to convince him. No words to give him to bolster. Instead... as you drifted.. you made peace with the fact that the only thing you could do was come back. Then he’d have to believe you.

Morning found the both of you asleep in a messy, happy pile at the side of the bed, both on your sides, wrapped in each other’s arms. The rain had subsided, which was nice. A sunny day for your second to last. Peacefulness staying with both of you as you stared at one another for a long while, just smiling. His hand cupped up along your cheek before drifting back at your temple and into your hair. Just holding you. It was a moment you really wanted to go on forever. But it just couldn’t.

Instead the two of you took your time in getting ready. He texted Arin to bring your suitcases; waiting outside the door for you by the time you got out of the shower together. Another terribly long endeavor that was full of kisses and embraces, giggles about nothing and smiles about everything. Then you got dressed and went hand in hand to greet the rest of the day together. One panel. One signing. Something you stayed away from this time. Too nervous. Danny had tried to coax you but you’d just shied back. Not now. Couldn’t handle another situation right now. Even if he’d be right there this time- he promised, about ten times over. But it just- ...not now..

So you waited instead with Mark, talking about the same amount of nothing until things were over and done. Hadn’t decided on where to grab dinner yet. As the group walked, you swinging Danny’s hand, you realized you couldn’t deal with the dwindling energy. It was definitely your last time with Danny until you’d come back, but it was with them, too. Your friends. So you stopped at the head of the sidewalk. “Come on, I’m gonna go get some coffee. Can I get anyone anything?” Smiling happily so at them. You were leaving soon.  
But you’d be back. So it was okay. No reason to be sad.

When orders were mumbled at you one after another you turned. “Hey,” Danny stopped you. “want me to come with?”

“I’ll be right back.” Offered quickly to him.

He just held his hands up with a playful look of indigence. “Well jeez lady!” Before giggling and waving his hand at you to send you off. The line was a little long, but nothing you couldn’t handle, at least it would give you time to replay the orders in your head a couple times, practicing them. How you’d order. Trying to make sure you wouldn’t forget anything.

Con weeks in towns had to be rough. So many people just flooding every available building. You felt particularly awful for the baristas. Although con-goers weren’t nearly all terrible. In fact, most of them were nice. But there were always those chosen few-

“I didn’t see you at the signing...” Right on time. As if he’d been waiting for you to change thoughts in your head. The voice didn’t even really register. Why would someone say that to you? No reason. You weren’t that important. “Hey-“ And then it got closer.

So you turned, not wanting to be rude. And there he was. Bearing down on you. Standing so uncomfortably close you could feel the sweat sticking to his skin and the heat rolling off him. In an attempt to mitigate you stepped aside. Heart beginning to race. _Danny- Danny was right outside_\- if you just- “Oh-... I just needed a moment to myself.”

“For two hours?” He was asking like he was mad. Maybe he was. His surly expression suggested as much. “How come you never called me?” The question seemed almost ridiculous. You curved a little more away, out of the line. You’d lose your place but that was hardly the real issue here.

People were looking.  
But no one was helping.

 _Danny was right outside_ \- if you just- “I just didn’t think it was appropriate.” Arin tore up that number before you’d even looked at a single digit. The response still would have been the same either way.

His dusty blond eyebrows raised up as his lips quirked to the side. Obviously unhappy with this answer. _Danny- ...Danny_ \- “”Why not?” Tone getting a little harder. “I told you- like- I get you. Do you understand? We know the same things.” He reached out and there was suddenly no space great enough for you to shy away to. His hand curved around your arm hard.

“You’re hurting me-“ Tiny. So very tiny as it came out of you.

“No no I’d never hurt you. I’m not like Kyle.” As if you were lying to him and he was correcting you. Making sure you knew how different he was. But he wasn’t really different at all, was he? When you tried to turn away he pulled. “Look- I know a better place than this- can we just sit down? I think if you got to know me you’d understand.” He wasn’t asking.

When his hands closed tighter around your arm- _Danny.. Danny right outside- _ Mark even- Arin- someone- Then he pulled you again and something in you snapped. “Get your hands off of me.” Your voice was still small. No one was coming. But he wasn’t going to corral you off again. No more. No more of this- this... “Get off of me!” You shirked hard back as you made sure to enunciate every single word.  

If people weren’t looking before they were now. Still no one did anything. But that was okay. You could do it yourself. Kyle stood back, hands raised. “Look- don’t shout okay? You’re making a scene.”

 _Kyle_ \- had you just thought his name was _Kyle_?  
Insane. “Don’t touch me.” You warned him.

He kept his hands raised. “Okay okay but please stop-“

Then you advanced instead, shoulders squared back, eyes hard on his. “No you stop. I understand you like the show and I’m glad. But this isn’t appropriate. Don’t come after me again. Don’t touch me again.” He’d been waiting for you at the signing and hadn’t seen you. Wanted to try again while there were people around. Maybe saw you and followed you in here. No more.

No more of this.  
Never again.

“I won’t- look- just- let’s talk about this okay? You’re making a big mistake.” Still trying his best even though he seemed to be cowering.

“Leave me alone! Do you understand me?” No more. No one was ever going to talk to you this way again. Never. Not Kyle; in your dreams, in your memories. Not this kid. Nobody. No more!

“Yeah yeah I-“ Frowning. Now that the situation was clearly handled the crowd was rallying. You hadn’t needed them before. You didn’t need their cheering now. You waited a moment, staring him down hard, frowning. Angry. Angry with his behavior. His belief that he could just come up and do this to you. And when he broke eye contact finally, looked away, face red with what you hoped was shame you turned away from him and strode out. Slowly.

Not running. You weren’t running.

Danny was waiting for you where you’d left him. But he looked upset. Frowning softly. Nervous. He’d seen everything, no doubt, but he hadn’t come to get you. Arin and Mark- they had to know who that was. But they hadn’t come to get you either.

You hadn’t needed them.  
But knowing that they’d stood there, waiting. Waiting to see if you could do it. Giving you the chance to do it on your own-

As soon as you were within inches of him you melted into Danny’s arms, shaking. Clasping at his shirt. He enveloped you, hugging you hard. Leaning down. Murmuring soothing things none of which you could catch underneath trying to wrangle your own breathing. Trying not to cry. But one thing got through. “I’m so proud of you...” And then, “I love you.” Both which meant so much you could barely even hold on to them without breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come check out the envelopesyou tumblr for other stuff and fun! Phew... glad we're getting somewhere... comments and love much appreciated! Thanks for always being awesome!


	58. Last Call

His hand stayed firm in yours and there wasn’t a single time you could remember when your fingers weren’t linked in the next oncoming hours. From the con floor, up to the hotel room, even as you slumbered peacefully next to each other your hands were clasped on the pillow between the both of you. Even as you showered together. As you got dressed. Prepared to leave. So early in the morning. Danny was coming home early with you, the others catching a different later flight. To get the one in LA going to NY you had to take off early. There were only soft goodbyes the night before but they’d do well enough. It wasn’t like you’d have radio silence from any of them while you were gone for a month.

You struggled so hard to stay awake with him as the plane took off. The last few hours. Last time you’d have with him. It was counting down. Moment by moment, seconds trickling away through your hands. Nothing you could do about it. You weren’t quite at the point where you were thinking this trip was a bad idea- but you still longed not to go. Not to be apart. Even when you knew this was for the best. Even when you knew this trip would be good for you in more ways than just expanding on your career... even when you knew all this, your feelings reigned supreme. Made you wish you’d rethought the decision.

He hummed softly to himself, pencil in between his unoccupied fingers, tapping absently on his notebook. Trying to get some work done while he had the spare time. But you knew he wasn’t getting anything done either. His thoughts were with you. Wishing you weren’t going. Maybe thinking of ways to try and stop you- none that he’d use, you knew. He understood the importance of this just as much as you did. No matter how much it sucked.

Despite trying to valiantly, your head came to rest on his shoulder and his lulling sing-song caught you deep down. Brought you underneath those waves until the plane touched down again. He woke you up then and you felt poor. Groggy and grumpy for more reasons than just being woken abruptly. For not having slept a good amount the night before. You were leaving so very soon now. All you had to do was get a car, go home, switch suitcases out, and come back to the airport. Then it’d be over. You’d be going and you wouldn’t have him near for a whole month.

Why had you agreed to this again? Why why why...

His hand squeezed yours on and off through the cab ride home. You squeezed back. Unlocked your hands so that you could run your fingers over the long lines in his palm. He kept on humming. Something you didn’t recognize. Could have been anything, really. Didn’t matter. All you really focused on was the fact that this would be the last time you’d hear that sound in person. Next it’d be over a phone. Totally and completely different.

The cab pulled up to the house and you got out, going inside while Danny paid the driver and sent him on his way. Then you wheeled your bag into your bedroom and threw it into the corner. Useless. You’d deal with it when you got back home. Instead you put your focus on pulling your much larger suitcase and carry-on out of your closet, lugging it forward, wheels catching in the carpet. He must have been mulling around in the living room waiting for you. “Where are your keys?” Raising his voice a little not just to get through the rooms but to cut through your fog.

Though you hadn’t talked about it, it made sense. He’d just take your car to the airport and then drive it back. That he was staying still in the house in your absence made you both sad and happy. Sad that he’d be all alone here. Happy that... that he wanted to. That it was permanent- sort of. Maybe. In a weird way. You really hadn’t talked much about it. Maybe twice, and both had ended with giggles. But he lived with you. That was the end of it. “On the kitchen table?” Asked as you unzipped your carry-on, tried to make sure everything was there.

“Found ‘em!” Sing-song. Pretending to be happy. He wasn’t. Neither were you. It was stupid and silly and childish but it was what it was. Despite the fact that you’d be coming back that still left the _leaving_. And that was hard to deal with.

As you rezipped your pack, you stayed crouched at the side of your bed. Just drawing a breath. Trying to get everything under control. Things were okay. They weren’t great, it sucked that you’d be apart from him very soon but you had to get control. The thought of him sleeping in your bed alone caught you unaware. Made you frown. Drifted your thoughts. Thinking of him waking up alone here. Taking a shower alone. Eating cereal- making coffee alone before going to the space.

_Don’t go in the bottom drawer._

His words from that day in Portland echoed in your head. When you’d talked about him moving in and he’d made you accidentally upset before fixing the misunderstanding. Had said he’d already sneakily moved in for months. You smiled- and then it disappeared as you mulled those words over. Eyes darting to the drawer he’d been talking about. Your bedside table.

You couldn’t think of what on earth he would be hiding in there- surely it had to have been a joke, right? Sometimes it was hard to tell with him, which was probably the exact reason he said it in the way that he had. Drowning in giggles. You’d supposed it would be some weird sex thing but what thing could he possibly have that he’d hide from you? Nothing you could think of. Honestly...

That made your mind up. He’d been kidding. It was why when you jerked the drawer open you didn’t feel poor about it. It was _your_ nightstand, after all. Even if he was hiding things in it. Or not. Everything looked the same. Just some random mail, a notebook, some stray pens and pencils-

And then. Hidden in the back corner.  
Your heart leapt in your throat. Chest tightened.

Shaking, your hand left the knob of the drawer and reached in, fingers touching over the velvet of a suspiciously sized black square box. The kind that rings were kept in. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, really.. you’d tricked him into telling you that he’d had one. But that too could have been him joking-

Couldn’t now. This was... it was a ring box. Surely. Truly. And you couldn’t breathe. How long was he waiting to propose? Had the news of your leaving put it off for him? Maybe he’d- ...maybe he didn’t want to anymore? Because you were leaving? Had you deciding to take off to the other side of the country ruined his plans? Had to have.. it-

“Hey are you coming? We’re gonna be late- I mean- not that I mind. But probably not a good idea.” His giggles drew you out of your racing thoughts and reflexively you slammed the drawer shut.

What did you do?  
What did you do what did you do what did you do-

“Yeah- I’m coming I just-“ You stood up and away from the bed in just enough time to not get caught. He stuck his head around the frame of the door, peering at you, eyebrow arched in question. “Couldn’t find my wallet.” You lied to him, feeling about as poor about that as seeing the-

God what did you do?

He extended his hand out for you and gratefully you stuck yours into his, fingers locking again. As they were meant to be. He helped you get your things into the car and then took off back to the airport. You went silent. All you could think about was that stupid box. Maybe it wasn’t a ring. Maybe it was something else. You knew it wasn’t though. You wondered what kind of ring it was- if you’d ever even see it. Maybe he’d take it back, realizing you were too flighty. Maybe he’d realize committing wasn’t a good idea.

He said he was going to do it when he’d do it, but he’d never done it. Just held on to it. Hid it in your drawer. When you came home it probably wouldn’t be there anymore. You’d give him enough time apart to remember what he liked about being single, relatively speaking. Enough time to remember being alone wasn’t that bad. Enough time to think on what a mess you were-

Because he’d had it for months, at least. If he was going to propose he would have already done it. And chances were your news rocked his plans off kilter. And now he would never. You’d come home and it’d be gone and-

How you ended up standing at the gate you had no idea. You’d been so far gone in your self deprecation that you’d missed everything. You were leaving in less than ten minutes now and you’d squandered all your last moments with him, thinking about how you’d squandered much more than that.

His hands smoothed up and down your arms as he looked down at you. Not smiling. His lips were quirking but it definitely wasn’t a smile. Your own hands came to rest on his chest as you leaned in, soaking him up. You’d screwed something up here- and if you’d never seen the ring you’d never have known. He for sure never would have said anything to you. As it should have been. “I’m gonna miss you.” His voice was tender and just on the cusp of emotional.

Tears leaked from your eyes immediately. “I know.” Sniffling. He giggled with a groan, hugging you closer. “I’m gonna miss you too.” You would. You were going to miss him terribly. It was going to be a hard month, good or not. Maybe terrible, now. Because you’d be thinking about this for a long time to come. For a moment-

...for a moment you thought about asking him. Asking him about the box in the drawer. What his plans were. If he still had plans. Maybe that’d be best. Maybe then you wouldn’t feel so sick over it. But you couldn’t. If he was going to shy away from everything you’d let him do that. If he was going to keep it you’d let him do that, too. You didn’t need to sully him with the cogs grinding in your head.

His hands migrated, cupping your cheeks, thumbs brushing underneath your eyes. “Call all the time. Any time. Even if we’re recording I’ll pick up. We’ll skype and shit all the time, too, so...” His gaze was misting over with tears, too. Trying on a smile for you.

All you could do was nod dumbly at him. “Yeah- okay-“ Looking at him. “I love you.” The woman behind you called for your gate just as you said this and you were scared it got drowned out. “I love you, Danny.” So you said it again. More sure.

Leaning down he pressed his forehead against yours. “I love you, too. So much. So incredibly much.” Tone wavering, dropping just above a whisper. “You’ll do great. And you’ll be okay. And if you’re not you call me and tell me and I’ll come out there. Got it?” Giving you that branch to hold on to. Even though you nodded to this the both of you knew you weren’t going to do it. If you drowned you’d drown on your own. It was the only way you knew how to be. He swallowed your lie anyway, kissing your lips for a long moment. Softly sweet. Threatening you right down to your core.

So close to calling it over. Going home with him. Maybe if you did he’d propose then.

The woman called again and you broke away, however unwilling. “I gotta-“

He smiled, pulling you into a tight hug. “I know. Fuck- okay. Go. You go do the thing. I’ll be here. Right here when you get back, too.” As if he wouldn’t leave the spot at the gate until you flew back in. Would stand there for a month waiting for you to come home.

The thought was so silly you couldn’t help a laugh, his own giggles echoing, rumbling close in your ear as you rested your head on his chest. Held him back tight. But when the _last call_ came you broke away. “I’ll text you on the plane, okay? And call you when I get to the room.” About all you could promise to do. All you could do regardless. For the next month. It’d be faces on screens and silent words in boxes.

“Yeah.” Nodding, pressing one last kiss to your lips that drifted up along your nose and to your forehead. Then he forced himself to let you go and you forced yourself to do much the same. Walking away. Leaving him there waving weakly, smiling in the same light. You handed over your ticket and when you got it back you moved over the threshold.

Turned back one more time. Looked at him. He mouthed _I love you_ before raising his hands up to cup in a distinctive heart shape over his chest and you smiled. So you mouthed it back and waved. Then you pushed yourself forward. Down the gangway. And when you looked back you couldn’t see him, too far down the hall. That was good. It was fine. If you’d seen him over your shoulder that time you’d have run back and called it off. You knew this very certainly.

Boarding the plane alone was the strangest and loneliest feeling you could ever remember having in a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't look at me.


	59. The Landing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost a year later, and two years behind, hello again.

Though you’d promised to text him, one of the first orders of business- after stowing your laptop bag, buckling your seat belt, listening to that stupid safety video, and telling the stewardess that you weren’t really in the mood for anything except maybe a blanket and pillow- was quickly falling into a fitful and restless sleep. Murky dreams that meant not much of anything, nothing you could hold on to once your eyes blinked open for a few seconds and then rolled back closed. After the fifth or sixth time you’d done this in the span of three or so hours, you finally stayed awake. Ordered a glass of orange juice. Stared blankly out the window at the blue sky dappled with lighter gray clouds. Hoped it wouldn’t rain...

The airplane seats were awful for sleeping, just in general, but that wasn’t why it had been worse than usual. The hotel bed, no doubt, would be more comfortable and yet you knew it’d probably yield in much the same result. But this trip wasn’t meant to be miserable. You didn’t _want_ it to be miserable. Least of all because you’d have a hard time separating. That was the entire point. But the image of him standing at the gate, hands cupped over his heart, sad smile on his face...

You dug around in your pockets for your phone almost immediately. The only notifications waiting for you once it turned back on were missed calls and voicemails from no one important. ...well, your soon-to-be employer. But he was far less important than-

_Hey_

It felt like such a stupid text. Insignificant. Nothing to hold on to. No conversation to be had. You weren’t looking for as much a dialogue as you were a tether. He didn’t answer immediately, two minutes or so passing before he finally got back.

_Hey, lady. How’s the flight? Did you eat breakfast?_

More than just small talk. He was looking after you. A dopey smile shaped your lips, fingers touching against the screen as if you could feel his own hand pressing into his phone hundreds of miles away.

_Just juice, not very hungry_

You weren’t. That had less to do with being bummed that you were a couple hours into what was undoubtedly going to be the longest month in your life. And all the bummed-out feelings that came with it.

_Get a bagel. For me._

Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad, though. Not when you had this thread-bare rope. Certainly hearing his voice would make it easier. And chatting on skype and seeing his face would make it easier than that. Still looking after yourself and making your way but.. with a little help. That’s all. Was that really so bad?

_Okay but I’m not a huge fan of lox... don’t know if it’ll keep until I come back_

Your poor attempts at humor got a laugh out of you, not caring in the slightest whether or not you laughed at your own jokes. Because when you laughed you could almost hear the echo of his own giggles backing you. He always laughed when you laughed. Always shared that feeling- then again, _he_ was always laughing, it felt like. So very joyful all the time.

_I think I’ll pass on the month-old-fish but thanks. Try a cinnamon raisin with regular cream cheese, instead. I think that’s the one you like._

The one you’d ordered a few times around him. Soon your hands were clutching the phone, as if you could give him a tiny hug through it. And as the stewardess passed by you greeted her with a sleepy smile and asked her for just that. Without his intervention it was likely you’d have gotten some food regardless. But this.. helped. It felt good. Better than being fully alone. You could do it, you were sure.

But you loved him.  
And he loved you.  
There was nothing wrong with that.

Once your order arrived with another fresh glass of juice, the first piece popped in your mouth, you realized you were hungrier than you felt. Yet still you left about a quarter on the tray table as your head landed against the window, eyes flickering closed for a few short seconds. The phone vibration caught your awareness only vaguely. Then your eyes closed again- opened one more time at the next vibration which was further apart in length than your addled mind would have suggested.

_How are those airplane bagels treating you?_  
His first text read. And then when you’d dozed off for a couple of minutes his next text came in.  
 _Sweet dreams, baby._

Already knowing you’d stuffed your face and were ready for another nap. Because of that, this time when you fell under the waves of sleep, it was better. Dreamless instead, which was better than anxious spurts of subconscious fog. Instead you were warm and content and you pretended he was sitting next to you on the plane. Humming something to himself. And that was more than enough.

\--------------------------------------

Drowsy and entirely unprepared was where you found yourself when the stewardess came back to bother you- do her job, you tried to remind yourself. So that you could abstain from being overly grumpy. The plane was coming in for a landing. Seatbelt. Tray table up. Cell phone off. Blahblah, all the important things. You just nodded dumbly at her as you tried to follow instructions the best you could. Stretching to the best of your ability in the small space of the cabin, feeling the ache in your backside. -and the almost _obscene_ need to pee. But it was too late now. You’d have to hold it.

The landing was harder than you’d thought it would be. A little bounce of the wheels as they hit the tarmac. This was the first push. You ended up clutching your phone to your chest, trying to keep track of your breathing. Imagined Danny was sitting next to you instead of the emptiness surrounding first class. The moment the captain’s garbled voice came over the intercom and people started getting up you struggled with your seatbelt. Quick to pull it off you so you could get your things and go. Trying so hard not to rush down the aisle, down the gangway, out into the airport.

All you wanted to do was call him. But the bathroom- the bathroom was calling your name. Good god you had to pee. So, trying to avoid doing the wiggle dance all the way to the nearest bathroom, you power walked your way further into the gate following sign after sign. Finally letting go of a sigh of absolute relief when you found them. Hanging your bag up on the back of the little hook thing on the door, sliding the lock and taking your time. Once finished you slid the strap of your bag back up your shoulder and took a look at your reflection in the mirror as you washed your hands.

Tired. Worn. Not quite the face you’d expect in a business meeting room or a... wherever they were going to stick you. An office, he’d said. Not that you wanted one. You really wanted to be home... After drying your hands you walked down to the luggage area, carousel already spinning away, keeping your eyes up and ahead even as you powered on your phone. Danny. You wanted to call Danny. Promised that you would as soon as you got in.

But that was not the first phone call in the city for you.   
Rob’s name flashed on your phone as it vibrated in your hand. For a moment, an almost too long moment, you thought about not answering it. He’d known to call exactly as you’d gotten in- probably tracking your flight. This guy was nuts. Expecting too much from you. Clearly.

You couldn’t leave him hanging, though, so, eyes still on the luggage spinning around, you slid the lock free on your phone and raised it to your ear. “Hello?”

“___!” He said your name so happily. “Made it in in one piece I hope!” Probably his way of asking how the flight was. But before you could even answer he just kept on talking. “Look, I won’t keep you, I know you’re probably aching to get in proper, so I’ll just let you know that there’s a car waiting for you outside. The driver’ll have your name on a sign. Standard stuff. Don’t worry about anything but settling in, okay? Relax tonight. We’ll see you tomorrow. How’s ten sound?”

While trying to pay attention to his rambling you spotted your bag and wove your way through people standing around to go get it. “Yeah- that’s great. Thanks.” Trying not to sound too unenthusiastic. This guy had basically bent over backwards giving you hand out after hand out.

“You got it! Can’t wait to shake your hand again. See you!” And just like that he was gone.

Stuffing your phone in your pocket you delegated your attention to lugging your suitcase up off the conveyer belt, feeling like it was a lot heavier than you remembered. As if someone had crammed about twenty pounds more into it midflight. Sliding the handle out and getting it on its wheels, you made your way past the crowds and outside into the slightly nippy air- only so because you’d gotten used to California’s heat for so long. The city was-

The city was...   
Buildings. Buildings everywhere. Talking. Millions of conversations. Dirty pavement. Yellow taxis as far as the eye could see waiting to pick people up. You were only at the airport and yet you felt... stifled. You couldn’t do this.   
Danny. You had to call Danny-

Your name printed in pristine script on a white cardboard sign waving around frantically broke your hurried thoughts. Slowly you walked your way over to him, trying to get a hold of yourself. “___, that’s me.” Awkwardly stated, not knowing how to approach the situation. You’d never had a driver before. It felt kind of wrong. “Thanks for coming to pick me up.”

“Oh-“ The guy lowered the sign, allowing you to get a good look at him. Clean cut. Decent looking. A little young. “Good afternoon. Can I see your ID please?” The question caught you off guard.

So much so that you stood there staring at him like an idiot for a full ten seconds before actually answering. “Oh- yeah- sure-“ You supposed it made sense...

Digging your wallet out of your pocket you handed it over. He smiled apologetically. “Sorry, miss, you just never know these days who will say what for a free ride.” Once scanning it over he handed it back to you. “Okay! Let me pack away your luggage for you.” Putting a hand on the handle of your bag and easing it out of your grip.

That left you standing there while he wheeled it around to the trunk of the car with his little handmade sign. Waiting only a few more moments before just opening the back door of the car and getting in. People didn’t usually sit passenger side with drivers, right? Probably too weird... The trunk shut behind you and the guy got back into the driver’s side, signaling before pulling off the side of the sidewalk and just driving away. He must have known where he was going. “So um... what’s your name?” Feeling like maybe you should get to know him.

“Charlie, ma’am.” Smiling at you through the rearview. You attempted a weak one back. “But you can call me Chuck if you want.”

“Okay, Chuck. You can call me ___, by the way. No ma’am or miss stuff necessary.” He seemed nice enough. “Thanks for picking me up.” Hands fidgeting in your lap. Turning your phone screen on and off again. You really wanted to call Danny...

His laughter rung through the space of the car. “It’s my job. You need a ride anywhere anytime this week you just call me.” You wanted to tell him that that wouldn’t be necessary, but clearly he was part of Rob’s big plan and turning him down felt wrong. Your eyes went to your screen. Maybe you could get away with a little text... “It’s about a half hour to the hotel. You ever been in the city before?”

You turned the screen off again. There was no reason to be rude to him. Danny would have to wait. No matter how much you itched to talk to him. “Yeah... a long time ago...”

Small talk passed back and forth for the duration of the ride. Chuck was only twenty-three, but he was a good driver. Been chauffeuring since he turned eighteen. Worked for his dad’s company. Lived in Queens all his life. Took care of his elderly, sick mother. Nice kid. You told him you were here on business. That it was weird to even say something like that because you’d never done anything like it before. He’d just laughed. Told you to take it easy and relax. Rob had said that, too.

At the hotel you tried to tip him but he insisted no over and over. So you told him you’d hide money in his car next time. Then he waved and pulled away. You weren’t really sure how often you’d call. The hotel was downtown, close enough to the office that walking seemed like the only realistic option. The lobby was ritzier than you could handle. Once all wheeled up to the front desk you shuffled around in your laptop bag for your room confirmation and laid that down along with your corporate card and your ID. “Hi, checking in. My name’s-“

“Aah-“ Getting one look at the confirmation paper apparently told the girl behind the registry all she needed to know. “Ms. ___! I hope your flight was nice! We’re glad to see you.” This was weird. You didn’t like it. You just didn’t like it. Something tightened in your chest. “Here’s your keys. It’s the suite with the parlor and the little kitchenette! It’s very nice! Up on the fifty-forth floor. If you need anything any time just ring front desk. We’ll do whatever we can to satisfy your needs.”

She slid two plastic cards across the counter and you smiled warily at her. “Oh.. thanks very much...” To this she just beamed and nodded at you as you gathered up your things and got yourself into the elevator. Things were closing in. All of this felt like some sort of Stepford Wives dream. All of it so blown out of proportion. Over the top. Unreal.

“You alright, honey? You look positively pale...” A woman with a heavy southern accent standing in the elevator looked at you, very concerned.

Hand over your chest, pressing blindly, you just nodded, keeping your eyes up on the numbers as they went higher and higher. “Yeah. Thanks.” Higher and higher and higher. You think she kept talking at you, but the words came out sort of droning and unintelligible. Your fault. Not hers. There was swarming in your head.

Once on your floor you scrambled out, walking down the hall, door after door until finding yours. Jamming your little keycard into the door. It buzzed and went red. So you tried again more delicately and that time it granted you passage. Opening the door, nearly falling into the room, wheeling your suitcase forward so hard you nearly threw it. The room was large and ridiculous. Rob had insisted. Said the tiny little kitchen thing would be good if you didn’t feel like going out for something. Could stock it with whatever you want.

None of it mattered. Everything felt wrong.

You ended up falling into one of the lounge chairs against the wall, huddling in yourself.   
Texting would be no good.  
Not even a phone call would really make you feel better. You didn’t want him to hear you like this anyway-

Yet as you rang his skype you realized you’d be _seen_. Wouldn’t that be worse? The little blip-blop noises echoed in the room as you rested the phone against your drawn up knees. Ringing a few times before his face appeared on screen. All smiles. As usual. “Hey! I was wondering when you got in-“

And this broke the dams. “I’m sorry I didn’t call right away. Rob got me as soon as I got off the flight- well- I had to pee first- and then Rob. The luggage. And this kid that’s driving me around- Chuck. I didn’t want to be rude- and- and-“

“Whoa whoa whoa!” His expression contorting to worry almost instantly. “Slow down- calm down, baby, it’s okay... it’s okay...” Holding the words out softly. Despite having called him on skype purposely just to see him you ended up pressing the phone to your forehead. As if you could feel him there. Your eyes squeezed shut tightly. “Deep breaths for me, baby. Come on...” Instructing you for a few minutes on the ins and outs, calming you down.

You’d only just arrived and you were breaking apart at the seams. Weren’t you supposed to have been built enough to survive this? Or was part of the trip learning to overcome all this? It seemed so impossible without him there. But.. maybe _that_ was the point of it all. Even if he was holding your hand. Maybe not physically. Though you wished.

It took a little while to come back down. When you did you pressed at your eyes before lowering the phone to find him waiting patiently, still smiling softly. So you smiled back. “Sorry... I don’t.. I’m embarrassed. Really.” That all that just crashed so quickly. It was as pathetic as it was disheartening.

But he just shrugged his shoulders and blew a breath out, waving his free hand at the screen. “Pfft. Nah. Don’t be. It’s alright. I understand.” So nonchalant that you just had to believe him. And then you did feel better. Much better. “Now come on! Are you gonna show me your fancy-smancy suite or what? Turn me around! Give me a tour!”

The sound you’d been missing since you left the gate came clear across, giggles lighting up the entire room. It wasn’t in person, it wasn’t exactly how you remembered it, the way it sounded when he was right next to you, but it was enough. It was going to be enough. “Uh, yeah, let’s see...” Since you hadn’t actually looked around yourself, and instead had just gotten in and dissolved on him. Standing up from the lounge chair you turned the phone the other way, holding it shoulder high as you moved around. “So this is the little work-slash-lounge area, I guess.” It was a roomy expanse with a sturdy looking oak table and comfortable plush chairs littered here and there. In what you guessed must have been someone’s decorative style.

“Ooo- fancy indeed.” More giggles following this statement, but he did sound very impressed. Even if only playfully so.

Hanging a left, “This is the little kitchenette thing. I think I kinda wanna buy groceries and cook instead of going out but.. at the same time...”

“Yeah. It’s why we have so much takeout in the fridge.” He hummed in agreement. Life was just too hectic sometimes to cook a proper meal. “But you should get like, juice and breakfast stuff at least.”

Even though he was literally being pointed in the opposite direction, perhaps enjoying the countertops and fridge, you nodded in response as if he was right next to you. “Sounds like a plan. Coffee, too. It’ll save me from going to Starbucks every morning.”

“We do that here, what’s the big deal? You gettin’ all hipster on me already?”

At this you couldn’t help but turn the phone around and point it back at you so you could give him the most unenthused look. “I’m in Manhattan, not Brooklyn.” This dryness mirrored back from the both of you until you broke first and he crumbled two seconds later, the both of you laughing at one another.

Stepping away from the kitchen, you circled back through the lounge to the bedroom. “Oooo.. your bed looks _amazing_.” He was very correct. Large with an unbelievably comfy looking quilt draped across, several pillows up top. Deep blues and purples spilled about. “Wish I could snuggle up to you in it right now.”

Coming to sit on its edge you turned the phone back, smiling at the sight of him. “Yeah, me too.” It’d be a lonely night. It’d be a lonely morning.

Reaching up with his free hand, you watched him give his curls a ruffle. “You can call me any time- I know I said that already, but seriously, if the first thing you do is skype me from bed.. I mean it’s not the same but, I’ll answer. And we can pretend.” As if you two were lying next to each other just waking up. It was a terribly sweet idea, the thought ending with the same terribly sweet giggle.

Pulling the phone closer you pressed a kiss to your camera and then held it out again. “Thank you.” He gave his own phone a loud smooch in return. “And we’ll see.” A light silence consumed the both of you, just the two of you looking at one another. Settling in to how this entire month was going to feel. Trapped behind opposite screens. It wasn’t the worst. It was pretty awful, but it wasn’t the worst. “I love you, Danny.”

“I love you, too, baby.” Warmly answered. Then he pointed at you. “I’m serious. Any time. Text. Call. Skype. I’ll answer.”

“I know you’re serious.” He’d made that much very clear, and even if he hadn’t, you knew you could always trust Dan as a man of his word. Especially in matters of the heart.

“Good.” Giving you one of those boyish grins as he lowered his hand. “Get some rest. Relax. Settle in. Like- don’t pull a me, actually take your clothes out of the suitcase and stuff.” Laughing again lightly.

Something that made you smile all the wider. “Yeah. That’s probably a good idea.” But if that’s what he was telling you to do.. that meant that it was time to go. And the thought was agonizing. Breathing in deep you let it go as a huge sigh. “Alright... well.. I guess I’ll talk to you later, then...” Suddenly hanging up was the next thing on your list of things that were too hard to do.

“You will. So don’t worry so much, okay?” Not picking on you, despite the idea of being upset about hanging up possibly being childishly stupid. Just instead trying to reassure you things would be okay. “I love you. We’ll talk. So don’t frown. Like this- see-“ He brought his free hand back up again to poke two fingers into the corner of his mouth and lift his grin so wide you could see his gums. “Likedish-“

The action earning a deep roll of laughter from you. “Yeah- okay! I get it!” Because he was still holding that dumb look on his face, even as it was clear you couldn’t catch your breath from laughing so hard. When he dropped it, joining you in your mirth, you held the phone close again, pretending it was some sort of hug that meant anything. “Okay.. okay... alright.” Trying to even out your breathing while also meeting the end. For now, at least. “I love you.” Said again. Just so he knew.

“I love you too, baby. Bye for now.” Tone dropping quickly and easily into that warmer register. Then, thankfully, he did the impossible for you. After waiting just a moment, he ended the call, and you fell back onto the bed, arms above your head. Taking a few deep breaths, you tried to picture what he was doing.

Something made easier when your phone vibrated in your hand and you held it above your head to see his text notification.

_See, look, we’re talking. Hello again!_

You could almost picture the big doofy grin on his face as he waved at his phone, and it encouraged the same expression out of you. Things were going to be alright.

You were going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So. Here's my problem. I remember that a lot of people loved this story because it followed current events. Now that I'm behind two years, tracking those Dan-events are easier than ever, but... is that what you guys want? I've been working on a timeline of all the stuff Dan's been up to and it is extensive. Poor guy needs to learn how to not do stuff. Is that what you guys still want? Because I could totally do it, while also inserting the reader in and doing her stuff (however that plays out, I already know what I want to do so don't worry on that front), and their stuff (proposal maybe? wedding maybe? other stuff maybe?)...
> 
> BUT. I could similarly just uh... finish this story without doing any of that. And maybe I should. But I just want you to know that I could continue it on for quite some time and let it devolve into a little bit of PWP and random fluff and other things while they do crazy stuff and Dan gains his stardom and we get to ride that ride alongside. But, it's up to you guys. So please let me know what you think. It'd help me a lot. I love you guys. Thanks, in advance.


	60. I Still Feel It

A light rain had started almost seemingly as soon as you got off the phone with Dan. It was nice, really. It gave you an excuse to sit out on the glass-roofed balcony that led out from the lounge and just watch the droplets fall above you. A much better sight than the bustling city beneath. Black umbrellas dotted with the occasional different color and the few travelers caught unaware just moving mindlessly on the sidewalk. Mindlessly to you, anyway, they all had somewhere to go. Somewhere to be. Something to do. Too many of them. Cars crowding next to them on the street in a steady flow. The ambiance of rain still overshadowed by a honk every now and again.

Though you would have liked to go out to the store to prepare your new place, instead you found yourself pacing. The thought of leaving was apparently too much to contend with. Perhaps later. Instead you busied yourself unpacking, making a mental list of what you _would_ get the second you could get out. The rain, you made excuses. It was the rain. Not the fact that you couldn’t get yourself to go back out. Next it was the fact that you just had to unpack. Had to pull everything out of your bag and put it in its proper place. Then, next, it was Danny’s turn to shoulder the brunt of the blame as he texted you here and there in the middle of filming Grumps. Something you found far more entertaining than the notion of going out.

When he asked what you were up to yourself, you found yourself mostly honest with him. Texting back that you were fixing up the place and then making a shopping list- which you then made yourself do immediately after saying so. You sat yourself down on the high-rise stool in the kitchen next to the counter with a pad of the hotel’s complimentary paper and a pencil in hand, tapping idly. What did you need? Coffee, for one. Maybe some orange juice. For a moment you thought about getting prepackaged bagels, but that would be really the highest of sins you could commit in a place like this. Water? Would you need bottles of water? More importantly, could you carry a large thing of water back to the hotel? Most likely not.

Eating out every night felt entirely unappealing, but so did the thought of getting frozen meals. And the thought beyond that of getting things to _cook_? Not completely abhorrent but still almost out of the question. This was one of the intricacies you really hadn’t planned for when saying yes to this trip. Robert had basically told you to use your new Amex card however you liked, you supposed that meant for food. That’s what businesses did, right? He’d just write it off, or something. But you didn’t really want to sit out alone and eat with all the noise of busy couples around you. Maybe they’d let takeout come to you? Surely, right? If you let the front desk know? Or you could at least go downstairs and pick it up yourself...

Abandoning your shopping list with two items on it, you got up to start pacing again. Thinking. Thinking about what you were doing here. That thought led you to start preparing for tomorrow. It was starting to get late, anyway. The sun had already set, and when it had, you couldn’t really recall. So you started putting together an outfit for tomorrow. Business casual. Nice black pants. Blue blouse. Grey cardigan. Then you put your temporary ID card on top of it, no chance to forget. Your laptop- would you need it? Would they provide you with a computer all your own? Possible. But it was still better to be safe than an overly-assumptive asshole. So you plugged it into the wall to charge and left the bag near your clothes as well.

Maybe you should have just gone out to get snacks. It was still doable. Any convenience store around the corner would have more than enough to tide you over. But then the thought came.. did you really want to hand over a receipt with garbage food on it to Robert? Would he actually look at it? Would he judge you? Think less of you? It was very possible. But- at the very least- should you not go to the store to get shampoo? Conditioner? Sure they’d have the little bottles in the shower, and a little bar of soap- but that wasn’t going to be enough. You needed to get supplies. And instead... instead you’d stayed in all day and done almost absolutely nothing.

Taking your laptop off the desk and sitting with it on the bed, you logged in to the hotel’s wifi. You had no idea what it must cost other people. Probably an arm and a leg. But Robert was footing this bill solely, you’d never get to see those numbers. Part of you was grateful.

Skype pinged.   
You tried not to answer desperately.

But when Dan’s face appeared on your screen you felt that easy relief wash over. Especially when he smiled. “Hey, pretty lady. What’cha been up to?”

“Nothing.” Answered about as honestly as you could. Because really. What had you been doing? “What about you?”

“Oh- well- we just finished up recording for the day. Haven’t had a chance to head home yet. Just working on some other stuff.” It was only when he said it that you noted the obvious Grump Space kitchen in the background.

“Is Arin still having a tough time with Sonic?” Finding this line of conversation much easier than anything directed towards you and your own endeavors.

Before Dan could answer, Arin toddled along through the background, groaning. “Uuuggghhh- it’s like- why do they even fuckin’- like- what’s the point of making such a garbage game...” Whining like he’d been beaten.

“It’ll be okay, Big Cat.” Dan reached back to pat him on the arm just before Arin wandered out of view. “Why don’t you lie down for a while?” Despite the obvious care and how genuine it was, Danny couldn’t seem to help a giggle. Something you echoed just because the sound of it filled you up. Even across screens. His attention came back to you soon enough. “So that’s a big yeah to the tough time question.” Grinning just a little. “But I’m having a blast.” His sadistic streak only make-believe.

“I bet you are.” Breathed out softly as you reclined a little more. An I-miss-you nearly popped out of your mouth, seeing his grin shift into a warmer smile as he just looked at you.

He put one elbow on the table, propping his chin up in his palm. “So really, what are you up to? Did you eat dinner yet?” Not asking to be overly pushy, but simply wanting to know how your day was going.

Something you both did and didn’t appreciate. Enjoying that he cared enough to want to know. Annoyed because... you hadn’t done anything. And you didn’t want to tell him that. “No I.. I guess I kinda got caught up and missed my window. It’s late. So.”

It looked like that excuse wouldn’t fly as his face twisted into a puzzled expression. “It’s only nine there, right?” But he backed off almost immediately. “Uh.. well, I mean if you don’t wanna go out I understand.” Because it was dark and you were alone and while the city was full of people, was it full of any people that would help in a crisis?

A long time ago there had been only one.   
And you’d told him to leave you alone, at the time.

“But- how about- do they have like room service or something there? It’s a fancy place, right? They’ve gotta have a kitchen.”

Room service!  
Duh!  
How could you have been so stupid!

“I-... I hadn’t even thought of that.” The bashful grin overtook you, a little heat on your cheeks.

His giggles rang through your speakers. Such a wonderful sound. “Go get a menu! It’ll be like, in a kitchen drawer or a bedside drawer or on a table somewhere. I’ll just uh- I’ll wait here. Be gentle when you put me down, though!”

“As gentle as possible.” Sweet as you could make it sound coming out of your mouth, picking the laptop up and bringing it in close, giving the camera a kiss and then setting it aside on the bed. You heard him giggling all the more as you got up and started looking through drawers. He happened to be right on the first try, it was sticking half up in one of the kitchen drawers, purposefully you imagined to grab attention. Yet you’d completely ignored it up until now.

You started reading it on your way back, climbing onto the bed and putting the laptop back in your lap. “So? What’s the good word? Super tasty food?”

“All day, apparently.” They had breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Desserts, too. And a twenty-four hour ordering window. Which was insane. Your menu had no prices, either. Probably by design.

Dan made an all-too-thrilled noise and rubbed his hands together. “Excellent. Lay it on me. What’s for dinner tonight?” As if he was going to come over in the next hour and share it with you.

How you wished he could.

Everything on the menu sounded absolutely wonderful. There was enough choices to get you through two weeks without having to redo anything once. But you made up your mind not to use this too often. It felt wrong, for some reason. “I think... herb roasted chicken?” That sounded simple and decent. And a hot meal might do you very good after the travel and half a bagel on the plane. “Should I get a side?”

“Always get a side. What’s on the side?” While you’d been looking over your menu, he’d readjusted his laptop so that he could lay his head in his arms.

You set the menu down, ignoring his question. “Are you okay? Sleepy?”

His smile answered for him, first. “A little. I know it’s only six but I just feel worn down.” At that moment you wished you could reach out and take him into your arms. “I’m gonna try and finish up here and then pick up some dinner and head- uh. Home.” The expression on his lips and the look in his eyes both dimmed.

“I wish I could hug you.” The words fell out of your mouth without a second thought.

“Me, too.” A breathier laugh escaped him as he snuggled a little into the crook of his arm. “It’s gonna suck not being able to sleep next to you.” He was being so open and honest it nearly knocked the wind right out of you. But he’d never hidden anything from you.

Except.   
Well.   
“Yeah... but it’ll be alright. Just for a month.” Trying to reassure him just as much as yourself. He nodded to this, another little snuggle in on himself, still looking at you all the same. “Hey, Danny...” Unsure if you really wanted to ask.

“What’s up, baby?”

Now that you were there, you had no idea how to voice your question. It had to start with a confession that you really didn’t want to give. “When I was getting my stuff this morning... I- ...” His smile was gone now, instead replaced with an soft, curious look, waiting for you to get the thought out. Waiting on you. “I was looking for something and I..” Was this really that important? To tell him what you saw? That you thought he was going to bail?

Clearly that wasn’t the case. He was still talking to you. Doting on you from the other side of the country. Without hesitation.

“You saw the ring, right? Did you actually look in the box?” He caught you red handed. “Because if you did I’ll have to get a different one. I kinda wanted it to be a surprise.” Grinning again, if not just a little sheepishly.

He must have actually seen you, when he’d been in the doorway. Seen you slam the drawer shut. Known you’d been snooping- although.. was it really snooping? It was your own drawer-   
No. None of that was important. Wasteful thoughts.

He wasn’t angry.   
And he might have been thinking about it as much as you.   
“You’re not mad?” Yet you couldn’t help but ask this, and were almost surprised by how small your voice sounded.

He started giggling again. “No. I mean I kinda gave it the fuck away a while ago, didn’t I? Well- to be fair- lady- you tricked me into telling you I had a ring.” You had. You’d caught him at the wedding-

And-  
..and...

“But- so you knew, right? I just wanna know if I have to get a different one. It’s not a big deal or anything- I’m still within my return policy and- hey- while you’re gone I can go shopping just as hard for something even better-“

“I didn’t look.” You had to stop him from going there. Because you hadn’t. “I just saw the box.”

“Oh. Good. Because I mean- fuck. I really fell in love with that one.” His giggles were there again, just as sunny as always, eyes warm. Only for you. But then his brow arched and he sat a little further up. “You didn’t like- ..think I was gonna bail or something, did you? Because of the trip?”

The turn of your head, the avert of your eyes, the way you drew into yourself- did you even have to verbally affirm that he was right?

“Oh, baby...” He sounded concerned and heartbroken. “I love you, you know? You- do know that, right?” There was just a little bit of a tease in his tone, the curve of the corner of his lip.

“Yeah.” You did. You’d never been loved by anyone the way he loved you. “I love you, too.” You only hoped he felt the same, but had doubts. How could he?

“Did I ever tell you how my parents met? Or how my grandma met my grandfather?”

If he had you couldn’t recall, so you just shook your head. He got close to his laptop again, snuggling into his arms, so you did the same, relaxing on your side, head in the crook of your arm as you listened to him tell you how fast both pairs had fallen in love. Almost instantaneous. Like being struck by lightning. And not too long after had gotten happily engaged, and then happily married.

“That’s how I felt, you know?” When he story came to a close with this, you felt your heart squeeze. “And that’s how I know it’s real. It’s kinda like an Avidan tradition, at this point. Like hell I’m not gonna carry it on, right?” Laughing lightly, smile absolutely adoring. “I know I fucked up, but I really did feel that way the first time. And when I saw you again all those years later, I still felt it. I still _feel_ it.”

“Dan...” How on earth was this man real? And how had you earned his love like this? His undying affection? You could feel the tears welling up.

“I know I love you- and I know you love me- I feel it. You’ve always been good to me- you’ve always done good by me, as best you can. Even when I fuck up colossally. So don’t you worry about the proposal stuff. What have I been saying?”

“That you’ll do it when you do it?” Your giggles then were watery.

“That’s fuckin’ right. And I will. So please don’t.. don’t think that this trip put some wedge between us. This is for you, and I want it to be good, if it’s good. And if it’s not that’s okay, too. And we’ll figure everything out, alright?” You noticed the teary tone and saw the mist in his eyes. “Don’t be sad- don’t cry- because you’re gettin' me going.” Giggling back at you in the same manner.

“I’m sorry.” Half ashamed of yourself. You tried to press the tears away with your fingers. “It’s just been a really long day.” It’d be an even longer month, compared to this. But things would work out. You believed him.

He nodded, sniffling just a little, but smiling again. “I know, baby. So why don’t you order some dinner and then take a nice hot shower or something and then get some rest. Relax, okay? And I’m still always here, if you need me. Brian and I are gonna work on some stuff before I head home. Even after that.” Even if he was dead asleep at three in the morning, you knew. You knew if you called he’d answer it.

“That’s the um.. you two are working on the cover album stuff, right?” You remembered him talking about it a few times, in the haze of your making plans about leaving. It was a fantastic idea.

A grin overtook him and he nodded. “Yeah.” He seemed pleased about something, though you didn’t know what. Maybe just that you’d remembered at all? “I love you. I’ll talk to you later, alright?”

The thought of getting off was hard, but it was for the best. He had things to do and you had to eat and finish getting ready for tomorrow, too. At least mentally. “I love you, too, Danny.”

The two of you waved at each other for probably too long a time, something that he ended up laughing about, dragging you with him. But he did you the greater service of ending the call. It was likely that you wouldn’t have had the strength to. You laid there for a long while after. Just thinking.

Mostly about him.


End file.
